Bee

I love that the people love Viktor even with his disability and even use that as a way to make jokes about him beating people with his cane. As someone who also uses a cane I have gotten the same comments so I will be writing my own headcanons based off that!!

Mentions of: violence, use of ‘weapons’, POTS and Arthritis and chronic pain, swear words, minor slur I CAN RECLAIM

How I think he’d react to these comments from people;

“Why don’t you just use your cane to hit people?”

Honestly. He’d laugh, and likely explain he’d probably get carried away for break it

“What happened to your leg?”

“I got beat up by sewer rats when I was 5.”-Viktor

“Was your leg always like this?/ Were you always sick?”

“No, I just woke up and my leg said ‘I quit’.”

Overall he’d be very sarcastic and unserious about it if he feels the question is stupid or unrelated to the topic. Miscellaneous headcanons next!!

If someone tried to baby him or talk down to him he’d start doing the same to them or push them away (similar to how he slapped Jayce’s hand in S1)

He’s immune to regular pain medication. It has zero impact on him

He constantly has dizzy spells, faints, and even gets sick due to overworking and not eating/drinking enough during the day

Has passed out in the middle of meetings both while talking and sitting. He just goes “I’m about to pass out.” Or “get a nurse” then collapses if he has enough consciousness to do so.

Uses it in arguments; “It’s cause I’m disabled right?” “Sorry I’m such a fucking vegetable.” “He just called me a dirty cripple!!Council! Council members!”

Will take advantage of people offering to run him tasks he doesn’t want to. Does it the most to Jayce. Mel caught on the second time so stopped doing it.

Has made Jayce Carry him many times just so he has an excuse to feel him up

Has hit people with his cane, used the end to put on a persons foot and crush their toes

Has gotten so bored once, he handed Jayce his cane. Hobbled a few feet away from him, got on the floor and put on a performance begging for his cane back (he even pulled out real fake tears) until there’s a crowd judging Jayce and then Jayce will pick him up and run away form said crowd.

Would likely say “I may have a cane but I’ll still fuck your mom.” If someone makes fun of him. He seems like the type to make mom jokes.

Has had more than 30 x ray scans of his body done in the last 5 years

Experiences extreme fatigue and has been carried to bed where he was fed and forced to stay

After season 2, he starts making jokes about “taking his leg brace off” and then goes “oh wait. I forgot. It’s a part of me now. How will I ever scratch that itch?”

Jayce would look at him confused, “but you don’t feel itchiness anymore?”

“Let me plant itchy in peace eye candy.”

I knoooooowwww. I’ve literally been dead for months and apologies for this being something unrelated to the BPD Scara series I’ve been getting at but I’m currently fixated on Howl so I’ll be using him as my projector. I also highly believe this man has BPD and nobody can convince me otherwise

Btw. I don’t condone romanization of mental issues. I’m simply ✨projecting healthily✨

Jealousy flare ups and depressive episodes; what that looks like for Howl

He’s unsure why, but he has been struggling with jealousy in a much higher factor than what he’s typically used to. It may be due to your presence

Ever since you two have gained the new title of dating and made it public, he’s felt a sense of possessiveness over you in a way that felt consuming

He needed you in bed to sleep soundly at night, and if you weren’t there he’d have not a wink of sleep while he held one of your clothing items close, taking in your scent and crying to himself about why you weren’t here

He gets suspicious and jealous when you spend lots of time away from him and with other friends. He trusts you but he’s scared someone will take you away.

You try telling him these things you plan out, but sometimes he won’t listen after he’s become too worked up over the idea of you being away for so long

He spends hours in bed without water or food. No motivation to get up until he gets a message from you encouraging him

Sometimes you have to baby the tall man, wash his hair and brush it for him.

Getting him to eat is the worst, he blames his medication cause the side effects impact his appetite frequently but the benefits are “too good” to give it up for just that

When he does eat, he’s got a sweet tooth like no man’s business, you’d think he’d gone mad with the amount of sugary treats he’d consume. But at least he was eating now so you didn’t complain too much

If he’s not sleeping all day, he’s awake for days on end, unable to sleep and refuses to take his sleep aid pills because “they don’t work.”

He’s secretly really petty towards those around the two of you but tries his best to keep most of it to himself. Even if you know. He won’t tell you.

