#tw miscarriage

Don't read ahead if you're having a good day this is about Yihvn's infertility, and there's mention of loss.

During my wife's pregnancy, we faced extremely difficult conditions. Because of the continuous conflict, access to proper healthcare and nutrition became very limited. She suffered from severe malnutrition, and her condition became critical. She was admitted to the intensive care unit (ICU), where doctors did everything they could to save her.

Sadly, we lost our baby at 34 weeks of pregnancy. It was one of the most painful moments of our lives. Losing our child while living through war brought unimaginable grief and sadness.

Despite everything we have endured, we continue to hope for peace, safety, and a better future. This experience has taught us the value of life, family, and the importance of access to healthcare during times of crisis.

https://gofund.me/96b635b83

Please support Mahmoud and his wife, if you can.

I understand not everyone (including myself) has the resources to directly support relief aid, if you still want a way to support Palestine, I recommend arab.org. You can visit the site every day, I personally have a reminder set on my phone, and the ad and engagement revenue goes directly to charities supporting Palestine, and other causes.

It's the way of the world, in this land of dirt and sweat that one day, the woman would want to add something to it. Dirt and sweat goes into the product and dirt and sweat comes out. A baby.

The humour that her middling man possessed was not enough to create the child. A secondary ingredient in her dishes, like lemon juice or a garnish of mint. So she stocked her pantry with everything the doctor said and hoped for the best. Mr Doctor was kind, the kind of kind where he would dole out spoonfuls of hope like an antibiotic. With this new and improved recipe, a baby is sure to come!

The woman supplemented this, of course. Only a fool would choose one path in this land of both dirt and sweat. On Sundays, she would attend talks by men who knew things like what happen after you die and how to make sure you're doing it right. During the week, she would read books written by men who knew things like what to do to drive him crazy and who the most desirable person was in this exact moment. As for her man (the middling one), he didn't need to know these things. He was a man. He already knew what was needed to drive him crazy. He already knew how to do things right.

But things take time, unfortunately. A chef once said to treat time as an ingredient and I'm sure he is right! All the woman needed was to keep going. Keep laughing at her man's jokes, keep making food and reading and attending and feeding herself hope spoon by spoon. In the meantime, the world of dirt and sweat changed. Still made of dirt and sweat but the composition of those elements were different. The dirt was somewhat dirtier and the sweat had an artificial tang to it. But no worries! The baby will come soon and she will be made of dirt and sweat nonetheless.

And come she did, announcing herself through morning sickness and a balloon-like belly. (Her man gave her the description for her belly, what a joker!) The preparations began, room painted baby pink, clothes bought, adorned with "daddy's little girl" and the woman was happy. Everything had worked! The laughing at jokes, the food making, the reading, the attending, the spoon-fed hope. What more could she want in this dirt-and-sweat world?

The day came for her to give birth and she had packed her bag herself, because she liked it better that way. Mr Doctor smiled down at her with his spoon-fed hope and clean hands. Her man, with dirty and sweaty hands, was not allowed inside.

The screaming began the way everything does. It lasted as long as usual and the pain was exactly as it was meant to be and she was glad that she took her man's advice to not get that C-section. Everything was going perfectly. And then, the time came to push. And push she did. What a miracle, eh? Women must have so much strength! And so many do it more than once in their lifetime! Wow!

And finally the baby was out, out into the land of dirt and sweat but different to the other dirt and sweat, not that one, the new one. The baby was new too. Shiny. Firm to the touch. Awfully quiet, though. The woman outstretched her arms to take her child, her man in the room once again, one happy family. And so no one told her that her child was not made of skin. No one told her that her entire body had been through hell for a thing who had never and would never take a breath. She held it tight, the grey-green surface slick with blood that had been inside her not minutes before.

Her child, plastic and unmoving, born into this far-off land, was finally here. Made with dirt and sweat but never to attain these attributes for itself.

The new mother stared at the thing in her hands, unblinking. The man watched her stare. And I'm sure eventually they lived happily ever after, that the composition of the world finally shifted to one that would include their brand of dirt and sweat.

Think about it. Carter is stated to be in his mid-to-late 30s (so presumably 35-39), and considering how few people believe Shelby, I’m going to assume that his wife isn’t that much younger than him, if she’s younger at all. By that age it’s considered a geriatric pregnancy. This is their first child, as we can tell by Shelby’s line where she states “you’re gonna be such great parents.” At the risk of stereotyping, most Southern Baptist Christian couples living in the rural Appalachian South are not waiting until their mid-to-late 30s to have kids. Especially if they’re seen as such a role model couple that they’re doing wonderful joint testimonies together. And that’s without Beth calling the pregnancy “the best news ever,” and excitedly announcing it to Shelby five minutes after her return. That, to me, implies that people in the community are invested in Carter and his wife having kids, and I don’t think it’s just because they like them. Take all of that into consideration, and I think there’s a clear implication that the Smiths have been having fertility issues and that it is known across the community, if never outright discussed.

And there’s so much to dissect there. It makes everything so much worse and more heartbreaking for Mrs. Smith, first of all, if all of this is happening when she was finally able to get pregnant. If the baby is due in July, then it was probably conceived in October when he was abusing Shelby, making her about five months along. Maybe she’s had miscarriages before and this is the longest a pregnancy has ever lasted, again making everything worse. Maybe this contributes to people not believing Shelby, the idea that she’s tearing a beautiful relationship apart right when they’ve finally gotten what they desperately wished and worked and prayed for. Maybe that’s part of the implication when Carter tells Beth that his wife doesn’t believe him. Fertility issues can strain the healthiest and happiest of marriages - it’s certainly a convenient excuse to tell vulnerable naïve teenage girls why you’ve fallen out of love with your wife and fallen for them instead. Maybe that story’s even true to a certain extent. Maybe the fertility issues are on Carter’s end, so he’s less concerned about one of his victims getting pregnant.