TheLoudlyHappy

Yellow Cardigan was an unfinished crossover about children from primarily horror media falling into the underground from Undertale

☂️👶🏻👶🏼 was an unfinished Klaus Hargreeves pregnancy reveal happy ending type fic

Watching/Reacting to Stiles/Thomas was exactly as it says on the tin and unfinished. The characters were separated by glass and amnesia was involved

Very Alternate Universe was an opposites au where Flash is Peter’s best friend and Pepper becomes his mentor etc

Unexpected Duo & Trip WIPs included ideas like Tony Stark and Markiplier interacting

Twitter Fic No.5 was avery fanon and queer Peter Parker focused unfinished social media fic that started by very briefly addressing Oscorp’s experiments and child endangerment

My Poetry 2017 was the poems I created in 2017 during probably the height of my mental illnesses controlling my life

“There was an Eye-dea” was just bullet points about Peter Parker being Percy Jackson etc equivalents

Their Beginning was a finished fic about Loki finding a place among All the Avengers (as of 2021) after Sylvie leaves him behind, but it is a happy ending

The Arachnids System was an unfinished fic with two wips containing OCs acting as alters (as in OSDD1b) in the same system as Peter. Some of the names included were Alexis, Fleur, Jessie, Liam, and James

Synesthedia Ideas & Fics was exactly what it sounded like. It had 8 chapters, was published 2021, and updated 2023

Standing Up Again was a finished short fic about Loki ending up in front of Avengers after Sylvie leaves him. It’s open ended basically

Spiders Are Worth Being Afraid Of was about Peter’s anger and skills being shown off primarily to the Avengers. This was posted in 2019

Small Addition was just that for a fic called Bird Song I loved by a now orphaned account. This featured the taxi driver’s thoughts during Viktor and Klaus Hargreeves’ conversation

Secrets….Shhh was a finished crossover(?) about youtuber RTGame ending up in Kells for a time.

Screw it: Family was a dialogue only fic about Sans being Frisk’s dad

Scared Everyday was a short fic with implied past non-con victim Peter Parker being scared to tie his shoes sometimes

Pre-Planned was an idea about Hiccup offering to marry Merida so she doesn’t have to deal with the suitors. They were never going to become romantic or sexual as far as I know

Pidge is a fic where Spencer Reid is himself, Pidge (voltron), and Spencer Summers (X-men) during various parts of his life

Pain In Silence was a very trigger heavy fic about Peter Parker’s mental illness being a danger to his wellbeing physically. This was stolen from me at least once

Opposite Circumstances was an idea where Anna can only be healed or have her memories taken so they choose the former for her and choose the latter for Elsa

Old Memories was a collection of my FF works from ~2012-15 posted on Ao3 in 2021

No Way Home Fix-Its had 5 unfinished fic wips or ideas, was published 2022, and updated only a day later

No Common Sense was a fic about Dawn Finch being kidnapped by Brenner, becoming Jane’s sister, and then them being taken in by Benny Hammond

Night Valen in New York was a finished fic about Peter as Spider-Man telling people who need escape to go to Nightvale

Mornchild was a finished crossover(?) about youtuber CallMeKevin being a changeling and ending up in Kells as a child. His partner is present when he finds himself called back again. Very minor inspiration from the book i named the fic after

Love Like You was a finished fic about Wild singing and the chain being contemplative about love during the song

Lost in Time was a short finished Spencer Reid is Loki-post-Sylvie fic with an ambiguous happy ending

Loss of the Wild was a fic (posted in 2021 with art) about Wild’s second quest changing him that ended up not very angsty lol. He becomes a king to two kingdoms as the partner of both Zelda and Sidon

정말 너무 혼란스러 (Never leave me alone) was an unfinished fic about 2013 and 2021 Jungkook swapping places. It contained Taekook with an ambiguous relationship

Jarring Job made Jarrier was an unfinished wip about MJ as an EMT who is soulmates with her patient Peter

“I’ve Felt Worse” was a finished short fic about baseball player Lapis Lazuli’s titular line against the bully Jasper

Indulgence was an unfinished fic where Wild is autistic and behaved how I did in 2021. I made updates about the very different version of the fic I hadn’t published yet asked about what fans wanted me to do with both of them. Zelda speaks for Wild a lot in both versions

