Chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

So, my perspective is that Andrew does in fact hate his court-mandated medication that much that any opportunity to be semi-sober without some asshole reporting him to his parole officer & getting him arrested is an opportunity Andrew wishes to take. I would also say that Andrew doesn’t necessarily hate Exy - he is apathetic towards it. It is a sport that he is extremely talented at, but playing Exy is primarily a means to an end - keeping hold of Aaron & Nicky for another five-years, while also allowing them (Aaron & Nicky more-so than Andrew b/c Andrew at 18 didn’t really give a shit about his own future) to receive college education. What Andrew hates is Kevin & Neil’s obsession with Exy b/c he thinks its making Exy more than it is (a reason to live/enjoy life) & their continuous desire for Andrew to consider Exy as being more meaningful than he thinks it is annoys him [although, Andrew does eventually develop a fondness for Exy b/c Exy becomes intertwined with Neil & playing with Neil, considering Nora once suggested they spent all but two years of Andrew’s Pro careers playing together on the same professional teams].

The court-mandated drugs, however, Andrew absolutely hates. In the EC Short Story when Wymack recruits Andrew, Nicky, and Aaron it’s actually highlighted how much Andrew hates what the pills do to him. After Wymack approaches Andrew about joining the Foxes, Andrew breaks into Wymack’s apartment to discuss terms (as one does). Andrew immediately brings up the fact that he is, essentially, constantly high (and Wymack says he's not afraid of him b/c he is essentially a fucked-up druggie, OOF) b/c whatever medication Andrew is on is evidently highly addictive, far too high of a dosage, and interacts with his brain chemistry in a way that induces constant mania. However, people say it’s, “for the best,” and when Wymack asks Andrew if he agrees with that sentiment, Andrew says, “above your pay grade coach.”

This is interesting for two reasons. (1) The reminder that most people DID think the court-mandated pills were good for Andrew - Nicky even says so to Neil in the TRK (and I know some people hate on Nicky for this… but Nicky himself was relatively young, uneducated about mental health himself - it was also the early 2000s, and was relying on what professional health care advisors like doctors, psychiatrists, and guidance counselors were telling him). Basically Andrew “seemed” happier & many people wanted to accept that at face-value - look at Andrew, of course he’s happy! He’s laughing and smiling. It’s not until Andrew is raped by Drake in TRK that many characters, including Nicky, realize that there is no fucking way Andrew is actually happy. Because he is laughing in the aftermath of being assaulted - he is completely unable to process the trauma of what has happened to him or frankly any of his childhood trauma. Obviously, Andrew knows he isn’t actually happy b/c he is inside his brain, but those on the outside were very willing to accept Andrew Is Happier Now purely based on demonstrating outward expressions of “happiness" (which is why I also often suggest readers take a more critical view on why they believe Andrew 'needs' to laugh in the future in order to Be Happy).

(2) Andrew says “above your pay grade coach” to Wymack b/c he doesn’t want to engage in an emotionally vulnerable conversation about how he feels about his loss of autonomy due to being on the pills - Andrew’s mental control has been completely taken away. He cannot regulate or process his own emotions & he also cannot control his own physical reactions like laughing or smiling. He cannot concentrate to drive his own car (and when you think of the symbolism of the car: freedom to leave whenever, safety from being trapped in a dangerous house it is obviously devastating), he cannot control when he falls asleep, either, or for how long or how deeply.

I also want to add that many readers over-emphasize Andrew’s commitment to “fixing his mental health” by saying that he was “voluntarily in therapy.” Andrew was not voluntarily in therapy, y’all. His therapy was court-mandated as part of his probation alongside his pills, and we also know Andrew did not address his CSA until AFTER Thanksgiving in TRK when Betsy found out alongside everyone else. Abby also told Betsy about Andrew’s self-harm scars, and Aaron told Betsy that Andrew is gay. There actually seems to be very little Andrew himself actually confided in Betsy - and an argument could be made that Andrew attempting therapy while on pills that made him unable to process his trauma or regulate his emotions may not have been the most beneficial anyway. I also think it’s interesting to examine WHAT Andrew seems to be hoping to get out of therapy (a pseudo-mother, which I would also argue is not the Mental Health Win some readers treat it as). But I digress.

