writingatdusk

I grew up watching Stargate Sg-1, and it’s still my favorite show of all time. It was on from when I was in middle school and until I was in college and it helped through some of the hardest years of my life. It taught me so much about writing and stories and the world around me. In the first season alone it addressed racism, sexism, slavery, women’s rights, classism, religion, and government over reach- so you can see why Amazon cancelled the new one. I’m sure the billionaire class doesn’t want any of us thinking compassionately and critically again.

The air outside is cold, just like any other January, but it’s heavy and sad and suffocating. Even if you haven’t seen any ICE agents, you know someone who has, and you keep tabs on your friends and family to make sure everyone is okay.

You know that the sound of whistles and car horns mean ICE is nearby, and you prepare yourself for the worst.

You learn your amendment rights: 1st amendment is your right to protest, to use your voice, and record the terror; 2nd is your right to lawfully have a gun; and the 4th says that it no one can unreasonably search you, take you, or seize your belongings, and they cannot burst into your home with a warrant signed by a judge.

You have also learned that those rights are being ignored. And that it doesn’t matter what you look like, or what you do- you could be next.

If you live here and find yourself more easily triggered into flashbacks and everything that goes with carrying trauma, know that you are not alone in that. I spent my weekend paralyzed with non-stop flashbacks, sometimes unable to move. And they were so strong that all I could do was wait it out. They finally stopped last night. Be kind and gentle to yourself, and help others where you can. Even if it’s just a text message to check on your loved ones.

If you don’t live here, know that all this is really happening in the state of Minnesota. It’s real. And it truly is horrifying.

And why do I still feel this way? I’m so incredibly angry and yet, well, I think the Doctor said it best:

The 15th Doctor never fails to pull at my heartstrings. And episode 2 of season 2 had a scene that made me sob.

Why? To say that it is timely, would be putting it too lightly.

So instead I’ll just write the dialogue here.

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, Mr. Rogers told us to look for the helpers and it turns out that they can also be fictional.

The Doctor’s words here brought me comfort. I hope they can do the same for you.

For context, he brought a man named Conrad into his TARDIS, and Conrad… well, there’s a lot of people like him out there in the world. And that’s the problem.

The Doctor and Conrad dialogue:

Doctor: …You have to be invited into my TARDIS, Conrad. To be special. But you, you’re special for all the wrong reasons. You see, I’m fighting a battle on behalf of everyday people who just wanna get through their day, and feel safe, and warm, and fed. And then along comes this noise. All day long, this relentless noise. Cowards like you, weaponize lies, taking people’s insecurity and fear, and making it currency. You are exhausting. You stamp on the truth, choke our bandwidth, and shred our patience because the only strategy you have is to wear us down. But the thing is, Conrad, I have energy to burn and all the time in the universe.

Conrad: (laughs) What is this? An intervention? Are you here to save my soul?

Doctor: You betrayed my friend.

Conrad: You’ve had plenty of friends. Have you met Belinda Chandra yet?

Doctor: Who?… You want spoilers? I’ll tell you your future. You die in a prison cell, boiling in anger and poison until your heart packs in at age 49. Alone and unloved. Forgotten. The world carries on. The world gets better. You aren’t even a footnote. Just ashes on the wind.

Conrad: I don’t accept your reality, Doctor. I reject it. So put me back in my prison and get off my world.

I just finished the final season of You and my god I am thrilled to have some fictional justice after this hell of a year! After everything, all the news day after day, all the outright corruption seemingly everywhere, and after episode 2 of this season of The Last of Us that I’m still angry about (it brought up old childhood feelings. I had a very enlightening therapy session this week bc of it), at least Joe Goldberg got what he deserved! He’s not real, but I’m counting this as a win!

Also, as a complete side note, please don’t fall in love with convicted murders in prison and write to them. Just don’t. Eww.

Let Joe be the example becuase there are people like him out there. And hopefully, real life justice will happen for them.

My sibling has played the video games, so I got a heads up on what could be in the show, but I still wasn’t prepared for that!

It does mean that the show is good if it makes you feel so strongly, but like damn. I’m already devastated irl, I didn’t need to be devastated fictionally.

I’ll just use it as fuel for the writing fire.