Ill Are You? is actually one of my FF fics reuploaded alone to Ao3. It was about Septiplier. I acknowledge it exists, but likely won’t be re-uploading this anywhere

Hum was an unfinished and cliff-hangered smut fic between Deadpool and Spider-Man. Wade clocks that Peter has a vibrator in whilst swinging and mentioning it leads to sex. The tags were very explicit about what that meant

HappierTale (Original) was an unfinished au about Sans creates a timeline where he’s forgotten

For a Moment You were the Sun and I was Terrified was an unfinished fic where Spooky!Lad Dan and youtuber RTGame are swapped

Fly to Fire Castle was an unfinished crossover where Malcolm Reynolds, Richard Castle, and Hermes (PJO) are the same man over the period of his life

Father was an unfinished work about Daughter (i renamed her) ending up with Tony Stark after the end of the film Mother

Family Fixes Failure was an unfinished fic about Spencer Reid being a veteran parent balancing work, discipline, and indulgence

Enchanted Guests was an unfinished Disney wip where Belle somewhat becomes Rapunzel, seeks Flynn’s help, both run into Merida, then get separated and Belle meets Hiccup

Drive to Protect was an unfinished crossover about Annabeth Chase going to the same highschool as her brother Peter Parker so she and Percy and be closer together for senior year

Deep Deep Red was a finished fic about Spencer Reid previously being a Black Widow named Angela Abdulova

CinderTale was an unfinished Cinderella (2015) version of Undertale featuring Sans/Grillby with Fuku as the latter’s child

Autistic Character Ideas & Stories was as said on the tin. It had 122 fic wips or ideas, was published in 2021, and was updated 2023

Atlantis: The Lost Wilds was an unfinished speculative BotW 2 fic published in 2021. I imagined what it’d be like if Atlantis (animated film) was beneath the surface of Hyrule

An Unknown Chance was an unfinished fic about Wild having amnesia again after he arrives in MCU New York. He becomes family to the Starks, Parkers, and the Udakus (Shuri, etc)

All Inclusive Twitter Memes was an unfinished social media fic with a huge cast of queer MCU characters and relationships. It included “Spider-Man @theyneverlookup”

A Beauty, A Beast, And Some Princes is an unfinished fic where Belle and Ella are the same person, she meets Kitt and later Adam (Beast), surprise polyamory, then trouble again where Jasmine and Aladdin help

A Little Adventure was a finished fic in a planned series where Peter Parker is disabled (behaves how I did in 2022) and experiencing a period for the first time in-suit around the Avengers (his family)

Note: any title with “Various” is shorthand for something like “Various works for…”, is very difficult to concisely describe, and likely has a very similar dates of uploading

Various Klaus (hargreeves) included 21 different fic wips or ideas, was published 2020, and updated 2023

Various Animated included 119 different fic wips or ideas about animated works, was published 2021, and updated 2023

Various FNAF:SB included 15 different fic wips or ideas for primarily Sun and Moon, was published 2021, and updated 2023

Various Dylan included 88 different fic wips or ideas for media containing Dylan O’Brien, was published 2022, and updated 2023

Various Spooky!Lads included 38 different fic wips or ideas, was published 2021, and updated 2023

Various Sylki (loki x sylvie) included 20 different fic wips or ideas, was published 2021, and updated 2023

Various Wild included 116 different fic wips or ideas for the character from Linked Universe, was published 2020, and updated 2023

Various Spencer included 47 different fic wips or ideas for Spencer Reid, was published 2020, and updated 2023

Various Monsters included 15 fic wips or ideas for Inc or Uni, was published 2020, and updated 2023

Various Peter included 155 fic wips or ideas for MCU Parker, was published 2020, and updated 2023

Various Hogwarts included 36 fic wips or ideas, was published 2022, and updated 2023

Link for anyone on Tumblr who wants context:

Consider another universe where a lot of the kid/teen characters were in the lab and when they discovered who Peter actually is they only just manage to stop him from killing everyone left in Hawkins Lab but now they’re all being told they have to try and become real kids again and they aren’t sure how to do that

— Birth & Arrival —

Peter (1947/1959) Killed Virginia and Alice once his mother discovers her son is troubled, failed to kill Victor resulting in his persecution, and is kidnapped once falling into a coma

