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Inspired by this great prompt and goes the other way.
Of which Danny goes to Reddit as Phantom.
Now, I dunno much about Reddit due to my country's default system is to ban the site (except if you use VPN or Apple products apparently?), but anyways.
One reckon that r/evilmonologue exists.
Danny-as-Phantom is certainly asking that if he's a bad villain (Am I a Bad Villain aka AIBV) since his "Heroes" (Red Huntress, Fenton couple, and GIW) doesn't allow him to do Evil Monologues at all, when even the weakest "Villain" would even has his "Beware Box" gimmick (tho he certainly wouldn't do anything so cringe).
Ofc it comes from: Yes, GhostNebula is a bad villain to: this kid is handed out such a bad life that he really mistakes "heroes" and "villains" of all things. You sure that the guys in white and ghost hunters are good guys?? to: Flash, get your villain. I think he'll be safer with you since he also got no body count, so surely he was a Flash rogue?
And ofc the heroes of JL (or others) will investigate for some reason or another.
R/evilmonologues
u/GhostNebula
Am I a bad villain because I don't make any Evil Monologues?
Okay, to start off, I (14m) am considered my city's "Main" villain (We have a lot of them, so we are all ranked by severity, I am ranked 1st), but I don't know if it's bad that I have never monologued. Even our lowest ranked villains have a gimmick they monologue about (As an example, we have a guy who rly likes boxes), but I don't have a gimmick or a monologue topic:(
Before you all get on me, I want to at least explain myself.
I have never attempted to monologue, but I am almost certain the local heroes wouldn't let me. There's a hero roughly my age (We'll call her Rh) who would probably maybe let me evil monologue to her, depending on how we are atm, but the others would most definitely NOT let me.
Rh and I normally have a kinda okayish relationship, since I usually deal with the other villains she doesn't deal with. If she doesn't bother me I usually won't bother her, we work together sometimes too, so she probably wouldn't care if I monologue at her. The issue is the others.
Other than Rh, the city has 2 scientists (late 40s F and late 40s M) who basically supply the city with weapons, and a government agency (Idk their name, but we call them The Guys in White) who are a NIGHTMARE TO DEAL WITH.
I am confident the scientists wouldn't give me enough time to evil monologue at them before trying to shoot me, and I wouldn't even bother thinking about doing it to the Guys in White, I'd be deader than dead.
All this is to say, I'm not in a good position to evil monologue at the moment, and I want to know: Does this make me a bad villain?
u/villainoftheyear
I mean its not your fault your heros are not playing the game right.
u/herovsvillian
How are your heroes even called heroes if they don't do step one in fighting etiquette?
u/whatinsupermansbutt
Right? So inconsiderate. Even Martian Manhunter lets people monologue, and he can read minds!
u/totallynotredrobin
Ngl OP, I want more info on that government agency.
u/GhostNebula OP
All i know is that they wear white suits, have bad aim, and are like comicbook style goons. All their banter is like, you are going down scum and we wont let your kind invade earth.
u/tottallynotredrobin
That sounds more like Lex Luthor wannabes than government agents. Are you sure they are government?
u/GhostNebula OP
The scientist couple says so. They called them in when they opened a portal that let everyone come here.
u/riddlemetofoff
Wait. Hold up. The scientists made a portal, so they could fight whatever was on the other side?
u/lexluthorsgoonsquad
Nevermind if you are a villain, that is definitely mad scientist villain stuff.
u/tottallynotredrobin
Hey GhostNebula, please look at your DM's.
Imagine the moment someone ask why he's a villain?
u/riddlemetofoff
These scientists sound like villains. Which begs the question, why are YOU a villain? Not trying to say anything, it just doesn't seem like you're villain material.
u/GhostNebula OP
No worries. Before creating and opening the portal, the two scientists "studied" us, and concluded our entire dimension was full of non-sentient, evil beings.
u/villainoftheyear
I'm sorry? What? How can they do that? Why would they say that people from a completely different dimension, who they haven't even seen first hand yet, aren't sentient?
u/GhostNebula OP
Yeah. We're not even considered animals to them, as they don't believe we live in a way different from humans. Our bodies are energy and emotion based. We only have one organ that acts like multiple of a human's. The scientists, along with the government agents, have gotten the entire species on an exterminations list. Capture, experiment, destroy.
u/GhostNebula OP
Well, I can't say that for myself. I'm actually half human. They don't know I'm only half, though.