The sleep aid pills knock him flat on his ass and he hates it. Waking up to your giggles of how he fell asleep in your arms like a snoring baby would make his face flush in embarrassment

He dislikes a lot of people talking to him when he’s upset. He’ll start snapping and going silent. P

Sometimes despite how hard it is to get out of bed, when he does, he’ll try to do small things like clean, eat, and make you little gifts

He made you a phone charm and matching rings to wear, he’d spent all night on it, since he was in bed all day.

It’s hard when he’s having an episode due to his jealousy, if you or someone else doesn’t get to him in time he’ll start calling upon the shadows and it takes quite a while to get him to even process that anyone else besides him is within the vicinity, let alone fully calm down.

He gets very clingy when he’s depressed, he’ll carry around items of yours and calls them “support items”

He looks like a tall child with a blanket as he walks around the house doing his daily business. It’s the best you’ve seen him do in the last few weeks so you try to keep him with his support items often

“Coffee is not a meal, have you eaten anything today?”

“A cheese stick..” you hit him over the head with a rolled up newspaper after that and dragged him to go make food.

He’d done this for over a week now and despite the small efforts, a drink wasn’t enough for him to get through the day.

Extra sassy in his conversations with calcifer

Takes the longest showers ever and he’s always steaming like a boiled potato when he gets out

Becomes a tablet child to compete simple tasks

Irritable as hell when he’s around people he’s not fully comfortable with, like your friends he’s only met twice

He’d eventually try going off on his own and have a good time that way, then eventually end up having an anxiety attack when he starts getting into his own head again

When you remind him that you have other friends

Please keep in mind I don’t condone self diagnosis, misdiagnosis, romanticization of mental illnesses including the one I’m writing about. I’m simply projecting my own experiences and thoughts onto a fictional character for y’all to enjoy. Readers gender neutral as always unless I’m filling a request.

You had been chatting with Scara about some things, no real set topic just loosely going from topic to topic as you’d both normally do in your free pass time with each other.

You showed him something on Instagram that he didn’t quite understand. So he laughed about it awkwardly before shooting a quick response.

“Well, i know nothing about that so it can’t be related to me.” He said this in hopes to clarify that he didn’t understand and gain an explanation. To him it seemed like a ‘This is so you’ thing but it really didn’t make sense to him so he was now lost. As he sat there awaiting your response. You looked at him almost as confused as him with a small smile.

“Scara, you know I have other friends, right?” You laugh at him and don’t take notice to the switch in moods for him. To him this was much bigger than it should’ve been. He knew with everything rational in him that you misunderstood what he meant, and that you didn’t mean to hurt him.

But his emotions couldn’t process that. So he tried brushing it off to quickly push down his emotions that were now beginning to bubble underneath his skin like an unruly raging bonfire. He waved it off towards you and just played along. Not pushing any further on what he was trying to ask and just moving on. But even as you kept talking. And things got quiet he couldn’t help his train of though traveling back to earlier, and what you said.

“Scara, you know I have other friends, right?” Replayed in his mind, a deafening, endless loop. Each time it repeated it slowly started to change. The words moving around to what his emotions heard and could grasp from what you had said.

And soon the loop would just start going to:“I have other friends.”

And once he hit that point he couldn’t stop the spiral that hit him like a truck. The “What if” questions started coming out.

He started to become visibly distressed and you took notice, trying to figure out what could’ve possibly caused such a mood change in him.

“Scara? Hun are you okay?”

“No, what if you don’t need me, and I’m not good enough? You have other friends which means I’m just a temporary person in your life cause there has to be someone better than me that you want to spend your time with and I’m not that person!”

At this point hee stood up and started pacing, walking in circles around the couch and yelling while taking moments to stop and look at you. Then he paused again when he reached your spot on the couch and looked at you, his face riddled with anxiety, frustration and what looked to be tears pricking at his eyes now.

You sat silently, unsure of what to do since you weren’t sure how he’d respond. But none the less you reached your arms out, holding them open for him to take with a sincere look on your face.

