#bts poly!au

You spent the entire night before Jin’s birthday riding all the rollercoasters with Jungkook and Jin, while your other soulmates were content to watch from the ground with soft smiles on their lips as they watched you bond with the two over your adrenaline junkie like tendencies, Jungkook especially.

Then, your morning consisted of very little sleep, all cuddled together on your shared bed with Jin and Yoongi, before having to get up for rehearsal and soundcheck again. 

This time, however, you did not attend either.

 “I’m sleeping right here.” You proceeded to point to the small two seater in their dressing room before promptly dropping yourself and your (Jimin’s) blanket onto the furniture, backpack and all following you as you flop.

You didn’t care, curling up and falling asleep as soon as your head hit the surprisingly soft cushion. Two hours of sleep was simply not enough for you and you knew you would need it. 

And you did need it because the concert was, again, overstimulating. You sat in the box with Hobi’s family and Jungkook’s family who had flown out for the second night. You had your headphones and at one point, managed to relax enough to dance and sing along a little to the boys as they had fun on stage.

You didn’t even know they had invited Megan the Stallion to perform with them, a huge surprise to all army that night. 

Once the concert was done, you and the boys had taken tons of pictures with her and you watched as the boys made some tiktoks with her for her feature on Butter.

You weren’t comfortable being in any of them just yet, despite the offer. While the night was overstimulating again, you did have more fun than the previous night and maybe thought you could get used to going to concerts in the future. 

After another live, you spent the rest of the night singing Happy Birthday to your eldest soulmate and cuddling in the living room with him and the rest of your soulgroup watching movies Jin had picked out while you snacked on the cake Jimin and Taehyung had picked out with the help (read supervision of Hobi) earlier today between soundcheck and the concert to be delivered to the hotel. 

Those two days of filled events led you to being in your current predicament, being held to Jimin’s chest as you were wrapped in his blanket. You weren’t nonverbal, nor overstimulated, but you felt off and that was enough for your soulmate to decide to bundle you up and hold you. He had won rock, paper, scissors, even though you were already in his blanket, which left your other, pouty soulmates to be left to their own devices. 

Jungkook had made some food, more than enough for him and whoever else trickled in at the smell. Taehyung had just plopped right next to you, throwing an arm around your waist as you laid against Jimin, his other arm resting against your back as he surfed through social media. 

You were unsure of where Yoongi and Hobi went to, but you vaguely remember hearing the hotel door open and close. Namjoon and Jin were in the kitchen area with Jungkook, talking about another interview show and the Jingle Bell Ball they had been invited to perform at.

It had already been decided that you would stay home for that, though. You had actually requested it, not feeling mentally up to going to another event so close after the concerts and you’ve just had a very crazy last couple weeks to say the least. 

You were perfectly content to lounge on the couch and watch the events from the large flatscreen in the living room. 

As you snuggled into your mates, the view of tiktok on Taehyung’s phone catches your attention, as you turn your head further to watch. 

“I sometimes forget you all have like super-secret accounts on social media.” You mutter to your mate, catching his attention as he turns his phone so you can see better. 

“Yup, we follow you now, as well. It’s easy when we make usernames like therealtaetae. No one suspects anything because a lot of army have similar usernames.” You nod along, knowing that army have been trying to find their real accounts for months now.  

It’s nice to sit in silence sometimes, nothing overstimulating or overwhelming to occur. You felt completely at ease in your soulmate’s arms, something you never thought you would get to experience. 

You can’t help but smile as you think back on all the times you dreamt of them, not realizing you would be soul bonding with Jimin and Tae, that they could see you and bring you real comfort when you needed it most. 

You were almost grateful that you didn’t experience a bond with them, thinking how overstimulated you would be all the time and how no one would probably believe you anyways. You wouldn’t be able to find them given the amount of security the boys, and now you, have so all of your attempts would’ve been futile. 

Fate works in mysterious ways, you think. 

You feel Tae’s arms tighten around you as he nudges your head over so he has more room to lay his head in the crook of your neck. You giggle a little as he gently lays a kiss on your skin causing goosebumps to erupt. 

You end up cuddling there for a couple hours before Yoongi and Hobi come back, bags in their hands as they come in through the door. 

“Honey’s, we’re home!” Hobi yells cutely, smiling wide as he closes the door with his foot, Yoongi already making his way to the coffee table in front of you, setting his bags down. 

Curiosity gets the better of you and you move to sit up, causing grumbles and protests to erupt from your two cuddly soulmates.

“What’s in the bags Yoongi? Hobi?” Your voice is a little gravely as you speak, causing Yoongi to smile softly at you. 

“In the bag, pretty girl, are some things that we think we’ll need in the upcoming week as we move to do some more interviews and meet with some people regarding solo activities.”

You remember the conversation from the previous night, how the boys have been wanting to branch out musically and experiment with their own sound but still remain loyal as a group and band. 

Bangtan would always be Seven. 

They both then proceed to pull out tons of snacks and drinks and even a couple sweaters that looked extremely comfy. You couldn’t help but wonder why they needed snacks and drinks when food is usually provided for the artists at events if needed and we all usually go out to eat afterwards anyways depending on how tired the boys are. 

As if sensing the questions brewing in your head, or more likely seeing the look of blatant confusion on your face, the Yoongi explains their purchases. 

“Baby girl, these items are for you.” You look from him and Hobi to the snacks on the table, realizing they had bought your favorite snacks and drinks, ones you would eat at home all the time. 

“We are going to be really busy this week and we don’t want you having to wait to eat when we know that you tend to get hungry while were out. We can easily push through our hunger, but we don’t want you to ever have to do that. So, we got you snacks and drinks that can go in your backpack for when were out.” Yoongi continues while you look through the snacks with Jungkook who had come out of his room with the others as Yoongi and Hobi came home. 

“And the sweatshirts were actually Namjoon’s idea. We’re all going to wear them before we have to go so that we can get our scent on them.” You look to Namjoon who has a blush growing on his cheeks, reaching his arm up so he can rub nervously at his neck as he begins to explain his idea.

“Well, I noticed, we noticed that you always seem to relax or calm down when you’re surrounded by our scent so I thought we could help you by giving you something to wear that’s covered in our scents.” You barely give him time to finish speaking before your jumping on him, wrapping your legs and arms around your tall soulmate. 

“Thank you Joonie. That’s very thoughtful of you.” You mumble against his neck as you bury yourself in his arms. 

You’ve never had someone think of you like your boys do, always trying to do things for you and keeping you in their hearts and thoughts. You’ve never felt simple love like this and it makes you tear up a little as you continue to hold onto your soulmate. 

“Well, while they decide who wears what sweater first, why don’t I take our little soulmate into the kitchen so we can get started on dinner? Hmm?” Jin takes the lead after everything is unpacked and you slowly begin to climb down from Namjoon. 

You nod at your eldest soulmate and take his offered hand as Namjoon squeezes your waist in reassurance once more before moving over to supervise the now fight between Jungkook and Jimin over who gets to wear the blue sweater first. 

-*-*-

Monday found you riding with Hobi, Jungkook and Jimin as you were on your way to an interview with Buzzfeed. The boys were going to be doing a couple of interviews with them today, including a remake of the interview with puppies, and a try not to sing or dance challenge amongst others. 

You had loved watching these types of videos, finding them entertaining and hilarious, especially the try not to sing challenges. 

 You had said as much to the boys in the car with you, who then made it their mission to win whatever challenge was thrown their way.

You had tried to tell them that the videos were for fun, but even Jungkook shook his head, declaring himself the winner early making everyone laugh. From the corner of your eye, you could even see Seungho smiling a little at everyone’s banter. 

Once the car was parked, it was a little whirlwind of movement that found you inside the studio, a light blue backdrop already set up for whatever interview/challenge they were going to film first. You couldn’t help but to look around the room, watch all the people getting the room ready for your boys. 

The boys themselves made themselves very known, the laughter being heard from the dressing room down the open hall. It made you smile, hearing their laughter. 

