wildest-heartz

Simon wouldn't get into the atrocities he did, but he'll mope about the state of things, about the bigger picture, and about other people. He'll talk about memories and do everything possible to lament on happy times.

But he won't admit he's just as bad of a man as everyone else.

He won't talk when he thinks the person asking will hold it over his head. That's only fair. Simon's ready for everyone around him to be a bully, because we all saw what the COI did to Simon when he believed in them enough to surrender.

Simon's a talker. Most of the lines in the entire movie are Simon just yapping to himself.

Already an interesting conversation on it's own that deserves it's own essay, but I wanted to sorta copy and paste something I said to her in regards to how that parallels PHM in a way that I just SUPER latched onto.

Because Grace, like Simon, is seen as the most valuable asset but in a way that disregards his humanity. Simon is the person that will help gain resources to help the last of the human race, but it's because he's a criminal so if he dies in the sub who gives a shit. Grace is the scientist who knows the most about astrophage that will help the human race, but he also - from everyone else's point of view - has nothing to tie him to Earth so who gives a shit if we launch him into space. By neither of them meeting the ideal expectations of their societies, they're seen as valuable in a way that also makes them disposable. It's fine to sacrifice their lives for everyone elses because they're more valuable dying for a cause than living with the rest of us.

Sausage’s statement

as many of you know, the work we did for Avid was substantial. the music we made with him has been our lifeblood for the past several months as we have been reeling from the onset of a severe, life changing disability diagnosis that prevents us from working a typical job. music, video editing, streaming, and making our own videos are about all we can do. our disabling dissociative amnesia prevents the timely and reasonable learning of new skills. while we have been working constantly with a dissociative specialist to inch towards remedying this, we do not expect that we will be equipped to work in any other capacity any time soon.

the royalties we received from the music we made together with Avid were roughly 80-90% of our income on any given month for the calendar year so far, and they have helped us stay afloat while we have been trying to go through the rigorous and ill-equipped disability system.

putting all your eggs in one basket is never a good idea regardless, and the fears i had building for the past couple of months only further emphasized this. as such, i have been trying to diversify by engaging with streaming, trying to get my name out there for collaborative work in other SMPs, and reaching out to my creator friends for editing work. i really can't thank two people in particular enough - LeonSBU and NatureOfGaming - for providing me work as they have been able to afford and especially in Leon's case, getting my name out there for other SMPs.

unfortunately, the true extent of Avid's manipulations and lies were more than i could ever have imagined. the fact that my entire understanding of his intentions has been flipped in a matter of no more than 3 days feels like being hit by a truck. for full transparency, i am no longer in contact with Avid, but i did inform them that i was leaving the fate of our music in their hands. in the final messages he sent to me before i cut contact, he told me that he "would never cut [me] off financially". he told me he would never do a lot of things, so forgive me if i have trouble trusting this. regardless, the dropoff in listenership after what has been revealed will be substantial and immediate.

in the best case-scenario, i have a month or two left before royalties catch up to this dropoff, and will see consistent income for that time still. in the worst, i will no longer be able to afford my rent by the end of the month if he does remove the music and disable my royalty splits.

what i need is two things: i need immediate funds to fall back on in case things go poorly, and i need longevity. i have been so lucky to be surrounded by so many truly astounding and generous creators who have been willing to put my name out there for work. i am hoping this comes to fruition. i am already hearing from some about potential editing opportunities which is amazing. but things are still up in the air, and i need to be quick and smart. this is why i am doing something that my fans know i hate. i'm asking for help.

as i see it, there are three pillars to this. all the highlighted text below links directly:

immediate aid - if you have the funds to spare, buying our music on Bandcamp and donating to our Ko-Fi are methods of which we see the funds in a matter of days, if not instantly. this will help us build an emergency fund if worse comes to worse.

supporting our work - by spreading the word about our streaming on Twitch and listening to our music on streaming services such as Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube (and any other platform our music is on), you provide a significant source of consistent income that we can rely on month-to-month.

word of mouth - talking about what we do and why you enjoy it is a surprisingly big help, because it helps us find connections for potential growth opportunities and commission work. additionally, letting people know we have a Discord and are the ones responsible for Avid's music in the first place not only helps us, but it helps the people who loved Avid's music know there is more out there from the person who made his songs possible.

i'm gonna level with you all. i fucking hate writing this. i feel like a beggar. i feel humiliated. these past three days of piecing things together have been some of the worst of my life, and having to once again ask for help is the cherry on top. since i learned about the truth three days ago, this has been constantly looming over me. everything else has been made crystal clear to me, so i at least know without a shadow of a doubt what happened. but with this? i'm terrified. Avid knew my situation, my disability, my reliance on our work together. he has left me in a truly impossible situation. i am taking it as an opportunity to double down on the work i was already doing and try to turn it into a positive. i hope that you all are gracious enough to help me make that a reality. it would really mean the world right now.

over the past several days, i have talked with dozens of people who have corroborated evidence which confirms fears i have had for months - fears which i had been made to believe were unsubstantiated, until now. for my own privacy, safety, and wellbeing, i will be keeping this a personal matter. if there comes a time where it becomes relevant to share my perspective, i will do so with care and respect for everyone involved. at this time, however, i do not feel it would be helpful.

this situation has left me heartbroken. it has been devastating to find that someone who i trusted, loved, and considered one of my best friends was not the person i believed him to be. i am feeling more betrayed than i know how to express. my only solace is that in spite of this, i still find myself surrounded by friends and beloveds. forgive me if i choose to lean into them rather than my art in the coming weeks.

as for our music with Avid, i have given them the option to do what he pleases with it. while i am so, so proud of the love and care i have put into those songs, i sincerely cannot in good conscious claim them anymore. so many people have loved those songs, and i would not feel right taking them from anyone. this is why i have left it his decision whether he wants them to remain, or whether he chooses to remove them.

i ask that all of you please, please remain cordial. we are hurt, and the only thing that poking around and harassing others does is perpetuate the cycle of harm. if any malice burns within your heart, extinguish it now. i am tired of vitriol. i am tired, just in general. i want to take my time to heal, and then continue to make the art that i love, and share it with all of you. i ask each of you to do me the favor of not rocking the boat in the meantime.

maybe because not very close, rocky first thought, grace lets new human call him name he uses less. but rocky not stupid. grace smile when other human say ryland. rocky gets more smiles total. but simon say ryland, get grace smile every time. every time.

smile when simon touch, too. human courting weird weird gross, rocky know. grace has held rocky hand before. kissed rocky before. through ball. kiss gross gross gross human mating custom where openings press together. ... rocky like, though. grace probably like kiss simon better. can do more than press against the xenonite and hum. more than rocky. gasp ryland, baby when grace touch his waist, turn around in his arms like human dancing and kiss and kiss and kiss his lips, call grace pretty and perfect in a language made of sounds my voice cannot form.

rocky also think grace pretty. rocky also think grace perfect.

I SCREAMED ALOUD