Back to Wymack & Andrew. Andrew bargains with Wymack b/c he doesn’t care about college or Exy or having a future. Instead, he asks for Wymack to “loosen the chain a bit” and agree to let Andrew not take his medication on game nights (basically to not cause a fuss about Andrew being in breach of his probation) b/c what Andrew does want is more opportunities to (a) not be on the meds (b) not have to pretend like he’s on the meds and (c) not get arrested for not being or acting like he’s on his meds.

Andrew clarifies that he “won’t be sober” b/c he “can’t stay off them long enough to get sober. I tried six times just to see if I could. No good, Coach. No fun at all.” Andrew tried to personally detox himself 6 times (very dangerous do not try at home) and failed. Considering what we have also seen from Andrew when he was in short-term withdrawal in regard to being incredibly shaky, sweating & vomiting, we can imagine how this went for him. Additionally, this could have gotten all kinds of horribly wrong: from killing him in the process to being found in breach of his probation & then being placed in prison. [I also see some readers suggest “Andrew will never know what Aaron went through when Andrew detoxed him” and “Aaron will never tell Andrew how painful it was for him to detox” and it’s like… Andrew knows y’all. Your body doesn’t know the difference between “illegal street drugs” and “legal drugs prescribed a doctor” when your body is addicted & going through withdrawal. It’s the same process].

As for Andrew trying 6 times to “get sober.” Once is a curiosity. Twice maybe to see how it could go in different circumstances. Three times? Maybe Andrew just really wants to test his resolve.

But 6 attempts? Oh, Andrew hated those pills, which makes sense for his characterization - a character who values control, his own bodily autonomy after having it stripped away for years (CSA, childhood incarceration), his secrets & his privacy & appearing strong. These pills are Andrew’s worst nightmare & for several years everyone tried to convince him he’s so much better off for having been FORCED to take them.

It’s also interesting that Andrew is drinking at Wymack’s apartment during this conversation. Andrew drinks when he’s skipping dosages b/c it lessens the withdrawal symptoms & probably makes the cravings less intense (which is why Andrew is also rewarded with alcohol for playing full games/shutting down the goal). I don’t know if the implication is that Andrew didn’t want to be AS high as usual when negotiating with Wymack (an older man & potential threat in Wymack’s own territory) or if Andrew just wasn’t able to resist the temptation of stolen alcohol.

Andrew in Son Nefes also refers to himself as an alcoholic & clearly has addiction tendencies throughout AFTG: cigarettes & the fact that he clearly wasn’t going to give up Dust until Neil bought him the Maserati even though he no longer was on the pills & it was supposedly “for Aaron.” Andrew was also described several times in AFTG to be drinking alone. Going to Eden’s with Aaron & Nicky was an opportunity to (a) not have to pretend to be on the meds and (b) drink copious amount of alcohol in way that is considered socially acceptable. And also, I genuinely think Andrew enjoys spending SOME time with Nicky & Aaron otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered to hang out with them at all (and also you aren’t really expected to have conversations at clubs especially since Aaron & Nicky like to dance - so spending time together in a way that isn’t bothersome for Andrew + works in his favour).

I also like that Andrew brings up his self-destructive tendencies. B/c mixing alcohol with those pills was certainly flirting with death. In terms of overdosing, acute liver failure, or developing cirrhosis.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I also find Kevin’s role in relation to Andrew’s pills fascinating. Logically, it makes sense that Kevin holds the pills when Andrew is trying not to take a dose - since they’re highly addictive & withdrawal is horrific, Andrew will take them regardless of if he wants to or not. Aaron, who was formerly addicted to pills, cannot be trusted to hold onto extremely addictive pills that obviously get his twin brother super high. Nicky, in TFC, steals Wymack’s prescription painkillers (probably had codeine) and therefore may also not be trusted around Andrew’s meds in case Nicky gets curious about the kind of high they give. Kevin is clearly trusted NOT to try getting high off of Andrew’s pills.