“Do you want a hug? I know it’s not much but you might just need one.” He stared at your out stretched hands, the frustration on his face becoming more evident for a moment before he took a deep breath and took his place in your arms. He hugged you tightly, and you returned it. You gave him a big squeeze and you could feel his body tense then relax under your touch. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, you could feel him begin to shake, and soft sobs came from him as his head lay in your shoulder where you couldn’t see him. After a few minutes he sat back up to face you, he took a big deep breath and started at you with frustrated, tear stained eyes that smudged makeup and eyeliner on his face.

You could only imagine the damage that did to your shirt, but at the moment it was the least of your worries. Your emotional friend was top of the worry list and trying to understand why he was upset and joe to help fix it was really bugging you.

“I want to be the best person you know. If I can be pushed aside then what’s the point of my existence here?” His voice sounded almost defeated, but he had an underlying feeling of anger. In his mind, if he can be replaced he should leave before it can happen.

“Scara, you are one of the best people I know. You’re literally my best friend. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings by what I said. It was only a misunderstanding, ok?” You give him a sincere smile and brush the hair out of his face, and wipe at some of the smudged makeup on his face.

He nods, sitting up fully and pulling away from your arms.

“It was a miscommunication, right. My feelings were hurt cause of it, which is ok. And now that it’s sorted out I feel better..”

You watch as he explains his feelings to himself, he was staring at his hands while he did so. You’d recently learned this was a part of his new therapy skills in the works. So he’d often talk to himself or write down how he’s feeling after conflict of any kind to practice it. You found it strange but knew he needed to do it until he could do it automatically.

“You stupid bitch!” He picked up a couch cushion and hurled it at you as quickly and as hard as he could. You fell back with a yelp and put your arms out to defend yourself as he continuously went in with the same cushion, hitting you and laughing while he did so.

I love bpd representation like no I don't kin them they kin ME

I love that you also LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!?!?!? Like omfg YEEEEAAAAAHHH!!!!

I fr would love to write more on scara being a age regressor with my own little head cannons or anything that y’all would wanna see.

How he handles his jealousy/someone else gets in his way

The bitches have spoke. And by bitches I mean the lovely little audience I’ve acquired that loves my scara bpd series. I’ve got some shit in the works but this gives me the perfect space to write. Keep in mind. All this is based off my unmedicated internal thoughts along with external actions. Don’t self diagnose and if you relate to this. You’re not a psychopath don’t romanticize having a bpd partner cause not everyone’s like me.

Anyways. Let’s continue!!

He’s liked you for so long that if anything he’d break if you rejected him. So he’s mostly kept his feelings bottled up and been very particular about expressing them.

He has a fear that if he goes too far in expressing his emotions to you. That you’ll leave.

Has written you love letters confessing his undying love for you and the things he’d do for you

Makes playlists with songs you like and that remind him of you so he can daydream about you when you’re away from him

The moment you give him a taste of affection he’s asking for more like a touch starved little pup.

He’s clingy and defensive with you in public. He will fight a bitch that looks at you for too long

Has almost been arrested but somehow convinced the officers he beat the crap out of the dude in self defense and got let off easy

Has a photo album of you filled with many pictures of the both of you to stalker like photos of you

Learns your whole schedule so he knows when to text, when to call and go over.

You’re definitely his favorite person. But a romantic favorite person which means you’re his whole world

If anyone ever tried flirting with him and it’s not you. Trust he’d make that person cry, or pour hot coffee on them if they tried touching him

He hates physically contact if it isn’t coming from you. When he’s in his “don’t touch me” mood. It rarely ever applies to you cause he’s seeking you out for comfort

Can’t compliment you or be fully soft and romantic with you without adding in a form of insult to it.

“I love you, stupid bitch.” You would’ve thought he was joking but the way he avoids eye contact and tries to hide the both on his face tells you he’s serious

He loves to cuddle. And wants to kiss and squish your cute face in his hands anytime he gets the chance. But you’d probably never leave his arms if that were to happen.

Rarely gets mad at you. You’d have to do something super fucked up to make him pissed at you and stay pissed at you. But for this. Let’s crack into how he’d act if you upset him.

If you were his romantic FP and you had a partner. He’d hate your partner with his whole being. Treat them like shit. Talk down on them. Just straight up bully the poor thing until they didn’t like him and you had to reprimand him.

If you reprimand him he’ll still not see a problem with his behaviors. In his mind he’s right and the other persons wrong for stealing you away. How dare they take what’s his? Fuck them!