Seungho was with you, watching you interact with the room around you, slowly moving you a little to the left or the right so you weren’t accidentally in anyone’s way as you got lost in thought. He noticed you tended to do that, but he wasn’t bothered, and it seemed no one else was either. 

“Alright guys, five more minutes!” Someone you didn’t see had yelled across the room, signaling the filming would begin soon. Even more commotion followed the man’s words because as soon as he yelled, the boys came barreling into the room, heading straight for you, excitement covering their features. 

Hobi was the first to catch you, Jimin right behind him. “We get to do the puppy interview first!” Hobi’s excitement made you smile, knowing how much they loved animals. You all had watched some of the Buzzfeed videos last night, and they were excited to be able to get to do this. 

They had all given you hugs or head pats as the moved past you, smiles accompanying their actions as they gathered in the middle of the backdrop, picking and teasing each other over the spots they picked. 

You hung back with Seungho, finding a place where you could sit but where the boys could still see you as the filmed what the needed to. You ignored the looks from some of the interns, with their badges hanging proudly. 

You just watched your boys have fun, playing with the puppies and answering questions, some about you. You all had talked about it numerous times, again and again, and each time you promised them they could answer any question they wanted about you, and your relationship.

You had trusted them; you had trusted them with a lot more that you had ever been comfortable with previously. But they were your soulmates, and you loved them with all your heart. You knew they would have your best interest at heart, always. 

So, it made you a little warm inside when they happily and enthusiastically answered one of the three approved questions about you. 

“Now, we know that you’ve finally completed your soulgroup. How has the adjustment been, bringing in your new soulmate?” The interviewer asked politely before gesturing to the boys.

“Well,” Namjoon looked around, “we haven’t really had an adjustment period. We have all just been taking the time to get to know each other and find our own groove.” The boys nodded along in agreement before Yoongi spoke up.

“She fits perfectly within our group, filling in the spots we didn’t know we had.” He smiles along in thought as he answers the question.

You and Seungho watched them as they answered a few more questions, some silly and some about their comeback from the army. When they were finally done, the get up and moved to sit with you as the interns slowly went forward to change the backdrop to a dark green one and brought a table forward with a couple chairs. 

For the next segment, some of the influencers that Buzzfeed normally worked with were paired up with each member to try and accomplish a couple challenges together. The first was a try not to sing or dance, K-Pop edition. The next would be a try to guess the song challenge. All of this had been approved by HYBE and the influencers involved were known to be respectful K-Pop fans. 

You were excited, to say the least. 

Jimin had gone first and almost threw the table over when his partner and him had lost the second round, both getting up and dancing to View by Shinee. Jin had gone second, immediately forgetting it was a try NOT to sing or dance challenge and lost the entire thing with his partner, who had also given up on the second song. 

By the time Jungkook had gone last, only Yoongi and Taehyung had won their challenges. You had almost thought Yoongi was gonna budge when a Big Bang song had come on, but he made it through.

Jungkook’s turn had finally come, and he had been impatiently watching by your side as his soulmates had their turns. He had been bouncing and trying his hardest to keep quiet as you both watched. 

“I’m gonna win, just you wait.” You murmured to you as he stood up, receiving a thumbs up from you and a grin that he matched as he sat down at the table with his partner. You watched them high-five and brag about how they were gonna win, their determination showing for the camera. 

In the end, however, they neither won nor lost.

“No, no, no, I didn’t dance. I was just breathing really strongly.” Anthony, Jungkook’s partner exclaimed when the buzzer went off. 

“Yeah, really strongly!” Jungkook added, the both of them demonstrating that they were ‘breathing’ and not moving their shoulders to the beat. You couldn’t help but to cover your mouth to hold in your laughter as you watched your youngest soulmate try and manipulate his way out of losing each round. 

It was funny, the excuses the duo were coming up with. It came to a point where Jimin, Hobi, Taehyung, and you had to leave the room as you couldn’t help but laughing, Jin having to drag you and Jimin out as you were stuck besides yourselves with laughter. 

“I can’t believe him! Using the motion of the camera to justify his movement!” You laughed aloud once Jin closed the door behind your group. Jimin and Taehyung were clinging to each other as Hobi had his arm around you, trying to keep you upright and steady as you both watched your other giggling soulmates fall to the ground. 

It took a couple more minutes for Jungkook to come out the door, pout very prominent on his lip as he went for Jin, falling dramatically into his arms as he wailed.

“They cheated!” Jungkook cried out, causing all of you to start laughing again. 

The next challenge went about the same, however, you weren’t expecting them to come to you after Namjoon went last this time.

“Hello, Y/n. We were actually wondering if we could film a ‘guess the song challenge’ with you. We know you are a huge K-Pop fan and we think this would be a fun way for everyone to see how you interact.” The producer had asked you, nervously gazing at Hobi and Yoongi as they stood behind you, probably looking as menacingly as they could. 

You thought about it, even looking over your shoulder to the two of your soulmates behind you, gauging their opinion, but when they looked at you, awaiting your answer, you turned back around. 

“Sure, I’d love too!” You reply, a big smile on your lips showing your excitement at being able to participate after spending almost the entire day watching your soulmates have fun. 

The producer nods at your answer before turning away. You turned in excitement to see more than just Yoongi and Hobi behind you. Your soulgroup was behind you, looking down at your bouncing figure, their smiles shining down on your excitement. 

“Did you hear that? I get to film a challenge with you!” You almost shout in your enthusiasm, having Jungkook bring you into the middle of the circle, what you call the soulmate huddle. 

You beamed up at them with excitement, happy to be involved and to be able to play the challenge with them. You sometimes imagined what it would be like to be a part of Buzzfeed, doing these challenges and seeing if you would win. You always played along from at home, competing against yourself to see if you would win; you always lost though.

You were sat between the winners from the first rounds, so you would be playing with Jungkook, Yoongi and Hobi. Namjoon had lost horribly, complaining that he wasn’t given enough time to answer, while Jin and Taehyung both just said they forgot they were playing a guessing game and started singing along. Jimin tried his hardest, but his partner was a very strong opponent. 

It was Jungkook, then you sat sandwiched between Yoongi and Hobi who was sat at the end of the table. Each of you had a buzzer this time, with the fastest person to hit the buzzer and answer correctly each round winning.  

The first song was Pirate King by Ateez, and all you needed was to hear the first beat to hit the buzzer. Jungkook yelled from your left as you answered confidently, Yoongi looking at you with both eyebrows raised and Hobi putting his head in his hands as they all realized you were some serious competition. 

They seriously underestimated how much K-Pop you listened to, and how many groups you loved to listen to. 

When What is Love by Twice played over the speaker, you squealed in excitement before hitting the buzzer, almost yelling the title before the ‘ding’ sounded out telling the group that you were right before you started dancing the main chorus’s choreo as the sound played over the speaker again. 

Namjoon eyed the culprit behind every allegation done against you. His mind felt betrayed but, he knew it would pass. It’s a reason why he liked staying closed off so something like this wouldn’t hurt him entirely and eat him up.

“Chan-woo, the one who works with the Golden 7, the one who was never paid attention to because he was nothing but a publicist,” Yoongi said with a monotone voice, though everyone could tell he was purposely trying trying to piss Chan-woo off for hurting you. “Who would’ve thought our little publicist actually had the balls to do something major like this?”

Chan-woo froze at hearing his words and cleared his throat. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh, please,” Namjoon scoffed, leaning against the door frame. His eyes were following every movement of Chan-woo’s. “Your grandfather was the one hurt when Y/n’s sister’s friends broke into that house. My problem is why you had to take it out on her when she wasn’t involved at all.”

Chan-woo stayed quiet.

Hoseok, Jungkook, Jimin, and Jin watched him. They were all there except Taehyung, who was with you, consoling you and holding on to you so tight he couldn’t even let you breathe.