So, my perspective is that Andrew does in fact hate his court-mandated medication that much that any opportunity to be semi-sober without some asshole reporting him to his parole officer & getting him arrested is an opportunity Andrew wishes to take. I would also say that Andrew doesn’t necessarily hate Exy - he is apathetic towards it. It is a sport that he is extremely talented at, but playing Exy is primarily a means to an end - keeping hold of Aaron & Nicky for another five-years, while also allowing them (Aaron & Nicky more-so than Andrew b/c Andrew at 18 didn’t really give a shit about his own future) to receive college education. What Andrew hates is Kevin & Neil’s obsession with Exy b/c he thinks its making Exy more than it is (a reason to live/enjoy life) & their continuous desire for Andrew to consider Exy as being more meaningful than he thinks it is annoys him [although, Andrew does eventually develop a fondness for Exy b/c Exy becomes intertwined with Neil & playing with Neil, considering Nora once suggested they spent all but two years of Andrew’s Pro careers playing together on the same professional teams].

The court-mandated drugs, however, Andrew absolutely hates. In the EC Short Story when Wymack recruits Andrew, Nicky, and Aaron it’s actually highlighted how much Andrew hates what the pills do to him. After Wymack approaches Andrew about joining the Foxes, Andrew breaks into Wymack’s apartment to discuss terms (as one does). Andrew immediately brings up the fact that he is, essentially, constantly high (and Wymack says he's not afraid of him b/c he is essentially a fucked-up druggie, OOF) b/c whatever medication Andrew is on is evidently highly addictive, far too high of a dosage, and interacts with his brain chemistry in a way that induces constant mania. However, people say it’s, “for the best,” and when Wymack asks Andrew if he agrees with that sentiment, Andrew says, “above your pay grade coach.”

This is interesting for two reasons. (1) The reminder that most people DID think the court-mandated pills were good for Andrew - Nicky even says so to Neil in the TRK (and I know some people hate on Nicky for this… but Nicky himself was relatively young, uneducated about mental health himself - it was also the early 2000s, and was relying on what professional health care advisors like doctors, psychiatrists, and guidance counselors were telling him). Basically Andrew “seemed” happier & many people wanted to accept that at face-value - look at Andrew, of course he’s happy! He’s laughing and smiling. It’s not until Andrew is raped by Drake in TRK that many characters, including Nicky, realize that there is no fucking way Andrew is actually happy. Because he is laughing in the aftermath of being assaulted - he is completely unable to process the trauma of what has happened to him or frankly any of his childhood trauma. Obviously, Andrew knows he isn’t actually happy b/c he is inside his brain, but those on the outside were very willing to accept Andrew Is Happier Now purely based on demonstrating outward expressions of “happiness" (which is why I also often suggest readers take a more critical view on why they believe Andrew 'needs' to laugh in the future in order to Be Happy).

(2) Andrew says “above your pay grade coach” to Wymack b/c he doesn’t want to engage in an emotionally vulnerable conversation about how he feels about his loss of autonomy due to being on the pills - Andrew’s mental control has been completely taken away. He cannot regulate or process his own emotions & he also cannot control his own physical reactions like laughing or smiling. He cannot concentrate to drive his own car (and when you think of the symbolism of the car: freedom to leave whenever, safety from being trapped in a dangerous house it is obviously devastating), he cannot control when he falls asleep, either, or for how long or how deeply.

I also want to add that many readers over-emphasize Andrew’s commitment to “fixing his mental health” by saying that he was “voluntarily in therapy.” Andrew was not voluntarily in therapy, y’all. His therapy was court-mandated as part of his probation alongside his pills, and we also know Andrew did not address his CSA until AFTER Thanksgiving in TRK when Betsy found out alongside everyone else. Abby also told Betsy about Andrew’s self-harm scars, and Aaron told Betsy that Andrew is gay. There actually seems to be very little Andrew himself actually confided in Betsy - and an argument could be made that Andrew attempting therapy while on pills that made him unable to process his trauma or regulate his emotions may not have been the most beneficial anyway. I also think it’s interesting to examine WHAT Andrew seems to be hoping to get out of therapy (a pseudo-mother, which I would also argue is not the Mental Health Win some readers treat it as). But I digress.

