milo

Okay, listen. I was loving Alya through so much of S6. I was even thinking this girl would make a great Guardian - until the finale. Don't get me wrong - she's had some great moments in S6. But by the end of the season, I felt like she'd fallen back into her old personality traps, and I finished the episode feeling sooooooo frustrated.

Remember back in S1 when Marinette said Alya was always jumping to conclusions? It still applies. Yes, Alya worked out that Gabriel was Monarch - but she never paused to ask her supposed best friend just why she felt so compelled to hide this information. Even after all she knows, and all she’s witnessed, she isn't giving Marinette the benefit of the doubt. Instead of talking to Marinette about everything, she jumped straight to anger, judgment, and even borderline rejection.

The kicker is that she hasn’t really uncovered Marinette's secrets at all. Namely, she still doesn't know: 

* Why Gabriel was Monarch (honestly, why didn’t she think to ask this?)

* Adrien's origins (and, by extension, Felix and Kagami's origins)

* What Gabriel was plotting

* What happened to Adrien's mother

* What actually went down in that basement, and what specifically passed between Gabriel and Marinette

* Nathalie's part in everything

* Tomoe's role in everything

* That the rings exist, or how they've been used 

* That Cat Blanc ever happened

* Marinette's feelings about any of it (Alya can see that her friend is breaking down and she’s just adding to it, giving her ultimatums rather than a listening ear)

Let’s be real: Adrien does need to know the truth. Alya is 100% right about that. And he will find out. It's just a matter of time. And when it all comes out, it’s going to be so much worse than it would’ve been if Marinette had told him at the start. But we’re not talking about some adult with a full support network, here. We’re talking about an overburdened, traumatised child. As much as it kills me that Marinette has been keeping all these secrets, I completely understand why she did what she did. I also understand why Alya is so upset now. But where’s the compassion? Where’s the conversation?

Even if there is a conversation, a lot of Marinette's secrets aren’t really hers to tell. Alya has no automatic right to know about Adrien's origins or family history. Alya keeps reminding Marinette that friends are meant to trust each other - but that goes both ways. Alya didn’t trust her about the drama with Lila, or when Marinette told her Adrien didn't want to go on that tour, and now she isn’t trusting that there might be things going on that Marinette is not at liberty to share. And all these claims that it's not Alya's fault, it's because Marinette has demonstrated such crazy behaviour, etc. etc. just don't land with me. I'm not saying Marinette is perfect. Far from it. I've made no secret of how frustrated all her lying in S6 makes me, too. But just because someone has their own learning points, that doesn't negate the harm that's being done to them. Underneath all that panic, Marinette is a rational human being, and she deserves to be treated as such.

If we think back to S1, Alya used to be such a squealing, Ladybug fangirl - when Ladybug wasn't a real person to her. It's such a classic case of ‘never meet your heroes’. As soon as she found out, her attitude changed. The first time she got to use the ladybug miraculous herself, she was sighing at Marinette's list of rules and tips. Even towards the end of S6, she was rolling her eyes at Cat Noir and getting irritated with him for attempting to save her own best friend rather than following her plan - as if her way of doing things was the only way to do things. Now, she thinks her way is the only way regarding Adrien, and if Marinette doesn't comply, I guess it's over.

But Marinette doesn't need rejection and anger. She needs HELP.

I so wish we had seen Marinette tell Alya about the new butterfly holder invading her home. I wish we'd seen Alya regret having judged Marinette as simply paranoid - yet again. I hope so much that we get to see Alya learn who the butterfly holder is. I hope we see her reflect on the long history with Lila. I just want to see her take Marinette seriously, and respect her as someone strong and intelligent and struggling with something that is simply too much for any one person - let alone a child - to carry. Because it’s easy to judge from the outside - but the fact is, no one else has been in Marinette's position. Alya has never been the Guardian. She wasn't in that basement with Gabriel. She's never had to make these kinds of decisions. She's never held her boyfriend's literal life in her hands.