Kali (1964/1969) Kidnapped from London due to a neglectful babysitter

Eddie (1965/1965) His mother participated in MKUltra unknowingly pregnant and willingly gives over her child after birth due to not having wanted him already

Steve (1966/1968) His parents tried to keep up the facade of happy perfect family but eventually use their influence to stage an accident that claims their son when really he’s given to the local lab for a large sum of money

Jonathan (1967/1967) Joyce is told it’s a miscarriage but is convinced he was taken from her instead. She verbally fights to find her child for years even after Lonnie claims he’ll leave if she doesn’t stop

Nancy (1967/1967) Karen and Ted are the stereotypical nuclear couple seen on TV so they try for a child. When they have a miscarriage, Karen’s facade cracks a bit and she begins to entertain thoughts she used to bury like a plague. Placing doubt in many of the foundations that make up her life

Billy (1967/1974) Marilyn and Neil have their son for 7 years before he’s involved in a bizarre accident that places him in a coma and kills his mother. He’s showing signs of brain activity for years before Neil and his new wife Susan are approached about admitting him to a lab for research on how to help him and others. The two agree, moving to Indiana with their children in tow.

Barb (1967/1967) Marsha is told it’s a miscarriage but is sure her baby was taken from her like the rumors of Joyce Byers were. She and her husband hire a new but convincing P.I named Murray Bauman to find their daughter. It’s not easy and they have years ahead of them

Robin (1968/1969) Melissa has her for a year before her husband says he’s done with the baby being so much trouble and makes her choose between him and her. Melissa ends up choosing him and is convinced to let the local lab care for the strange child she bore

Lucas (1971/1971) Sue is told that the power outage during her pregancy resulted in complications and her baby passed. Charles and Sue legally blaimed the hospital and were compensated for the incident easily with the help of Hawkins Lab

Dustin (1971/1971) Claudia is told it’s a miscarriage and goes to therapy for the unending thoughts her baby was taken- afraid she’d turn out like Joyce Byers. She follows the same regiment for years, trying to simply live day by day

Maxine (1971) Susan and Neil have a baby even with his son in a coma. They desperately hope he’ll wake one day to meet his sister. When told there’s a chance Hawkins Lab could help they take it. After arriving their youngest begins to show signs of bizarre behavior, so she’s admitted as an outpatient, too. Due to the finally settling in loss of hope for his son and anger that another child of his is troubled, Neil gets drunk to the point that he shoots Susan and then himself

Mike (1971/1971) Karen is excited that they’ve decided to try again. She’s convinced it’ll all be okay and they can finally become the happy family on the cover of all her home improvement magazines. Her baby is born but is a small and sickly thing. Only a few days later they claim he stopped breathing in his sleep and Karen feels herself breaking further

Jane (1971/1971) Terry participates in MKUltra unknowingly pregnancy and is later told she had a miscarriage she believes is a lie from the lab. A few years later she attempts to save her baby from them but as a result is forced into a comatose state

Will (1971/1971) Joyce’s thoughts about her previous baby are smothered by the idea of finally having the baby boy she was meant to care for, but is ripped away again by a claimed miscarriage. Joyce fights anyone possible to believe her until she’s finally taken to a mental facility for being a danger to others and herself and Lonnie moves away

Erica (1975/1975) Sue and Charles try again despite their fears some bizarre act of god will strike down their child. Her baby is born but they both become sick. They claim a week later that her baby has died and it’s a miracle she survived. The two mourn for years

Holly (1980/1981) With their already clearly failing marriage, Karen and Ted try one more time for a baby. It’s perfect for a little, their baby healthy and alive. Until things begin to happen around her. Strange happenings that make Karen and even Ted scared. Unknown to Karen, Ted calls the local lab to have their child tested for anything. When they arrive, Karen allows it and Dr. Owens tells her she would be safer given care at the lab once a week. They take her every day for months but slowly Ted stops coming along and eventually Karen feels herself distancing herself from her child, too. Ashamed, she forces herself to be more present until her baby causes something terrible to happen on accident and she runs. Karen runs away from the child she birthed and loved and who had accidentally killed a man without blinking. She runs from the nuclear family she convinced herself she needed to be in

— The Massacre (1979) —

Peter - 33 (Dies)

Kali - 15 (Escapes)

Eddie - 14 (Bed Bound)

Steve - 13 (Injured)

Jonathan - 12 (Scraped)