u/riddlemetofoff
That didn't answer my question at all. So if they did all that... why are YOU the villain here???
u/GhostNebula OP
Um. Because legally speaking I don't have rights, and the government is actively hunting me? And sometimes I raid their base when they catch another person like me? Raiding government bases seems pretty villainous. And I break a lot of their stuff to make their jobs harder, and sometimes I get my friend to hack in and destroy a bunch of data.
u/riddlemetofoff
Okay, I think I actually get the misunderstanding here. Fellas, is it villainous to actively fight it when the government puts an eradication order on your species?
u/bobthegoon
I'm too stupid to understand what this says, can someone explain it to me?
u/GhostNebula OP
I'm being doxxed
u/riddlemetofoff
Shush, we're trying to figure this out
u/GhostNebula OP
yeah that's the doxxing part
u/totallynotredrobin
Okay so- Anti-Ecto Act, passed earlier this year by executive order
I'm envisioning this whole thread happening over the course of like 2 hours max while Danny is trying to treat injuries and maybe do a tiny bit of homework between late night/early morning ghost fights. He's tired, stressed, in pain, and suffering blood loss; hence why he's been so loose lipped.
Eventually he's gonna pass out for a few hours of restless sleep and when he wakes up for school, Flash is gonna be in his house. Just because figuring out who those 'scientists' are and starting the investigation with them is easy enough. Not because he knows who Danny is. Of course, Mr. "It's-A-Lie-I'm-Not-A-Ghost!" might jump to a conclusion or two and react accordingly.
Which is to say, the next time u/GhostNebula posts in the thread is to cuss everyone else out for ratting on him while he tries to ride out a panic attack in some tiny little hidey hole.
It's almost a Mexican standoff when Danny came down the stairs. He's gotten up in the middle of the night for some ectopusses and had apparently slept through a member of the Justice League showing up. Both Flash and his parent opened their mouths to explain, but Danny beat them too it. "Cryostasis, you damn doxxer!" This took all the adults by surprise, but true to form, Flash recovered first. "Nebula, I presume." "As if you didn't know." Danny huffed.
"I actually didn't until you brought up Cryostasis." Danny froze and then facepalmed. Of-fucking-course.
Flash smile reassuringly, but inside he was panicking. He needed to get GhostNebula out of this house NOW.
âYou know, for a monarchy, the King doesnât seem to play much of a role in your affairs.â
âWell, Itâs embarrassing to admit, but weâve rather lost track of them.â
âLost track of them?â
âQuite so. We know we have a monarch, but we donât know who they are or where they reside.â
â⌠okay, youâre going to have to run that by me again.â
âTo be blunt, the last King had something of a roving eye. While weâre reasonably certain one of his numerous illegitimate offspring has inherited the divine mantle, weâre not sure which one â if, indeed, itâs even one we know about.â
âCanât you just, you know, pick one?â
âHeavens, no. Our monarch rules by divine right. The land is bound to them. Its prosperity and weather reflect their health and moods. The sacred bond is clearly responding to something, so we can rest assured that a living monarch exists, but none of the candidates weâve tested have panned out.â
âSo, the rain of opera-singing fish last TuesdayâŚ?â
âWherever our current King or Queen is, theyâre evidently having a fantastic time.â
Love this.
If the monarch prospers, the kingdom prospers.
It is one of their most basic tenants. If the monarch is safe and happy and well, then so are they all. If the monarch is notâŚ
If the monarch prospers, the kingdom prospers.
They donât know who the current monarch is. They know there is one, but they could be anywhere, anyone.
If the monarch prospers, the kingdom prospers.
They could try searching for them, tracking down all the old Kingâs many offspring and testing them for the Divine Right. And they have tried.
If the monarch prospers, the kingdom prospers.
Or⌠they could take a wider approach. If anyone could be the monarch, what if they assume everyone might be? Because, if everyone is safe and happy and wellâŚ
If the monarch prospers, the kingdom prospers. But if the kingdom prospers, does it matter who the monarch is?
Trained from birth as an assassin, your mind was bound by a powerful control spell. Sent to kill an archmage, they cast Dispel to weaken youâaccidentally freeing your mind instead. For the first time, your dagger points wherever you choose.
"DISPEL!"
The Archmage panted. The battle had raged on for hours, their tower having acquired major damage due to their spells and the surrounding area having been slowly turning into a desolate warscape.
How come an assassin has so much energy, so much fight still left in them? The exhaustion that should've overcome them from evading so many area damage and tracking spells never seemed to get to the hired slayer. One after another, the spells cast never seem to have an effect.
