funt

"i danced with death" yeah well i slowly ran from him all frail and daintily in a cunt-honoring way

if i worked in a toxicology lab i would wear a shirt that says "I LOVE POISON"

you won't believe the weather we've been getting [remembers to avoid giving away my location] the sky was turned to darkness and the moon to blood, and the stars fell from the heavens.

"It's toxic to use E6000 without proper ventilation and PPE." Okay, well how about we don't engage in callout culture while I'm dizzy and nauseated.

Arts & Crafts Fact: The Dremel 4300 from Ace Hardware is a frightened animal that wants to hurt you.

i like sex where there isn't any and then everyone dies

erika Kirk has those watery red old basset hound eyes i see her and know she consumes too much grain

Weaning off throwing beer bottles at people by switching to cans

the doctor diagnost me with horrible horrible horrible pig's disorder