Back to Wymack & Andrew. Andrew bargains with Wymack b/c he doesn’t care about college or Exy or having a future. Instead, he asks for Wymack to “loosen the chain a bit” and agree to let Andrew not take his medication on game nights (basically to not cause a fuss about Andrew being in breach of his probation) b/c what Andrew does want is more opportunities to (a) not be on the meds (b) not have to pretend like he’s on the meds and (c) not get arrested for not being or acting like he’s on his meds.

Andrew clarifies that he “won’t be sober” b/c he “can’t stay off them long enough to get sober. I tried six times just to see if I could. No good, Coach. No fun at all.” Andrew tried to personally detox himself 6 times (very dangerous do not try at home) and failed. Considering what we have also seen from Andrew when he was in short-term withdrawal in regard to being incredibly shaky, sweating & vomiting, we can imagine how this went for him. Additionally, this could have gotten all kinds of horribly wrong: from killing him in the process to being found in breach of his probation & then being placed in prison. [I also see some readers suggest “Andrew will never know what Aaron went through when Andrew detoxed him” and “Aaron will never tell Andrew how painful it was for him to detox” and it’s like… Andrew knows y’all. Your body doesn’t know the difference between “illegal street drugs” and “legal drugs prescribed a doctor” when your body is addicted & going through withdrawal. It’s the same process].

As for Andrew trying 6 times to “get sober.” Once is a curiosity. Twice maybe to see how it could go in different circumstances. Three times? Maybe Andrew just really wants to test his resolve.

But 6 attempts? Oh, Andrew hated those pills, which makes sense for his characterization - a character who values control, his own bodily autonomy after having it stripped away for years (CSA, childhood incarceration), his secrets & his privacy & appearing strong. These pills are Andrew’s worst nightmare & for several years everyone tried to convince him he’s so much better off for having been FORCED to take them.

It’s also interesting that Andrew is drinking at Wymack’s apartment during this conversation. Andrew drinks when he’s skipping dosages b/c it lessens the withdrawal symptoms & probably makes the cravings less intense (which is why Andrew is also rewarded with alcohol for playing full games/shutting down the goal). I don’t know if the implication is that Andrew didn’t want to be AS high as usual when negotiating with Wymack (an older man & potential threat in Wymack’s own territory) or if Andrew just wasn’t able to resist the temptation of stolen alcohol.

Andrew in Son Nefes also refers to himself as an alcoholic & clearly has addiction tendencies throughout AFTG: cigarettes & the fact that he clearly wasn’t going to give up Dust until Neil bought him the Maserati even though he no longer was on the pills & it was supposedly “for Aaron.” Andrew was also described several times in AFTG to be drinking alone. Going to Eden’s with Aaron & Nicky was an opportunity to (a) not have to pretend to be on the meds and (b) drink copious amount of alcohol in way that is considered socially acceptable. And also, I genuinely think Andrew enjoys spending SOME time with Nicky & Aaron otherwise he wouldn’t have bothered to hang out with them at all (and also you aren’t really expected to have conversations at clubs especially since Aaron & Nicky like to dance - so spending time together in a way that isn’t bothersome for Andrew + works in his favour).

I also like that Andrew brings up his self-destructive tendencies. B/c mixing alcohol with those pills was certainly flirting with death. In terms of overdosing, acute liver failure, or developing cirrhosis.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I also find Kevin’s role in relation to Andrew’s pills fascinating. Logically, it makes sense that Kevin holds the pills when Andrew is trying not to take a dose - since they’re highly addictive & withdrawal is horrific, Andrew will take them regardless of if he wants to or not. Aaron, who was formerly addicted to pills, cannot be trusted to hold onto extremely addictive pills that obviously get his twin brother super high. Nicky, in TFC, steals Wymack’s prescription painkillers (probably had codeine) and therefore may also not be trusted around Andrew’s meds in case Nicky gets curious about the kind of high they give. Kevin is clearly trusted NOT to try getting high off of Andrew’s pills.