Maybe... That's when the Archmage started to wonder. It is not possible for a mortal to have survived for so long, not without something powering them. There are many energies that could have such effect, but one last this long without being depleted. Maybe, it's not just an energy, but a circuit of it, an enchantment.
They should've tried Dispel long before the battle caused that much destruction, but no one is immune to pride.
Especially pride in being one of the most powerful magic-users in the whole kingdom.
The Archmage focused. If they were right, in order to use Dispel they would have to layer and overpower it, whilst letting the assassin get close, lethaly close. It's a risk, an enormous one and they had to make sure the outcome wasn't their death.
The mage carefully cast his next spells, defensive and impairing, helping the assassin ever so slowly to get closer.
Just when they were 10 meters away, the Archmage started preparing Dispel.
The assassin immediately noticed what appeared to be their targets lapse in attention and r a n
9 meters. The Archmage started the Dispel circuit
8 meters. They watched the assassin with eyes of a hawk.
7 meters. The first layer of the spell formed. A white shroud appeared in the mages hands.
6 meters. The assasin noticed the forming spell, but having used all their throw weapons, couldn't do anything about it
5 meters. The second layer formed, encasing the shroud in the magic-users hands.
4 meters. The Archmage started to sweat, only one chance.
3 meters. The assasin took out their dagger, aiming for the heart.
2 meters. The final layer of the spell finally formed.
1 meter. The Archmage cast Dispel.
...
The battlefield was silent.
No footsteps, lighting strikes or shouts could be heard.
The Archmage, having closed their eyes after completing the circuit, opened them and saw...
A young adult, if not a child, laying in the dust and dirt.
Their face unobscured, the spell having burnt away the mask that kept the assasins identity hidden.
The uniform torn everywhere due to the spells endured and underneath...
On their- her body a multitude of gashes, rips, punctures and rot. The left arm is missing a hand, on the right leg a wound so deep you could see the marrow of her femur.
And the face.
Half of it torn to shreds, no eye seen underneath the blood. The other one, open and showing awareness, is tracking every movement of the Archmage. Her lips are open, as if preparing to say something.
The magic user started at the young woman, conflicted, if he should end her or keep her alive to extract information. With their focus fully on the woman, they heard a faint whisper
"Thank you"
Well, it seems they'll have to prepare a guest room for their would-be killer.
The mage, with the last whisps of their energy, cast a stasis spell on the assasin and carried her towards the ruins of their tower. Whilst the tower itself may be destroyed, the basement should still be intact.
"The future sure is going to be interesting"
-----
Fuck, everything hurts.
Where am I?
The woman tried opening her eyes, only managing to do so slightly.
This isn't the doctor's workroom.
This isn't Othylium at all.
The woman forced herself to fully look the the chambers she's inside of, futilely. Her arms were bound to the bed.
Same with her legs.
And torso.
She decided to focus on her surroundings. The space she occupies seems to be underground, based on the slight dirt marks on the ceiling stones and lack of windows. The shelves around her were full of potions, most of which she could identify as recovery potions. The doors to the room were in front of her bed, wooden without a window. Her bed itself is in the middle of the room, with two tables on the sides of it. The room itself was quite bright due to blueflame lanterns and clean.
Nothing out of ordinary.
Again, she focused on her bindings. They made of leather, with runes carved into them.
Guess she wasnt getting out.
At least it's over.
Everything is better than being even a second longer under those gods damned enchantments.
I could sleep... There's nothing else to do in here...
"Hello."
The womans eyes instantly landed on the figure next to her bed.
The figure, Archmage, had deep red, graying hair that was held in a loose bun. Their clothes were flowing, deep blue robe with a white undershirt and black pants.
The woman looked at the mages blank face, into the magic users seemingly dull eyes.
"Thank you for releasing me of those control spells." She said sincerely. It was expected, she wanted the mage to know how grateful she is for giving her freedom, for however long that may be... " I do not care what you decide to do with me, I just wish for you to know my gratitude and my regret of having been forced to hunt you."
The Archmage smiled.
Their face lost the blank façade, leaving a warm expression.
"No need to thank me and although your apologies are welcome, they are not needed. You were forced, a puppet for the real perpetrators." They stated, releasing your bindings in the meantime, and hesitated...
" If I may know, how long were you kept under those enchantments?" They inquired with worry clear on their face.
Indeed, how long was it since you experienced free will?