Nancy - 12 (Scraped)

Billy - 12 (Dies)

Barb - 12 (Dies)

Robin - 11 (Scraped)

Lucas - 8 (Scraped)

Dustin - 8 (Injured)

Maxine - 8 (Injured)

Mike - 8 (Scraped)

Jane - 8 (Bed Bound)

Will - 8 (Scraped)

Erica - 4 (Survives)

Duke shows up at a time when Damian Wayne is beginning his journey of accepting the culture and people he’s now surrounded by. He’s not a pushover, but he also understands this guy hasn’t been dealt a pleasant hand. The two bond over Shadow’s respect for Signal’s work thus far and Duke’s respect towards Damian as any other person with lots going on. They build up and push each other to fulfill their potential.

Cass is not encountered intentionally. Damian never stopped maintaining his skills from the League so he stumbles upon her hiding in the same shadows. She’s incredibly skilled, but also a child. There’s so much she still doesn’t know and that limits what she’s capable of. Just like with Duke, Shadow sees potential and plans to help her flourish. He knows she may not want to be a vigilante, but asking her to stop doing things she’s known since birth? He won’t allow Bruce to take that away. Cassandra is given the choice to continue training and later on is given the choice of continuing life as only a civilian or joining them at night. She’s a daddy’s girl with spite flowing through her veins and so Batgirl is born.

Spoiler jumps into their lives with a bang. She wants and she gets. She becomes Cass’ first friend and another more grounded sibling for Duke to relate to. Shadow finds her endlessly annoying, but does try not to let loose all of the vitriol he thinks of. She grows on him like a tumor and he’ll never let her forget how it’s only due to psychology he likes her the slightest bit. On top of holding his tongue, he does let it loose sometimes. Damian doesn’t truly want to hurt Steph, so he occasionally allows her to hear when her actions are well done. They don’t spend much time together outside of some family gatherings and vigilantism.

Tim only joins the fray because he slipped up. He’s good, a prodigy, but also young. One mistake and suddenly Umbra has his own Shadow. He still works with Batman often, as all the others have, but Damian sees him for who he is and can be. Tim refuses to be looked down on. The eldest understands and does his best to honor that whilst keeping the boy safe. They easily become the closest because Shadow is constantly calling Batman out on his bullshit- out of uniform, too -which Umbra has seen little results in previously. For whatever reason, Tim and Bruce are on a very similar wavelength and just click. He responds to the kid in a way he never has with the others. Alfred jokingly calls him the favorite child and the others quickly include him in their prank wars as retribution.

Jason was simultaneously an unpleasant surprise and a delight. The kid is rough around the edges but also incredibly sweet. Bruce is enamored. Being older, the man takes breaks more frequently for his health and that means more time spent with his new son. It takes longer to adopt him than the others, but only due to his own feelings about it. Alfred is grateful for a brief reprieve in crime-fighting for his grandchildren, but it doesn’t take long before he becomes fascinated. Jason’s siblings help train him, but he doesn’t go out on the streets for a long time. School is important to him and he isn’t very fixated on keeping Gotham safe with violence. Most his focus is on efforts to restore Crime Alley with charities and events. Training is just family bonding.

—

Twilight - Celebi, Kirlia, Starmie, Swoobat, Victini, Xatu

Rarity - Chandelure, Doublade, Frillish, Mimikyu, Sableye, Yamask

Pinkie - Appletun, Cherubi, Milcery, Pumpkaboo, Sinistea, Swirlix

Rainbow Dash - Dragonite, Gyarados, Scyther, Toucannon, Zapdos, Zubat

AppleJack - Aipom, Chatot, Ditto, Glameow, Herdier, Tauros

Fluttershy - Cosmog, (Y)Unown, Tyrunt, Wynaut, Glaceon, (S)Ribombee

Rainbow Dash was searching for Charizard, especially one who'd like her, but found Dragonite instead! She learned that just like Tank, her pet turtle, some creatures aren't what you assume of them. The only thing she didn't need to change was how much she loves flying type pokemon.

Applejack was an often favored Pony Partner for pokemon but she didn't just want any ole partners. They had to be ready to work with and for her. She has chores and if there's a pokemon who can help then she expects them to; or, in the case of Glameow and Herdier, they owe her as she saved their lives.

