noise

They sleep gently in my palm

The gasp of venus, glow of mars

By turns turbulent and calm

I trace constellated memories

I map them, salve against sorrow

Dancing silver in the trees

Is the ache of my tomorrow

Since every moment's slippery

A fish jumping from my hand

These moments are never free

Now I finally understand

I built a fortress in my head

A thorny thicket in my mind

I poisoned forests with my dread

Choosing to marinate instead

In uncertainty

Fear and falling swinging hand in hand

& sometimes I find myself

So thirsty

For the blur

The soft

I am all deep breathing

All ragged edges

A rising panic

Barely bitten back

But i have known drowning

Somewhere on the horizon

The sun still shines

Swimming in anxiety

Drowning in her salty kiss

Breathless here in the abyss

I'll put a chair under the door

I'll wrap up tightly on the floor

I'll look away now from the sun

I'll fray and tear and come undone

Revel in my shiny cage

I've trapped it tightly on the page

This rabid beast, a whimper left

I've left him lonely and bereft

I'll open a window, throw wide the door

I won't feel embarrassed anymore

& make room for light, it's searching for me

My willful resistance

How roots won't remain

An erased existence

I long to be sand

I dream of the sea

To lose sight of land

Asunder in a shattered breeze

Behind these ribs

A maze, a mess

Never escape

Beyond a rolling slope

Or craggy hills

My tender heels

Just bleed and bleed

Above, a million miles away

Tiny chips of light

Down the barrel

Of a loaded telescope

Crane neck

Swan dive

Maybe graceful

Survive the worst of it

Well most of you does

The rest is a mess you find

It thunders in my chest

My back is weary, heart is sore

I'm choking on unrest

The shadows growing long and dark

The evil edge ahead

There is a tangle, this shuttered spark

That rings with words unsaid

There is a pulse within the air

And it trembles as it rings

Joy will win, beyond despair

Myself so full of joy it

Controlled burn

Less wildfire

My fingers

More grasp

Less claw

I was softer

Holding myself

Like melted wax

There is ache

There is worry

There is gentle

Crushing seconds, I'm heedless

Of soot asunder

All those fiberglass diamonds

They watch below the waves with seafoam eyes

The moon is just a golden bright embrace

Lurking, lethal, dangerous surprise

One that wears a beautiful angel's face

Summer comes calling, petals on the waves

Far below, creatures carousing in the deep

A hungry mouth will always get what it craves

Shadows slice the silence where strangers creep

But perhaps hope is found so far from the shore

Perhaps the monsters made of myth and fear

Maybe that song is meant just to adore

They never made that meaning clear

The sea's in my blood, etched in my bone

When I examine my heart

All this blank canvas

While once painted with wonder

When you're swallowing prayers

When hope is a knife

You dreams can become a trap

Letting go can be freedom

The pain of worry—

That poison leaves slowly

Green leaves grow again

And forests can be rebuilt

Out of ruinous wildfire

Your soft seedling heart

Cradles the moss of your smile

A warm place to rest

The breeze whispers its secrets

A world almost remembered

The boundaries feel

Like a dream

The forest withers to desert

The sun will always disappear

But it's high in the sky

I am painted with shadows

My head is always so full

My hands are empty

I'm embroidering ideas

Crimson petals leaking

From a Robin's egg sky

An exhale into ebony

I fold gently

All torn skin

All nervous hands

All bitten lip

The frantic dance

Of clock hands circling

The way the stars

Fall out of sight

I know how it feels

To fade

Watercolors &