How long ago were you taken, to be raised a weapon for Othylium?
...too long.
"I dont know."
The Archmage made a concerned face.
"Then If I may, could I perform some exams on you? To see if there were any side effects?"
"I don't think I have a choice, you captured me, didn't you? You can do anything you want with me." I pointed out, averting my eyes.
The mage looked shocked.
"Gods no! I would never, you are a victim of manipulation and control magicks. You may do anything you want here as long as you won't harm anyone, destroy anything and steal." They explained
"Then go ahead, I wish to know of any damage. And dot worry about me being a bad guest, at this point, the only people I'll kill are the ones who imprisoned me." I said darkly.
The mage looked at me with mirith in their eyes.
" Well, if that's your goal, you'll need to stay here a little to recover. I'll gladly help you with your task, I don't let my enemies off easily."
I smiled.
This is going to be interesting.
Synopsis: When the boy comes to his statue, Barbatos speaks to him. Hearing of the destruction of his world foretold in the stars, the archon takes fate into his own hands, and awakens the new gods. AU.
__
It is evening when the boy approaches his statue. Barbatos listens with half an ear, smiling as he dazzles the tavern with his music.
The boy prays for family, shares Barbatosâ ability like a child shares a blanket with a mother, and murmurs to his guide, I need to leave soon.
Barbatos, still strumming his lyre and singing to the crowd, sends his voice with the wind. Why?
And the boy, the alien, says nothing, but Barbatos, weak as he is, is not entirely powerless. He can hear the silent prayer, though it was not intentionally sentâthe boy fears the destruction of Teyvat.
Well now. Barbatos knows this placeâs historyâhas lived through it, the mass destruction.
He is too old for a repeat.
Barbatos nudges the wind to guide the traveler to Mondstadt, his city of freedom, and makes eye contact with the red haired boy serving drinks behind the bar.
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I want the Traveler being so in-your-face looking for their sibling that they get a rep for it
âSo, mom, this is the Travelerâhave you seen anyone that looks like them?â
âOh, blond hair, thatâs the Traveler! Hello, Traveler, I have not seen anyone that looks like you but I will keep an eye out.â âHow did youâwell, okay, thank you.â
âThatâs the Traveler, theyâre looking for someone who looks like them.â âDo we know who?â âSome say itâs a sister or a brother, others say a clone, some say itâs a coincidenceââ
People casually asking how the Travelerâs progress is on finding their person as a conversation starter
Sometimes a friend will try asking around âhave you seen any blond person running around?â and the otherâll go âoh, you must be talking about the Traveler! I havenât seen the person who looks like them yet thoughâ
They COULD ask the Traveler who theyâre looking for but whereâs the fun in that? Betting pools are set up. Outlandish conspiracies are cooked up. Everyoneâs got some money on it, even as a joke
âIs that a wanted poster?â âWhat? Oh, no, thatâs just for the Traveler who comes by occasionallyâtheyâre looking for someone and they kinda saved the city so, yâknow.â
Itâs to the point where as soon as someone mentions any travelers theyâre like âis it the blond one whoâs looking for someone? I met them but they were like, skulking around a ghost city so I didnât really bother them muchâ
Just. The Traveler gets reputation points, sure, and theyâre not negative, itâs just kinda strange
Touch-starved Razor except he gets all the hugs and love because babie boy deserves the world
Traveler fist-bumps Razor after a battle as like a âgood job!â thing and Razor just tears up
Razor keeps holding up his fist to fist-bump Traveler at random times and Travelerâs like uhh this is weird but youâre babie so itâs okay and obliges every time
Eventually Traveler realizes whatâs going on and starts like patting Razor on the back or ruffling his hair and stuff, slowly building to a full on hug
Razor, knowing heâll get pat on the head if he does a good job, going out to hunt boar or collect plants just for the head pats
Lisa running her fingers through Razorâs hair while she reads
Amber and Traveler casually holding Razorâs hand while they walk around together
 Razor pretending to fall asleep so he can put his head on someoneâs shoulder
If you hug Razor for more than 10 seconds he will 1) burst into tears and 2) trust you with his life
When the purple wolf does the head pat and then vanishes, everyone tries their best to hug Razor or pat him on the head so he doesnât feel too sad or lonely
Razor: I donât belong anywhere. Traveler, throwing Razor over his shoulder: That means i can adopt you now
Jean carrying Razor on her back when heâs sleepy
Venti doesnât like touch himself but when he sees Razor being sad he picks him up with a wind current and deposits him in the lap of the closest friend
Kaeya allowing Razor to play with his ridiculous, over-the-top chuuni outfitâRazor rubbing the fur that goes over Kaeyaâs outfit a lot because it reminds him of the wolves
Razor just sitting next to someone or putting his head on someoneâs lap and they immediately just start running their fingers through his hair
So. Two travelers AU.