“Yeah, Chan-woo,” Hobi said, nodding his head with lips pursed. He placed his hands on his hips and took a step closer to their publicist. “Why are you ruining her life? Why not the others? She wasn’t involved. At all.”

Chan-woo scoffed and rolled his eyes. He ran a hand over his hair. “Big actress, Y/n, gets everything handed to her because of how nice, because of how beautiful she is. Her stupid sister did the exact same thing and I have to suffer the consequences of helping my grandfather get back to his feet.”

“You are so naive,” Jimin laughed out, leaning against the desk closer to him. “Y/n’s sister was never involved in anything. It was her boyfriend.”

“Liar. I saw the cameras in front my grandfather’s home. She was there. I’ve seen it.”

“That wasn’t her,” Jungkook softly spoke, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Y/n never hid anything, she never lied about anything. Neither did her sister.”

Chan-woo couldn’t help but stay quiet.

No, he was right about you and your stupid family. He was right because he saw the evidence. He saw everything that happened from the beginning when the group broke into the home, to the fights that ensued in his grandfather’s home, to the group running away with thousands of dollar’s worth of equipment and furniture, to his grandfather running after them with a bad leg because one of the men in the group had pushed him down the stairs in hopes of getting rid of him. Your sister was there. He was sure.

He growled in frustration, tugging on his hair.

“You guys weren’t supposed to fall in love with her,” he spot out, glancing at each person there. His eyes fell on one man to another, seeing the different expressions plastered on their face. “Me giving you her sister’s crime,” his eyes fell on Namjoon’s, “I planned it so you could reveal it. So you could make her seem like the bad guy because you have more influence towards the people of Korea more than she does. I had high hopes for you.”

“You don’t know me at all, Chan-woo,” Namjoon scoffed with amusement. “I don’t know what the fuck gave you that idea when you are not my friend.”

“Well, you’re stupid as fuck,” Jungkook bit his lower lip to stop the chuckle threatening to escape once he heard Chan-woo’s words. “All of you are. Calling the paparazzi on Jimin the first date even after he canceled it, lying to you guys about her being spoiled so you guys would hate her. But no, you guys needed to like her and now Taehyung is with her.”

“So, you were in charge of those bullying allegations and the creepy stalker that was by her home?” Jungkook asked after he composed himself.

“Yeah, I was,” Chan-woo grumbled out. “I was in charge of those. My sister was glad to spread rumors about Y/n once she found out her sister was included with the group who broke into our grandfather’s place. She had her influencer friends spread the rumor, too, by the promise of getting invited to your home. The stalker, well, he was pretty easy to hire due to the fact he loved Y/n. He really thought they were going to get married.”

“Look,” Jin said, his arms crossed over his chest while he sighed, “we looked over everything. Namjoon hired a PI, Y/n never did anything to get rid of her sister’s supposed crimes. Especially her sister. There’s evidence she was never involved in that crime. The police just did a shitty job researching everything and they figured that since her boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, was involved, she was, too.”

He passed a folder to Chan-woo.

“Pictures that night of Y/n’s sister being at work,” Namjoon spoke, maintaining his stoic expression. “The other pictures are of the group of kids who broke into your grandfather’s house. The people who actually hurt your grandfather.”

Chan-woo stayed quiet, again.

Did he really have it all wrong? He shouldn’t have.

“Did you plan everything from the start?” Yoongi asked. “From you suggesting we date her?”

Chan-woo hummed, inspecting the photos. Your sister was at another place.

“Again, I assumed I could brainwash you guys to hate her until I set you off at the end,” he started, putting the folder away. “But, I doubted her personality and how she is.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this at all. Her sister ruined my family’s life and I had assumed Y/n was trying to hide whatever she did.”

“There’s the word,” Namjoon scoffed. They could all hear, though, there was some type of amusement laced in his voice. “You assumed. You never found out shit. You just assumed shit that came out of your ass.”

“Listen—”

Namjoon raised a hand to stop him from talking any further.

Chan-woo realized how serious he looked. But, he couldn’t think any further before Namjoon’s fist hit him square on his nose. Hard. So hard that it made him stumble over his feet and had him holding his weight on the wall, his ass meeting the floor.

“You better shut the fuck up, Chan-woo,” Jungkook snickered, shaking his head. “Whatever shit you say isn’t going to heal whatever Y/n went through. You didn’t find out shit, accused the wrong people, and you have clearly disappointed your grandfather. Who may rest in peace by the way.”

“How did you—”

“How do I know your grandfather passed away shortly after the break in?” Chan-woo timidly nodded. Jungkook squatted and grabbed his face. The humorous look he had transformed to a clearly pissed off facial expression. “I actually did my research unlike you motherfucker. Your family is worried. Check in on them before we send your ass to jail.”

“Please,” Chan-woo shakily breathed out, trying to get out of Jungkook’s hold. Though, it made the latter hold onto him tighter. “I can’t… I can’t go to jail, please.”

“We’ll spare you this time, Chan-woo,” Jin mumbled, passing him a handkerchief so he could stop the blood flowing out of his nose. “If you ever do this shit again to Y/n, or us even, we’ll come to you. Don’t think we won’t be watching you.”

Yoongi gave him an empty look. “Get the hell out of here and tell your sister to take back her statement or else we’ll deal with her, too.”

Chan-woo nodded before Namjoon gestured for a guard of his to come closer. The man did so.

“Make sure he does what we say,” Namjoon mumbled rather clearly. “If he doesn’t, don’t hesitate to kill him. Got it?”

The guard nodded before he and this other guy took Chan-woo away.

As they reminisced about the last few minutes, hours, and even months with you, their brain thought about you and Taehyung.

Hopefully you were okay.

Jimin was shocked.

All of them were shocked.

You were in bed with Taehyung, naked, and holding on to each other rather tightly.

Jimin slapped Taehyung’s leg hard enough it woke him up. “What the hell is your problem? We told you to come here to reassure her, not sleep with her when she’s vulnerable.”

In a sleepy manner, Taehyung raised the blanket, showing off the fact he had sweatpants on and you had an off-shoulder shirt with shorts on.

He slowly blinked, his eyes squinted. “Now shut the hell up. She’s sleeping.”

Jungkook looked at you and smiled a little. He took off his shirt and jeans, and lied down next to you. He was thankful you had a big bed enough to fit the three of you and even one more person.

“She has spare bedrooms down the hall,” Jungkook said, feeling goosebumps rise on his arms at the cold feeling of the blankets before his body warmed up due to your body heat. You unconsciously cuddled closer to him, your face resting on his pecks. Taehyung dozed off again. “Pretty sure she mentioned the blankets are in the closets.”

The others nodded before departing with one last look to you three on the bed.

Namjoon, on the other hand, was thinking about tomorrow. He was ready to defend himself from the accusation you will probably throw his way about betraying you, but, he had enough confidence to know he’ll have the evidence to convince you otherwise. Never mind, he’ll peacefully sleep. He was just tired after not sleeping well for the past few months he’s been with you.

“She’s so pretty sleeping,” Jungkook softly commented, running his finger over your cheek. Taehyung grumbled with sleep, agreeing with him even though he was fighting to stay awake. “If I kiss her, do you think she’ll let me?”

“Wake her up and ask for consent,” Taehyung grunted out, holding onto your waist even tighter.

Jungkook chuckled. He could wake you up.

With his hand tilting your head up, he pecked your face softly. One long kiss on your cheek, the other on your forehead, and another long one on the other until it woke you up.

You had a frown etched on your face at feeling the sensation and fluttered your eyes open to see who was causing that feeling.

Much to your surprise, Jungkook was next to you, bare chest and all, with his hand on your chin. You frowned and rubbed your eyes, hoping you were seeing things right.

“Jungkook?” You softly asked. He nodded. “You’re really here?”

“Very real.”

You sleepily smiled. “I missed you.”

There goes his heart. His fucking heart. It beat so much faster and so much harder against his chest that he swore you could hear it due to how close you are. He couldn’t be away from you. Not anymore.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered, almost as if you two were sharing secrets.

