Summary : About almosts.
About staying.
About the quiet moments before everything shifts and the people you hope will still be there when it does.
Pairing : satosugu, itafushi, shokohime, nobamaki, and more probably
Genre : slice of life, university au!, no curses au!, found family, friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, slow burn, mutual pinning, etc...
Status : In process
Warnings : the usual one I guess, angst, fluff (yeah its a warning for some people) mention of depression, abusive parents (physically and morally), PTSD, scars, self harm,... satosugu being idiots in love, but if you're here only for them you'll be disappointed.
A/N : It's been, a while since i've post something..! Hope y'all will enjoy it 🥺 this is my first satosugu fanfiction, sorry the characters will probably be ooc and all... ps : sorry for any mistakes (again yeah), english is not my first language ! 💜
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Summary ⟅ When it comes time for you to finally admit your feelings for Peter, you meet a version of him you've never seen before.
Requested: yes
Peter Parker x Reader / ⟣ SMUT / 3.6k ⟢
Warnings: BND peter, no spoilers that aren't in the trailer, light angst if you squint, virgin!peter (is this canon...?), peter is SENSITIVE, some yearning, grinding, dry humping (everyone cheered), dirty talk, peter is losing control, p in v, dacryphilia, nipple sucking, peter cums A LOT, creampie, slight praise, he whines and whimpers a bunch, he overstimulates himself, kinda sub space, I think that's it?
Lily's note — 🪷 well this is clearly not my niche but i got that request and needy peter? you don't have to ask me twice. IF YOU ENJOY PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT LETTING ME KNOW :D
It had taken you a while to break through to Peter. But ever since you bumped into him that first day of moving into your new apartment, there was something about his eyes—something that eerily reflected the pain you'd felt through the past years—that made you want to know him.
He was extremely hesitant at first, understandably so given what you knew now about the whole spiderman and everyone forgetting him thing, but after getting to know you and hearing about the barrage of troubles the universe had thrusted your way, he figured if there was anyone he could trust, it was you.
A year later, not much had changed in your lives. You were still two struggling adults in your twenties just trying to get by on the day-to-day, except now, at least you had each other to cope. At least you were able to find some reprieve and light, though the pain from your lives remained a low hum in the background.
You weren't exactly sure when it began happening—maybe a few months in—but you noticed it randomly one day. Your heart started beating faster around him. Then, he began taking up extra space in your mind until eventually, the thoughts became too loud to ignore.
You chalked the feelings up to all the trauma bonding and hours you’d spent together trying to shut out and disappear from the real world. You tried to ignore the rush of joy you felt when he laughed, or the dizziness of your head whenever you caught a glimpse of him changing out of his suit, until you were drowning in a pool of affection that you weren't sure you could surface from.
There’d been a few times the confession almost slipped from your tongue. The intimate nights sitting out on the fire escape with food and the sound of the city in the distance, or the times where he sat a little too close to you on the couch during movie nights.
But then he’d sigh, his gaze going foggy as he zoned out on some far off point, murmuring, “MJ would have hated this movie,” or “Ned used to love this burger place.”
And just like that the words would die on your tongue. How could you ever compete with the monument of love he carried for his past relationships? No, it was easier to suppress the feelings and toss them atop the mountain of other struggles you carried. You’d learn to manage with the extra weight simple because the alternative—a life absent of his presence—wasn’t something you could fathom.
Then things started changing.
First, he was suddenly busy on your sacred days off, days you would always spend together exploring new restaurants and coffee shops around the city. Then, he started turning you away on his patrol nights, nights where you’d kept him company and even helped patch up the nastier cuts he couldn't reach. Excuse after excuse came and the fear that he’d figured out your feelings twisted your gut with nerves.
It didn't take long for you to come to the conclusion that he was building a wall to preserve the sanctity of his memory with MJ. There could be no other reason for the sudden distance. You tried convincing yourself it was for the best. The perfect solution to help you cope with losing him, because if it wasn’t now, it would be later.
You lasted exactly three days. Three days of radio silence was what it took for you to realize that no, you couldn’t do this. You couldn’t stay away from him. Maybe it was the return to a forgotten loneliness, a deep, screaming void, that had you knocking on his door frantically that night, your fist nearly pounding through the paint-chipped wood.
The door cracked open an inch and before he could get the opportunity to reject you, you pushed your way through, bursting into his apartment with a temper he’d never seen.
“Hey, stranger,” you said with a hint of venom in your voice. You turned to face him, your eyes widening slightly at the sight of his pale, flushed skin, a fine sheen of sweat settled on his temples. His eyes looked unusually dark; you blinked your own a few times to clear them and make sure you weren’t seeing something that wasn’t there.
He said your name through the rasp of his shaky voice. “I-I’m sorry, I’m busy right now… you should go.”
“Like hell I should,” you scoffed, any anxious thoughts replaced by an unwavering surge of protectiveness. “Is this why you’ve been ghosting me? Are you sick or something?”
His face suddenly scrunched up, his hand raising to hold his head as he whimpered in pain. “I’m n-not ghosting you… I just…”
You took a step closer to him, freezing when he flinched back and held out a hand to stop you. Your heart fell to your stomach as you watched his eyes darken further. “Pete, I don’t know what’s going on but, please, let me help you… Stop pushing me away.”
You attempted another careful step forward until he pushed himself back against the wall.
“S-stop, stop! Please just… don’t come closer.”
You swallowed down the thick lump in your throat that had risen, clenching your hands into fists to stop them from shaking. You waited patiently for him to speak, scared that the next words that left him were going to be the ones to shatter your world.
“I,” he paused, breathing in a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t… trust myself to be around you right now.”
Your brows pressed together in confusion. “Why not?”
His eyes bore into the ground as he tried to gather his thoughts over the multitude of senses that surged the moment you approached his door, but everything was fuzzy and melted together until all he could feel was you. Your presence, and it was driving him crazy.
“My systems are detecting an abnormally high heart rate, Peter,” Evie’s robotic voice rang out. “System overload is approaching.”
“Not now, Evie,” Peter choked out.
You shook your head in disbelief. “You can trust me, Peter. Please. Haven’t I proven that to you? After everything?”
“I-It’s not that—”
“Then what?” You approached him despite his protests, not stopping until you were a step away from touching.
His brain nearly short-circuited, any lasting restraint vanishing as he allowed you to fully flood his senses. The shampoo you used this morning, the perfume you’d applied a few hours ago, the fast thump thump of your heart, a beautiful rhythm that drowned out all rational thought to disarm him completely.
“Something is happening to me,” he gasped, the words tearing from his chest. “My arachnid DNA is… it’s evolving. Mutating. Everything is turned up to ten thousand a-and my impulses—” he cut himself off, slamming his head back against the door hard enough to make it rattle on its hinges.
You shook your head, your hands reaching for him again. “If you’re scared you’ll hurt me, you won’t—”
“No!” he spat out desperately. “It’s not that I—I c-can’t—” He was practically shaking now, violent tremors racking his body.
Your heart ached as you watched him. Unable to control yourself, you lifted your hands to cup his flushed cheeks, his skin burning under your palms. “Peter,” you whispered softly, your voice reaching him over the storm raging within.
He stared at you, his pupils dilated so wide, only a thin ring of the soft brown you loved so much was present. Your lips parted with a pant at the hunger displayed in them as you got lost in their depths, a raw need you’d never seen before. “Woah…”
A low, tormented whimper escaped him when your thumbs rubbed along his skin, the sound shooting straight to pool low in your stomach, spreading a heat you scolded yourself for internally. Now was not the time.
“I can’t think straight when you’re near,” he confessed through a strained voice. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I can’t act normal. I can’t pretend like I usually do… not when all I want to do is—”
He groaned, tipping his head back against the door, a final sliver of restrain returning before he crossed the line.
“What, Peter?” you pressed, leaning closer to eliminate the last inch of space between your bodies, your chests brushing. You looked at him with such care, your gaze so gentle and understanding and comforting. “What do you want to do?”
In the split second before he moved you were able to catch the black swallowing the last fragment of brown, followed quickly by the entirety of the whites of his eyes. Then his lips were on yours.
It was all consuming as his mouth moved over yours, desperately kissing as if you were the very air that filled his lungs and it was being threatened away from him.
His hands dug into your sides, fisting your skin to pull you flush against his body until you could feel the taught muscle hidden beneath his shirt. You gasped into his mouth when he lifted you to wrap your legs around his waist, moaning when he took the opportunity to slide his tongue along yours.
He fell back onto the couch behind him, keeping you close as he continued to devour your lips, whimpering when your fingers threaded through his hair, tugging to pull him back so you could take a breath.
He fought against your grip, his eyes opening to lock onto yours when you pulled harder. Your chest heaved as you stared into the black pools with awe.
“I-I’m sorry,” he managed to say through clenched teeth, barely suppressing the desire to ravage you whole. “I tried to hide my feelings but it's harder like this.”
The smile that graced your lips had his head spinning all over again, his eyes burning as they turned glassy.
“Feelings?” you mumbled, leaning down to ghost your lips over his, the heat in your belly spreading further when he tried to chase them. You curve into him just enough to feel something poking you as he let out another strangled gasp. “You like me, Peter?”
A tear slips down his cheek when you say his name, the sound falling so beautifully from your lips, making his cock pulse harder in his sweatpants. The grip he has on you tightens, subconsciously pressing you down over his throbbing boner.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats with a shake of his head. “I don’t want to ruin what we have, I just… can’t lose you, too.”
Your heart clenches when his voice cracks with agony. You want to scream at him and the world the depths of your feelings for him, how he could never lose you and how the same fear had been tormenting you for weeks. But words felt small, too insufficient. So you showed him by capturing his lips with yours once more.
He met them with relief, his arms wrapping fully around your torso to cage you against him in an attempt to get as close to fusing your bodies together as possible. You arched into him, fully dragging your core against his cock, the friction a sweet torture that had his mouth falling open in a broken moan.
“Please,” he gasped against your cheek.
