I need to rant just to get something off my chest cos writing it in the journal I have been trying to keep isn’t enough.
I know none of you will see this, but to all of the people who have had a negative reaction to my engagement (before or after the fact) I just want to say:
What should be the happiest time of my life has been RUINED by all of you. Each and every one of you has been selfish and rude and unfair.
To my mum who got visibly annoyed that we told my in laws first cos they are retired and she was at work, then proceeded to rant about her own wedding and make it all about her - fuck you
To my stepmum who LAUGHED as we were getting off the phone and thought I didn’t hear - fuck you
To my best friend who got so annoyed that it might happen this year (6 months before it did) and said to me (in messages I still have) “I spoke to my boyfriend about it yesterday cos no offence you and [fiance] can’t get engaged first cos we’ve been together longer” and has spent the majority of the year trying to manufacture instances for you to get engaged first (I literally didn’t care) - fuck you
To my aunties who when they found out laughed and then the oldest went “well when are you thinking of because your cousin is thinking 2028.” - fuck you
To the girl at work who is awful to me constantly, spent the entire week that I was on holiday getting angry about the fact that I might get engaged and then when I got home but didn’t post it on social media CRIED and spent the day I got back to work shouting about how she had been with her boyfriend for 7 years that day and how we only get engaged before them cos we’re older, and spent all day making my engagement about her - fuck you
To my in laws who ONE WEEK after we got engaged were talking about Christmas with their son (we discussed Christmas in January) and went from “we’re getting a daughter” to a horrible atmosphere when I got home and a “well we don’t want to throw it back in your face but…” - fuck you
To my dad who when I joked about us having too many people on our guest list immediately went “you need to cut that down.” And then proceeded to tell me that I had to invite family first and then fill the spots I had left - fuck you
And finally to my fiancé who is actually the only one to acknowledge that he has done anything wrong, and apologise for what he has done, who proceeded to tell me I needed to hid it from my parents for a week cos he wanted to tell his parents in person, who agreed to wedding plan with me because I was excited and just wanted to do some little bits and then spent the day being an asshole cos he didn’t actually want to do it but instead of telling me that chose to act like a child and then bring it up in an argument 3 weeks later and made me think that he didn’t actually want to marry me and just asked cos I was there, who gets annoyed when I want to go and leave the house to do things as a couple - fuck you
You have all hurt me deeper than words could express. I have a hole in my chest where my enthusiasm for this next chapter of my life once lived. I feel nothing NOTHING when asked (literally only by my fiance cos he’s trying so hard to make up for what he’s done) about anything to do with my future wedding. Where there was once excitement there is now emptiness and I don’t know how to overcome that because all of you thought your feelings on the matter were more important than my happiness.
