Several people approach you with pills. If you take the white pill, you gain the ability to see a massively expanded range of colors - however, if it comes in first or second place, you can no longer see the visible spectrum. If you take the red pill, you grow a third arm in the location of your choice - however, if it comes in last or second-to-last, the arm’s location is random. The candystripe pill makes your breath permanently perfectly pleasant. It also acts as the red and white pills for the purposes of activating those negative effects, but has no negative effects of its own. If you take the blue pill, you will always be perfectly hygienic, and if you take the yellow pill, you can clean surfaces just by looking at them. However, if yellow and blue are in adjacent places re popularity, both groups will only receive mild, short electrical shocks on a random day each month for the rest of their lives with no other effects. If you take the aqua pill you will be granted three clouds to summon at will- use them wisely! If you take the purple pill, your strength and density will be multiplied by a factor equal to its distance from the top popularity position- so if it comes in first, no change. If you take the green pill, you will gain the ability to split off or re-absorb up to 100 one-inch tall idiotic homunculi that look exactly like you. They can be commanded to carry out simple tasks. However, if this pill comes in 1st, 3rd, 5th, or 7th, you will also be made one foot tall permanently. If you take the big pill it will taste good and you’ll be full for a while. The translucent pill has a tracking device in it. If you take the black pill you’ll always know the correct answer to trolley problems and moral conundrums. If you just eat a handful, well, who knows? Please spread this around, if nobody takes these pills we’re just going to dump them in the water supply.
White pill
Red pill
Blue pill
Yellow pill
Aqua pill
Purple pill
Green pill
Big pill
Translucent pill
Black pill
As many pills as I can fit in my mouf before anyone can react
Candystripe pill
