WonderLantern

Cue Brucie being the most overprotective parent ever.

He insists Dick is scared of heights. Dick will be swinging on a chandelier, showing off his skills while Brucie is running in circles under him, with his arms out, screaming "don't worry, baby! Daddy will catch you!". He's clinging Dick to his chest, whispering reassurances to him, while Dick is smiling, soaking up all the praise.

Pretty soon the adults are telling Dick off, "you're gonna give your father a heart attack one of these days".

His biggest problem is publicly hiding it from Brucie.

Especially since the entirety of Gotham seems to try to help him. So now he HAS to make public appearances.

Nobody connects Jason/Red Hood to the rest of the Wayne family. Jason was presumed dead and probably meet Batman while figuring out who he was and got trained by the hero. It makes sense. BUT they HAVE to protect Brucie from knowing his son is throwing himself into danger every night.

Wife of Banker: -and yes, I know that Batman caught him but the impact tore off of the sleeve of his Gucci suit and then set him down on a wet street in Burnside of all places! The nerve of that man. If we knew who he was, we would send him a dry cleaning bill.

Bruce: Maybe Batman should have let your husband pancake on the concrete. Would have saved you the dry cleaning costs.

Wife of Banker:

And Dick doesn’t explain it bc he’s experiencing the horrors of realizing HOW much like John Grayson he looks like (he has his mamas eyes tho too bad Bruce can’t see em bc Nightwing mask)

Anyway once other people (Tim, Jason, Damian, Steph, himself, Cass etc) explain that Nightwing is in fact not John Grayson

Bruce goes “okay so where is Dick”

And everyone lowkey expected the worlds greatest detective to clock this

Man who looks like his sons dad is probably his son grown up seeing as we are in the future

And like Someone caves and points at Nightwing and Bruce takes one look and goes

“No”

And Dick is now experiencing the horrors squared and about go to on an absolutely biblical rage rant

“No he’s too big”

“…what”

“My boy is small that man there is too big”

5’11 with insoles Dick Grayson who has never managed to bulk up ever bc he’s a whore for cardio (acrobatics)

“Bruce we are in the future”

“Yes yes I am aware but Dick is small”

Other Bruce (45yro): Dick take off your mask

Anyway

27yo Bruce not like clocking that his son will one day grow older and get bigger and like move out and get a job and married and have a family outside of himself and work outside of the dynamic duo

27yro Bruce who like knows how aging works objectively but went “pshhh yeah but not MY BOY”

Jason: some kid at school called me a homo I thought it meant homeless

Bruce:

Jason: I replied with no shit

Bruce: Why?

Dick: I'm... an adult. And I do... adult things on there...

Bruce: This is a buzzfeed quiz?

Batman: *grumbling* he’s very aware.

Superman: and…?

Batman: the only thing he asked me was if I knew Superman…

Superman: *laughing* no way. No way. I can’t believe I’m Batman’s kid’s favorite superhero.

Batman: I’m never telling you anything ever again.

Superman: this might be the best day of my life.

Batman: you know what, I hope when you have a kid, they insist on having Bat logos plastered all over their room.

Superman: wait, is my family crest just everywhere in your house?

Batman: …we’re getting off topic…

Cue Brucie being the most overprotective parent ever.

He insists Dick is scared of heights. Dick will be swinging on a chandelier, showing off his skills while Brucie is running in circles under him, with his arms out, screaming "don't worry, baby! Daddy will catch you!". He's clinging Dick to his chest, whispering reassurances to him, while Dick is smiling, soaking up all the praise.

Pretty soon the adults are telling Dick off, "you're gonna give your father a heart attack one of these days".

Rockin robin