You nodded slowly, now wide awake due to his question shocking you a little.

He smiled. He fucking smiled. He smiled that one smile you liked where he played with his lip ring but showed everything in the toothy grin that enchanted others. Your heartbeat matched the rhythm of his.

He leaned down and kissed you, slow and passionately. He was reassuring you through the kiss, through his touch from the way he held your face and it traveled down your arm to your waist where Taehyung’s hand rested.

He kissed you until he backed away a little, lips brushing against yours you could feel the coolness of his ring.

“We found out who did this to you,” he whispered. “Don’t worry anymore. We got you.”

You smiled at his words because although you were curious, you knew he and the others would explain to you what happened and who did to you.

“Really?”

He nodded and he couldn’t help himself seeing the way your face lit up at his words because once he saw the relief spreading on your face, he kissed you. Hard.

God, the way he touched you left a burning wake where he trailed his hand. He left you breathless until his lips found your neck, slightly sucking and licking and kissing. He smelt you and the faint smell of your perfume still lingering on your neck.

His lips traveled to your exposed shoulder, where he noticed you weren’t wearing a bra. He held in his groan almost immediately, and let his finger travel inside your shirt to trace your breast.

“Can I?” He whispered, lowering his head. You nodded, watching him with half-lidded eyes, and looked over your shoulder to see Taehyung sleeping. “I promise, though, this is not me taking advantage of you being vulnerable. I have intense feelings for you and I need to show them to you.”

You nodded and looked down at the way he lowered himself until his tongue was licking down your stomach to the waistband of your shorts.

Getting in between your legs, he smiled, hands going up your thighs to your waistband.

“You’ll have to be quiet. Taehyung get grumpy if he gets woken up.”

These last few months, your body was really testing you, and you weren't thanking it at all. 

You knew the steps perfectly, you and Wooyoung’s coordination and synchronization were perfect. You were more than ready, you knew it. And despite that, you were anxious, sure you’d fail everything, having bad notes, failing your scholarship after working so hard…

“Y/N ?”

The sudden voice startled you. In your kitchen, you were the last remaining in this apartment. Your roommates had already left, wanting to rehearse one last time before the exam. 

You would have done the same, but the stress and anxiety had given you such a stomach ache that it took you longer to get out of bed. 

You weren’t surprised to see Jimin not really anxious. You'd never seen him stressed when it came to dancing. And from the relaxed attitude Hoseok and Jungkook had shown since you'd met them, you suspected they were in the same category as Jimin. 

When you recognized the voice and noticed Jin facing you, you couldn't hide your surprise. 

“I thought you all left for work ?” you asked him, trying to stay calm. 

“Yoongi don’t need me at this hour,” Jin replied with a chuckle, “I'll be more of a nuisance than anything else. Is everything all right?”

You noticed the two cups of coffee held in his hands when he handed one to you. You silently thanked him and took a sip after blowing on the top of the cup to not burn yourself. It was delicious. Jin's coffees were the best. He'd never forgotten how you took it, ever since the first time he'd served you on the day you met. 

"I can smell your stress from the doorway, you know?" he said after a few seconds, seeing that you didn't answer because you simply didn't know what to say. 

You chuckled and pursed your lips, it was a nervous laugh. 

"Is it that obvious?"

"Trust me there's a picture of you next to the word anxious in the dictionary!"

Okay, the next laugh was more relaxed, more sincere. Jin had this sense of humor that some might find heavy and boring, but it was just the opposite for you. You were always the first to laugh at his jokes, sometimes even against your will. But what could you do? Jin was naturally amusing. He had a way of lightening the mood quickly and with just a few words. 

“Everything will be fine, you don’t have to worry about that.” He kept talking, as he took a step towards you, "You've worked hard, you've done your best, there's no reason for you to fail. Don't forget that you're good, you're really good."

Delicately, his hand came to rest on your shoulder, provoking a slight discharge that was anything but painful. 

How had you never noticed that what you felt for them, for him, wasn't friendship? That need you felt with every physical contact, your heart racing, your stomach twisting in such a pleasurable way. 

You felt both foolish for having been so blind and in denial all this time, but at the same time relieved to have finally been able to put a word to all these things, to finally have a clear vision of the situation. 

The only thing you couldn't control, and wouldn't control, would be the boys' reaction when you admitted to them that you were an omega. Because yes, now that the end of exams had arrived, and on top of that, you were going to be entitled to two weeks' rest, you were going to have to tell them (part of) the truth. You'd promised yourself you'd do it, you couldn't back out. Especially as your next heat could come at any moment. 

Perhaps that's also where the stress came from, that uncertainty, that lack of knowledge about the coming heat you were so worried about, about how you were going to manage it, about...

"Y/N... you're overthinking again."

You bite your lips nervously, shaking her head with a nervous smile. 

“Ah, yes, I’m sorry… I guess it’ll be better at the end of the day !”

Jin shook his head with a chuckle, and his face changed quickly from a most serious one, maybe the most serious face she had seen since she met him. 

“I’m sure it’s more than just… this exam, but you won’t talk to us, nor Jimin. You know we could never leave you, or judge you, no matter what it is ?”

So they all noticed you were acting differently, didn't they? Of course, they could. You weren’t the best to hide when something was wrong. And even if you were, Jimin could read you like an open book. And you did not doubt that he would have later confided to his partners. 

“I know, and it’s the same for me, I just… need to get done with this exam first.” you began, your voice trembling, “I know I haven't been... the most agreeable person lately, and I'm sorry for that, sincerely…”

You looked away, for some reason feeling your eyes sting, as if you wanted to cry. 

“Hey, hey, listen... look at me, please,” Jin's hands rested delicately on your cheeks. He waited patiently, and resumed once your eyes met, “You don't have to apologize, we all go through moments more tense, more difficult than others that make us more tense and nervous, no one here holds it against you, believe me.”

You nodded. He wiped the few tears from your eyes and leaned to place his lips on your forehead. And it's a good thing you had a certain amount of self-control, that you could restrain your actions, your desires, and your impulses, because the only craving you had right now when you felt Jin's soft lips against your forehead, was to raise your face and have your lips meet his. 

It was the hardest thing you'd ever had to do. 

“Ah, I have an idea !” he exclaimed as he stepped back, leaving you with a very unpleasant feeling of emptiness, “I'll drive you to your class, we'll go through the café, and Yoongi will give you croissants and coffee for you, Minnie, Kook' and Hobi!”

You blinked several times, not taking your eyes off him while he moved into your apartment to grab your bag.

“Wait!” You called out as you grabbed his arm, “I thought Yoongi didn’t want to be disturbed before the opening?” 

"Oh don't worry, we’ll be quick. Plus if it's you he won't say anything." Jin shrugged with a smirk as he handed her her bag, “You know, he doesn't show it, but he has a soft spot for you.”

You raised your eyes to the sky, trying to prevent your body from betraying you, but you couldn't. You could already feel your face and ears heating up. You knew Yoongi's temperament; he had his own way of showing affection to the people he loved. You also didn't doubt that he cared for you, but to use the word “soft spot”... 

“You're blushiiing...” Jin suddenly teased. 

“I'm not!” you exclaimed as you walked past him with your head down hiding any hints of blush if there were one, “Let's go! I don't want to be late!"

You didn't want Jin to be able to see what effect this was having on you, what effects they all were having on you. And that damn body that would only betray you... the coward! 

“Yes ma'am!” Jin couldn't hold back his giggle and stepped out with you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. The warmth of his embrace, his very singular scent didn't help your mood at all. “Aaah what are we going to do with you, little tsundere!”

“I'm not a... argh, you know what, never mind!” 

You didn't know why, but you had a feeling it was going to be a very long day. 

°°°

When you arrived at the dance hall less than an hour later, you quickly spotted Hoseok, Jungkook, and Jimin chatting with each other. Jungkook was the first to spot you and waved to you with his eternal big smile that melted you every time. 

