Life's Misadventure

It's my 17 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Hubby has a phone again.

Found me on telegram and did a video call Friday night.

When I finally got him off the phone because it was way past the kids bedtime Liam ripped my heart out.

“He seems to be doing much better, I think he is done being an alcoholic so he won’t be mean and yell at you all the time anymore. Can he come back to live with us soon?”

I’m not doing okay.

The entire time we were on the phone my mind and body were screaming.

My children love a version of a man that will never exist again.

He is sober now but what happens when he is no longer on probation?

What happens when he can no longer access the medicine that is managing his paranoid schizophrenia and preventing him from hearing the voices that convinced him that my mom was trying to take the kids and I from him not help us by keeping us off the streets.

What happens if he isn’t able to keep the alternate personality that was created to protect him from me locked away?

What happens if the personality that thought they owned me because I was his wife comes back and rapes me again?

What if every bit of everything he did while he was drinking was the real him and there were no alternate personalities?