 The godness strips them of their powers - but they both fall down to Teyvat, more human than they have felt in years.
The thing is, they know that if one of them was gone, the other would miss them dearly - enough to listen their voice in the wind and see their face in the night sky. Enough for it to ache, like the constant reminder of whatâs lost, like a ghost limb.
But they are together. So, as most siblings do, they bother the shit out of each other.Â
You know why their stamina is so low at first? Because they are used to flying ALL THE TIME. Lumine complains about how her legs itch now, and about how tiring it is to run for more than a few seconds, and about how slow she feels. And Aether pokes her with a stick. So she throws an apple to his ugly face. (âLumine, we have the same face.â âShut. Up.â)
Anyway, they both get Paimon out the lake. More specifically, Lumine fish her out, and Aether asks if itâs some kind of edible creature.
Lumine, very serious: I think it might be.Â
(She ends up being a very good guide though, which is far more useful.)
Lumine learned how to braid when she was ten, and she practiced only with Aetherâs hair, because she always preferred hers short. He never had the heart to cut it after that, because she seemed delighted.
When she gets angry or upset, she sits him down and undoes his hair, just to work on it and repeat the process until she has calmed down.
Tartaglia does some Stupid Shit and Aether appears the next day with the most intrincate hair style ever seen in Teyvat.
Aether, probably: âHey do you think Whopperflowers have feelings?â
âWhat.â
âI mean, theyâre plants, but also-â
âAether itâs 2 a.m in the morning, I swear to tHE SEVEN-â
Aether is terrible at cooking. And by that I mean 1-star-barely-edible food kind of terrible. He still doesnât let Lumine near the pot, because sheâs even worse.
Something always catch fire or explodes if Lumine is in a ten-foot ratio from the campfire.
Aether, covered in green goo: I wasnât even cooking a slime, Lumine, how the hell-
They are used to travelling without making very strong connections, because they know theyâll leave to another world soon enough, so for most of their lives they only have each other.
But they are powerless now, stuck in Teyvat for who knows how long, and everyone keeps being so NICE, itâs almos infurating.Â
Amber: Oh, if you donât have a place to stay, you can come with me! My grandma makes the best cake in the world and-
Aether and Lumine, inmediately: oh no Iâd die for her.Â
Itâs even worse when it comes to Venti. Venti, who smiles and jokes and tries to make sure that everyone has the freedom that every living being deserve, but then has a strange kind of loneliness to his eyes.Â
The twins love him so much. Too much. And they might have lost all power, but Lumine and Aether have been warriors for as long as they can remember - and they remember the weight of a sword, the strain of tired muscles after a battle.
They might not be gods - but theyâll fight for Venti. Of that, at least, one can be sure.
Listen I absolutely adore ancient!Travelers but hear me out⌠young, early twenties Traveler
If we think about travelling worlds in the context of like how college-age students travel, itâs not that weird to think about how many worlds the Travelers have been to
This is like, a really young person who suddenly got dropped into an unknown world, all alone, without the only other person in this world
Jean is very respectful but sometimes she slips up and is like âdid you sleep well? Are you eating enough?â and the answer always is either deflected or Very Worrisome
Traveler: Iâm an adult Amber: Youâre my age
Traveler flirts with Kaeya and Kaeyaâs like âletâs first make sure youâre not a babieâ before realizing theyâre both in their twenties
Traveler orders a drink from the bar and Diluc is just. Squinting really hard.
âIs it that hard to believe Iâm in my twenties?â [very hesitantly] ââŚnâŚ.ooooo?â
Traveler, meeting Razor: Thatâs a BABIE Jean: YOUâRE a babie
Venti: Ten, twenty, one hundred, youâre all babies to me Traveler: Something isnât right here but Iâll take it
Traveler: [climbs walls instead of taking the stairs] Huffman: Well, yâknow what itâs like when youâre at that age
Traveler: [grabbing random plants from the side of the road and the woods] Kaeya: Well, thatâs what kids are like Diluc: Have you ever met a kid, Kaeya. Kaeya: I met the Traveler
The slow and horrible realization that Traveler doesnât mention any family besides their twin
The slow and horrible realization that Traveler has been doing this with only their twin for years, likely since they were underage
Traveler: Iâm going to jump off the city walls to flyâ Everyone else: This is such a bad idea, someone stop this childâ Amber: Iâll join you!!! Kaeya, holding the two up by their collars: No.