Even tho he really gets mad at you. His paranoia will sometimes trigger him into a silent episode where he’ll ignore you because he’s convinced you hate him and talking to you will prove it (you literally don’t hate him but he hasn’t come to a rational mind yet)

If you’re a platonic FP— you’ve got it somewhat easier. But it’s just the lacking romance part. He’s still going to be a black cat sitting at your feet, attacking people that try to come near you.

Platonic fps for him are like. His best friends. You’ll be his best friend and anyone who passes a threat to that relationship is clearly asking for him to just tease them apart mentally.

You’ve witnessed him target a persons every physical and mental insecurity and issues like they were big red targets on their bodies for him to shoot at. He’s relentless and careless when he’s tearing someone down. You’ve never heard such hurtful or creative insults flow like poetry from someone before.

Yes I'm serious so take a seat and get ready. I firmly belive a lot of these are Canon in my heart and cannot be persuaded otherwise.

This will be multi Fandom but I'm starting with genshin because I have a lot to say about certain characters. Also, this may be multi parts and some of this won't be explained.

Kamisato Ayato

Look I know he's some dude everyone loves but like. I can't wrap my head around it. If you think you can help. Please entertain me with it.This man has the most cocky attitude and that isn't even the part that makes me mad.

He has a piss kink.

Would let the right man/woman piss on him and would give EXTRA MONEY if it's stinky

He doesn't shower or bathe often

I wouldn't ever put it past him to not only wear shoes in bed, but to wear dirty white socks on freshly cleaned bedsheets

His bed is dirty. Like. Crunchy dirty.

He gives off high school guy using way too much axe Apollo body spray in the middle of the Hallways to poorly cover up his man must after gym class

Take petty and smart and dial it to to the thousands. He's a smart stink bag

He uses a cringey baby voice with his partner. Don't even fucking try telling me otherwise.

Probably calls himself daddy towards his partner too.

Smells like a wet beach towel

He would eat expired food. <this one pains my soul>

Raiden Shogun

Honestly I do not give a flying fuck how hot she is or what her past is. I'm aware of most of it but still don't get it tbh. Game wise she's cool but in the lore she makes me mad and confused

She quite literally fits the definition of "stick up your ass"

Unjustified and over the top rage. It's calling sister issues. Not even mommy issues

Immature and old as hell

Scatterbrained

She can't read.

She showers, but she takes 4 fucking hours and takes them twice a day without telling anyone so she'll be gone during important times and kill anyone who tells her that

A bad mother. I know you can't read but bro. Get somebody to write your son a damn letter before sending him out next time like??? Going back to the scatterbrained piece lol

Anyone and everyone is on her shit list. No fetus or dust bunny is safe.

Has the same energy of the try hard super competitive kid in gym class that takes all the fun out of the games.

Would purposely step on your phone if it fell on the floor (especially if she's in heels)

She eats uncooked rice as a snack.

Smells like metal 24/7

She really doesn’t understand affection so she bully flirts at best.

Tartaglia <Childe>

I love him and plan on pulling for him in his next rerun but bro the shit I have going on in my head either makes me laugh or mad.

Has freckles

Like to fight pretty women when he's bored so he can get choked out by thighs

Has arthritis/ something like that

Can and will eat anything for the right price <or if you say "i dare you" "you wont">

He's the "where's my hug at"guy but not creepy.

He’s literally just a hyper pit bull, and he does need a leash.

He was and still is a leash kid.

All his shoes wither and fall apart at the soles up. Shoe stores and repair men love him

Would get into bar fights

Cuts his own hair at 3AM with no back mirror

Has gotten into an argument about why the flame in a match doesn't have a shadow with the entire universe

Despite his vision. He doesn't like to drink water. Anything but that.

The closest he’ll get to regular water is flavored water

Can't ride a bike. At all.

Cries at sad scenes of shows or movies like someone shot his dog

Impulsively twerks on people he considers close.

Can and will torment his siblings. Had probably thrown one into a river before

Looks like a twink. But probably eats ass too. Don't question me.

Super easy to rile up. Try gaslighting him. It's funny.

Can't read Roman numerals.