All that said...Alya is just a child, too, the same as Marinette. She’s also learning, making mistakes, and hopefully going to grow from them. I hope we see all of that, too. And I hope, in S7, we see Marinette find real, adult support from her parents. I hope someone just gives her a damn hug, already.

Also, I'd love to see Sabine take on Nathalie - and Tomoe, for that matter. I adore Nathalie as a character, but seriously. There is so much flack in this fandom for Marinette, Felix and Kagami, but every one of them is a victim of child abuse, just like Adrien. It's the adults like Nathalie, Tomoe and Amelie who have so much to answer for. They're the ones who knew what was happening all along - who knew what was being done to these children - and who did nothing about it, or even aided it.

Marinette didn't own up to her actions and talk to her about these circumstances. Instead, with how she asked why she would lie like this (which Alya was able to correctly identify was because of Adrien), then angrily asked if Alya really thought if she was the type of person who'd lie to her and her boyfriend and the world (yes), and then she just changed the subject to freaking out about the new Butterfly Holder, which is a thing to be scared of, but was irrelevant to the conversation and wasn't the first thing on her mind before this, so it really seems like she started freaking out about them just to try to get Alya off her back. Which Alya calls her out for later.

If Marinette wants Alya to see her side of the story, then she has to actually TELL Alya her side of the story, not try and shut down her questions.

Also, to be fair, I'm pretty sure even Marinette thought she was just being paranoid immediately after purifying "Uncle Wang".

I also don't think finding out the full story would necessarily make Alya more sympathetic towards Marinette, either. The secret about Adrien being a sentimonster, and all that entails, might not be Marinette's secret to tell. But it's certainly not her secret to KEEP FROM ADRIEN, either (not that she's the only one guilty of that, Felix, Kagami, and Nathalie should all tell Adrien). And I don't think finding out that Gabriel asked Marinette to not let Adrien know he was a supervillain is gonna change Alya's mind, either. It's not like the dude had any leverage over her at that point. And while Nathalie has pressured Marinette to keep on keeping the secret at one point in the season, Nathalie did NOT pressure her to lie to begin with - on the contrary, Nathalie was planning on telling the truth and going to prison. The initial Lie was Marinette's decision.

And Marinette might be really freaked out and scared now, especially with the new Butterfly Holder secretly infiltrating her home. What if they'd decided to hurt her, or to threaten her parents? Or anyone she was close to? That would've been horrifying.

But Alya's ALREADY lived through that horror story herself. Shadow Moth knew her identity, and exploited that knowledge to kidnap her entire family (including her 6-year-old little sisters), two of her closest friends, and then threatened to murder them all if Alya didn't betray Ladybug to him, all while she was actively being held hostage. "Marinette went through a scary circumstance a few days ago" isn't likely to fly for her, because Alya went through that and WORSE, and then Marinette lied that the person who threatened to make her family go splat was actually a hero.

There's also the manipulation that Marinette's put Alya through. No adult was involved in pressuring her to do that, or teaching her how to do that. Marinette decided to beg and plead for Alya to make an illusion of Ladybug to lie for her on her own, even trying to make it seem less like lying by claiming she was unconscious for Monarch's actual defeat, so she doesn't know what happened, exactly, so it's fine for Alya to just make up something close to what happened. Because of Marinette's lies, Alya thought that the illusion Marinette had her make was at least telling Adrien something close to the truth of what went down. Instead, Marinette was just manipulating Alya into telling lies for her, like she'd asked/blackmailed/pleaded Nathalie, Tomoe, and Amelie to do all day.

Alya's also respecting Marinette's own privacy here. She *doesn't* demand to know why. She focuses on 1)Adrien deserves to know(which wouldn't end the world. Adrien is not all of Paris) 2)I am mad you lied to me and used me, which is a very fair emotional reaction Alya is allowed to have. She also doesn't ever make it about *Marinette being bad*. She makes it about how the bad actions need to stop.

