she does not get it, rheowyck thinks immediately.
but why would he expect that she would ? for however many years father had spent in penthos with his second wife, raising his daughters, of course the feelings she reserves for father would not have been the same as he. and sure, perhaps, just maybe, there were some... challenges father's other children had had with him. at the very least, he still raised them. he still spent years not having left them in his shadows, not having allowed them to wonder if he would be returning, as rheowyck did, remembering all the time he'd cast his gaze to the sky, hoping he would spot the sight of caraxes breaking through the clouds.
she felt sad for him, he reiterates in his mind, and she should. as she ought to. she wonders if father would have been happy to have gone out the way he did, she adds, and that is what finally has him huffing a sound that is almost humorous, if not for the absurdity in its tone.
ββ that's why i said he was selfish. Β β
in retrospect, rheowyck understands that it may not be as simple as he thought. he understands that, for as much as anyone could recall how the battle had gone, none of them truly has an insight into what has happened. perhaps it was never father's intention to fight to the death, or to fight with the intention of leaving the children he sired behind in a world where dragons burnt most of its dynasty β though rheowyck doubts so, with how father had once chosen the tail-end of a possible glory at the heed of lord corlys velaryon and his war for the stepstones. the very war father had gone years for, and never quite properly come back.
these are old wounds, he realises. old wounds that he is trying to paint the same into the present, onto father's other children as though they too could be angry with him, and it is a moot effort. it is a useless endeavour, except rheowyck is outrageously angry. of course father was happy, he wanted to spit. at the end of the day, it only mattered what he wanted. we were only pit stops for his goal, for his larger ambition. in the end, we are nothing. but rheowyck does not say that. he walks away for a moment, he paces.
and then, around a breath, he saysβ
ββ at least he was a father to you, wasn't he ? Β β it is not bitterness that lines his throat, that coats his tone. it is sadness. ββ was he a good one ? Β β