You buried your face in the crook of his neck, your lips latching onto the sensitive skin as you rocked your hips faster. You could feel every inch of his cock pressing against your heat, your aching clit pulsating in your soaked panties. His grip on you turned bruising, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he guided your movements to match how much he needed you.
“So g-good… you feel so—mngh—” he whined.
Just then a sharp blaring came from the other side of the room, a sound you recognized as his police scanner. You stilled your movements and removed your head from his neck. Before you could say anything, Peter’s arm flung out. A web whipped through the air and a second later it connected with the phone, striking it hard enough for a loud crack to sound out, silencing the alarm.
His black eyes shot back to find your surprised ones. He’d never, ever, ignored the call. But tonight he didn’t care. Tonight, all he wanted was you.
You could practically see the possession in his eyes as he stood up, holding you against him. Seconds later, your back met the soft mattress of his bed as he laid you down, quickly pressing himself back between your legs, his mouth finding your neck, kissing and nipping a trail of fire. Your mind, however, was still trying to comprehend what you’d just seen.
He intertwined his fingers with yours, pinning your hands beside your head, his hips rutting shamelessly into you with a pressure that stole your breath. You turned to stare at his wrist, bare of the bulky web shooters.
“Peter,” you panted, arching into his thrust. “How did you… the web?”
His lips trailed up your cheek, messily kissing over your lips with a desperate fervor.
“Arachnid DNA,” is all he mumbled.
“O-Oh.. cool,” you managed to say before he swallowed the word with his tongue.
He parted to sit back on his heels, pulling his shirt over his head to reveal his sweat slicked torso. Your mouth went dry when he pulled down his sweats and underwear in one go, kicking them off the rest of the way.
Your gaze dropped, a heady moan slipping at the sight of his thick cock flushed a deep red as it pulsed against his stomach, streams of precum dripping down the sides.
He climbed back over you, pressing his cock into your clothed heat to resume his rutting, panting little sounds of pleasure into your ear.
“Mnmh—ah! I can—fuck… I can feel how warm you are, can smell you." His hands slipped beneath your shirt, running up until they grazed the soft skin of your breasts.
Something new in him snapped when he realized you weren't wearing a bra. He started snapping his hips harder into you until your body was climbing up the bed. “I’m sorry—oh god… fuck, I’m so sorry—I can't stop—”
“It’s okay, Peter.”
“No,” he pleaded, his lips brushing your throat. “I can’t hold back anymore. Fuck—I need you to tell me—”
“I’m here for you, Peter,” you whispered, cupping his face to force his dazed eyes back to yours. His lids were blotchy with tears, his lips red and kiss-swollen. You could see the struggle in them, the fight against his depraved thoughts to make sure you were okay with this. It only made you want him more. “Use me.”
Any remaining tension in his face melted. His brows relaxed, the cute crinkles by his eyes smoothing over at your permission.
He shoved your shirt over your head, moaning at the sight of your chest, your nipples peaked and begging for his touch. He captured one in his mouth, laving it with his tongue before sucking hard. His other hand rolled the other between his fingers, flicking and pinching the sensitive bud, drawing out high pitched cries from your lips.
“Mmm, so pretty, taste so sweet.”
His free hand fumbled with your pants in an attempt to push them down, a frustrated, almost animalistic groan escaping him when they caught on your hips. He gave a small tug and tore the fabric away from your body, discarding it without a second thought.
“Hey!” you yelped, the protest dying when he pressed the hot head of his cock through your sodden folds, rubbing it through the slick mess.
The slick sounds of your wet heat were enough to make his consciousness slip as he failed to suppress a sob.
He could hear every microscopic hitch of your breath in his heightened ears, every pulse at your clit against his shaft a divine torment, the rush of your blood beneath your skin. You watched, enamored, as his eyes fluttered weakly when his tip caught at your hole, and then he was pushing in.
“O-Oh fuu—” his eyes fluttered as your tight cunt clenched around the invasion.
“I’m sorry, so sorry—so tight, fuck, ‘M sorry—” he apologized in a continuous stream as he sank in, forcing himself deeper until he was fully bottomed out. Tears slipped from his eyes, cascading down his flushed cheeks, your walls clamping down to draw out more small cries from him, basking in the sight.
You sucked in a sharp breath at the stretch. It had been a while for you and Peter was so thick. You could feel every vein, every ridge of his cock dragging against your velvety walls as his hips met yours.
Before you could fully adjust and let the sting subside, he was pulling out and driving back into you with a punctured breath, stealing the air from your lungs. You dug your nails into the muscles of his back, biting your lip to suppress a yelp as he set a brutal pace, each thrust burying him just as deep.
The head of his cock kissed your cervix with an overwhelming, euphoric pressure.
“Cunt feels so fucking good, squeezing me so tight.”
The pain began to fade, replaced by a pleasure so sharp it bordered on agony. You wrapped your legs tighter around him, locking your ankles, pushing him deeper inside you. “'M so full, Peter.”
He collapsed onto you, his lips leaving wet, sloppy kisses wherever he could reach as he fucked you mercilessly, his cock pistoning in and out of you.
The pressure in your belly snuck up on you, building and coiling tight like a live wire trapped beneath your skin.
“P-Peter—!” you cried out, your cunt fluttering around his cock. You bowed off the bed, your back arching as he fucked the orgasm out of you, wave after wave of white-hot ecstasy flowing through your nerves.
The foreign scent of your cum invaded his senses, something he could only describe as overwhelmingly you and all-consuming, causing his eyes to screw shut with a sob.
The violent constrictions of your walls around his cock only edged him on further. He fucked you through your climax with ragged, desperate bucks, his movements dissolving into a frenzy, the filthy sounds of wet skin slapping together filling the room.
You latched onto his wrists beside your head, feeling an intense heat radiating from the hypersensitive skin over his organic webbing. Before you were even aware of your actions, your head was turning, your lips pressing a soft kiss to his wrist.
Words were beyond him as your touch reduced him to incoherent, whimpering babbles. “Feels… s’good—mphm. C-Can’t… ‘M yours… all yours—”
His thrusts turned erratic, his gut tightening as he rested his forehead on your chest, nuzzling into your skin in an attempt to sink into you, to become one.
"It h- it hurts—can't stop... 'M sorry—"
You could feel his cock swelling inside you, his thrust faltering to shallow, uncoordinated thrusts. A sob wretched from him, wanton and broken, hot tears spilling from his clenched eyes, dripping onto your skin.
"Come for me, Peter."
He sank all the way in one last time, burying himself as deep as he could go as his body tensed.
Then his mind blanked.
His vision went black, speckled with stars. With a guttural cry, he came, his release a torrent, spilling deep into your cunt in thick, hot pulsing waves. He whined into your chest, his body spasming through each powerful jet.
You panted through each hard twitch of his cock, overwhelmed with the sheer volume of cum as he continued to fill you, the sensation so intense you struggled to catch your breath. It just kept going as he shook above you, his cum leaking out around the base of his cock still stuffed deep inside you.
He stayed there as your cunt milked every drop, creating a home for himself, content with living inside you for as long as you'd let him.
You carded a hand through his hair as tremors continued to wrack his oversensitive body. “Shh, you’re okay,” you whispered into his ear, your voice hoarse. “You did so good.”
He went boneless above you, a dead, spent weight. Eventually, his softened cock slipped from your used cunt, followed by a stream of his release dripping down to soak the sheets as you whimpered through it all.
A few moments later, the silence in the room was broken by Evie’s voice. “Heart rate regulated. Vitals have returned to baseline levels.”
It seemed to bring Peter back to earth. He lifted his head from your chest with a groggy moan, blinking blearily down at you. His eyes were back to their normal, warm brown, the black reduced to his pupils, though still glazed with wonder.
You guided him to his back, leaning over to wipe the tears from his cheek before pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
He sniffled, fresh tears welling in his bloodshot eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice wrecked. “I didn’t… I didn’t want it to happen like that. I wanted to be… better for you.”
You shushed him gently, kissing his cheek. “We’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” he insisted, the vulnerability clear in his tone. “I am.”
You shook your head, a small smile playing at your lips. “Then never ignore me like that again.”
He sniffled with a nod, his lips squirking up into that boyish smile that made your heart ache. “Okay.”
“Do you feel better?” you asked, your hands smoothing down his chest.
He nodded, a dark blush spreading across his cheeks and down his neck. “I didn’t know I could feel that good,” he admitted with awe.
“Has it been a while for you, too?”
He swallowed hard, his gaze flicking away for a second before meeting yours again anxiously. ‘I’ve never, um…” he took a shaky, deep breath. “That was my uh, first time.”
Your hands froze on his chest. “What?”
He winced. “I told you I couldn’t control myself.”
You laughed at the surprising confession, leaning down to brush your nose against his. “Well, at least it was memorable.”
He smiled, all shy and genuine and so Peter-like, you couldn’t resist kissing him, tender and slow. Your hand continued rubbing, your thumb brushing over a nipple, circling it to a peak when he whimpered, his whole body jolting back away at your touch.
“Tsk, so sensitive.” Your hand trailed lower, grazing over the dips of muscle to rest just above where his cock was stirring back to life. “So how easy is it for that side of you to come out?”
His breath caught as your finger dug into the sensitive skin of his lower stomach. When you flicked your eyes back up to his, you saw it again.
The inky blackness had started to expand, swallowing the warm brown, once again drawn out by you.
Description: You’re spider-man’s closest thing to a friend since the world forgot his name. Helping him with gadgets, cleaning his wounds…all without him ever taking the mask off. His true identity has always been a barrier between you two, but what happens when he gets hit with the pollen, and not only him, but the creature lurking inside him fixates on the only person he gets to call home?
Tags/warnings: sex pollen smut, fem!reader, porn with plot, whiny desperate peter >>>, dry humping, piv, riding, oral fem!rec, fingering, dark!peter taking over for a bit, orgasm denial, prone bone, so much yearning, mask stays on…or does it?
Note: You have no idea how giddy it makes me to write him again. He had NO business looking that good in the movie so I had to get this out of my system. Enjoy 🤍
Masterlist
You've seen spiderman hurt many times. When you signed the lease of the first apartment you could afford as a recent graduate, you never thought that would become your new normal.