Fluttershy has a lot of love to give but not everyone of the pokemon can travel with her all the time. She makes it clear every time she leaves home that they each get time with her when she returns. The fact her partner pokemon happen to have some super rare and powerful creatures was just a coincidence..... right?

Twilight never planned to be a trainer and oytright refused initially. Then though, she met Kirlia. When Twilight realized not only Pony friends but Pokemon friends would benefit her it was not like a switch was flipped. Finding pokemon who she understood and liked her was difficult. In the end, she less earned quick love but a respect and desire to learn more with her help.

Rarity loves all pokemon but some catch her eye far more easily than others. That's how she found from a young age that most pokemon are wondeful but some are fabulous. She first found all her pokemon by look and then expressed her desire to learn more about them.

Pinkie Pie's family isn't against pokemon, but they found often they got in the way of the work. That's why they have some family pokemon but not many personal partners. Pinkie is the first of them to have a team and to go on adventures. Her pokemon even lead her to her destiny!

The Mane 6 eventually become some of the successors to the “pokemon scientist” prior or maybe they just become them- idk -but I think their journies should both be of self discovery and saving the world but also bringing pokemon out of their feared reputation

—

Equestria Girls

—

The pokemon of their world are different to any types found in Equestria. While in the pony world there’s sections of certain regional pokemon, all creatures at Canterlot High and farther share only basic similarities.

“They allow Pokemon here!? How do they know you won’t cheat!”

“They’ll expell your pokemon from the grounds forever if you get caught. It deters most students. The next step is full expulsion so that stops the rest.”

—

“So, King Steve, how is it you became the trusted babysitter of the brats?”

“Ugh, don’t call me that. It’s like a goddamn deadname at this point.”

Clearly, Steve hadn’t been thinking when he said that, because he freezes and looks at Eddie with so much fear that suddenly everything makes a little more sense

—

Steve does almost out Robin at the same time but changes it quickly to saying “a friend” of his “is um… you know…” and then clearly tries to move on cuz he supposedly almost outed his friend (which later Eddie will realize doesn’t quite add up but in the moment he’s so surprised it makes more sense its a friend who’s trans or Steve is gay than Steve being the one who’s trans)

Trans!Steve knew about Eddie being gay for so long he forgot Eddie doesn’t know he knows or that Eddie might come to conclusions if he makes jokes of any queer kind in his presence. Robin is the only one who knows Steve is trans and it’s because she came out first so he felt it was much safer than anyone else he could have chose. Not to mention he has no need to tell other people.

Steve got out of the habit of mentioning his younger childhood with his supposed ‘tragic’ life before being adopted. It’s just well known by now that Steve does not want to talk about his life before Hawkins. Dustin is really the only person who’s ever given him trouble about it, but knows not to bring up his curiosity more than once a month. The kid is relentless, but also calculated. Too bad this is literally dangerous to Steve’s life, so he has it down pat by highschool. That doesn’t mean he can’t occasionally answer some questions about his supposed dead sister he never met. Steve uses his own childhood for that, obviously, but sometimes changes the way his parents reacted to things so they don’t sound bad. If he knew how hard it was for ‘her’ it might seem weird. After all, what bad parents admit to being bad to their ‘second’ child?

Of course his parents are dicks who only helped him transition young because Steve basically blackmailed them with the fact “the Harringtons having a queer child would be terrible for your reputation, wouldn’t it?”

“What will they think if I slowly start looking like a boy? You have to pull me from school. Hell, you have the money, why not make it some dramatic death so I have the time to look like a boy before you supposedly adopt a new son? The attention you’ll receive from condolences alone is worth it. Plus, if I’m some tragic orphan you saw during your now rare travels, you’ll be heroes. I’m still a good student, too. I make good grades, charm the people at school, and you have the perfect child you always wanted.”

As you can see, Steve thought this out very thoroughly. Roger and Martha were never as terrible as some parents could be, but they held high expectations for what a woman or man is meant to be. The moment they began to have a son instead of a daughter they changed his diet so he’d bulk up easier. They want a sporty boy ‘like all boys should be’ so Steve is put onto the Basketball team at Hawkins middle as soon as he joins. Even his bedroom is simply left there and he’s given a completely new “Boys” room to use.

