Ruckus!!!

After I became cis again, after the last time I was trans, I put off the reason why I wanted to be a woman was just because I was into "feminine things", and I would be just fine as a man. The main reason I thought this was because I liked makeup, feminine clothing, and speaking in a less manly voice but still liked having my manly giblets. Besides, I wasn't born thinking "ohhhh I should've been a woman", I only used those pronouns online when I was pretty young to make people think I was old enough to play Rec Room in 2018, and I only completely committed to it because I dated a trans woman, and was jealous of how freely they could be more feminine presenting. Right?

Yeah, no. Now that I look back on it, there was probably a reason why I really was super happy when I was tricking people into thinking I was a teenage girl on Rec Room, and not some young boy that shouldn't have had access to a headset. After that girl I dated, I transitioned because she gave me confidence, which was then crushed when I told one of my friends that I "didn't want to be a man."

I would love to transition, but the state I live in would make that difficult, and I don't really have the means to move away either. I *need* the scholarships in my state to get a degree. Even worse, my parents would take an even longer time to accept me due to their political beliefs. I might start using she/her pronouns online, but it still feels kind of weird to go back to that.

Still, thank you to Clara, and the people who have liked, replied, or reblogged my post. You have given me confidence and answers, and I genuinely couldn't thank you more.

Sorry if there are misspellings, typos, or pieces of incorrect grammar. I made this in like 8 minutes with minimal editing. If there's something I need to change or clarify, lmk.

I'm not used to being this open on a public forum, but at least it is mostly anonymous.

(yes im the ugly one)