You looked around for San and Wooyoung, remembering the day before that Wooyoung told you that some of the second and senior-year students would be there to watch the first years, which added a layer of stress because some of them, being alphas, were the ones who had almost harassed you to be an omega at the beginning of the year. 

But as you and Wooyoung had said to each other in the café when you first met: "We'll take the opportunity to nail all those pretentious alphas who like to spend their lives looking down on us!" 

And that was your main motivation right now. 

"Noona! We're here!" he exclaimed, drawing the attention of several students to you, which you decided to ignore because all their attention would be on you in about a dozen minutes anyway. 

"Oh great pastries!" exclaimed Jimin, taking the box from your hands as you handed it to him, "They're from Yoongi hyung!"

"Thank god, I love him so much, I'm starving..." muttered Jungkook who didn't wait to open the box and take out a cupcake which he bit into instantly. 

“Oh, you have Jin's scent on you...” Hoseok didn’t seem to be interested in pastries and approached you. You almost had the impression he was humming you quickly. "Hey, you're wearing his hoodie!”

You and Jin had gone to the café where Yoongi was already, and as Jin had told you earlier, Yoongi's face, initially shut and ready to scold Jin by reminding him that he didn't like to be disturbed in the morning, had immediately softened on seeing you appear beside him. Jin noticed this immediately and didn't stop himself from pointing out that he'd been right by giving you a little nudge on the shoulder and a chuckle, making you grumble as you did your best not to blush again. 

Yoongi of course understood why Jin had brought you along, because like everyone else, he knew that this day was important for Jungkook, Jimin, Hoseok, and you. 

He didn't ask any questions, he didn't even say a word. He just walked away and packed some pastries he knew you or the boys would enjoy, and you even noticed that he'd slipped a Strawberry Shortcake into the box, your favorite.  

When he walked to you and handed you the box, you could have sworn he brushed his fingers against yours on purpose, sending a long shiver down your spine. But he didn't notice, or so you hoped because even if he did, you didn't see any reaction from him. 

Once back in Jin's car, you noticed that you'd forgotten your jacket at the apartment, and unfortunately, you didn't have time to go home again. Jin hadn't hesitated to give you his hoodie, a café-au-lait-colored hoodie that was far too oversized for you, and you were floating in it, which made him laugh.  

The reason you couldn't say no was his smell. Like all of them, Jin had a very particular scent, very sweet but very strong, which invaded your whole being the moment the hoodie's fabric settled on your body. That same warmth returned to your stomach and probably also to your face, but Jin couldn't see it since you'd pulled the hood over your head. 

How could a simple piece of clothing make you feel so safe? 

“Noona? Noona!” Jungkook’s voice startled you, “Is everything fine? Don’t tell me you’re stressed!”

You blinked a few times and noticed your four friends staring at you, Jimin looking a little more worried than the others. Perhaps because he knew you best. 

“Ah yes, yes I’m fine!” you assured with a small smile, "Of course I'm stressed, not to be would be a sign of recklessness!"

"Well, I'm not really..."

"That's exactly what I'm saying!" you exclaimed, cutting off Hoseok who just couldn't help but laugh, "Ah and yes it's Jin's hoodie, I forgot my jacket at the apartment..."

"You could have asked me, I would have given you mine," Jimin muttered before receiving a small elbow from Hoseok. You looked at him, confused, and rubbed the back of your head with a shy smile. 

"You can give it to me if you want. No, wait... that's not what I meant..." you frowned, more to yourself, and tried to hide the heat wave by imagining yourself having not only Jin's scent but also Jimin's on you. 

"Oh no? What did you mean then?" Jungkook leaned towards her with a small smirk, "If you want I can pass you mine too, and I'm sure Hobi will do the same!" 

You frowned as you realized that Jungkook was starting to tease you, suspicions confirmed when Hobi also tapped him on the shoulder. But the mere idea of being surrounded by all the smells of your roommates and friends was enough to send a wave of warmth through your lower belly and your whole being. 

You had to change the subject, avoid the conversation going any further, or maybe find Wooyoung... 

Just when you needed it most, Wooyoung came up behind you and almost jumped on your back, snatching a laugh in the process. 

"Yo, did you miss me?" said Wooyoung in a cheerful tone who had his arm wrapped around your shoulder, he turned to your three friends and greeted them, a thin smile on his lips as he saw Jimin's reaction. It had reached the point where Wooyoung liked to make fun of Jimin's reactions, as he was the one who was the most protective of you, and according to Wooyoung, even jealous and possessive. But you still refused to believe it, being 100% certain that Jimin felt nothing but deep friendship. 

"You can't even imagine," you said ironically, rolling your eyes before grabbing Wooyoung's wrist and pulling you away from your three friends, "there's one last thing we need to discuss, good luck for later!"

"If you think we need luck..." chuckled Jungkook, making you roll your eyes at him again.  

You quickly walked away with Wooyoung, isolating yourselves in a corner of the dance hall, before letting out a long sigh.

"Wow, you don't look good, tense? Don't worry, we'll handle it!"

"Partly, but not only, there's something really weird going on..." 

You quickly told Wooyoung what had happened with Jin, then your reaction to your previous conversation with Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok. 

He remained silent for a few seconds after your explanation, before simply shrugging his shoulders. 

"It's a common thing with omegas, it's called a nest. Well, it's not a nest, but your behavior bears a strong resemblance to one." 

Seeing your confusion, Wooyoung gave a little laugh, not a mocking laugh, but an affectionate one, because indeed, you had a lot to learn. 

He then explained to you that a nest is usually a place where an omega can be comfortable and relaxed, whether they are in heat or just having a bad day. It mostly is the omega’s couch, filled with soft things, the most smelling like their mates if they have one. When they are mated, omegas can share their nest with their partner. 

"But that's the basic definition, made by idiots who like to put us in cases. It's happened very often with us that one of our alphas made a nest himself, because as long as it comforts them, why does it have to be only for omegas?" 

You nodded and smiled. Well, of course, Wooyoung was right, and when you learned this, you wondered why you'd never heard of what a nest was before today. Having grown up in an all-alpha family, a very closed-minded family at that, you weren't surprised that they didn't practice this sort of thing. Thinking back to your mother and sister, you realize that they could both use a little bit of it. As well as a good therapy.

"So that means it's not a sign that I'm going into heat?" you asked, a long sigh of relief leaving your lips as Wooyoung nodded. "Good, I wish I could tell them before it happens, I wouldn't like to... force it on them you know." 

"I understand, don't worry. Are you planning to tell them today?" 

You'd had a long talk with him the day before, about your decision to tell Jimin and your friends that you were an omega, to tell them the whole story. 

"Don't forget that if anything goes wrong, our door is wide open to you! Hongjoong hyung will welcome you with open arms, even though I'm sure everything will go perfectly!"

Wooyoung's optimism could be contagious at times. But he was right, you shouldn't think about the negative, you knew your friends after all, and you knew Jimin better than anyone else in this world. They wouldn't reject you for that. 

You hadn't had time to reply, the teachers, and a few senior students, including San, entered the room. The first-year students fell silent, knowing that the serious part was just about to begin. 

°°°

"Wait, you're first?!"

Jungkook exclaimed, looking at the grade board a few hours later. He turned to Wooyoung and you, as did several students who whispered words you didn't even understand. 

Slowly, you walked over to the board and looked at the sheet of paper on which the grades were written.

Jungkook Jimin and Hoseok were second. It had to be said that their performance was incredible. They had successfully mixed their solo and trio performances, creating a highly original tableau while respecting the given instructions. 

But apparently, the teachers preferred you and Wooyoung's performance. Even if there were only five small points that set you apart from your friends. 

A week before the exam, you and Wooyoung came up with the idea of teaching each other's solo choreography to the other. The solo instruction was that the creation had to be original and from the student himself, and there was no indication that the duo dance partner couldn't participate. Several of you had this idea in your class.

It seems this technique had paid off because you were now top of the class. 