Considering Alya has taken on dual guardianship roles, stayed at Marinette's for multiple days at the start of S5 to help soothe her, has fought with and without a Miraculous for her, and *did* come to her first with this, she has a reasonable belief that Marinette would share with her when ready. Marinette had the perfect opportunity to do so, and deflected onto the Plan. Alya can't force her to talk, but you are allowed to demand specific bad behavior stop before waiting to hear the why of it. The why can come in time, but the harm needs to stop. There is no question Marinette's actions have caused harm.

working 12+ hour days for school without pay or the right to "switch jobs" to something better, often working a real job on top of that, still the legal property of their parents, can't even dye their own hair or use their own name or have a door to their own room in many many cases. yeah I would be at the end of my rope too, especially when dealing with the adults in my life who are enacting and/or facilitating the abuse! it feels pretty glaring to ignore this dynamic when talking about the strained emotional capacity of teenagers. did you forget? what it was like to not have the right to your own life yet? to be hurt 24/7? and then to have your (extremely reasonable!!!) emotional reactions dismissed as pure hysteria?

1. canonically female (no variation)

2. canonically the protagonist of her story (if it’s an ensemble cast you have to say you can legitimately see her as The main character)

3. your personal #1 favorite character in that story (ties are acceptable)

The protagonist digs her heels in and says no, she never knew her biological father and by the way the demon explained the situation, evidently her father also doesn't know that he already has a daughter, so therefore the man who had made no contribution to her life after he bred and fled has no claim to her as something he could barter.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik

A Jewish peasant girl turned moneylender, Miriam, ends up stuck married to the fae king of winter. The daughter of a duke gets stuck married to the emperor, who is possessed by a demon.

"[...] we have to admit to the truth that we sometimes wish our own fathers, sons, brothers, lovers were not there. But, this truth exists alongside another truth: the truth that this wish causes us anguish."

"[...] many women simply felt that feminism gave them permission to be indifferent to men, to turn away from male needs."

"Feminist thinkers, like myself, who wanted to include men in the discussion were usually labeled male-identified and dismissed. We were "sleeping with the enemy."

"Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame."

"Even the women who are pissed off at men, women most of whom are not and maybe never will be feminist, use their anger to avoid being truly committed to helping create a world where males of all ages can know love."

"[...] no one talks about the role patriarchal notions of manhood play in teaching boys that it is their nature to kill, then teaching them that they can do nothing to change this nature -- nothing, that is, that will leave their masculinity intact."

"Men do oppress women. People are hurt by rigid sexist role patterns. These two realities co-exist. Male oppression of women cannot be excused by the recognition that there are ways men are hurt by rigid sexist roles."

"Patriarchy as a system has denied males access to full emotional well-being, which is not the same as feeling rewarded, successful, or powerful because of one's capacity to assert control over others."

1. Does OP mention an obligation on victims to forgive abusers who have learned from their past actions?

2. Does OP mention any work on the part of victims to educate their abusers?

ALI IMMEDIATELY LIVING UP TO THE BALLDS SUNG ABOUT HER.

first, obviously I think it is essential that men learn to handle their emotions, because they are people, and it's everyone's responsibility to learn how to self regulate to the best of their ability. and I understand in some contexts it has utility to have emotional regulation resources presented as "for" men specifically, because on a hegemonic level men are expected to outsource managing their emotions to women and children instead of engaging in this work themselves, so general resources about self regulation are likely to be looked over by most men as not relevant or necessary for them.

but. like that is kind of the problem at the same time.

like the whole issue is men thinking they don't need to learn how to handle emotions (identifying them, processing them, expressing them, channeling them usefully, grounding themselves, addressing underlying issues, etc).

and then these kind of half-way measures that position tips as "mental health FOR MEN" "emotional regulation FOR MEN" inevitably ends up cross-pollinating with MRA style analysis where we get things like

"the MALE loneliness epidemic" (as if women do not also experience loneliness and alienation under current conditions), or

"men aren't allowed to cry" (as if women and children aren't berated and patronized for crying all the time & expected to "smile" for men), or

"men have the highest suicide rates" (implying that men are uniquely prone to being actively suicidal, glossing over that women attempt suicide more often)

which all ends up reinforcing this idea that men's emotions are bigger and more serious and urgent than anyone else's, and men need help to manage them, so "society" (women and children) must help them.