Welcome to my Nest

a place

that's waitin for someone

like us

a place where we fit without effort

a place far from beaten path

a place where no one knows

I think you have, all the way from the beginning.

But I didn’t really realize then. What it was.

It’s been years since then & it just hit me.

Like yesterday. And I saw you.

Anew. In a different light. So to speak.

But nothing will ever be. We are too dissimilar.

To even try. Breaching our bubbles.

But still, you fascinates me.

as the snake sheds her skin 🐍🩸

And then. I realized that I was still alive. And some of the things that ended were still alive too, so... I went on. Eventually, while I was living, new things happened. New beginnings. New tender sprouts.

It seems an happy ending, but actually, that's when I realized how much I've changed.

I don't want new beginnings, they scare me deeply. When something new starts, I don't dive in it, happy and with my whole heart open, like I did my whole life. My heart stays safely guarded. And when something begins to fade, as expected, I don't fight for it anymore. I let it fade, with nothing more than a sigh. Tears haven't come back still. Will they?

If everything must end, then what's the point?

And I know the drill, I've been in therapy long enough. If I close myself up to avoid sorrow, I will avoid also happyness - but see, that's the point. I don't want happyness either. It's intoxicating, full of pleasure, it moves mountains, it builds worlds, it makes you feel alive in a way that doesn't hurt for once, and then. Then it brings the deepest sorrow you've ever experienced. They are tied, it's inevitable. So no, I don't want happyness either, no thanks.

I know this wasn't the lesson I was supposed to learn. I know I missed the point spectacularly.

as the heavy weight of rain

dragged us out to sea.

once a year,

flickering before my eyes,

while I wish

to be someone else.

Icing,

an idiotic costume,

for numbers that rain down on me,

I’m telling the truth

But if you reblog tomorrow

July…

…