there is no other version of this story

The first fic I wrote for the fandom was smut with a bit of plot, because the shame vs. intimacy dynamic is really interesting to me, and there's so much to explore with the idea of Lesso coming to Dovey after having already been in what was surely a highly messed-up relationship with Rafal. I don't have very many consistent head-canons for the two of them. I like to explore what their dynamic could be from a bunch of different angles and backstories, which is what's fun about fanfiction for me--all the ways you can riff on the same idea. Smut has been a fun way to explore different power dynamics, levels of intimacy, stages of their relationship, motivations, secret feelings, etc.

I went back and forth between writing smut fics and T-rated plot fics for a while. Teach Me is my first attempt at a full-length smut/erotica-type story. When I'm in the right mood, writing smut is a great dopamine hit, and receiving positive feedback always makes me want to write more. I wanted to challenge myself to participate in Kinktober last year, which is why my AO3 profile now looks like I mostly write smut (also because Teach Me became a runaway train that I am still desperately trying to park at the station). But actually, I like writing plot just as much--I've used fic-writing for this fandom to challenge myself to write in different perspectives, tenses, genres, styles, etc. The fic I was proudest of for a while is also one of my least popular ones, which I get, because I was trying my hand at Major Character Death, and I don't even like that topic when I'm a reader instead of a writer. (Now I feel best about The Way It Burns, which was originally a Kinktober one-shot that got way out of hand.)

The hyperfixation has mostly fizzled out for me and the writing bug went with it, but I don't like having unfinished WIPs, so I'm still working to give Teach Me an ending. It's been great to be in such an active F/F fandom (somewhat less active now, I guess, but still surviving). I'm not at all interested in M/M and am very picky about F/M, and F/F just doesn't get the same love/interest as the other types (that's a rant for another day), so finding this fandom and this community was amazing. I absolutely would have stopped writing months ago if it weren't for all of the comments and support that made me feel like I was writing for a real audience, not just screaming into the void.

(And who knows, I tend to go through cycles with my hobbies and hyperfixations where I'll do/interact with them intensely for a span of time, totally stop and forget all about them, and then return to them after an indeterminate amount of time when my brain decides that they're interesting again. So maybe someday the unfinished drafts in my writing app will see the light of day.)