The first time it happened was completely accidental. He’d arrived at the building in the middle of the night, bruised, bleeding and too disoriented to realize that the window he’d come through was not his.
That night, the noise of a heavy body collapsing onto the floor woke you up. For one terrifying moment, you believed someone had broken into your apartment, only to switch on the lamp and find the city’s superhero groaning and pressing his hands to his side. His suit was torn there, and blood soaked through the ruined fabric onto your rug.
He barely lifted his head when he heard you gasp, the lens of his mask focusing on your figure standing there with wide eyes, wearing only an oversized shirt.
“Wrong window,” he choked, then tried to hold himself up but immediately collapsed again. “Dammit,” he cursed, waiting for you to freak out any second now.
You could have, but instead you rushed to him and knelt beside him.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” Your hands hovered helplessly over his body, trying to see how bad the damage was in the dark. “You need a hospital–”
“No!” He snapped, trying to turn away but failing miserably. “I’ll be fine, I heal quickly.”
“You still need to stop the bleeding,” you countered, folding your knees under your body so you could rest on your calves. “Listen, I can help you. I took some medical courses last year and I have a kit somewhere.”
You looked at him with pleading eyes. He’d saved the city so many times, the fucking world, it was the least you could do to give something back.
He considered his options for a second, and to be honest he didn’t have many. His body was betraying him, and he couldn’t even get up to fix it himself like usual.
The blood loss made him nod, and you wasted no time in getting up and finding said kit. The blood loss also made him drift in and out of consciousness as you tended to the wounds on his ribs as much as you could.
It did not make him less cautious of you though. When you noticed the rip on his mask over a nasty gash on his neck and reached for it, his hand closed around your wrist and even half conscious, his grip was strong.
“Please,” he whispered. Pleaded. “Keep it on.”
The fear in his voice made you promise you would. Even if you couldn’t get to that gash properly. Even when he fell asleep on your floor and didn’t wake up for six whole hours.
The next morning, he opened his eyes and found you sitting on your bed, still staring at him.
His hands patted his chest, and confirmed his arachnid powers had done its job and healed him mostly. But most importantly, his mask was still in place. With no warning from E.V of it being removed. He learned that you’d spent the night making sure he was still breathing without seeing his face.
That had been one year ago.
After thanking you profoundly for helping him, he’d repaired your window, apologized several times, and disappeared into the apartment next door. He then considered moving into another building, but the thought was brushed away very quickly when he remembered the balance in his bank account.
So he acted more careful instead. For a while, he only turned back home when your curtains were already closed, or he only left the apartment when you had already left for your job (because yes, he absolutely researched the hell out of you after that night.)
Then he moved to the attic of the building. Bigger space, no neighbors, no risks. No you. Or at least he thought.
Because some nights…some delirious nights he still found your window a few stories down, and the accidental visits became less accidental. When he was too badly injured to care for himself, he came to you, even after you confessed your degree had nothing to do with medicine.
When he noticed you understood about his equipment malfunctioning, he’d bring it for you to inspect. When he became too reckless with himself you talked his ear off about how being difficult to kill did not make him immortal.
Somewhere along the way, you became spiderman’s friend.
Spiderman was safer. With you, spiderman was the only part of him he could let you see. Because that was the thing, you only knew the masked superhero.
He’d spent so much time blocking away his identity, making peace with the fact that there was no longer anyone in the world who would call him Peter and know exactly who that person was. That name only belonged to the people that once knew him, and no longer existed, so he never gave it to you.
Never showed you more than a sliver of skin when his mask rode up or glimpses of his abdomen when you tended to his wounds. He always kept that barrier and you respected it, even on those nights he was too weak to stop you. Even if sometimes not knowing the color of his eyes kept you up at night.
A promise was a promise.
Maybe that’s why he kept coming. Why he trusted you with a certainty he couldn’t understand. Why he eventually showed you his new living quarters in the attic and let you spend time with him. Why half a year ago, he added another chair next to his desk so you could work together, or help him when he was out patrolling and needed an extra set of eyes.
“I’m officially the girl in the chair, spidey,” you joked that time as you sat next to him, spinning around in your chair.
He’d gone quiet immediately, his body tensing up enough to make you frown, but then managed a small smile and said you were. You pretended you didn’t notice him being too quiet as he worked on his inhibitor after that.
He was wearing a hoodie, sweatpants and the mask. Always the mask that didn’t quite let you see through him. After a moment of quiet, you rolled your chair closer to his and nudged his arm playfully.
“You know I can’t keep calling you spidey forever, right?”
He snapped out of his trance, and the chuckle that came from under the fabric was unmistakable.
“Why not?” He nudged your arm back, but still focused on the device he was hunched over. “I like spidey.”
You put your elbow on the desk, resting your cheek on your hand so you could lean a little closer.
“I like it too, but it feels ridiculous after having my hands all over your body almost every night.”
The moment the words left your lips, you realized how bad that sounded. He straightened up, turning toward you.
“Wow.” Even if you couldn’t see the smile on his face, the lenses of his mask were quite expressive sometimes. He was amused.
“That came out very wrong,” you said immediately, before he bursted into laughter. He had been laughing more since you entered his life. “You know what I meant,” you whined, laughing too with heat flooding your cheeks.
“I think I know,” he chuckled, making you roll your eyes.
“I’m being serious though,” you added, a little more quietly. “You don’t have to say your real name. Just give me something.”
“Mmm…” he acted like has considering it, going back to tinkering with the piece of metal between his fingers, but then his eyes drifted to the flowers he’d bought that morning, and the name came out of his lips before he could think twice about it. “You can call me Maynard.”
“Maynard?” You repeated, suppressing a chuckle. “You don’t sound like a Maynard. That’s like an 80 year old man’s name.”
“That’s all I can give you,” he shrugged playfully.
You had a feeling it went deeper than that, but you’d also learned not to push it with him.
“Alright. Maynard,” you nodded, “but don’t expect me to use that name unless you’re dying. Guess I’ll stick to spidey for now,” you chuckled, going back to your own work as he hummed in agreement.
The conversation ended there. With him trying not to think about your hands all over his body in…different conditions.
Peter didn’t know exactly when his gratitude became longing. He could not identify the moment the friendship, the closeness, or just your smile, shifted into something he craved everyday.
Despite the mask and the fake name, he knew that after years of being no one to everyone, he had become someone to you. And you had become everything to him. Even if it was behind walls he’d built, you were the person who knew him better than anyone alive.
Which is why, the night he lost control of himself after an unknown dust was thrown at him in a fight, he chose not to crash land into your room.
Peter hit the floor of the dark attic with a loud thud, as his senses went overboard. His suit was sticking to his body uncomfortably due to the sweat coating his feverish skin. The fabric was intact, with no visible wounds in his body, just that burning sensation of something running through his veins.
And that dark part of him he’d managed to lock down with the inhibitor, trying to claw its way out.
“What the…what the fuck is going on,” he cursed, clutching his heaving chest as he panted against the worn wood floors. “I can’t–I can’t breathe…”
The computer’s monotone voice broke through the silence.
“You have arrived injured. I’m letting her know–”
“NO!” He cut the AI off, “EV, don’t tell her–”
“Message already sent.”
He glanced up at the digital clock on his desk. 2:18 am.
He groaned, grabbing his head when a wave of migraine hit him. He knew what came after that. The black eyes. The desire to break. To take. But this time something felt different. It was like a pull, looking for something or someone…for…for you?
Oh fuck.
You were going to come in and you were going to see him like this. No, no–
“Spidey?” You asked from behind the door, knocking exactly twice before opening it anyways.
The air changed the exact moment you walked in, and that something inside him shifted too. It became aware that the only thing it craved to survive was in the room now.
He needed to get to you. He needed to pin you down and–
“Don’t!” He managed to scream, holding his hand up weakly when you scrambled toward him.
You stopped right in your tracks, eyes wide and running all over him, searching for torn fabric, blood, or anything that would explain why he looked like every breath was painful.
“What happened?” You frowned, when you couldn’t find any source. “Did you get hurt?”
You instinctively stepped forward, but he waved his hand in front of him again.
“Stop, stop, stop,” he said quickly, “don’t come any closer.”
The harshness in his voice caught you off guard, but what sealed the deal was him dragging himself further away from you. It was barely more than a clumsy, desperate crawl, but he managed to put a decent distance between you before collapsing against the side of his thrifted couch.
He avoided looking at you. The oversized shirt covering your body, the comfy shorts you were probably wearing, the way your hair looked messy from rolling out of bed as soon as you got EV’s warning even if you had work the next morning.
You stayed right where you were, watching him. His suit had always fit him like it was painted on his skin, but every pant made his chest rise and fall beneath the fabric so violently that you wouldn’t be surprised if it ripped at the seams.
This reminded you too much of the changes that happened in him months ago.
It started with a sharpened temper, then the heightened sensitivity to everything, the black covering his eyes, and moments during patrol when his reactions became simply frightening for someone who had as much strength as he did. But you were supposed to have stopped it.
“Is it the inhibitor?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest, “is it failing?”
“I–I don’t know…I was hit with some dust out there,” he breathed. “I think it’s tampering with it…my head is killing me. Everything is too much.”
You nodded, turning toward the workstation.
“I will check the programming. Just hold on.” Not your best attempt at reassuring him, but he groaned in acknowledgment.
“EV?”
The computer woke when you touched the keyboard, illuminating the dark attic in a wash of blue light.
“Online.”
“Please run a diagnostic on the inhibitor and any possible interference.”
“Beginning diagnostic.”
You waited impatiently for the results, tapping your fingers on the desk while you watched him from the corner of your eye.
Over there, he…he was doing his best trying to breathe.
This obviously wasn't his first time having sensory overload. When the animal tried to take over the human part of him, everything in the city became impossible to escape. Not a single movement, or sound, or simple existence within miles was unnoticed by him.
But this time? The rest of the city had disappeared. There were no sirens in the distance, or voices coming through the walls, or every heartbeat in the building pounding in his head.
There was only you.