Breaks shit at fatui headquarters a lot and finds people to fix them for cheap

If he has any close friends. He breaks into their homes often to take naps, eat or leave shit there.

Gojo Saturou

I know nothing about this man so it’s purely the vibe I get from him and some of. May be off due to the fact that I’ve only seen fan stuff of him- ANYWAYS TO THE FUN PART BELOW

Personally think he’s a perv. But like. Hell only make perverted jokes to friends or complete strangers

Has a vast knowledge of the human body and fixated on the nervous system for like 3 years

Makes dick jokes.

I feel like this man has ADD/ADHD he just reeks of it. Look at him!!!

Has a raging secret foot fetish. Like. You wouldn’t guess it about him. But he has it.

Sleep talker

He’s very clean. But dear gods he smells either really good like. Has that amazing jaw dropping cologne or he smells like 10 cans of bounce that ass fucked a dumpster fire on a hot summer day and no there isn’t an in between

Despite using the eye cover a lot he falls a lot.

He can’t swim. But if it’s canon he can. You’re lying

Eats raw pasta. For fun.

Chews on plastic. And has accidentally swallowed pieces of it multiple times too

Asks questions with obvious ass answers. Most times it’s genuine, but others it’s to be an ass

Would use “🥺” emoji un ironically

An instigator. Til death may he never stop.

Here’s the titles and I’ll let y’all decide on what your wanna see first!!! For the last option I’d need you guys to send me some of ur fave characters so I can give my opinions and thoughts

Agere Scara X Caretaker Reader!!!

Before we go into the fun part. Here’s a little breakdown of BPD and agere for those who may not understand/know.

A common trait of bpd that isn’t on the list of requirements for diagnosis is age regression! It’s a coping skill in which the person regresses back to a younger mindset to escape problems that feel too big for them. This can help with inner child healing, anxiety, depression etc. it’s completely healthy and non sexual.

Now. The regressor can range from ages of a small infant to young kid. It’s all dependent on how comfortable that person feels and where their mind naturally falls when they enter said headspace. For someone with bpd. This can be a great way to handle our emotions. Our emotions switch often, and are way too big for our bodies with how extreme these emotions can feel.

There’s also another aspect. Caretaking. A caretaker is someone who looks after a regressor in which they’ll take on a “mommy” or “daddy” role. Nicknames can range variously depending on what the caretaker and regressor like and agree upon. It can be someone who you’re dating or just friends with.

Notes: pacifier, sippy cups, crying, meltdowns are all going to be included. Along with extra fluffy content and comfort. Now enjoy!!!

You’ve been scaras partner and caretaker for a long time. About 3 years now.

He made sure it was one of the first things he mentioned to you when getting to know each other when you first started testing the waters of your relationship

Ironically you’d been interested in caretaking and had tried it out a few times in the past. But never had someone who was your little.

It took a while for him to open up, but he was the sweetest (and most times brattiest) little you’d ever met.

Very opposite of his normal sarcastic, and domineering attitude, when he regresses he’s the shyest little boy ever.

His age range is 3-4 years old.

He likes plushies, pacis, sensory toys, and soft blankets.

He has a favorite comfort movie he makes you watch with him.

He really likes to be picked up and wrap his legs around your waist. He’ll cling onto you for hours if he can. And you’ll let him.

“Bubba I wan uppies! Pick me up!”

“I want my sippy please!”

Likes to spin around and dance even when there’s no music playing

Loves repeating nursery rhymes and gets excited when you sing with him

Short attention span and cranky attitude when he needs a nap

Can only sleep while holding onto you or your hand

Hates the dark. Has to have a nightlight, LED lights, a tv or something else that radiates light when the overhead lights are turned off

Loves letting you dress him up. You always pick the best outfits and you’re so gentle when helping him change.

He gives the biggest and nicest hugs ever.

Is super cuddly and clingy. And will side eye anyone who tries talking to you or taking your attention away when he’s resting on you.

“Bun. It’s ok, it’s just the adults talking that’s all.” You rub his back trying to soothe his obvious annoyance but to no avail

He glared at the person you’re talking to, clinging onto you tighter and starts angry babbling

“Mine bubba, go away! Bubba mine. Miiiiinnnneeeee.”

