"I would recommend violence, if you're open to suggestions."
To Xiao Hua's credit, he didn't even blink while saying the words, and just pushed the plate of tea snacks towards Wu Xie.
"And you think Ershu would appreciate that?" Wu Xie asked him incredulously.
"I think he would," Xiao Hua said, nodding. "He's a man who respects violence."
Wu Xie resisted the urge to snort, since he didn't want to encourage Xiao Hua further. God knew that this man didn't need further encouragement for his plotting.
"I'm sure you're thinking that this is one of my plots," Xiao Hua responded smoothly. "It isn't."
"You read minds now, too?"
"It was written all over your face," Xiao Hua told him. "And besides, the annual Jiumen gathering is not due for eight months at least. Enough time to make amends."
"You do realise that I cannot burn WeChat messages, right?" Wu Xie grumbled, because he would have tried.
"You can block Ershu," Xiao Hua said easily and Wu Xie spluttered into his tea cup.
"That is a declaration of war!" Wu Xie exclaimed.
"Which is why I said that violence is a good idea," Xiao Hua said, putting down his cup and pouring himself more tea.
"Then let me handle it. Hand over your WeChat account to me for a day and you'll find that the messages are gone. For good," Xiao Hua added with emphasis and Wu Xie shivered, despite knowing this man for the last twenty odd years.
Wu Xie pulled out his phone from his pocket, fumbling to get it unlocked, then slid it across the table.
"To be clear, I'm not folding, just exploring options," Wu Xie added.
"Of course," Xiao Hua said and scanned the code.
The next day, when Wu Xie logged back into his WeChat, it was eerily quiet. After months of finding Tantan requests in his inbox, it was finally and resoundingly empty. It wasn't like he had anything against dating apps, it was just that Ershu was the one picking the profiles.
And damningly, they were all men.
Wu Xie closed the app in a hurry, delighted that for once, Xiao Hua's solution worked the way it was supposed to.
It was only later, when he was turning in for the night that he checked WeChat again, and found several messages which were not from Tantan, for a change.
One of them was from Kan Jian, asking him if he needed reinforcements. Wu Xie blinked at it for a while, then opened the next. Strangely, it was from Liu Sang.
To be clear, it was my idea to begin with, the message read. I expect credit where it is due.
Wu Xie racked his brains for the last conversation he'd had with Liu Sang, and for the life of him couldn't figure out what he'd said. Some kind of arrangement between them which he'd forgotten?
Then the last one on the list was Hei Xiazi's.
That took balls, Xiao Sanye, it read, along with several basketball and baseball emoticons. And a thumbs up at the end of it, like an oddly shaped exclamation point.
Okay, now Wu Xie was truly afraid. What had he done to warrant Hei Xiazi's thumbs up emoticon? It always portended a terrible calamity.
With shaking hands, Wu Xie clicked on his WeChat profile picture, which was not one he remembered.
It was a photo of him with a sleeping Xiaoge, taken in a camp somewhere, judging by the sleeping bags behind them. It didn't look very recent, because he still had the stupid haircut he'd favoured for a while before Pangzi convinced him otherwise. And Xiaoge, well, he always looked the same, his eyes closed and a shock of hair falling over his forehead, making him look even younger somehow.
And right between them, was a photoshopped pink heart - a humongous thing with glowing edges - and the words:
I found my happy place, but Ershu is yet to find his.
Wu Xie blinked at the words for a while, too shocked to even react. He hovered over the pink heart only to find a link to Ershu's WeChat profile smuggled under it.
Oh.
Xiao Hua wasn't bluffing about using violence, after all.
Wu Xie switched off his phone for the night, and pulled the covers right up to his chin.
Well, every dog has its day. Wu Xie was always a firm believer in that.
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