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âIs there some sort of achievement that youâre going for, like gaining an injury every day?â Kaeya asks, not looking up from his paperwork as Diluc stumbles in through his window. âOr this one just to annoy me?â
âI donât remember you being in this office before,â Diluc mumbles, face smushed in Kaeyaâs carpet, bleeding all over it.
âI got a promotion. You sent me congratulations.â
âAh,â Diluc says, dumbly.
Of course this is the one place that his brain fails, Diluc thinks regretfully. Heâs always had clouded judgement when it came to family⌠especially his brother.
(Or maybe he just hit his head too hard against that last abyss mage. It could really be either.)
âTake this as a sign of trust, then,â Diluc leans against Kaeyaâs wall, smearing even more blood around the office.
Wonderful. âI hate you. Stop bleeding.â
âIf you could point me to a first aid kitââ Diluc grunts as the first aid kit collides perfectly into his stab wound. âThanks. Just what I neededâto worsen the injury and bleed out even more.â
âYou should have gone to Jean if you wanted sympathy.â
âYou know how she is when her people get injured. AlthoughâI thought this was an empty office.â
âIt was. And now Iâm here, so itâs not.â
âI can see that. Are you this mean to everyone, or am I just special?â
âPerks of being brothers with me.â
And itâs the stupidest thing to latch onto, Diluc knows, as he rummages through the first aid kit to pull out the bandages, but he asks, quietly, âAre we still brothers, then?â
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Diluc taking care of Razor because my brain works in mysterious but brilliant ways
The two of them talking about broken families and how painful it feels to know theyâre there and you could see them at any time, but at the same time theyâre⌠not Your Family the way they used to be
Razor: Iâm not made for the city Diluc, a rich heir whoâs never left the city in his life except maybe to murder, zero survival skills besides Not Being Murdered: I can go out in the wild with you
Razor being disgusted with wine and Dilucâs like FINALLY someone who GETS IT take THAT Kaeya
Diluc patiently helping Razor learn to read
Diluc bringing Razor with him on business trips to the Winery
The two of them being night owlsâDilucâs fighting like three abyss mages and Razorâs just kinda chilling at the side like âthe moon is beautiful tonightâ
Diluc wears custom gloves and Razorâs like âand you DIDNâT get claws added???â
Razor showing Diluc the best places to get wolfhook and other plants
Dilucâs like Very Serious and Razorâs like âbeing miserable doesnât make your life any more worth livingâ and Dilucâs like damn the twelve year old is right
BONUS:
Kaeya looks after Razor once and itâs just a solid few hours of them talking about Klee and the havoc she wreaks
Zhongli just constantly being made fun of for being an old man
âHow tempted are you, right now, to say âback in my dayâ?â Zhongli, glaring: Not at all
[Childe bridal-carrying Zhongli] Zhongli, flustered: Oh, thank you. Childe: No problem, old people have trouble getting around themselves, right?
Traveler, showing Zhongli a photo of Madame Ping: This is the kid that used to follow you around, feel old yet?
Zhongli talks and itâs always a struggle for his friends because like. Do I make fun of the old man voice? Or do I simp because itâs deep
Zhongli: [lying down] Xiangling, standing over him: Zhongli, sitting up: Donât you DAREâ Xiangling, at the top of her lungs: HELP HEâS FALLEN AND HE CANâT GET UP
Zhongli: Not too long agoâ Ningguang, jotting down notes: How long ago exactly? Zhongli, getting flustered: NOT TOO LONG AGOâ Ningguang: Zhongli: Fine it was four hundred years but the joke is still funny
Every time Zhongli stretches, someone is obligated to go âis your back bothering you?â and Zhongli refuses to admit it but it is, in fact, bothering him
Hu Tao: Howâs retirement? Zhongli: I literally work for youâ Zhongli: But retirementâs nice, thanks for asking
A lot of âwow you look so young! Whatâs the secret to your youth?â jokes
Venti: Sometimes I think Iâm old, then I look at youâ Zhongli: Youâre literally the second oldest archonâ
Just. Zhongli being mercilessly teased for being the old man he is.
Listen⌠au where pyro vision users are just. Human heaters.
