Notes from my German LN2 read:
The Noble Eunuch and the Maid
- The status divide between Jinshi and Maomao is so enormous that it feels impossible to bridge.
- Maomao is scrawny and tiny and hungry, because she has to wait for him to finish eating and then maybe she gets some scraps afterwards. She is used to this and sees it as normal. She is genuinely scared of possibly losing her head because she is mayhaps pulling his hair too hard as she combs it. He is of such a high status that this is not impossible. It's not her being overly cautious. Maomao doesn't dare to think of the idea that Jinshi may be the emperor's brother, or god forbid his son, because even the thought is dangerous for her to have.
- Jinshi wants to have his cute flirtations with her and get to know her as a person. Even as Jinshi the eunuch his status is so high and her self-esteem so low that this is barely possible. Jinshi is a naive young boy, likened to a puppy as himself, his smile likened to a girl of the heavens. He is rumoured to be close to the emperor and perhaps to be engaging in sexual relations with him, but even as Jinshi the eunuch his status is so high that no one dares to speak this out loud. Every single person in this palace wants to fuck him, once more it's not just Maomaos perception.
- He likes Maomao, cares about her well-being and she cannot fathom that he does, ignoring the question of why all together. Understandably, all she can see is their difference in class and position in society. She is quiet because she does not think she is worth talking to, when in actuality, she is quite talkative (See: Her telling everything that happened while she was at the palace in one monologue when she returns to Luomon in LN1).
- When Jinshi sparkly smiles at her she is almost desperate for him to stop. She absolutely cannot deal with that expression and viscerally dislikes it. She has a tendency to take things literally. She likes her interest and doesn't like when she is being made fun of for them. It feels cruel when she gets excited about a possible immortality drug and Suirei declares that it was "just a joke."
- I still don't know if Maomao knew if it was Jinshi who was almost crushed by the pillar before she came upon him.
- Goddamn does Suiren work Maomao to the bone. The two months at Jinshis Pavilion didn't feel like eternity because of him, they felt like this because she was being worked until her body almost gave out. This too is normal and expected because there are no other maids who won't harass jinshi (or who pass Suiren's standards).
- And yet, after the rose ordeal, Suiren makes sure that Maomao gains those lost nutrients back.
Go, Shogi, and Being Known
- In German, Fengxians cut pinky is described as a pinky promise.
- Lakan didn't think he needed anyone in his life, he was fine with Go and Shogi. He has a hard time connecting past situations and their associated feelings (alexithymia?). But he met Fenxgian, and things came to be the way they are. When he recognized that Maomao was real and that she did exist, he realized he didn't want to be alone anymore. He did not want to be surrounded by strangers (go-stones) or people he knew well but ultimately still could not recognize (shogi pieces). He wanted to truly know others. He wanted to put that love somewhere, and so he can't let go of Fenxgian, and he can't let go of Maomao. He realizes he's clingy and that his reactions are aversive to others, but he can't quite help it. Lakan is desperate to be known. The face blindness is both reality & metaphor for no longer wanting to close oneself off from people in my eyes.
- Lakan at least could see strangers as Go Stones, and as Shogi Pieces once he got to know them better. Fenxgian on the other hand prefers Go. She prefers to stay a stranger, and stays impersonal until the end, staying formal until she eventually sends her finger and a bit of Maomaos pinky. She was crying when she took maomao's pinky off. While she probably tried to stay impersonal, she too was at her wits end. Fenxgian kept her head high and did not want to be known until she had no other way out. In the end, her illness got to her so much so that we could never get to know her either. All we know is her worst moment and her childlike wonder when she flushes at a Go stone she picks from Lakans bundle of rocks. She flushes, just like how Maomao flushes when she gets a shiny new medical ingredient.
- The Rokoshukan almost went down under because Fenxgian did as she pleased. She stayed away from Maomao until losing her nose broke her entirely. Did Fenxgian not want to get Maomao sick? Did Fenxgian feel too much pain when looking at Maomao? We will never know.
- The person truly upset with Lakan was the Madam, for abandoning a courtesan when Fengxian believed so deeply and fervently that Lakan would return that it ruined Fenxgian, almost dragging down the entire Rokoshukan with her.
- Because Fenxgian kept her distance, Maomao only knew her as a "demon" who hurt her. Lakan on the other hand tried to force his fatherhood on her in all his desperation and inappropriateness. She does not know her mother, thus has no mother, and is Luomons daughter instead. Maomao is so jealous of Lakans inherent instincts and talents while he thinks of himself as talentless. Maomao too sees herself as talentless.
Foreshadowing is a literary device
- Maomao adamantly insists that she is dancing on that wall for Meimei, who should have been bought out, and not that sick woman who would have died soon anyway. Meimei would have deserved it. All Lakan ever talked about were Maomao and Fenxgian according to Meimei, and still Maomao wonders what Lakan did not like about Meimei. Why not choose something that's nice and easy to access, even if it's not something you truly want?