The old one is so the parents can not only hold something above Steve’s head, but also for when they have guests. After all, why not sell it by pretending to be still mourning after the daughter you lost? They put just as much thought into it- that’s the only reason Steve knows he’s their child. Unbeknowst to his parents, the whole process of hiding his trans-ness meant he could avoid all the bullying in public. Even at home some of the bad habits his parents pulled got better.

“You can’t call me Elizabeth anymore. Everyone who knows she ‘died’ will get suspicious. Once it’s been long enough since the headlines went out people will think it’s weird you still get my name mixed up with ‘hers’.”

also

“I’m supposed to like girls now, remember? You can’t tell me I’m not supposed to be a queer when I’m already transgender so now I’m straight. Do you want me to make out with a guy now or something?”

So Steve still managed to have the same somehow simultaneously absent and policing parents as before. They still ordered specific foods be brought to the house each week by a maid, alongside said woman reporting back how much she had to clean while there. Steve is able to do a lot without his parents there, but has to put on the act of good child every Friday the maid is home. At least Delores likes him. One thing young Steve hadn’t thought about is how he has to learn what all his new parts are and what to do with them. His parents were far from going to help him, so he had to ask the maid if she’d go to the library for some anatomy books. He had to pay her, but she did it for him and he was eternally grateful. The books did very little to assist the practical learning. Most just said what parts function as what, not how to manage them because they have those functions. Eventually he learned though. Having a penis versus reading about one makes it much easier to understand what those books had said.

some plant and sea cookies are known for smelling which has led to a cookie-wide culture of covering one’s natural scent with one that matches the kingdom they reside in/represent

Danny* keeps up a balance of serious tone and humor that keeps a variety of people around. He reminds people at the beginning and end of every video that in an emergency most victims and non-medical will forget all of what he shows and that it’s okay. Medical personnel outside of the situation are the ones responsible for learning and remembering what he talks about.

*(does he use his actual name, his online username, or something else?)

What truly gets him attention, happens during a video a year into the channel’s first video. Just a few minutes in, a girl that looks like a slightly younger version of Danny comes running in excited and then panics. She clearly doesn’t know he’s just demonstrating which makes him have to stop and calm her. Most of the situation is cut out, but after Danny moves on a viewer notices the girl’s voice behind camera calling him “mom”

For Dani, also Ellie, it started as a joke. Soon enough after the reveal to Jazz though, she has the two sit down for a talk about their situation. She makes it clear, gently, how important it is for themselves and the rest of the family to have their feelings out in the open. In a(n at the time) rare moment of seriousness for them both, they actually talk. Danny has always wanted to be a mother, but was afraid of judgement for it as he’s transmasc. Ellie genuinely thinks of him as her mother and really wants to have a mom. She can’t help feeling like Vlad is her father, but she recognizes he’s a bad one. Danny’s been infinitely better so far even when he made mistakes. So, they stick with it. The only noticeable change is their level of affection.

Now, Danny has been blatant about being trans even in public, so it’s honestly unsurprising people start to question the mystery girl’s origins; after the rapid spreading of her address of him, specifically. Surprisingly, the only thing he addresses is that he, his family, and friends deserve privacy. No words to clarify anything beyond a boundary. The discussions of “MG” and Danny’s relationship don’t stop, though they become less prevalent on the platforms he’s active on.

DC crossover below

“And of my love do you know more?” Merida *give look of determination*

“Let the devil’s horn play. Your love is of no acquaintance to mine. Mother and daughter, be Mother and daughter. I can live without mine if so means I be with m’ future wife.” Merida *stands in front her fiancée protectively (for no reason tbh)*

“Oh, Merida. Might my love be still as a lake or raging as the sea when you first born. Now ye’ve grown to have yer own love and its as strong as those Fire Falls. I......cannot give my blessing. However, I will give you my love, for it is mine that sees no end when I am with my daughter’s happiness” Elenor *looks at her with strong emotions* *looks to the ground then raises head in decision* *has a small smile*

“Thank you mother.” Merida *hugs her mother with a sigh*

Stelle even got startled by Dan Heng being behind her once, even though he’d been standing there a long time. At some point she started purposefully dissociating to avoid answering any questions. Welt suggested it’s to do with the Stellaron and what happened before. He asks, one day, what exactly Stelle remembers before Dan Heng and March woke her up. She can’t help but answer,

“Nothing”

Because what does it mean that Kafka is who created her? She… feels like a mother… but how can Stelle even know what that means? She knows she was born from a Stelleron, but nobody else seems to realize… except maybe Herta. And- how could Kafka just choose between them like that? She chose Stelle instead of… Caelus. It’s unfair. Where is he? Is is not only unborn and unknowing, left soulless, but vulnerable? Is Kafka keeping him safe?