“Yes yours, Bun. Now let’s relax ok?” You kiss the top of his head, and it takes a while and having to force the other person leave but he soon melts back into your arms.

He loves it when you hold his face and squish it. Telling him he’s a good boy and how much you love him

His entire face lights up, normally dull violet eyes not filled with an adorable sparkle of happiness and light you wished would last forever.

His euphoric episode crashes were the most often time he’d need to regress. But other times it could be simply when he’s too stressed and need to feel like he’s not all alone.

Splitting can still happen when he’s little. But he tends to come down from a bad split crying out apologies of how he never meant to hurt his bubba.

To him, you’re his entire life saver at times. You help him when he feels so out of control. And you guide him back to it without even realizing. All it can take is a simple “I’m here, bun. It’s ok.” And everything stops hurting so bad after a while. He can feel at peace with you for the first time in his entire life.

He’s lived a long time without having safety be a feeling he could ever have. He lives you and cherishes you for every minute of that he gets with you and tries his best to return that to you always.

I wish I could double follow u bruh

A/N:Y’all are eating this up and I like writing this so here you go. Today we’ll be focusing on two specific symptoms of bpd. Self image and disassociation episodes. How he experiences them (not really. A good chunk is my own experience) and things he does.

Notes: scara x reader, no pronouns used, you helping him through these different episodes and emotions, cuddles, pet names , etc.

He often goes from this depressed and disassociated state:

Staring off blankly at everything and inspecting his surroundings

He ca. be very irritable and snappy with basically everyone because he’s in what he calls “The void”

Touching, hitting and pulling at his clothes, skin and body parts because he cannot fathom how he’s a solid being

Everything being loopy, twisted and feeling distant from him

Having irritability due to how slow everything feels. Even when it’s not slow. To him the worlds in agonizing slow motion

Everything being too loud or too quiet

“Sweetheart, can you pass me my headphones?” He’d hold his arm out, patiently waiting for you to hand them to him.

Not being able to pick up or hold many or a single conversation for hours to days at a time

Struggling to get out of bed or complete tasks

“My love, come back. I need you in my arms, please.” He’d practically whined out the last word.

“You know I’d love to but then good going to make sure that gorgeous face eats and drinks anything at all today if I don’t?” You kissed the top of ups head and left the room to go Make breakfast for you two

Sense of time being jumbled and confusing to him. So he uses way more timers and alarms.

You help by trying to run bu the same schedule. Setting the same alarms so you could shoot him a text to make sure he was on track with his day.

If he was he’ll text you back a long message about wanting to kill someone or himself. Sometimes both or in order of some sort of plan he’s devised on his breaks.

You find it funny and concerning how a simple comment would trigger him to say the most in response.

“Eat rocks and die.” Then he’ll proceed to ignore everyone with his noise canceling headphones on blast.

To this self image crisis and Euphoric mindset;

Cutting/dying his hair cause he realized how good he’ll look with the new image he has for his hair.

I mean. Do you think someone else besides himself picked and did that haircut?

Of course he’ll eventually ask for your help once too much damage has been done. But you’ve grown very skilled with fixing his hair

Getting new piercings. He will think on it first then do it as long as he has money ofc.

Loves getting his tongue pierced. Even if it took a few days before he could talk right again

Buying tons of things he may not need or use later

Likes spoiling you too. It can range from big to small things. Whatever he can think of to make you happy.

He loves the rush he gets when he sees the new things he has or how happy he makes you with the gifts.

Will last from hours to minutes so please be ready for him to come down from it.

Gets tattoos. And will bring you along, so you watch as the excitement slowly morphed into euphoria and he begins to shake and bite at the skin on his nails

How else did he get the gorgeous marks that illuminate in the dark?

He likes having you touch his tattoos once they’re fully healed.

Makes impulsive travel plans and follows through with them.

Tries new makeup or style or something to alter his appearance

Has constant thoughts of not feeling like he’s really himself. More of somebody else impersonating the real version of him.

Can’t look at himself for too long in pictures or the mirror for too long because in his words “that’s not me. It looks like me but something is seriously off. And I don’t like it.”

“I need to be. Not me. I’m doing too well and I’m tempted to fuck that up.” He says that a lot. Mainly to himself but on occasion you’ll overhear

Take his phone, laptop, wallet and whatever else away because he can and will but shit and dive into his savings without a second thought

“Cmon. It’s to cope! I deserve it!”