"I don't believe it... Y/n pinch me please," asked Wooyoung in a whisper, before letting out a little scream as you obeyed. "Hey, that hurts!"

"You asked me to pinch you!" you exclaimed, turning to face him. 

"But it wasn't serious! Ah, we're first noona, we made it!" Wooyoung's face lit up and he took you in his arms, making you burst into a frank laugh, but also a way of letting out all the stress accumulated over the last few weeks. 

You hugged Wooyoung for a few seconds, unable to hide your joy and relief at having achieved such a formidable accomplishment, knowing the talented dancers in your group. Of course, you couldn't help but feel a hint of satisfaction at being able to rise above Jimin and your friends. 

You, who'd always had that imposter syndrome when dancing alongside talented dancers like Jimin, Jungkook, and Hoseok, seeing your name inscribed in front of theirs made you realize that you belonged here, that you deserved it, like them, like Wooyoung.

San called Wooyoung, who jumped into his arms and couldn't help but share his joy with his boyfriend. San hugged him back, praising him. He stretched out his hand to you, and you gave him a high five as he winked at you.

"Noona!"

You turned to Jimin, who was walking towards you with a smile like you'd never seen before. Behind him, Jungkook and Hoseok seemed to be just as happy for you, and that only made your heart beat faster. 

You'd always known that between you and Jimin, there'd never been any competition, but you'd had this little thought that maybe Jungkook and Hoseok wouldn't be like him, and you were so relieved to find out that you were wrong. 

“It’s amazing, you are amazing!”

Jimin couldn't resist taking you in his arms, hugging you tightly. This time, you couldn't refuse this hug, you needed it. The stress of the last few weeks was fading away, and you missed your best friend's touch more than ever. 

Anyway, you'd tell them tonight that you were an omega, you didn't want to hide anymore.

°°°

Or maybe, you could wait a little more? 

Because now that you were probably a few minutes before telling (one of) the deepest secrets you ever had, you didn’t know if it was a good idea. 

They were all here, you were all in Namjoon, Jin, and Yoongi’s apartment. They had decided to order a multitude of dishes and side dishes, which you shared on the coffee table. At the center of the table was a large bouquet made by Taehyung himself, who couldn't help himself when he heard how well Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok and you'd done. 

“Y/N please, don't forget us when you'll be one of Beyoncé's main dancers, okay? I'd love to have an autograph!”

You nearly choked on your soda at Jin's remark, causing general hilarity. 

“I don't want to dance for Beyoncé!” you couldn't help but laugh despite it, and you got up to grab a towel from the kitchen to wipe yourself off, “ah I swear Jin... you do have an imagination...”

You rolled your eyes as you heard them still laughing and joking about it. From the kitchen, you had a perfect view of the living room and your friends. They were eating, laughing, and teasing each other. There was no negativity in the room. You didn't want to risk ruining it now. But at the same time, you told yourself that if you didn't do it now, you'd never have the courage to do it again. You'd then have your heat without the ability to hide it, things could then degenerate one way or another, and you could lose them forever. 

The thought only was enough to bring tears to your eyes. 

“Hey Y/N, everything okay?”

Yoongi's voice startled you, and you realized that he had joined you in the kitchen. The others didn't seem to have noticed your sudden tension, too busy with their conversations, unlike him. 

You didn't answer, just stared at him blankly at first, and could read the worry in his eyes, but also that little spark of gentleness that was so peculiar to him, a look that could give courage to anyone for whom it was intended. That look meant “You can do it, everything will be all right.” 

It was the same feeling you had when you spoke to Jin earlier this morning, except that Jin passed it on with his words. 

Your heart beat too fast, your mouth went dry. You had to do it. 

Without breaking eye contact, you finally opened your lips, and the words came out slowly, in an insecure, trembling voice. 

“I'm an omega.” 

The others didn't seem to hear you. Yoongi remained silent for a few seconds, without saying a word. Seconds that seemed to last an eternity. Seconds when you had time to imagine the worst possible scenarios, and he seemed to have guessed it.

It was only when he gently took your hand in his that you noticed it was shaking. 

“I know.” he murmured in a soft, reassuring voice, seeing your eyes widened with surprise and confusion, he shook his head with a small laugh, ” Later.”

You opened your mouth to reply but soon saw Jimin's face in your sight. 

“Noona! What's the matter? Are you alright? Did you burn yourself? you-”

“Jimin, let her talk, will you?”

This time it was Namjoon who had spoken, his voice sounding just as reassuring as Yoongi's. Everyone had fallen silent and was staring at you. You looked at each of them, ending with Jimin, whose gaze was filled with unspeakable concern.

You felt a slight pressure on your hand from Yoongi, who wanted to give you the courage to go for it. 

So, like with him, you did your best to gather your thoughts, to coordinate your voice and the words that should come from your lips.

“I... I am an Omega...”

Unfortunately, your voice was shakier than the first time. You couldn't help feeling even more ridiculous as you felt your eyes sting with tears.

“I am sorry... truly sorry I... I didn't mean to hide it...” you managed to articulate, ”I thought I was a beta until... recently and... I panicked.” you take a deep breath as you squeeze Yoongi's hand a little tighter, ”I'll understand if you're angry with me, if you don't want to be friends anymore or...”

“Don't be ridiculous!” 

You recognized Jimin's voice and embrace, which came suddenly, but which you accepted with barely hidden relief. His voice was shaking.

“You're my best friend, the most important person in my life as if that could change over something as trivial as that!”

You couldn't hold back a tear that ran down your cheek. Tear that couldn't finish its way when Yoongi ran his finger over your cheek to wipe it away. 

“It doesn't matter if you're an omega, an alpha, or a beta. You're our Y/N, we love you just the way you are!” exclaimed Jungkook, who sounded just as relieved as Taehyung and Jin. 

Namjoon nodded with a small smile and approached you. You had trouble seeing him, as Jimin had decided to cling to you. 

“It happens frequently actually. You think you are an alpha, and it turns out you're a beta, or an omega, or the other way around.” He explained, placing his hand on your hair as you acquiesced, which he began to stroke in a way that was intended to be gentle and reassuring. 

“You all don’t seem that surprised…” you said as you remembered words a few minutes ago, and when you heard Jungkook cough, you turned to him, confused. 

“I… I heard you a few weeks ago, you were on the phone with Wooyoung… Yoongi hyung heard me and we told the others…”

Ok, this one you didn't see it coming. But in the end, it doesn’t matter anymore. 

“Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jimin finally asked, looking at you curiously, and somewhat a little hurt by your silence, which you thought was totally valid. 

“Minnie, can you let go of her ?” Hoseok asked with a little laugh. 

“No, I have months of hugs to catch up !” he exclaimed, his grip on you tightening a little, making the others sigh. But you couldn’t help but let out a laugh. You didn’t mind it at all. You need it more than anything right now.

Oh how you missed his embrace, his warmth, his scent all over you. It felt so good, so right to be in his arms. It felt like where you should be. 

It felt like home.

“I didn't tell you because... when I saw the disgust... the disappointment in my mother's eyes...” You shook your head, swallowing back your tears, “That's why she asked me not to come anymore. I couldn't have supported... I couldn't have supported losing you too...” You looked at Jimin who held you closer to him, "to lose you all..."

Admitting these words out loud was harder than you thought. You weren't the kind of person to talk openly about your feelings, fears, and anxieties. 

“I don't want things to change, I don’t want you to treat me differently...”

You bit your lower lip. Your heart was beating a hundred miles. 

“I hope I never have to meet your parents,” Hoseok said in a cold voice you'd never heard from him, and strangely you found it oddly seductive.

“What a bunch of assholes,” Taehyung said disdainfully.

“I'm not even going to correct you this time. What a bunch of jerks.” Jin shook his head, frowning.

“Look, who cares? You're an omega, so what? Is this about your heat? We'll find a way to deal with it, just like we do with our ruts. We don't care, that's not the most important.” Namjoon smiles affectionately at you, “The main thing is that you feel comfortable with us, that we're all comfortable with each other, that's how a pack works after all, isn't it?”