Your rapid heartbeat echoing inside him. He felt every tap of your fingers against the wood, every slight catch in your breathing each time he made another involuntary and pathetic sound from his spot on the floor.
Your scent…God, your scent filled the entire apartment.
The scent he found himself coming back to so often that it scared him. He didn’t want the attachment. The possibility of having someone again only to risk losing them again.
That same scent was making every muscle in his body react in a way he didn’t understand. It made him, and the other him, wanna do things to you he had only dreamed of in his wildest fantasies. Things he wasn’t proud of, things he wouldn’t dare to say out loud, even if he looked at you through the lenses of his mask and you couldn’t see the black in his eyes.
He pressed the back of his head against the couch harshly.
This was wrong. So wrong.
His senses were supposed to consume everything when the change came. Instead, they had fixed themselves entirely on you.
He could feel the heat of your body from across the room as though you were still in front of him. Could remember with sickening detail how soft your hands looked when they reached for him. Could almost feel the burn of the touch that had never landed because he stopped you.
What if he’d let you? What if he’d felt the way your hands ran all over his body? What if you’d moved them lower, and lower, as your mouth–
“Diagnostic complete.”
Your heads snapped toward the screen.
“There’s no external damage affecting the integrity of the device. I detected a foreign biotoxin in the bloodstream that may be bypassing the inhibitor, activating the suppressed arachnid hormones.”
“What biotoxin?” You frowned.
“Unknown. No matches found in available databases.”
Great. He thought. He had no time to take a bath with Yelena Belova to find out what the stupid dust was.
Tiny, microscopic potato, she would say.
The screen changed, displaying a model of his nervous system. There were yellow bright lines pulsing quickly, running all the way from the base of his brain down the length of his spine. Something unknown was moving through his blood, altering the part of him he had spent months forcing into submission.
He sucked in a breath as he watched you read the screen. Your eyes were focused, and a bead of sweat made its way down the side of your forehead.
He suddenly felt the need to lick it off.
Wanted to run his tongue from the base of your neck to the back of your ear. Wanted to fist your hair and make your heart beat out of your chest from how good he knew he could make you feel–
“The effects remain within his enhanced tolerance. However, prolonged exposure to certain hormones can cause extreme distress without relief.”
“What hormones?” Your voice, worried and unknowing of his thoughts only made him feel guiltier.
It took him a second to realize what you asked, but EV threw him under the bus before he could say anything.
“There’s a significant rise in reproductive hormones. The unknown toxin is inducing a strong mating response in him.”
Mating response. He stopped breathing.
Your eyes slowly moved from the monitor to him, and he saw the moment your attention dropped lower to the tent of his pants.
That suit concealed nothing on a good day. On one like this? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck–
He shifted almost immediately, but the movement only worsened the pressure, pulling a helpless groan from his throat that made your pulse jump. You looked away at once, turning back to the computer.
“Is there a way we can…umm…stop it?” You asked hesitantly.
“The subject is experiencing severe sexual arousal with a fixation on a nearby individual,” she explained, because fuck him if he wasn’t the unluckiest individual on earth. “Acting upon it can be a positive option to relieve sexual tension.”
He wished the floor would open beneath him, swallow him, and never ever EVER spit him back out again.
Your pulse was absolutely hammering after that. He caught the sudden change in your scent. There was a sharp spark of surprise, nervousness, and something else beneath it that his altered senses fed on immediately.
You kept your eyes fixed on the monitor, although the data had stopped meaning anything the moment you heard fixation on a nearby individual.
“Is that what you really feel?” You asked softly after a moment.
His head fell forward, catching it between his gloved hands. He didn’t know how to answer without making everything worse.
Although, after what EV said, could it really be worse?
“…Yes.” The word came out rougher than he expected. Yet still not enough for what was happening inside him. “It’s like…I can only feel you. All of you.”
Heat rose to your face once again.
“What does that mean?”
Don’t say anything, don’t–
“I can smell you.” Great start, idiot. He cleared his dry throat before continuing. “I can smell your shampoo…the lotion you use…the ink on your hands from your favorite pen.”
He chose not to mention he could also smell the adrenaline on you. The heat gathering slowly beneath your skin.
Your eyes dropped to your hands, and under the dim light of the computer, you caught the ink stains in them from your journaling session before bed.
“I can hear your heartbeat changing every time I speak,” he added. Okay, that one slipped out.
You swallowed. And god, he felt that in his own throat.
The suit was suffocating him at this point. He wanted to rip it off as much as he wanted to rip off the fabric covering the goosebumps on your skin.
“Is it only because I’m nearby?” You asked, gathering the courage to turn your chair to him.
White lenses met you across the room. He dragged in another shaky breath of oxygen made of you as he thought about his next words. He could’ve lied. He should’ve lied. But instead, chemically overwhelmed and stripped of every defense he possessed, he gave you the truth.
“No.”
His voice was firmer this time. No hesitation in it despite the thousand red alarms pounding in his head telling him to shut up.
“It picked you–no, I picked you for a reason,” he added. “And it’s not just me. The other…the other me wants you too.”
His voice went lower on the last part, that told you how much it cost him to admit that.
The silence following his confession was heavy. For a moment he wished he could read your mind. For all he could feel of you, your thoughts were unreachable.
His own mind was a mess. The impulses didn’t feel like thoughts anymore, just his body feeding him instructions.
Get up. Cross the room. Touch her. Breathe her in.
His palms shook with the urge to close around you. His teeth ached with the need to graze your skin. His eyes burned with the desire to see beyond fabric.
Every part of him seemed convinced that the small distance between you was a mistake he needed to correct. That he needed to breathe you in until his lungs burned. Drag his mouth along the inside of your wrist and taste the pulse there.
He hated it.
He hated that something inside him could look at the person he cared for the most and reduce her to an answer for his pain.
“EV, how long is this state going to last?” He asked the computer, followed by a weak cough as he clutched his side.
“Your enhanced physiology is struggling to break down the toxin’s structure. I estimate a time between ten to twelve hours before it’s metabolized. However, neurological collapse is expected before that timeframe.”
“What?” You looked at him. “There’s no way we’re letting that happen. Maybe I can–”
“Don’t even start,” he cut you off, shaking his head profusely.
“So what? I’m supposed to sit here betting on whether your body collapses on hour three or hour six?”
“I’ll just pass out, big deal. I’m not putting you in danger because of this. I can handle it.”
“You’re barely handling it now. There’s no danger in trying–”
“You don’t understand what’s happening inside me right now,” he argued, raising his voice. “This other thing, the one the inhibitor controls it’s…awake. That part of me doesn’t think like I do. It doesn’t care if you're scared, or hurting–”
“You wouldn’t hurt me–”
“You don’t know that!” He snapped, his fist struck the floor next to him, hard enough to make the worn wood crack beneath his knuckles.
The sudden noise made you flinch. He smelled the flash of fear moving through your body for only a second.
One second enough.
“Fuck–that is what I mean,” he cursed, covering his lenses with his hands. “I don’t…I don’t know if I’d be gentle. I can’t risk this, I can't…shit, I can’t risk you.”
The words, said with so much pain, and honesty, seemed to settle somewhere deep in your chest.
“Okay,” you nodded, settling deeper in your chair. “But I’m not leaving you like this. I can’t risk you either.”
He shuddered a painful exhale. His head dropped to the couch again, shutting his eyes in preparation of what the next hours of torture would be.
Except…he didn’t even last ten minutes.
The suit was killing him, so he decided he’d be better without it. He reached desperately behind his back, clumsily undoing the zippers that tied the suit together.
He could feel your wide eyes on him as he tugged the fabric off his shoulders, peeling it off his sweaty arms. He groaned when he lifted his hips and the suit grazed his swollen crotch. In a matter of seconds that felt like eternity he managed to break free from the spandex, and threw it away somewhere in the room. He’d undressed down to his dark boxers, mask still in place, revealing the marble sculpture of his body.
You let out a shaky breath from your spot, eyes raking over a body you’d only seen partially. He was covered in wounds most of the time, but this time, he only had faint bruises from the night before decorating his chiseled abs.
His tight muscles flexed with every rise of his chest, his bulge straining harder the more you devoured him, pressing against his pants, making him curse quietly.
You noticed, and returned your eyes to the screen to track his vitals.
He felt grateful that you’d given him that grace, but just you being in that room made it very hard for him to think of anything other than your existence.
Too hard.
Before he knew his hand drifted down the growing ache in his crotch, trying to feel some relief, but every rub he made over the fabric of his boxers sent a jolt of pain through his body instead of pleasure.
It only made it worse when he realized you were tense at the desk, trying very hard to keep your focus on the screen and not on the whines he was letting out.
“…I’m sorry,” he apologized instantly, breathlessly, moving his hand away. “I didn’t–”
“Don’t apologize,” you shook your head quickly, eyes still on the screen. “You…you can do whatever you need.”
He didn’t say anything, just whined in pain again, so you took it as a chance to say it before you regretted it.
“But my offer still stands, spidey.”
What a polite way of saying ‘I’d let you fuck me into next week so you can control your horny arachnid hormones, spidey.’
Fucking hell.
“I’m okay I just–God I didn’t–I didn’t think it would feel this way…” He laughed humorlessly, staring at the ceiling. “But I–I got this. Yes.”
You kept quiet, hearing him mumble to himself about a hundred times about how he had this.
“I’m okay…I’m good…it’s fine…”
He wasn’t.
“Fuck I don’t…I’m going to die…”
For God’s sake.
“I think I can help.”
By the time he registered the words and looked back at you, you had already moved from your chair and shortened the distance between you, kneeling in front of him.
His senses went from one thousand to one million. He forced his hands behind his back, trying to keep the animal from grabbing you and getting it over with.
“What–what are you doing?” He stammered nervously, the lenses of his mask going wide.
“Maynard,” you said quietly, ignoring the way his body tensed up at that name. “Would it make you feel better if I put my hand here?”
You placed your hand right in the center of his chest, and your cold palm met his overheated skin. He gasped, feeling every individual fingerprint on his skin. He wanted them marked on him. Tattooed.
His back arched from the couch, with a strangled gasp breaking from beneath the mask. The relief hit him all at once, through a simple contact that felt like salvation.