“Really? What you deserve is a fucking nap, let’s go!”

He proceeds to fight his way from sleeping while you lay your full body weight on him to keep him pinned to the bed with all of his electronics besides the tvs locked in another room

When he came down from this euphoric feeling. He was lucky to have you there because more often than not. He’d start crying.

Thank you so much! Most of what I write about him is based off my personal experiences and things I’ve done, nearly went through with it images in my head all pushed onto him. Along with talking about real symptoms and traits of people with bpd (Like myself)

We’re back again with another scara with my bpd life experiences. But this time. I’m gonna make a list of things that I’ve done in a relationship and what I feel like he’d do as well. So here you go 🖤

He’s very loyal to you, obsessed really, he loves everything about you

He spends his time with you memorizing everything he could about you. Down to the very last detail.

His love language is a bit of a mix, but the top ones are gift giving and words of affirmation. He enjoyed physical touch a lot contrary to popular belief. But he’s not one to be ok with PDA.

Lots of pet names. And I mean a lot. Not really a trial and error thing but more like the more cute pet names he has for you the better.

His favorites to use are “bubs, honey, and sweetheart.”

Hyper sexual and touchy but also touch starved. Loves the idea of being able to feel you up and be felt up sensually without venturing further after that.

If you’re just friends with him, but give him anything from a pet name to special attention— he’ll flirt with you and become obsessed if it’s enough.

Can and will have meltdowns/anxiety attacks if he doesn’t feel heard when he’s talking or arguing

Will offer to use arson, murder, and multiple kinds of vehicles to crush anyone who hurts or annoys you

Recommends gaslighting as a way to prevent yourself from trouble

Loves stuffed animals. Buys way too many that match his aesthetic and will hurt anyone who gets them dirty.

Will go above and beyond for gifts. It doesn’t matter how much money, time or effort it takes. For you, anything and everything was always worth it.

Will keep a book with your info in it. From blood type to family and friends along with how to contact them

If you’re not home when he is or you disappear. He’ll freak out and do everything in his power to track you down if you’re gone for too long

If the above thing happens and he has to track you down. Where ever you are he WILL tackle you and have a sort of meltdown admitting how he thought something happened to you

He’d rather die than let anyone think they’ll ever have a chance with you. He loves showing you off every where he goes.

He’ll never miss a chance to kiss you. Sit you on his lap, hug you, fight someone for you, or hold your waist and rub circles in them

Is a sucker for love notes/poems. If he’s ever upset with you. No matter how big or small, slip him one of those and he’ll be easier to talk to than ever

Soft spots? Target his neck, hair, waist, and legs. Best way to really overpower him if you want.

If you’re taller than him >>>> use that to your advantage. He secretly loves when you’re taller

Let him pick you up, treat you like royalty. But he will expect the same treatment in return

Hates when people are overly sexual upon first meeting. He’ll push you away and get disgusted

Takes anywhere from a few months to a few years to open up entirely and it all depends on trust

When he gets comfortable he can be so raunchy and down bad it’s scary and can sometimes be addicting. All dependent on your taste

Does well with kids. But hates them. Likes laughing at the dumb stuff they do.

Loves doing your hair. And if he doesn’t know how to do something. He will learn just for you.

Will dress you up like his own little doll, he just loves the idea that he gets to make you all the more pretty and show off the outfits he makes for you to wear throughout your day.

Steals your clothes to sleep with them/wear them around all day. He doesn’t care what it is. If he can fit it into his outfits trust he’s wearing it.

A conversation held after you were gone for a surprise commission for 12 hours:

[Your Name]”What did you do?! There’s 200 missed calls on my phone and over 40 text messages on each app!”

[Scara]“At least you know I care. I even called a few hospitals to make sure you weren’t admitted. So ungrateful.”

[Name] “Why did you do that?! This is so baaad!”

[Scara] “If you think that’s bad wait until you find out I told every hospital we’re engaged to be married. Haha!”

You didn’t find that part very funny

So I’m like 200% sure I have BPD and am working on a diagnosis with my therapist right now, I do meet the criteria though. And I had an episode recently that is hard to talk about, so now I’ll project my experience with my FP into fictional characters X reader Starting with my comfort characters.

