blah :T

manager in the fanfiction universe: I don't care how many flower petals you're coughing up. You need to come in today

evelyn, when your little jimmy was trapped in a fire, who rescued him?

a fireman

and larry, when your heart gave out from all those tanning pills, who revived you?

some guy in an ambulance

right! so, if we can all just pretend that squidward was a fireman, or some guy in an ambulance, then i’m sure that we can all pull together and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band!

YEAH FOR THE FIREMEN

Most autistic dog to ever exist

i may be terminally online but at least i have fun and curate my experience to cater to my interests and don't intentionally seek out things that will make me feel worse and don't take out my personal issues on strangers on the internet

What’s with this weird new “normalcy” of people filming in gyms? That just makes people more nervous to go to the gym cuz who wants to be filmed sweaty and working out to get posted online for?

not all heros wear capes

Kings

And then my man saved him right back.

didn’t think I’d be opening my day by watching a kid attempt to perform CPR on a concussed plush gator man but here we are

creative angel gonna visit you tonight. you gonna get some idea

Guys I just realized they meant there’s a city in Texas called Ding Dong. I thought the people at GoGurt were really like, “DING DONG! WAKE UP SHEEPLE. BIG GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. TEXAS IS REAL. LOOK IT UP. GET THIS TO THE PEOPLE.” Like some big exec at Yoplait is ready to lose his life over exposing a national secret through the medium of childrens’ yogurt snack tubes.

guy who installs an adblocker and forgets about it and lives in a beautiful world where online ads have become much less frequent

lalala world so beautiful advertisements so extinct (opens website on mobile)AAAAAH!!!!!!! OH GOD MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!