TV is King

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

*beginning to suspect my roommate is a pulley* hey man would you mind picking up this big crate by changing the direction of applied force, thereby reducing the force needed? no reason

My mom would love this post

dont piss me off. next time you go on a trip im filling your house with galapagos finches. by the time you return, they've evolved to fill your niche. they're a better spouse to your partner. they're a better parent for your child. and? they're a better friend to me than you ever were.

the spirit is unwilling and the flesh it feels not so good also

the spirit is unwilling and the flesh it feels not so good also

if you've ever pet more than a few dogs you'd Know what dog residue is

[Image ID: Tumblr tag reading: its like how sheep have lanolin except it isnt like that at all /End ID]

I just Liked a glass of water and Reblogged it to my stomach

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard