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@willzisnotonfire
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yea maybe i miss my skinny era just bc of my body and compliments,but i had no personality and self expression bc of ed. i look at my old videos and my facial expressions and lack of emotion scare me.. so it may be better to have interests and aspirations beyond weight loss???
lol i hate my old friend group just bc their existence reminds me of my past im about to die every time i think of THEM. WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT MEETINGS
my room reflects my soul
another winter kinda weird sketches...... i really love that one stolen black pen

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then the clouds will open for me
mb i've finally accepted my appearance once i reached my highest weight.. ive been struggling with an eating disorder since primary school. now im somehow in recovery. it got better when i began treatment from depression and cptsd too but not from ed... idk
That she held herself well was true; and had nice hands and feet; and dressed well, considering that she spent little. But often now this body she wore (she stopped to look at a Dutch picture), this body, with all its capacities, seemed nothing — nothing at all. She had the oddest sense of being herself invisible; unseen; unknown; there being no more marrying, no more having of children now, but only this astonishing and rather solemn progress with the rest of them,up Bond Street, this being Mrs. Dalloway; not even Clarissa any more; this being Mrs. Richard Dalloway.

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Он укрыт с головой и задыхается от жара, а вокруг плавают видения. Ее глаза, волосы, тонкая рука, охваченная плетеным ремешком браслета.
Лорд лежит, затаив дыхание, боясь спугнуть наваждение, но оно все тревожнее, все беспокойнее, тает, как воск, и исчезает. Он откидывает одеяло и дышит полной грудью, мокрый, как мышь, побывавшая в луже.
и пустота покажется нормой
«о, я вижу проблеск»
и смысл, если вас не так воспитывали и не этому учили? зачем реагировать?
это была бы просто другая яма. просто с мокрым песком и без них
но вы и там подохнете.
стоит подумать (если еще остались извилины)
зачем вам видеть цвета?
серый надежнее, к черту неопределенность, цвета манипулируют,
присмотрись
@loneya
that reminds me of something
Im not good enough for you youre so perfect, you know everything in the world, you dont even want to look into my hatbox
its going to hurt me, and I dont want anything to see my ulcerated insides that only a mother can love
but you forget that Im a masochist
go astray for a while, cry with rage or Revel in your sobriety to the last, oh, youre going to be torn apart in the next moment. but u have a problem! your insides will just roll down into the bottom of your shell, ucant reach them. they will decompose of course but the nasty traces and heaviness will remain forever.
one day youll be filled with decomposed insides and youll want to vomit them out. maybe it should have been earlier? mb you shouldnt have waited for your maximum at all, and after the first firework you had to explode without leaving yourself a single piece? u are such a greedy egoist, I didn't know you were capable of this
the world would stop and the bishops would become gods

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да лучше меня собьет машина чем я тебя
сегодня увижу
у тебя совсем не осталось сил, чтобы пытаться выбраться из колодца где-то в недрах демы.
ВРЕМЯ ЗАДУМАТЬСЯ
спасают только нуждающихся, спасают всегда, когда они на грани. на грани, в пограничье, называй как хочешь.
если факелоносец еще не пришел за тобой, а неужели ты думал, что будешь светиться?
это единственный выход, жители демы стремятся к нему, так чем ты отличаешься? ты не можешь (можешь) видеть желтый цвет, (но ты видишь, ох нет. он тускнеет, время на исходе!)