TRANSFORM&RISEUP

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: what newssss from the kingdomsss Kathleen Stock: terrible bone-chilling news, dark lord!! Rowling: sspeak Stock: well, you know the holyrood? Rowling: Rowling: the what

Stock: you know, the holyrood Rowling: Stock: it's the scottish parliament Rowling: OH Rowling: yeah yeah of courssse Rowling: i totally know what that iss Rowling: not like i'm ssome carpetbagger or ssomething here haha Rowling: born and bred right here in thiss sscottish casstle, that's me haha

Stock: anyway, the holyrood Rowling: right, the holyrood Rowling: and that's a real thing, this holyrood? Stock: yeah it's totally real Rowling: i'm jussst assking cuz it kinda ssoundss like ssomething i'd make up in one of my bookss Rowling: you're not funning me are you? Stock: never, dark lord!

Stock: they just had elections for the holyrood, dark lord! Rowling: oh good! i'm ssure that after our relentless decade-long campaign of public transsphobia and the institutional capture of all british media and government that not a ssingle transs persson wass elected, right? Stock:

Rowling: becausssse i feel like, after all we've done to banish them from public life, the bare minimum metric for successsss would be that they can't get elected to office, right? Stock: Rowling: right? Stock: Rowling: right?

Stock: actually your dark lord you are now represented in the holyrood by a [mumbles] Rowling: what wass that? Stock: [mumbles] Rowling: i didn't quite get that Julie Bindel: she said [mumbles]

Rowling: foolss!! idiotss!! bumbling nincompoopssss! Rowling: once again, you fail me! Rowling: i think you'll find that the dark lord'ss patience hass limitsss Stock: no, dark lord! Rowling: kathleen, hand over your secret blueberry inflation erotica stash Stock: no, dark lord!!!!! Stock: no!!!!!!!

Rowling: julie bindel!! Bindel: [wearing tape over mouth to signify the erasure of gender critical viewpoints from media] mmff? Rowling: you're not fit to wear that tape! [rips off tape] Bindel: nooo! that stings!!! Bindel: oh the pain! Bindel: how hard it is being a uterus-haver!!!

A true story from 1928 with a few artistic embellishments.

The Clearest Image of Venus's Surface, By a Lander that Melted After 2 Hours.

On March 1, 1982, the Soviet spacecraft Venera 13 landed on the fiery surface of Venus and sent back the clearest images we’ve ever received from that hellish world. In about 127 minutes, it captured panoramas revealing cracked rocks and a mustard-yellow sky before succumbing to crushing pressure and staggering heat of around 457°C (855°F).

Roz, get me a car. Chris, get me some cocaine.

DUTTON LOST HIS SEAT!!!!!

PETER DUTTON IS NO LONGER A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT!!!