I interacted with a woman today so attractive I immediately felt like shit for being someone she could never like back. I'll see her again next week if she's there again. I'll ask for her number and get rejected. Hopefully she won't resent me, but i'm sure she will.

It's been three months since i've seen her. I may be moving back. My priorities changed regarding work and i have better prospects in Dallas. While that is one motive, seeing her again is another. When we last spoke she was upset with me. I wonder if she still is. I wonder if i'd be calm enough to ask the questions i was too scared of before. I've regretted moving here every day since I left. I can't stop loving her. My life feels empty without her.

Just met the first girl since I moved here that I wanted to ask out. But I couldn't do it. I made small talk the best I could. Didn't try to flirt or anything. Just tried having a nice conversation. But when it came to asking for her number - i couldn't. It's not meant for me, you know? Dating. Girlfriends. It's not meant for me.

Tonight is one month since I last saw her. I have nothing to say. I just miss her.

She isn't here. It's sinking in that I have seen her for the last time and my last image is her abruplty walking away. My heart is breaking all over again. I assume she's with him. Which isn't a pleasant thought. I'll text her goodbye tomorrow. What am I going to say? I don't know. I know she won't respond. But I hope she does.

I wish I could tell her how she hurt me. I can write it, but I can't vocalize it. I know she's not capable of listening and understanding. But i still feel the need to say it. For me.

I know she needs to blame me for everything. It's her defense mechanism. She can't allow herself to feel vulnerable. But it's not my fault she lied. I want to tell her it's her responsibility. She won't listen. She will just get more upset. But i'm tired of taking blame for things that aren't my fault. I did that enough with Alicia.

It's really convenient for her, isn't it? Ignore how she treated me, zero in on my wrongdoing (shifting blame), then shut off communication. Therefore she's innocent and i'm guilty. But the heart of the matter is she lied from the first night we met. My pursuit of her was based off that lie. The feelings I developed was based off that lie. It's the core issue. But I know explaining this to her would be in vain. She's unable to admit her fault. She's unwilling to listen.