Bored

and as he stares into the sky, there are twice as many stars as usual

advanced tip: while driving, you can use your turn signal to warn other drivers that you intend to turn.

Unknown numbers ringing me like I even answer the phone to people I know. 

little miss automatically goes silent when something hurts her feelings

Telling a group of people to draw a troll face by memory is the funniest thing I swear to god the results are always so asdfghjkl

Titan submersible 0.5 seconds before implosion

There are multiple posts saying that Legolas is the Texan amongst the Fellowship of the Ring and you’re all wrong it’s Gandalf. It’s 1000% Gandalf. Gandalf followed a wild horse for two days to tame it and would regularly ride up to the Shire with a cart full of homemade fireworks. Gandalf's the Texan.

Just reassure her bro it’s really not that hard

youre saying this radio gave you head ?

ma’am could you please take a step back. yes—yes ma’am it’s because of your AOE poison attack aura

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ma’am please