It’s obvious now, from the outside, that Stelle lies to them sometimes. She often tells the truth, sometimes brutally, but apparently finds lying just as simple- even with other trailblazers. There’s a day where nothing is going on and Stelle can’t get her head to shut up about Caelus. She wants to stop the pain, but doesn’t know how. Why is it so constant?

This was in the earlier days when the Dango trio weren’t as close yet. Stelle didn’t have anywhere to sleep yet and nowhere to hide away specifically from the other train residents. She woke up that morning from a nightmare. Stelle is scrambled and exhausted all day. Eventually, she sits on the floor in the far corner of the Resident car and just- tries to breathe. Focusing on breathing means avoiding thinking about other things and… she’s asleep.

Pom-Pom finds her and doesn’t know what to do except tell Himeko. When Stelle is woken up and asked what’s wrong, the pain comes flaring back. She bursts into tears and accepts the hug Himeko offers. Stelle is inconsolable for a while. It’s a disturbing day for everyone on the train to see someone so quiet, strong, and positive all the time loudly sobbing. Eventually Welt comes over as well in the hopes Himeko can get a break after so long.

The tears kept coming back each time Stelle tried to think of an explanation, finally, to give the others. Some time after Welt replaces Himeko, it’s quieter than it was and Stelle thinks she has a way to get some of the information across to him. She holds out two fingers pointing up beside each other. One of them she brings to her chest and spreads her fingers outward like a bloom. Then she looks at the finger left and tries not to cry again as she sees if Welt understood anything.

“Let me see if I’m understanding correctly. There were two, and one of them was you, but the other is still there. You’re upset because you’re supposed to be together.”

Stelle is actually so relieved and impressed he understood that her head nods strongly.

“I imagine you don’t mean a second Stellaron?”

She shakes her head to confirm, but then realizes how stupid English is that it could also mean yes. She quietly says,

“No, I don’t.”

Just in case it wasn’t clear. Welt looks at her intensely in the eyes for a moment then,

“Well, let’s go rescue them.”

And is suddenly up and around the corner. Stelle rushes, stumbling, to follow and lightly grabs his arm,

“No, wait! I don’t think he even has a soul yet!”

He stops immediately and turns. This was more so an attempt at getting her out of the corner, but now he’s far more intrigued.

“What do you mean, Stelle?”

She looks conflicted,

“I didn’t have one until… I only had just got my soul with the Stellaron before you found me. She didn’t take some random person. We were made for this.”

His eyebrows are raised high and now Stelle notices the doorways of her fellow youngest are occupied.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

Of course, Dan Heng would be the one to ask. He makes it sound so much worse than it could be. It’s not always rectified whether he does it intentionally or not.

“I… All of you were under the impression I was already on the space station… then March seemed like she knew I was an amnesiac, but said things that just… I adapt well, it’s what- it’s my job. I don’t want to dwell on what hurts so I try not to. I have you all now, so why should I focus on… but it’s hard.”

Her voice wavers a little.

“Saying things I feel inherently should be a secret… It feels like I was programmed to keep them secret. Nothing else about my life since waking up has felt like that, but this…”

Stelle’s voice gets harder again and gains volume,

“…all she says is some words hinting at it and I feel like I’m under some spell. It’s not fair! I don’t want this destiny chosen for me! I want to choose it myself! I will choose it myself, as many times as it’s asked of me. I made this choice; not her.”

By then, Stelle had yelled some and attracted Himeko to hear the end of her venting. In the end, there’s a lot of discussion. March 7th apologizes for how she made Stelle feel. Dan Heng says he understands the compulsions to keep certain secrets. Himeko is on board with all of it. She wants Stelle to be okay. Welt says he stands by what he said about saving him, but clarifies something the others hadn’t asked yet.

“You said ‘she’ created you and that ‘he’ has no soul yet. Are you saying Kafka or Silver Wolf is who not only put the Stelleron inside of you, but your soul as well? That there is another person there, possibly prepared to be used in the same manner as you were released into the world for? I still doubt Elio’s abilities, but… there must be some reason they trust in to have le- let you go with us.”