This time, you hid your face against Jimin's shoulder, unable to hold back your tears any longer. 

“Wait... did I say something wrong?” Namjoon asked somewhat panicked, making the others laugh, even you, between sobs. 

“Don't worry, some stress to relieve.” Yoongi grabbed Namjoon's hand, kissing his cheek at the same time, before moving back to the sofa. “She’s fine now, everything will be fine from now on.”

“Ah Noona, I was so scared!” Taehyung exclaimed as he came around to hug you from behind, his torso pressing against your back. 

All these weeks, all this stress, this tension, this constant fear of living through this fateful moment had just come to an end tonight. 

Wooyoung had been right, once again. Things couldn't have gone better. 

Perhaps there was still the feelings thing, but for the moment, you didn't want to think about it. You just wanted to enjoy this moment, this acceptance you'd never had before today. You just wanted to enjoy Jimin's warmth, which you'd missed so much, and Taehyung's, and even Jungkook, who'd added to the hug somehow. 

As Jimin said, he didn't let go of you all evening, snuggling up to you like a Koala to its branch. You don't remember how the evening ended, except that you found yourself lying in a bed between Hoseok and Jimin. 

In time, father will raise his hand to indicate them to stop. A stop signal. He may leave the room out of boredom but he will return just as he always does in order to demand them to leave you alone. He will never be satisfied but there is always a limit to everything and father sometimes gets too bored to keep seeing it, to keep hearing it, so he’s always there to stop it.

Eventually.

Eventually.

You just have to endure it for now until the signal comes, until—

“What are you doing?!”

You didn’t realize it and perhaps that’s because you blacked out, your mind keeping you from feeling it all completely, trying to protect you, but you’re sitting on the ground when a call demands out an answer in a loud, commanding voice, and a rushing of a pair of feet running over to push Karl off you.

Asher punches Karl right in the face, throwing him off you, before demanding the guards he has with him to hold the man back.

“She provoked me!” Karl argues like a child in a kid’s play.

He’s never been abruptly stopped before. Always angry, never satisfied.

Nothing is ever enough when it comes to the two of them. 

Karl landing hurt through his fists and weapons and anything he can get a hand on. Your father landing hurt through his commands, watching and watching and watching.

And you, their victim, who has to stay down and accept it all until there is a small amount of satisfaction that calls at them to stop.

You always wait on that call, no matter how much endurance it takes.

“That doesn’t make it right to lay your hand on a woman!” Asher retorts with anger laced in his tone, and this anger, despite how different it is from that of Karl’s, still shakes you violently though you keep as still as ever, paralyzed.

Paralyzed.

Even when the anger does not fall on you, even when he does not turn to you but towards the companion who stands behind you, who had stood still this whole time. “And what are you doing? Your boss was getting hit and you just stood there?”

Yeonjun, with a snap on cue, kneels over to your side and looks down at you with widened eyes and a frozen expression. He doesn’t touch you right away, cautious, but you see what those eyes mean, you know exactly what that expression is telling you.

That he, too, had reverted back to the past.

When your father still lived, when he had to stand by and watch everything without moving a muscle.

He reverted back just as you had.

Two little kids, who're still affected by the traumas of the past.

Two little kids.

You take Yeonjun’s hand, giving him the permission to touch you, so he helps you back onto your feet and the two of you remain in silence as you walk off with his help, not daring to look Karl in the eyes, not caring to reply to Asher.

But you feel yourself trembling with the presence of a pair of eyes boring right into your back. Not from Asher or Karl or the two guards but from someone else.

The ghost of him.

Of that man.

That man named father.

.

.

.

“Y/N?” There’s concern in Jungkook’s voice when you walk into the room and you guess that’s probably because of the state you’re in, but right now you can’t entertain him so you simply hold a hand up, asking him to stay back, and Jungkook, though worried, leaves the room on your behalf.

When you’re left alone with Yeonjun, you let your legs give in to sit on the floor rather than finding a chair or taking a seat on the bed.

The floor is comfortable. It’s always been more comfortable.

The boy takes your heels off, along with your jacket, and despite the sting of the pain that aches over your body, the only thing on your mind is the fact that you let it happen so easily, that you allowed yourself to walk back into that state of being an obedient and perfect little doll.

You reverted back to the damages just when you thought after father’s death, you wouldn’t let anyone walk over you anymore.

But it isn’t easy.

It isn’t easy.

And it will never be easy.

Father still lives in your head rent free and there’s nothing you can do about it. No matter how much time has passed, nothing will change. It’s already been a little over a year since his death but he’s still here, still thriving, mocking you, taunting you, controlling everything that you are.

You’re shaking, trembling, not just out of fear but out of anger. Angry at yourself. For being so weak, for reverting back, for thinking things could get better.

And with Yeonjun the only one here with you at the moment, you lean into his touch and let yourself into his arms to allow the sort of warmth only your Reapers can provide you.

Yeonjun’s heartbeat won’t be the same as Mingyu’s, it’s probably even beating rapidly right now, so you don’t let your ear rest against his chest and instead wrap your arms over his neck and climb into his lap to lay your cheek against his shoulder.

Yeonjun brings his hand over to rub down your back but he’s a little awkward and unsure because he’s never really had to do this; comforting you. It’s always been Mingyu, and if Mingyu wasn’t there, it’d be Yuna, and if Yuna couldn’t do it, it’d be Dasom, or someone else.

Anyone else.

He’s only a kid after all, just eighteen years old, the youngest of your Reapers, but because no one else is here, he does his best to pick up the role that’s been given unto him.

Yet you feel him tremble slightly himself and you guess that in some way, he must be afraid as well.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to you. “I didn’t…I…”

You know what he’s trying to say, that he failed you, that he couldn’t protect you. But can you really blame him? Because just as you’ve been trained to endure through the pains and take everything that’s given unto you, Yeonjun, the Reapers, were trained to stand by and watch.

Habits are scary.

Frightening.

And because you don’t know how to console him and he doesn’t know how to console you, the two of you remain in silence simply holding onto one another.

Just two little kids having to rely on each other.

Just two little kids.

And after a little while, when things have settled a little more, when he starts shaking a little less, Yeonjun gathers himself and forces himself out of the state he’s in.

He stands up and you watch him leave for a second, not too long, because he rushes, and returns with materials in hand to begin tending to you. It remains as quiet as ever between the two of you, but you see the way his brows furrow in concentration and he stops himself from staying in the mindset of a teenager.

Of a child.

He becomes an adult, a reliable adult. For you. Applying what’s needed on the bruises that have swelled up, wrapping your arm with bandages, and when you frown with disgust at the sight of the white wrapping on you, wanting it off, complaining, he doesn’t fall into your trap and stands his ground just as he’s seen Mingyu do plenty of times.

Yeonjun gets frightened of you at times but he always listens to your every command and does all that you ask him within a heartbeat, but today he grows a pair of wings and knocks you lightly on the head with his knuckles when you try to push him away, when you get stubborn with him.

“Do you want to die?” You glare at him but he doesn’t give in.

“You can kill me after I treat you,” he says and continues his ministrations.

“I hate it,” you tell him. “I don’t like it, this…this white.” You try to scratch at yourself but he grabs your hand before you can and your face scrunches up with anguish. “Get it off me.” 

You tug the pearls on your neck and it scatters onto the floor but you don’t care and move on to the white dress, yet Yeonjun stops you once more.

“You’ll hurt yourself.”

“I’m not weak.”

“I never said you were.” And because he knows the signs, because he’s seen it plenty of times in you, he grabs the sleeve, rips it, then the hem of the dress, and tears that as well without doing too much. “See? Look. Imperfect.” You hate perfect things and seeing that, the tears of the dress, alleviate a bit of your drumming heartbeat, so Yeonjun grabs a pair of scissors to start cutting off bits of your dress.

All your life you’ve been told to be perfect, that everything you do must be under the command of your father. He made you into his perfect little doll, his perfect little weapon, prepared you for the battlefield, prepared you for war.