Bennett getting all the hugs when people are cold. Forgot your jacket? Hug Bennet. Out camping? Hug Bennett. See Bennett? HUG BENNETT
Kaeya going up to Diluc and just. Draping himself over his shoulders going so warmmm and Dilucâs like get the fuck off me because, yâknow, brothers
Jean just plopping Klee onto her lap when she has her period and going please just keep me warm everything hurts and Kleeâs just happy to spend time with someone she loves!!!
Actually Klee just getting passed around and hugged by people
Albedo going to Dragonspire: I canât bring Klee because that would be irresponsible but how I wish I could⌠sheâs so warm⌠Dragonspire is so cold⌠do you understand my painâŚ
Amber acting as a handwarmer for her fellow knight when sheâs on gate duty
Traveler always has a pyro friend on his party and they CLAIM itâs because theyâre good at fighting and useful for lighting fires but we all know that the Traveler likes to cuddle the pyro user at night when it gets cold
Diluc, betrayed: Youâre using me! You didnât like my monstrous strength, you just wanted a space heater! Traveler: Okay, listen, first of all, you took down like three abyss mages, second of all THATâS A PERFECTLY VALID REASONâ
Xinyanâs concerts are always outdoors and at night because otherwise the area gets too warm and then half the crowd overheats
âI need youâ âFor what?â ââŚâ âI would like to state that I am a human being not aââ âPLEASE WE NEED A HEATERâ
Cryo Users as Human Air Conditioners
Cryo users as human air conditioners
Diluc dragging Kaeya to his tavern: You are going to stay here all summer and not move an inch
During summer Ganyu gets a suspicious amount of people volunteering to help her
âWow, Ganyu! That stack of papers looks SO tall and difficult to work with! How about I help you carry and fill out that paperwork? Please say yes I think my skin is meltingâ
Xingqiu obviously bullies Chongyun mercilessly into being his personal coldpack
Xingqiu, draping over Chongyun: Freeze me now. Encase me in a block of ice. Iâput your hand over my forehead, how are your fingers so cold???
HEY what if Chongyunâs popsicles never melt because his body temperature is so cold that they just freeze as long as heâs holding them
Sometimes when Dionaâs bartending, people will just straight up go to the bar to âdrinkâ but they honestly just want to be in one of the coolest (literally) places in Mondstadt
Diona: WHY ARE YOU HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY Jean, who doesnât drink at all but is tired of working in her office which is REALLY HOT for some reason, sweating: I⌠alcoholâŚ? Mondstadt is full of⌠full of drunkards⌠of which⌠I am totally oneâŚ
Diona, seeing right through her: I wouldnât let anyone else do it but because itâs you, Jean, you can enjoy the coolness free of charge
Baizhu gets a lil coat for his snake because otherwise Qiqi canât hold it (sheâs too cold and the snake gets uncomfortable) and then gets sad
People suddenly develop a lot of minor sicknesses or feel the Urgent Need to see a professional at the pharmacy during the summer
âIâm hugging you because I love youâ âYouâre sweaty and gross and thatâs a blatant lieâ
Kaeya making all the âcoolâ jokes
Pyro Users as Human HeatersÂ
Over time, a vision user changes to fit their powers
Kaeya is always cool to the touch, even when heâs under multiple layers. Itâs never too cold, but it never warms, either, always the same temperature as though he just stepped out of an ice bath.
When Diluc sighs, sometimes you can physically see his breath, like when someone breathes out on a winter day. (Like a DRAGON)
Youâre far more likely to get static shock from Lisa and Razor
Kaeya doesnât get dry skin or frostbite even when itâs really coldâyou could take him to the highest peaks of Liyue and heâd still be fine without even a coat
If Amber sharpens her arrows a bit too fast, what might cause a small spark at best ends up being a huge flame with her that consumes the entire arrowhead. This is why Amberâs not allowed to sharpen her weapons in certain areas anymore.
If Jean sighs too hard, her paperwork goes flying everywhere. This is the real reason Jean doesnât sigh even at the most daunting of paperwork jobs.
Beidou obviously abuses this by just shocking people all the time. A kiss on the cheek? Electric shock. Poking you? Electric shock. Legend says she accidentally fried a guy once but Beidou actually has very good control, she just hated that guy.
