Teeth like a military cemetery

This is the balance that must be made between what we desire and what we fear, between pain and pleasure, between wheat, dear listeners, and its byproducts.

The other boy, we understand, was unharmed because he is a better boy and more loved by the angels.

If not for municipally-planned citizen sacrifice each quarter, how else would we find satisfactory meats to feed those sad, scrawny animals?

Construction crews have tried building the bridge tower base supports from corrugated cardboard, non-dairy creamer, and ceramic bowls. Nothing has worked.

Animal control is adressing these concerns through afterschool programs called Teach A Spider To Read: Stop The Madness.

If you notice strange auras around any of the following objects in your house - blender, shower head, dog, husband, wife, table, chair, doorknob, baseboard, vacation souvenirs or photos, collectibles of any kind (especially those depicting or involving horses), DVDs (especially Cliffhanger, There's Something About Mary, and The Wire 4th season), and any bagged lettuce from California or Mexico - please report to the council for indefinite detention.

Remember, this is America. Vote correctly, or never see your loved ones again.

Remember the slogan, "No Flag: Goes In The Bag. Red Flag: Run."