Your hand steadied him for only a glorious second, but now that you had touched him, his body knew precisely what it had been denied.
It wanted more.
His own hand closed around yours so suddenly that you almost pulled back, but he loosened his grip the instant he realized how tightly he was holding you.
“Sorry–”
“Don’t apologize.” You pressed harder.
He was burning.
The heat beneath your palm scared you, but what scared you more was the violent pounding of his heart beating against your hand so so quickly.
“Better?” You asked quietly, trying not to bite your bottom lip at the image of him crumbling under your palm.
“So fucking better,” he said breathlessly, pressing your hand tighter against his chest. “I…dammit–”
“Breathe,” you reminded.
His head fell back against the couch. Chest rising up and down, up and down, up and down.
Just take her, man, she’s right there–
Your free hand accidentally brushed his neck, right where the border of the mask started, snapping him right back. He grabbed your hand, not harshly, but firm enough to make your breath hitch.
“Please.” Was all he said.
Leave it on.
It brought you back to that first night he’d crashed into your life.
“I wasn’t planning on removing it,” you whispered, leaning closer. “You can keep it on. But let me help you…I really want to.”
See? She wants it. She needs it so bad.
He hated that the other guy was right. He knew you meant what you said because he could smell the proof pooling between your thighs.
Fuck it.
In a sudden movement he reached for your waist, dragging you forward so you were straddling his lap. The bulge you landed on made you gasp, hands instinctively grabbing onto his sweaty biceps for balance when he let out a broken groan that vibrated against your core.
His hand cupped your jaw, bringing it closer to his face, and your dilated pupils reflected on the white of his lenses.
“I can feel that you want this,” he mumbled, tilting his head to the side. “Please, say it again…”
You shifted your hips, barely, so minimal yet he felt it travel through his whole body. He hissed, tightening the grip on your jaw.
“I want this,” you repeated firmly, moving your head closer to his ear. “You can take whatever you need…”
You moved your hips again, more deliberate this time, pulling a broken whine from him. The toxin made every contact feel like electricity racing down his spine, straight to the heavy, aching weight of his cock under you.
“Yes…yeah just like that…” he panted. “Just let me…”
His hands landed on your waist, moving you back and forth at a quicker pace over his bulge. You gasped at the friction, fingers digging into his shoulders, while he let out a collection of muffled words you could barely understand.
“...M–more…” he whined, throwing his head back against the couch. “I can’t–I need…”
“What do you need? More what?”
“More contact.”
His hands left your waist to grab the hem of your shirt.
“Can I?” He whispered.
You nodded eagerly, gasping when his hands shifted to the collar of your shirt instead, ripping it off your body with a sharp pull.
“Oh fuck,” he cursed when he realized there was nothing under that shirt, and saw your nipples hardening instantly under the cold air.
He resisted the urge to bite them through the mask.
His hands, however, wasted no time to cup your breasts with a broken whine. His thumbs played with your nipples, tugging at them as hard as he could allow himself to without hurting you.
“Fuck you’re perfect…you’re so perfect…” he whispered, more to himself than you, pulling some soft whimpers out of you when he tugged a little harder. His hands drifted to your lower half, to the hem of the last piece keeping your body from his greedy eyes. “These too,” he said, “please, can I? I want to feel you.”
“Yes,” you nodded, already out of air.
You didn’t even know why you tried to get off his lap to take the shorts off properly, when he just did the same as the shirt: ripped it in half where it rested on your hips, yanked it off from your body and threw the ruined pieces far away.
You weren’t wearing anything underneath.
“I can smell you. God, I can smell you. You’re so–oh God…”
Now he could feel your wetness drenching his boxers, dripping onto the fabric. He could almost taste it in his mouth. He wanted nothing more than to drown in it for hours.
“Can–can I–?”
You didn’t even let him finish, you grabbed his hand and placed it right between your legs.
Water. He found water in the middle of the dessert.
His hand moved carefully through your wet folds once, twice, delighting in your warmth, the way you felt, the way you let out the prettiest sound he had ever heard in his miserable life.
“Fuck…” you cursed softly, moving your hips eagerly when he kept stroking slow. Too slow. “Touch me, please.”
He obliged, fingers finding your clit in movements that had you gripping his shoulders tighter, eyes fluttering shut so beautifully he had to bite his lip to not let out a pathetic sound.
“Been wanting this,” he mumbled. “Longer than today. Longer than tonight.”
His finger slid inside of you, making you moan when he curled it just right.
“There were…there were nights I thought about you riding my hand,” he kept going, voice cracking as he added a second finger, stretching you more. “I’ve wanted you for so long–not just because of this shit in my blood. Because it’s you.”
Every word made you clench around his fingers. Every admission pulled another shaky moan out of your throat. You were a mess already, breathless, hips rolling down to meet the thrust of his fingers.
“Oh my God–don’t stop, please don’t stop–”
“Not stopping, baby.”
He kept working you open, the white lenses of the mask never leaving your face. His free hand slid up your chest, settling between your breasts.
“I’m–I’m close,” you managed. “I’m so close–”
“Come on…you’re perfect. You’re so fucking perfect like this.”
The heel of his palm lifted to press against your clit. You were right there, right on the edge, about to come on his hand and drip down his boxers–
“Please,” he begged, unable to keep it in. “Let me fuck you after this…please. I need to be inside you. I’ve needed it for so long–just let me, after you come, please, please–”
The plea undid you.
You came with a broken cry, stopping your movements as your walls pulsed around him. The sound you made against his shoulder nearly finished him right there.
It took you a second to just breathe again, your chest synching up with his in the search of oxygen. He kept rocking his hand slowly, not just to work you through the aftershocks, but because the friction of your pussy in his hand brought the tiniest relief to him.
You just stayed there as the last soft waves rolled through you.
Once you were able to see clearly again, you let out a breathless chuckle and straightened back up.
He needed you. He needed you so badly you really thought he was going to die if you didn’t help him.
You placed one hand on his chest as the other reached under you, slipping inside the fabric of his boxers without breaking eye contact.
The second your bare fingers brushed him, his hips jerked hard under you.
“You said please,” you whispered breathlessly.
You wrapped your fingers around him and pulled him free.
His cock sprang out, heavy and flushed between your bodies, so thick and hard and painful. The head was red and shiny, with precum dripping down the vein that ran along his length. The tip brushed the skin of your stomach, leaving a warm, wet patch that made the hair on your arms go up. He could smell the small flicker of intimidation sparking inside you, but the want that followed was stronger.
You stroked him a few times, slowly just as he’d touched you at first.
“Oh my God, your hand–your hand–”
Another thick bead of precum welled up and spilled over your fingers. Whether it was the toxin or just his enhanced physiology, he was dripping for you.
Flustered wasn’t enough of a word when you had his leaking cock in your hand.
His hands slid down to your hips, gripping tighter, guiding you up as if he was about to lift you then pulling you back down immediately.
Fuck her. Fuck her right now.
“Please, I need–I need to feel you…” he cried out. “Let me…let me…”
You nodded just as desperately, lifting yourself up as he helped, steadying you with shaking hands until the thick head of his cock nudged against your entrance. You both exhaled hard at the same time when you started to sink down, taking him inch by inch.
He was big. Almost too much. The burn of it made your breath hitch, but the way he cursed under his breath multiple times, completely at your mercy, made you keep going until he was buried balls deep.
You sat there for a moment, breathing heavily, and so full of him.
When the initial sting faded away, you started moving. He let you set the pace as you adjusted, holding back his need of thrusting up. His fingers dug on your skin, not lifting just holding you, but the more that you moved, the more that control started to waver.
He could feel it coming. The change.
You kept moaning, bouncing on top of him, completely unaware of his self restraint crumbling away.
His grip slowly tightened when his eyes began turning completely black under his mask. That careful, pathetic boy who’d been begging disappeared beneath something more…primal.
Fuck. Whatever had been holding him back finally snapped.
The next thing he knew, his hands slid under your thighs with sudden strength. He lifted you up in one motion until only the thick head of him remained inside you, held you there for a second as the last part of him tried to remember how to be gentle–then snapped his hips up hard.
That first thrust pulled a sharp moan out of you, but there was no chance to adjust this time. He set a relentless pace almost immediately, using pure strength to bounce you on his cock while he drove up to meet every drop of your body, buried so deep it stole your breath every time he bottomed out.
“Oh my–May…Maynard–” the name you barely used on him slipped out in the middle of the frenzy, but his hand reached behind your head to pull your hair back slightly as he kept thrusting up.
“Don’t call me that,” he snapped, his voice so different from just minutes earlier. “It’s Peter. Call me Peter when I’m inside you.”
He didn’t even give you time to process, still lifting and dropping you onto his cock at the exact hard rhythm he wanted. The only one that satisfied the need inside of him. Your hands instinctively reached for the edge of the arm of the couch he was leaning against, fingers digging into the worn fabric as he hit that spot inside you over and over again.
“Of fuck…Peter–fuck…yes…”
“That’s better,” he approved. “I was right, you’re so so perfect…taking every inch like you need it as bad as I do…”
A desperate sound slipped out of you at the praise, he could feel your walls clenching tight around him as your body went for that second orgasm, your eyes were fluttering shut, almost there–
“Nuh–uh,” he denied immediately, stopping mid thrust, holding you pressed against him as you gasped, surprised and confused.
“What–what happened? I was about to–”
“I want you to hold it for me. I know you can.”
That twisted part of him enjoyed the slow realization on your face.
Even if you couldn’t see his eyes, you knew the same spiderman he’d been without the inhibitor, was the one with your body at his mercy now.
Good.
He stayed buried to the hilt for a moment, breathing hard behind the mask. When your breathing finally slowed down and accepted that the high never came, he stood up. Still inside you, he walked you to the bed in the corner of the room.
His bed.
He pulled out with a wet sound that made both of you groan, then laid you down roughly near the edge of the mattress. He kneeled down, strong hands hooking behind your knees and dragging your legs over his shoulders, folding you open for him completely.
“Look at the ceiling,” he ordered. “Don’t look at me.”