Keep in mind it may not fully seem like him usually but this is me projecting

BPDScaramouche

He knew that the way he felt was abnormal, familiar in the paranoid and obsessive thoughts that creeped up anytime you’d be near him, or even worse, away from him when he desired your presence. 

You were aware of his BPD, the two of you had a talk about it one day when he had an episode so bad he’d destroyed half his things and locked himself in his trashed bedroom for hours without responding to you. 

You’ve been roommates for about a year now, but friends for longer than that. 

Scara noticed his attachment growing, he felt a need for your approval, like if he didn’t get it he’d need to claw his eyes out from the feelings that bubbled up inside him

He became overprotective of you, he needed you to be safe, to be with him, all of your attention should be on him at every available moment you had. 

He found a high benefit in the fact that you were both single, very aware that his feelings could transform into a romantic obsession any day now. 

“You know, sometimes I get an adrenaline rush when you give me your attention? You make me feel like I’m on the best kind of drug there is, sweetheart.” He’d said this a few times to you before. You took this with caution because this usually meant he was feeling euphoric, and would likely come down from it in a few hours or days.  

Everything always went smoothly as long as he was able to spend time with you, gain praise and the attention he’d seek out from you early in the day before continuing with whatever plans he had, today was a bit odd, as he’s been acting more impulsive. 

His self image and surroundings haven't been feeling as real as they typically do, like all of it was a lie, like he was a lie, a different person in the disguise of himself. 

When the two of you were talking during lunch, you brought up having a crush on a coworker you met at your new job. After the mention of this he fell into a silence, a crush? Someone else has your attention? 

But why? If someone caught your attention, and you guys started dating, he’d be forced to back off, he could lose you, or worse, you’d leave him! You can’t leave him, he’s so good to you, he’d do anything for you, and he truly means anything he's capable of. 

“[Name], I think I’m having an episode.” He removed his hat, placing it beside him, he could feel the thoughts swarm in like a tidal wave in the middle of a rainstorm. 

You felt lost, unsure if you were the trigger  or not, before you could ask he turned to you, his blank stare turned sour, and when you tried gently touching his shoulder and hand, it was a typically soothing thing for him that you’d do to try and aid in a prevention attempt. 

Key word, attempt. 

He slapped your hand away, you watched as the rage built up and the tears welled up in his eyes. 

“What am I going to do if he likes you back? What about me? I can give you that attention you don't need anyone else for that, if you get someone else then you'll leave me and you can't leave me I need you, you should need me too!” 

He went on rambling, slamming his hands on the table and the tears began to fall as his yelling escalated. You hadn't seen him get like this before, it was a bit heartbreaking and scary. 

“Bubs, I do need you, please, you're having an episode, you don't actually think this.” You stood up trying to grab onto his shoulders. To which he pushed you away, his rambling continuing, he was now sure he wasn't having an episode and convinced himself you were going to leave

He began pacing, hitting himself and scratching at his skin in various areas, from arms to neck and ear pulling. All while ranting about what he believed was going to happen

You still had no clue what to do in all of this. So you stood on top of your chair, and waited for his pacing to circle towards you, and you jumped on him, putting down as much weight as you could. You both screamed the whole way to the floor, you scrambled to get up and pin the man to the floor.

“Bubs, I need you to listen to me, very carefully. You are having an episode. ” You had his arms pinned to the floor, so he had no choice but to look at you. 

 “I’m having an episode?” He questioned, to which you nodded. He began freaking out again, becoming self destructive with his words. Insulting himself. 

He kept trying to pull himself into a ball, to which you just laid on him. 

He cried for a while, pushing against you as you held onto him, his attempts to escape quickly became weaker than anticipated, he let out a few screams, but when all of it faded, you tried soothing him once you felt his arms wrap around you. 

“I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. I’m so sorry sweetheart I didn't mean to.” His voice shook, but his hold on you was tight, comforting. The good thing is that he was never violent towards you, other than the pushing your hands away

Later on the two of you moved to the couch, watching comfort movies and eating comfort snacks, you did the required coping skills and methods for regrounding that the doctor gave him to do, you didn't have to do it, but it seemed refreshing so you did it to aid in not making him feel so watched.