Stelle is quiet. Kafka being… possibly her mother was the biggest secret. Caelus was- is -too important to hide, but she wasn’t meant to reveal who created her.

“Silver Wolf was there, too. When I first woke up. Kafka was who… she’s who gave me my soul. Who put it in my body, at least.”

She isn’t sure who Elio is, and is scared by what Welt says could happen to Caelus, but is sure she can guarantee one thing.

“I don’t know why I was… I don’t know why she abandoned me. I don’t know why she chose me over him. All I do know, is that they don’t have control over me. Her influence to keep herself a secret… I don’t know if she even realizes the affect she had on me.”

Himeko and March’s faces show doubt, but she continues on.

“She gave me advice before leaving. She said that even after all the hardship I’ll endure during this journey, it will all be okay in the end. Why would she say that, if she knows I believe in trailblazing? She put me here; let me learn that I want to help people.”

Welt nods and Dan Heng looks contemplative.

“I don’t know about anything before the end, but I do believe we can make everything okay again; even if it’s a long time from now.”

After a moment, Stelle suddenly looks exhausted again.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to say all that. I… I guess I needed a distraction.”

Himeko moves and holds her under her arm. It’s a little awkward since she’s shorter than Stelle, but neither mind.

“I don’t even know how I know he’s out there at all, still. I just do.”

Welt adds a hand to her arm as another form of comfort, since Himeko has most of her covered.

“Well, maybe we can interest Herta in helping us. I’m sure if she finds you so fascinating, having another subject with a similar situation would be just as interesting. Let’s go over all you know about him and then we can present it to her. If I’m right, then we’ll have a lot of resources at our disposal to find him.”

They all enter the Parlor car and take seats on the same side. Himeko returns to the table with her coffee, so they all sit nearby. Welt pulls out a small notebook and pen from his suit.

“Here. Write down all you know about him and we can use that to start off with. Then, if you’re up to it, we can add what you remember of your time with Kafka.”

Stelle writes down his name first. Then what his hair and eyes look like. She mentions he has clothes that look like hers, but that he has pants. He’s taller than her, even though they’re twins, which she finds unfair. He’s just… floating there. There’s a void somewhere, where he’s at. He has no awareness, and yet if he’s given a soul, he’ll wake up knowing he has a sister.

We don’t start out with souls that are filled normally. With a baby, a soul is empty and is built as they grow. She was given a soul and had some things already programmed into her body to make up for the age difference. They needed her to be an adult, so they made one and put in what they thought would be necessary to survive and pass as human.

Stelle knows what a starfish is, in theory, but has no idea more than what most people might know. It isn’t that she’s forgotten; she wasn’t given any more than the most basic knowledge. She’s sure now, that Silver Wolf being there isn’t just because they’re Stellaron hunters. Stelle is one of the vessels created by them specifically to hold one. She was programmed and then somehow materialized as a fully functioning actual human.

What started as a list became a journal entry on accident. Stelle zones back out to realize how much she wrote and is mildly horrified. She’s now fully aware of how much attention she has on her and that this all couldn’t have been easy on them, either.

“I’m sorry.”

What else could she say?

“It’s alright, Stelle. This is all so much. It’s not surprising you’re letting it out now that the floodgates are opened.”

March appears close suddenly,

“I brought you some stuff to draw with! In case you have an artist hidden in there.”

March has a soft smile for her. Stelle looks over to see Dan Heng. His expression is almost as blank as usual, but she gets the feeling he cares somehow. Not that he didn’t before, of course. It’s just not always easy to tell how Dan Heng is feeling. She takes the supplies from March 7th and begins to do her best at drawing what she can see of Caelus. He’s floating, like she was. His eyes are closed. He’s breathing. When she finished drawing what she could of him, the others look at it.

“Such an interesting way of portraying him.”

Stelle looks at Himeko and they think she’s confused despite her lack of change in facial expression.

“That’s just where Caelus is right now.”

Dan Heng looks more serious suddenly.

“You still have a connection with him, even now?”

Stelle nods and holds her hand to her chest.

“We share a heartbeat. Every breath is ours. Though I haven’t noticed any ill effects towards him when I’m hurt.”

—