You obeyed, staring up at the wood beams high above you while he tugged the bottom of the mask just high enough to free his mouth.
Peter leaned down and pressed a few soft kisses to your swollen folds. He wasn’t necessarily eating you out, just giving a few loud smooches that felt good enough to make you grip the sheets.
“M’sorry, you were so perfect there…” he mumbled condescendingly against your most sensitive spots. “But I need you to hold on a little longer. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”
You nodded, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. Maybe too eager. Maybe too pathetic. Just like he’d been. Had he pumped that toxin into you?
Either way, you didn’t care. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like this version of him.
He laughed right over your clit when you moaned loudly, after he moved his tongue in a slow, torturous swipe over it.
“Was back there too much?” He cooed. “Maybe I just need to stretch you more...”
Two fingers slid inside you, so easily, but the sudden stretch still dragged a whine out of your throat. He curled them immediately, finding the spot that made your hips jerk.
“Peter…”
“Huh?” He acted coy, pumping his fingers with a rhythm that kept you right on the edge without letting you tip over. He added a third finger, making your back arch from the mattress. “Keep holding it in.”
Every shake of your body fed the stupid toxin inside him. Having you like this…really trying to keep your body from coming apart because he said so.
God. He was never going back.
“You just took my cock. I think you can take three fingers with no problem.”
He kept the same relentless pace, chuckling when your body started twitching again.
“Shhh, you’re perfect, absolutely perfect…”
“Peter…” you called out again, hand dropping the sheet to find his shoulder instead. “I need…need…”
“Need what?”
“Need you inside me…please I won’t–I won’t hold for much longer just–fuck me.”
He stopped altogether, a smirk you couldn’t see stretching the corner of his mouth. He pulled his fingers out with a wet pop, licking them clean before tugging his mask back in place and standing up.
“Yeah?”
Your legs dangled off the edge of the bed for a moment before his hands gripped your hips and turned you over. He moved you higher up the bed, grabbing one of the pillows, and shoving it under your hips, tilting your lower body up for him.
He then climbed onto the bed behind you and knelt between your spread thighs, the mattress dipping under his weight as one hand stroked down the length of your spine.
But something made him stop.
“This fucking mask–” he cursed under his breath. “It’s suffocating me.”
The sweat on his forehead had pooled under the mask, making it so sticky over his eyebrows that it was affecting the lenses he was trying to see you through.
“I need you to be a good girl for me,” he added breathlessly, yet still commanding enough. “Keep your head on the mattress. Ass up. Don’t turn around.”
You nodded. Too eagerly again. Couldn’t care any less again.
He didn’t think twice, just yanked the mask off and tossed it aside. It landed near you, making you bury half your face on the sheets as if staring at the mask alone would be disobeying his commands.
The sound he made when the cool air hit his face was pure relief. He swiped the sweat off with his forearm, finally seeing you clearly. Face down. Eyes squeezed shut. Already clutching the sheets.
“You look so pretty like this,” he mumbled. “All spread out for me…waiting.”
“Peter…” you whined, lifting your ass slightly from the pillow.
“I know, I know. You’re okay.” He couldn’t keep the smirk away when he added, “you said please.”
He reached between you, guiding the thick head of his cock between your thighs until it nudged against your entrance. You were still soft and ready and perfect.
Peter pushed in slowly, letting you feel every inch as he sank deep and deep and deeper.
He braced one hand beside your head and kept the other on your hip, pushing you into the mattress as his thighs hit the back of yours. Slap. Slap. Slap. The position left almost no space between your bodies, with Peter pressing his chest against your back.
“Fuck…you feel so good like this…so pretty taking me.”
He kept going, making the mattress creak and the base of the bed hit the brick wall repeatedly. Your desperate moans ran through his body like electricity, making something inside him crack open again.
What? What is–
The moment his rhythm stuttered, he shook his head, trying to clear it. Beads of sweat flew from his hair to your back.
“God–you…you’re making me–” The roughness of his thrusts slowed down immediately, inhaling a sharp intake of air as he felt the change again. “I can’t, I can’t…”
He lifted his gaze to the window behind the bed and noticed his eyes had turned back to its original color.
“Oh my god,” he gasped, stopping altogether. He straightened up, still kneeling and inside you, but panicking. “I’m…I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened I–“
“Peter!” You cut him off, pushing yourself back, closer to him, without turning around. “Shut up and fuck me.”
The order left your mouth breathless, pushing back against him even more to make the point clear. His hands twitched when they gripped your hips again.
“Okay, okay…” he panted, groaning when you dropped back on the bed and his cock almost left the warmth of your pussy. “I’m sorry–if I was too rough, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
He picked up the pace again, but the words tumbling out of him now were pure pleading Peter again.
“Don’t turn around–don’t turn around–fuck, fuck…” slap, slap, slap. “You can come now. Please. Please, I want to feel it–you’d come apart so pretty on me, I know you would…pleasepleaseplease–”
His final permission and the desperate way he said it made you crash harder than the first time, crying out into the mattress. The second he felt you coming around him, he knew he couldn’t last much longer either.
“Can I–inside…please, can I??…let me fill you up–”
“Yes–inside, Peter, do it inside me…”
He buried himself to the hilt with a strained groan and finally came. The orgasm tearing out of him was harder and longer than anything he’d ever felt, holding you there, filling you up.
You gasped against the sheets, breathless, as the waves of cum seemed to go on forever, flooding you with warm and thick ropes in every spurt as he emptied himself inside you.
“Thank you…thank you…” His forehead dropped between your shoulder blades, sending broken gasps against your skin as he kept coming. “You are so perfect–fuck…so perfect…thank you…”
The pollen wrung him dry until he could barely breathe, and even then he kept rolling his hips weakly, chasing the last of it while he slowly softened inside you.
When it finally eased, the pain, the need, the hunger…he pulled out slowly with a whine, and half collapsed over you. His arms held most of his weight as he planked above you, but you could feel every ridge of his muscles brushing your sweaty skin.
Peter’s eyes fluttered shut, feeling exhausted and aching in the best way, almost lulled by the sounds of your agitated breaths.
You both felt the warm trail of liquid leaking out between your bodies and neither of you moved or said anything for a while. He could’ve stayed like that forever, really. With your naked body under him, no masks, no barriers, just your swollen pussy leaking out his seed–
“Successful ejaculation brought down the arachnid hormone levels immediately. Inhibitor working within regular parameters now. Congratulations, Peter.”
EV’s monotone voice cut through the silence.
It took two seconds of shock before you both broke into breathless laughter. His teeth grazed your back as your bodies vibrated in sync from the amusement and overall flustering after everything that happened.
“Thank you, EV,” Peter muttered.
“You’re welcome. I gathered data and the released semen volume exceeds standard parameters by two hundred and twenty six percent due to the high hormonal concentration. Hydration, clean up and rest are advised.”
“For fucks sake…” Peter cursed under his breath.
“Oh god…” you mumbled against the sheets.
That was your call back to reality.
Peter felt you move under him, reaching blindly to the side until your hand found the mask. You lifted it over your shoulder, offering it to him without looking.
“I don’t want to,” he said, too quickly, then cleared his throat. “I…I don’t want to put it back on.”
“Then I’ll close my eyes,” you offered instead.
“No–I mean…you don’t have to. I don’t want to wear it around you anymore. Not after…all of this,” he admitted sheepishly.
“But you told me to not turn around,” you reminded him, dropping the mask on the mattress again. “And that was you, not the darker you.”
He chuckled, nodding even if you couldn’t see him yet.
“Yeah, because if I saw your face while I was balls deep inside you I would’ve busted before you came.”
There it was. He said it. No turning back now.
At least it got a chuckle from you too.
“Listen I…I meant everything I said. Everything. The wanting, the nights I thought about you,” he confessed. “I don’t want you to feel like I just used you when…when there was always a reason why I needed you like oxygen tonight.”
Your breath hitched, and his hand found your waist, pulling you closer to him, and when you didn’t push away…he exhaled in relief behind you.
“So maybe…you can turn around now. If–if you want to. Know the real me.”
“I would really like that,” you whispered without hesitation.
You tried lifting yourself up to turn around, but he did most of the job, moving away the pillow he had placed under you and helping you roll onto your back. You closed your eyes, at least until you were facing him completely, and took a deep breath. Holding onto his biceps for moral support, you finally opened them again.
Seeing his face for the first time felt so intimate, even after everything you just did.
There he was. The same guy who just fucked you into next week, looking more shy and boyish than you could’ve ever imagined.
Brown eyes. Dark, curly hair sticking to his forehead. A nervous smile tugging at the corner of his gorgeous mouth.
So young. So earnest. So yours.
Not spidey anymore. Just Peter.
Your Peter.
Thank you so much for reading 🤍 I used to write Peter so much back in the day (shoutout to my starktonyx era) and I’ve missed him dearly.
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Wanted to share here the little video I made now thar the European tour is officially over. Words aren't enough to express everything so... Thank you for everything Bangtan, see you soon 💜
so july 2nd i went to BTS concert in brussels and it was the fourth time i saw them and it was even more amazing that the 3 other times lol i can't even express how much i love those boys bro the concert was amazing, I was so close and so far at the same time HAHA i laughed, I cried sm, they did For Youth GUYS THEY DID FOR YOUTH FOR US BELGIUM A LITTLE COUNTRY WITH WAFFLES AND BEER AND FRIED IM CRYING so now i'm in a big depression post concert and it's really hard i just cry randomly at day because i miss this and miss the people i met everyone was so gorgeous and kind it was overwhelming but in a good way !! and I got so much freebies and all i'll cherish them all for the rest of my life i promise damn i hope they'll keep their promise and come back soon :(
i posted some pics and vids on instagram if you're interested it's easy to find me it's the same username as here!!
It's not that abandonned writing at all, I'd rather die than doing it honeslty! BUT I'm not inspired anymore to keep and finish the fanfiction anymore... moreover, the way I was writing it, it has to have smut in a certain way on the story and I just can't write smut LMAO I tried, again and again, wrote a little one with Caleb from LADS but it was so hard and so mentally exhausting I honestly don't want to do it again for now lol.