The real reason Razor keeps his hair in a ponytail: The static electricity would make it fly like crazy otherwise
Ningguangâs skin is insanely tough. Once she punched a wall and it broke.Â
Diona doesnât need ice in her alcohol. Her hands are cold enough to keep it at the perfect temperature, and patrons are always amazed at how, since thereâs no ice to water down the alcohol, the flavour and taste is strong
No matter how long theyâre in the bath, hydro users never get wrinkly or pruney, and they can hold their breathes for longer underwater.Â
Once Barbara held her breath for ten solid minutes underwater and Jean totally panicked, worried that she drowned or something. Afterwards, Jean constantly practiced holding her breath, and eventually realized she could create an air bubble with her anemo abilities.
Albedo: *accidentally gets caught in a cave-in* Also Albedo: *has a boulder fall on him and break* Albedo: âŚinteresting.
When Sucrose gets really excited and jumps, she comes down a bit slower than normal peopleâshe returns to earth slowly, more like a leaf fluttering down than a person pulled by gravity

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Vision users cooking with their visions
Itâs literally canon that Keqing just electrocutes her fish until itâs fully cooked what a genius
I know mac and cheese probably doesnât exist in Teyvat but Diluc just lighting his sword on fire and cooking mac and cheese over his sword
âWhy is your pot so charredâ Diluc: [thinks back to putting three pots of popcorn kernels on his sword and telling Kaeya âthis is why Iâm smarter than youâ] Diluc: Uhh my stove broke I need to get it replaced
Kaeya freezing everything. He freezes a raw fish and eats it making eye contact with Diluc. He freezes a boar and puts a frozen piece of fur into his mouth, staring down the Traveler. Jean is horrified. How the fuck is this man still alive. Nobody knows.
Kaeya making frozen sweets for Klee!!! He makes ice cream, sorbet, all that sort of stuff, for her. If Klee doesnât bomb anything she shouldnât, she gets a frozen treat handmade by yours truly
Amber: Hey watch this Amber: [shoots a boar with a flaming arrow. It dies and is immediately cooked] Amber: And thatâs called killing two birds with one stone!
Xianglingâs dad hasnât lit a fire in years. He just calls his daughter, who just sorta stabs their oven with her spear, and it lights fire. And thatâs called⌠saving moneyâŚ???
Venti: Hey watch this Venti: [summons his vortex] Venti: [throws lettuce in the air and sort of just squirts ranch out. Theyâre both sucked into the vortex] Venti: Thatâs called tossing a salad
Jean: Thatâs called âutterly horrifyingâ is what it is Jean, later: [tries doing it with her anemo abilities]
Childe: So this is a pancake. We want to make it as flat as possible, rolling it outâ Zhongli: *summons a meteor*
Geo vision users who are just really⌠tough
Albedo can and therefore will eat a rock for science
Timaeus: Wait I donât think thatâs edibleâ Albedo: [puts a rock in his mouth and bites] [There is an audible sound of the rock actually crunching in half] Albedo: Taste⌠I wonder if it differs depending on the rock type and formation⌠location⌠interesting⌠requires further experimentation⌠Timaeus: What the FUCK
Noelle is always SUPER careful as a maid because if she accidentally bumps into something it is most definitely, 100%, broken
Noelle: [accidentally trips into a wall] The wall: [disintegrates]
Noelle: [trips on cobblestone] The street: [has a visible crater in it]
Ningguang can and will give an extra tight handshake just to scare and intimidate people
Theyâre immune to electric shocks since, hey, rock. This annoys Beidou and Keqing so much because they really want to shock Ningguang every once in a while
Albedo, flirting(?): I have layers⌠just like sedimentary rocks [sounds of Kaeya cringing in the distance] Sucrose, poking Albedoâs arm: Okay but do you actually? Is it part of having a geo vision that your body physically changes to become like a rock, and if soâ
The real reason Zhongli doesnât get injured when the meteor comes is because his skin is just that tough
Yâknow that move Zhongli does where he like. Kicks his spear. If a regular person did that theyâd shatter all the bones in their foot. Zhongliâs just made of stone (and also a dragon and archon)
People are like âdoes Ningguang even have red blood like the rest of us mere mortalsâ because they genuinely just. Do not know. Her skin is impenetrable. Once someone tried to stab her and their knife broke. Ningguang was perfectly untouched. Everyone is very afraid.
The real reason geo users have shields: So nobody will notice when they are perfectly unharmed by attacks that shouldâve killed themÂ
Albedoâs the only one without a shield because heâs the only one who doesnât care if people notice heâs weird
Vision Usersâ Bodies Adapting to their Powers
Pyro Users as Human Heaters
Cryo Users as Human Air Conditioners