gay heisenberg

Project Hail BloodyMary AU

And what if Simon was brought onto the VAT to help solve space navigation issues and ends up falling for the chatterbox blonde scientist that acts as their boss’s lapdog.

I got like a bajillion requests for Foxman!Grace so this is for all the people that asked! Now he is matching with Catman!Simon.

And also have a mini untraumatized Simon that i never posted on here.

“Oh but voting for ryland grace isn’t fun, cause ryland gosling-“

WRONG.

get that idea OUT. Ryan Gosling is a conventionally attractive actor. Ryland Grace is a nerdy stubborn fuckin little guy who formed a codependent relationship with a rock spider and is so dumb when it comes to relationships he went out for platonic dinner with his ex’s friend every weekend for years.

this man is not some blonde hunk from the front of a Calvin Klein advert. This is an awkward middle school teacher. He is a loser and i have a list on why.

Unironically said “whomp, there it is” while giving an impromptu lecture to the entire world’s leading scientists

his immediate reaction to seeing an alien was to dance horribly and see if it mimicked him

is aroace

if you don’t want him to be aroace there’s also markiplier

Or Stratt or carl or rocky or rocky and Adrian or mark fucking watney (it’s everybody)

There are currently 455 fics under the tag “ryland grace is a wet cat”

called a tube of gravy “better than sex”

named the medical robot Armando and thanks it

made rocky a paper hat for the top of his xenonite ball that said “savior of the world” and drew rocky lab goggles on his tunnel

wears shitty science pun shirts

wears his glasses so wrong it’s hard to believe they’re intact

Brought back hopecore and space and good movies all in one character

he is a loveable loser and deserves to win this.

Make the right choice!

Here is a little Ryland Grace edit I cooked for possible propaganda, because his life and the Sexyman finals are a drag path.

And you're like well. I'd rather trust myself to the fate of the world than anyone else. And I'd rather not let anyone else suffer the Torment Nexus just because of my own feelings. That seems kinda selfish. Alright sure.

So you enter the Torment Nexus. Each level has you pressing buttons like, [abduct innocent scientists to your vat: chances of humanity's survival increases by 0.005%] [everyone disliked that] [congrats! your moral goodness has decreased!].

The later levels get even worse. [blow up Antarctica: chances of humanity's survival increases by, ummm who knows ????] [total humans negatively affected: ????] [congrats! you're an ecoterrorist!].

Then you reach the final level. It reads: [through this door you'll break the news to your friend that he needs to die.] And you're like, wait he has to die??? I have to tell him?? But that's incredibly fucked up. After I went through the Torment Nexus as well. But it's the last level. So oh well. I can do this I suppose. Rather me than anyone else.

You enter the level and you friend is standing next to a cliff. You go over to him and say, hey this really fucking sucks but I've just learnt you need to jump off the cliff. Then we might be able to save humanity for real though. Maybe billions of people can survive if this works.

I got this message from a bot, and honestly? If I was a bit younger and not such a jaded bitch with a career in tech, I might have given it an honest try. I spent plenty of time in a tough situation without access to any mental health resources as a teen, and would have been sucked right in.

Chatting right from your phone, and being connected with people who can help you? Sounds nice. Especially if you believe the testimonials they spam you with (tw suicide / self harm mention in below images)

But I was getting a weird feeling, so I went to read the legalese.

I couldn't even get through the fine-print it asked me to read and agree to, without it spamming the hell out of me. Almost like they expect people to just hit Yes? But I'm glad I stopped to read, because:

What you say on there won't be confidential. (And for context, I tried it out and the things people were looking for help with? I didn't even feel comfortable sharing here as examples, it was all so deeply personal and painful)

Also, what you say on there? Is now...

Koko's intellectual property - giving them the right to use it in any way they see fit, including

Publicly performing or displaying your "content" (also known as your mental health crisis) in any media format and in any media channel without limitation

Do this indefinitely after you end your account with them

Sell / share this "content" with other businesses

Any harm you come to using Koko? That's on you.

And Koko won't take responsibility for anything someone says to you on there (which is bleak when people are using it to spread Christianity to people in crisis)

I was curious about their business model. They're a venture-capitol based tech startup, owned by Airbnb, the famous mental health professionals with a focus on ethical business practices./s They're also begging for donations despite having already been given 2.5 million dollars in research funding. (If you want a deep dive on why people throw crazy money at tech startups, see my other post here)

They also use the data they gather from users to conduct research and publish papers. I didn't find them too interesting - other than as a good case study of "People tend to find what they are financially incentivized to find". Predictably, Koko found that Kokobot was beneficial to its users.

So yeah, being a dumbass with too much curiosity, I decided to use the Airbnb-owned Data-Mining Mental Health Chatline anyway. And if you thought it was dangerous sounding from the disclaimers? Somehow it got worse.

(trigger warning / discussions of child abuse / sexual abuse / suicide / violence below the cut - please don't read if you're not in a good place to hear about negligence around pretty horrific topics.)