BUT² !! I saw all the people liking and still giving attention to the story despite it's been... almost 2 years since I've updated the last chapter... it's both really flattering but also making me nervous because I guess that people expect an update who will probably never come!
Honestly I think it's really the smut part who block me HAHAHA SO AFTER THE VENT SORRY HERE'S THE PROPOSITIONS I HAVE !!
I try to finish without smut, like I'll write the smut is happening but not giving detail or just skipping to the aftermath but I don't know when I'll update and if I will
2. I let the story like that, and you just know y/n and the boys ends up together in a happy little pack with puppies or not puppies if you want them to not have puppies-
3. I try to finish it and make a part where y/n have her heat BUT don't want to have sex and all and it's just all fluffy lovey dovey everyone can bear the instinct because the boys are walking green flags and then boom declaration happy end everyone is happy and in love
4. a secret ending that I don't know yet but if you have ideas please tell me my dm's are open or even in anon-
Again i'm really sorry I wish I could finish this I'm really sorry I just can't force myself to do things I don't want or I'm comfortable with... don't hate me >w<
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About the quiet moments before everything shifts and the people you hope will still be there when it does.
Pairing : satosugu, itafushi, shokohime, nobamaki, and more probably
Genre : slice of life, university au!, no curses au!, found family, friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, slow burn, mutual pinning, etc...
Status : In process
Words count : 3.8k
Warnings : the usual one I guess, angst, fluff (yeah its a warning for some people) mention of depression, abusive parents (physically and morally), PTSD, scars, self harm,... satosugu being idiots in love, but if you're here only for them you'll be disappointed.
A/N : Let's go for the first chapter ! Satoru is a sweet dumbass, Suguru is a sweetheart and introduction to my sweetie oc Yuna Hoshino be kind with her ! 💜
ao3 | twitter |
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Later, they will say it was the year when everything changed.
But that evening, Suguru wasn't thinking about it. He was just walking through the streets lit by yellow streetlights, looking at the windows of bookstores and cafes. The cool autumn wind prompted him to adjust his scarf, and he found himself noticing how the leaves were already beginning to fall silently. Nothing dramatic. Nothing remarkable. And yet, somewhere in the shadows of habit, something was shifting, imperceptibly, like a wave beneath the surface.
Suguru stopped when he noticed a loud crowd across the road. Looking up, he noticed something who where didn't there before. Something had been painted on the facades of a building. He often walked down this street and knew it hadn't been there the day before.
It wasn't the first time this kind of thing had happened in the neighborhood. Over the past five months, more than four similar works had been painted in just a few hours, attracting the attention of passersby and the authorities. The messages conveyed by these paintings were always political, feminist, or climate-related, like the one in front of him. They always denounced something. A kind of Japanese Banksy, in a way.
Suguru found it rather impressive, not getting caught by the authorities, conveying such strong messages and, above all, remaining anonymous without ever getting caught. He even admired that person somewhat.
He didn't linger too long and continued on his way. The café where he had plans to meet up wasn't very far away, and his friends were probably already waiting for him there.
Or not.
When he arrived, he looked around, searching for a familiar face, but saw only one. A purple head, bent over a book he knew to be about marine biology, a steaming cup of coffee beside her. He simply smiled and walked over, sitting down across from her. He had known Yuna Hoshino for several years now, and over time she had become a close friend.
“What species tonight?” he asked simply, in a soft voice so as not to startle her. She looked up and pushed her glasses back up her nose, her large green eyes surprised to see him. She quickly recovered and closed her book.
“Jellyfish. Did you know they don't have brains? Or lungs, or hearts!”
Suguru nodded, genuinely interested. “Really? How do they live?”
She sat up straight and crossed her arms, taking a sip of her coffee. “They have a network of neurons throughout their bodies that allows them to react to stimuli, swim, and even learn things. Well, it's more complicated than that, but...” She paused and puckered her lips slightly. “Sorry, I'm talking too much again...”
“On the contrary, it's very interesting. Are you alone? Shoko and Satoru aren't here yet?”
From the look on Yuna's face, he realized that they would probably be alone again tonight.
“Shoko is filling in for someone and is on shift at the hospital...” she began, motioning to a waiter so Suguru could order, "as for Satoru... I don't know, did he say anything this morning?"
Suguru also ordered a coffee and turned his attention back to his friend, who was putting away her book. He and Satoru were roommates, just like Shoko and Yuna. And yet sometimes, Suguru and Yuna felt like they were living with ghosts. Shoko and Satoru were the busiest of their group. She was working back-to-back shifts at the hospital, being in her final year, while he spent most of his time in practical work rooms.
“Shoko works too hard, she's going to end up burning out. And I haven't seen Satoru since this morning. I don't think he's at the party, but...”
“The star is in the house!”
Suguru felt an arm wrap around his shoulder and a chest press against his back. Of course, his heart skipped a beat, which he decided to ignore and blame on the surprise because, of course, Satoru always liked to make dramatic entrances.
“You really think I'd miss this? It's so rare to see Yuna stick her head out of the aquarium!”
The woman frowned. “Hey! I'm never at the aquarium, it's too far from campus...”
“Then why do you always smell like seafood?” Satoru asked innocently, resting his chin on Suguru's shoulder.
“What? That's not true, I...” Yuna lifted the collar of her T-shirt to smell it, a look of panic on her face, then turned to Suguru. “I don't smell like seafood, do I, Suguru?”
Suguru rolled his eyes and nudged Satoru lightly, pushing him to sit next to him. Ignoring his heartbeat again. “Of course not, don't listen to him, he's just messing with you.”
Yuna took advantage of Satoru sitting down to kick him in the shin, before turning her attention back to Suguru. “That's why you're my favorite, Suguru.”
Satoru pouted. “You're hurting me deeply, Yuna. I thought we were friends!”
Yuna and Suguru exchanged glances and started laughing. The waiter brought Suguru his coffee and took Satoru's order, a coffee for him too. They all needed coffee, honestly.
“By the way, have you seen the new painting on the facade of the building a little way from here?,” asked Yuna, taking a sip of her coffee.
Suguru chuckled slightly as he nodded. “About climate change this time. How long does it take to do this kind of thing? Several hours?”
“Not that long if you're good enough at painting,” Satoru replied nonchalantly. Yuna and Suguru exchanged glances, then turned their attention back to Satoru. “Because you've become a pro at street art now?” Yuna questioned. “Satoru, don't tell me...”
“Huh? No, it's not me!” Satoru quickly exclaimed.
Suguru sighed slightly and leaned back in his chair, “Too bad, I'm still curious to know who could do something like that. It's really impressive.”
Satoru looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “What, do you have a crush on this anonymous person or what?” he asked, something imperceptible in his voice.
Suguru turned slightly toward him, not noticing Yuna rolling her eyes and turning her attention to her cell phone. He didn't get why Satoru was saying that. And the tone in his voice... it sounded like he was... jealous? No, it was probably just his imagination. “You're talking nonsense, Satoru. Don't tell me you're not curious to know who's behind all this artwork?”
Satoru raised his eyebrows, turning his head toward the café's large window, seeing the famous street art in the distance. “It's just graffiti on a wall, nothing more. That's not how things are going to change.”
Suguru turned slightly towards Satoru, a small crease forming between his brows. There was something about the way he just said it, just a graffiti on a wall, that didn't sit right with him.
"You really believe that?" he asked calmly while taking a sip on his coffee.
Satoru shrugged, wrapping both hands on his own cup when the waiter brought it. "I just believe that painting something on a wall doesn't make a law change. It doesn't feed anyone. It doesn't fix anyting." He took a sip, unbothered. "It's just… aesthetics. Pretty aesthetics, sure, but aesthetics nonetheless."
Suguru was quiet for a second. Across from them, Yuna already subtly retreated. Her phone was now face down on the table, her coffee cup raised to her lips, her eyes moving between the two of them with the practiced calm of someone who had learned, over time, that the best thing to do in that kind of situation was to stay quiet.
"I disagree," Suguru said simply.
Satoru raised an eyebrow. "Shocking," he repeated, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. But he didn't look away from the window.
Suguru set his cup down slowly. "Art has always been political. It's always been a way to say things that couldn't be said otherwise. You think Picasso painted Guernica just for the aesthetics ?"
"Picasso painted Guernica, and Wars still happened," Satoru replied, still looking outside, his voice light, almost bored. "Funny how that works."
"That's not the point."
"Then what's the point, Suguru?" He finally turned to look at him, something unreadable behind the blue of his eyes. "That's beautiful? That it makes people feel something for thirty seconds before they keep walkin? Great. Wonderful. The world is saved."
Suguru held his gaze. "You're being deliberately reductive."
"I'm being realistic."
"You're being cynical."
"Same thing, sometimes."
A bried silence settled between them, not uncomfortable exactly, but charged. The kind of silence that had meaning. Yuna watched the exchange over the rim of her cup, saying nothing, her thumb tracing the ceramic handle in slow circles.
Satoru turned away from the window, his fingers drumming ligthly against his cup. "Name one war that stopped because someone painted something pretty."
"That's not how influence works and you know it," Suguru said, his voice even, but with an edge. "It's not direct, it's never direct. You don't paint mural and watch a parliament vote differtently the next morning. But you change minds. You shift something in people. And people…" he pause, "people change things."
"People change things," Satoru echoed, the faint amusement in his voice doing nothing to hide how little he seemed convinced. "Sure. And in the meantime, the paintings stay on the walls and the problems stay in the world."
"Bob Dylan wrote songs about the civil rights movement," Suguru continued, unfazed. "And Nina Simone, Marvin Gaye… The Cranberries with Zombie! You think that had zero impact? That it didn't reach people who had never set foot in a march? That it didn't make something feel possible that didn't before?"
"People still got lynched after Strange Fruit came out," Satoru said, his voice flat, "Segregation lasted another twenty years."
"That's not…"
"And Marvin Gaye didn't stop Vietnam. And Dylan didn't stop anything either, did he? Beautiful songs, really. But the war still happened. The bombs still fell. He tilted his head slightly, "Funny pattern, don't you think?"
Suguru exhaled slowly through his nose. He wasn't angry, not exactly. It was something more like frustration at watching his bestfriend deliberately look away from something obvious. "You're measuring the wrong thing. You're asking whether art stopped the bad thing from happening. That’s not the question."
"Then what is?"
"Whether it changed people. whether it made someone who would have stayed silent decide to speak. Whether it gave language to something someone had been feeling alone with for years." He paused. "Cinema. 12 Years a Slave. Schindler's List, The Voice of Hind Rajab. Documentaries that no one wanted to fund because the subject was uncomfortable, and that ended up in front of millions ofn people who had never once thought about what they were showing. You think that doesn't matter?"
Satoru was quiet for a second, his thumb running along the rim of his cup.
"It matters aesthetically," he finally said. "Emotionally, sure. But emotionally isn't politically. Feeling moved in cinema seat doesn't translate into legislation. It doesn't translate into systems changing."
"It trnaslates into people changing. And people are the ones who change systems."
While they were both arguing, Yuna was on her phone, calm and silent, watching the two men from the corner of her eye.
Shoko.. the lovebirds at it again.
She send the message to her roomate, not expecting her to answer immediatly but surprisingly, she did. She was probably taking a cigarette break.
You're telling me… what's the subject this time ?
Yuna pinched her lips to hold back her laugh.
Art. If art is political.
Sick. Always the good subject when I'm not here. Who's winning ?
The woman felt two gaze on her almost simultaneously and sighed, knowing it was time for her to participate despite herself.
No one at the moment, but I will in a few minutes ~ ♥
She put her phone down, looking at them, expression perfectly composed.
"I know you've been thinking something." Suguru said simply.
"You had your thinking face, still has." Satoru added.
"I don't have a thinking face."
"You absolutely have a thinking face." they said, in unison, with the ease of people who had said too many things in unison before.
Yuna sighed again, taking a sip before setting her cup down with a small, decisive clink. "I think Suguru is right." She held up a hand before Satoru could open his mouth. "Let me finish. Art doesn't change things by itself, you're right about that part. But art carries things across time that nothing else can. Just think about that italian song, Bella Ciao. At first it was a song used in the early 20th century to protest harsh working conditions. It was adapted in 1944 by italian partisans fighting against facism and is still used today. A protest gets disperesed. A law gets overturned. But a song, a painting, it stays. And the people it reaches go on to do things, to encourage them to do something." She tilted her head. "Greta Thunberg, Marsha P. Johnson, Tarana Burke, Audre Lorde, so many others people who lit fires that spread because the gound had already been prepared. By stories, painting, songs, books. That made poeple feel like something was wrong and worth fighting."
She took a deep breath and shrugged. "Without all those people, women wouldn't be able to go to college, vote and so many other things I'm too lazy to list."
She glanced between them, calm and precise. Satoru looked at her for moment. "So your position is the same as Suguru's."
"My position," Yuna said, picking her cup back up, "is the same as Suguru's yes. With one small amendment."
She took a sip.
"Picasso is a terrible example."
Suguru frowned slightly. "Why? He…"
Yuna gave him a look, flat and unimpressed, making him go quiet. "He was a deeply, profoundly, terrible person, and it's an euphemism. And if the anonymous painter out there is a feminist, which, reading all those walls, seems fairly likely, they would probably not love being compared to him."
A beat.
Suguru nodded with a faint smile. "Fair point."
"Of course it is."
Satoru was looking at her with something that might, on someone else, have been called respect.
"I take back what I said about the seafood," he said finally.
Yuna kicked him under the table again, but she was smiling. Satoru snorted. It was small, almost involuntary, but it was there. The tension been coiling quietly between the two men for the past few minutes loosened.
"So now, if you're both done with your weird flirting things…"
"We are not flirting!" they both said at the same, glancing at each other with something they both couldn't really name.
Seeing this, Yuna tilted her head, shaking her head with a sigh. "Anyway. I have an appointment for a piercing next week, would someone be willing to accompany me?"
°°°
The bill was split three ways, as always, despite Satoru's half-hearted attempt to pay for everyone that both Yuna and Suguru shut down before he'd even finished the sentence.
Outside, the air had gotten colder. Suguru pulled his scarf a little tighter and watched Yuna button her coat, her purple hair catching the yellow light of the streetlamps.
"So," Satoru said, hands in his pockets, rocking slightly on his heels. "The piercing."
Yuna loked up. "Next Saturday at three."
"Where?"
She tilted her head and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, revealing the neat row of small silver rings already there. "Upper ear, the flat part." She touched it briefly. "I've wanted it for a while."
Satoru made a vague gesture. "I'll come"
Suguru glanced at him. He said earlier that he had to work on a paper due to the next Monday and really needed to lock in.
"You sure?" Yuna asked, with the kind of tone that meant she was already expecting him to canel.
"I said I'll come." He finally looked at her. "I'm not going to let you go alone to let someone stab a needle through your cartilage."
"That's essentially what a piercing is, yes."
"Horrifying. I'll be there."
Yuna chuckled, then nodded, not saying now that she planned to get tattoed too very soon. She turned to Suguru and hugged, warm, brief, the kind of hug tht had become a reflex over the years. He hugged her back.
"I will send you the adress Satoru!" she exclaimed as she was already turning to walk away, "Don't fight on the way home!"
They couldn't answer as she was always far enought to not hear them. They watched her disappear around the corner. When the night swallowed her up entirely, it was just the two of them.
They walked in silence for a while, which wasn't unusual. Silence with Satoru had never been uncomfortable, it had always been the kind that existed between the two people who didn't need to fill every gap. Suguru had always appreciated that about him, even if he would never say it out loud.
The streets were quieter now. Most of the cafés were closing, chairs being stacked behind fogged-up windows. Their footsteps were almost synchronized without either of them trying, a habit built over years of walking the same routes.
"She knows a lot," Satoru said, eventually. "Yuna."
Suguru looked at him for the side. "She usually does."
"About art, I mean." A pause. "Bella Ciao, Marsha P. Johnson,…" he said the names with a kind of absent precision, like he was cataloguing something. "The way she talked about it, it wasn't like she'd just read something somewhere. Isn't she in art club or something?"
"Not officially but she goes there regularly; I think she's made a friend there. Oh, and Marsha P. Johnson is well known in the queer community, she has been a true pillar of strength in this cause. But for Bella ciao yeah, I didn't know either."
"I just thought it just was a song made for Money Heist…" Satoru snorted and shrugged nonchalently.
Suguru chuckled but considered what he said about their friend. He had noticed it too, in a way you sometimes noticed things about people you'd know for years, a detail that had always been there, only now catching the light differently. Yuna knew things about art specificity that didn't match the perso who also spent her evenings reading about whales and jellyfish nervous system. The references she made were never random. They were always exact.
"It's a bit strange isn't it? She studies marine biology. She reads books about it at ten in the evening. And then she drops something like earlier like it's nothing." Satoru voice was thoughtful, not critical. Almost curious. "How long have we known her?"
"When she moved with Shoko… Four years almost."
"Four years." He said it like he was doing the arithmetic. "And I still feel like we know barely anything about her."
Suguru considered that. It was an accurate way to put it, actually. Yuna had always been like that. Present for her friends and yet somehow always keeping something back. Not in a cold way, more like someone who had learned to offer what was needed and keep the rest quietly for herself.
"That's just her way," he said finally. "She will told us when she'll be ready, and if she want to."
Satoru made a small sound that might have been agreement.
The crowd from earlier when they passed by the painting wall were gone. The streetlights made everything look a little warmer than it was, and the wind had picked up, pulling leaved off the trees in small, spiraling falls. Suguru pulled his scarf higher without thinking about it.
"For what it's worth," Satoru said eventually, and his voice was different, slightly lower, stripped of the easy boredom he wore like a second coat, "I don't think it's nothing."
Both had they their hands in their pockets. Suguru's shoulder was close enought to Satoru. They were almost touching, the way they always walked, proximity so habitual it had stopped registering. Or should it have stopped registered.
Suguru noticed it anyway. He said nothing about it.
"Bella ciao was a good ewample." Satoru broke the silence.
Suguru glanced at him. "Better than Guernica?"
Satoru made a sound that was not quite a concession and not quite a dismissal. "Different. Guernica is a painting. People have to go somewhere to see it, and seeing it on a screen don't it the same. A song travels differently." He paused again. "I'm not saying you were right."
"I know."
"I'm saying the song example is better than the painting one."
"Noted."
"Don't look so pleased."
"I'm not looking anything."
"You have a face."
"Everyone has a face, Satoru."
Satoru exhaled, something between a laugh and a breath of cold air, and looked ahead. They turned onto their street. The building was visible at the end of it, familiar and a little ugly in the way of student housing, with it's uneven gutters and the light on the third floor that had been flickering for two weeks.
The pavement narrowed slightly as they walked closer, the way it always did near the old wall on the left, and without either of them adjusting their pace or stepping aside, they ended up closer. Their arms brushed first, the outer seam of Satoru's jacket against Suguru's coat, which was nothing, which happened constantly.
Suguru's hand came out of his pocket, reaching for nothing in particular, just the restless movement of someone who had been walking in the cold for more than ten minutes. And Satoru did the same, at the same moment, for no reason either of them could have named.
Their knuckles brushed.
A second, less than a second, a minute or an hour. He didn't knew.
Neither of them stopped walking. Neither of them said anything. The contact was so bried it could have been accidental, the kind of thing that happened between two people who had been walking side by side for years and had simply run out of space between them.
Suguru looked straight ahead. He was aware, with a precision that had no business being that precise, of the exact point of his hand where Satoru's skin had been. The cold air made it worse, somehow, made the warmth of it more distinct than it had any right to be.
It was nothing.
The same nothing as yesterday in the kitchen, that had been happening in small increments for long enough that he had run out of new ways to file it away. A hand on his shoulder, a chin resting against his shoulder, a knuckle against a knuckle in the cold.
It was nothing.
He had been telling himself that a lot lately. He was getting quite good at it.
The same nothing as earlier. The same nothing as always.
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