For the war that he brought, for the war that was his.

Or rather, he was the war itself.

You are a weapon, and weapons do not weep. Weapons are used and weapons do not run off on their own. Weapons are perfect, they fire at the command of their owner, they’re silent when told, and left to waste if they do not do their job.

You’ve never wanted to be left to waste, you’ve never wanted to be dropped back into an empty room, the White Room, and never picked up again.

“I look broken,” you utter a whisper as if shocked at the image of yourself when you look down at the mess of your dress and the white bandages on your body. Your brows are knitted, teeth grinding on each other, fingers dug into the skin of your palm, eyes red but as always, they refuse to cry.

Because weapons do not weep.

And Yeonjun, for a second, almost panics, thinking he did something wrong, but in Mingyu’s wise words, “Just because it looks like I know what I’m doing when it comes to boss does not mean that is the truth. It is far from the truth. There are times when it feels like I’ve messed up, times when I’m about to panic because she responds differently from what I imagined, but you cannot ever show her that you do not know what you’re doing. Ever. Just pretend when you’re in that position, and if you’re good at pretending, she won’t know a thing,” Yeonjun quickly pulls himself back up.

“You don’t look broken,” he puts the scissors down and takes your two trembling fists. “You look imperfect.”

You look imperfect.

Imperfect.

It does the trick.

He sees the way the crease between your brows starts to soften, how your clenched jaw loosens, the way you let him help your fingers unravel from the strength they held digging into yourself, and how your shoulders fall a bit from being so hunched up.

“I look imperfect?” You ask him, eyes wide and puppy-like, darting right to him and though they shake slightly, they look towards him for an answer, for reassurance, to detect any lie, to seek for the truth. But also pleading, also begging for him to say just that.

Even if the lie must disguise itself as the truth.

“You do,” so Yeonjun lies skillfully. “You look imperfect, boss.”

There’s a breath of relief, quiet and subtle, and it comes in a whisper just barely there. Yeonjun keeps you close and presses a palm to your chest, just where your heartbeat strums.

“Now count,” he tells you. “Mingyu says counting is good, right? Count until he gets here.”

“Is he coming?” You ask when he takes both your hands to take over where his palm once lay.

“Yes,” he lies again. He hasn’t made the call yet. “Soon.”

“You have to stay here.”

“I will.”

“No one can come in.”

“I know.”

“Don’t talk to him, don’t let Karl anywhere near me.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

“I’m tired.”

“Alright, come here.” He pulls you in carefully into his lap, in his arms, and you let yourself be warmed and comforted in his arms once more, this time with your back pressed to his chest.

“I don’t want to sleep,” you tell him. “The nightmares…they’ll come. He’ll come. He’ll visit. And he’ll try to make me perfect all over again.”

He. Your father.

“I don’t want to be perfect.” It isn’t a command, it’s a plea. A desperate cry for help.

“Then don’t sleep. But count the heartbeats, yeah? Count.” The soft lure of his voice, gentle, encouraging.

With hands still pressed against your chest, you let your ear tune out everything else in order to hear the beat of your heart so that you can start counting them.

One. Two. Three…

It’s fast and you know that you can’t completely count every individual one of them but you try your best to simply concentrate on only that while your eyes stare out at the window a few feet away. The sun shines brightly from the opened curtains and there’s a small little bird perched on the closest tree.

It jumps onto a branch and rests there with its head moving about in different directions.

There are pretty white clouds up above and one of the bigger ones shapes like a castle and you imagine fairies up there, hiding.

There’s another cloud that looks like a cat and another one shaped like a ghost.

The wind blows and your eyes turn back to the bird that flies off.

Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five…

It’s slowing down, just slightly.

.

.

.

“I heard what happened this afternoon.”

Kiwi keeps you distracted as he nibbles with your finger. You can’t recall when he’s decided to hang around you rather than his own master whenever you’re around but at least it gives you a reason to not look someone in the eyes.

“Would you like to tell me what happened from your perspective?”

Thirty-something years old. You can’t even remember just how old you are but lately, it hasn’t mattered in the slightest because you feel much younger than what you actually are. Like you’re twenty-something. Even a teen. It doesn’t feel like you’ve aged much.

Your birthday hasn’t been celebrated since your time at the Bangtan manor but it doesn’t really matter. Nothing really matters.

Because you feel like a kid back under the control of your father, having to do what you’re told, obeying his every command like someone who can’t do anything on her own.

Under scrutiny.

“What did Karl tell you?” You pop a question of your own, eyes still unfocused, mind still trying to pretend you’re fine, that you’re okay in a room full of strangers.

There’s only one stranger but a stranger nonetheless.

“He said you provoked him.”

“That’s right.” You don’t deny it and instead nod, expression blank so that Alexander cannot tell what’s going on inside your head. And maybe he does, maybe all of this faking is futile because he’s so wise, but you don’t care. You keep still, you keep vague, and you remain cold.

“Is that so…?” He trails off, perhaps thinking, and you can feel his eyes never leaving you. “And what was it that you did to have provoked him?”

“I told him something he didn’t like.”

“And what’s that?”

“That I killed his best friend.”

“And did you?”

“I did.”

“And who was that?”

“My father.”

He pauses, perhaps because he hadn’t expected that answer but you’re sure he’s thinking back on the moment when you first mentioned your father to him. The “story” you gave him was that your father passed away and was a good friend of Karl’s, though you never mentioned anything else about it. 

And now here’s the answer; you killed him yourself.

“Is that why you let Karl do what he did?” He asks you. “Because you thought you deserved the punishment for what you did? Some people may not regret their actions but they’ll let the person most affected do something against them. Was that how it was?”

No.

No, not at all.

You didn’t let Karl hurt you because you knew he’d be hurt by what you did. You didn’t let him hurt you because you thought he at least deserved to lash his anger out on you. Or that you felt bad. Or that you wanted some sort of punishment. Or that you were repenting.

You let Karl hurt you because you’d always let him hurt you, just as you’d always let everyone hurt you.

Because that was how it always was.

A habit.

Being the weaker one, being the one who would chant the words endure, endure because that was what was instilled in you from the moment Mister Butler died. You cannot get out of your habits that easily, you do not just get stronger because you vow to yourself you will.

You don’t just get stronger and you certainly don’t just decide ‘I won’t let anyone step over me anymore’ and succeed on the first try.

Or the second try.

Or the third.

Even the tenth or hundredth time.

You let Karl hurt you because you were used to it and your body, remembering how it always was before your father died, returned to those habits.

The habits of staying still, the habits of enduring all that came at you.

“Yes.” But you lie because what else is there to say? You lie because there is nothing else to say. Because you don’t want to tell the truth. Because the truth means explaining and explaining means opening up and opening up means trusting and trusting never ends well.

You lie because you have to.

“That is all there is to it.” You put Kiwi down onto the floor and stand up straight, making sure to look in the old man’s direction with your hands held together in a formal stance. “Karl’s story is the whole truth. I deserved what he did, for killing his best friend, for killing my father.”

His brows are furrowed and you sense doubt in his eyes but because he has no proof and because you’re not willing to share anything else with him, he can’t push you too hard about the matter. “Whether that is the truth or not, do you really think a man much older and bigger has the right to hurt a woman younger and smaller in stature? No–” he fixes his sentence, “do you think a man is in his right to hurt a woman?”

“A man is capable of hurting anything that he wishes to hurt. He is in the power to do so.”

“You are strong, Y/N.” He stands to meet your eyes, serious, calm, and collected, but there’s a little twitch in his brows to indicate that he feels a bit frustrated by the situation. “You are capable of dodging his attacks. Even if a man were much bigger and stronger than you, you have the brains to outsmart them. You don’t look like someone who will easily let someone else step all over you.”

No. You are exactly just that. You are still the little girl you thought had changed. You’re still weak.

“So I’ll ask you again, Y/N; why did you let Karl hurt you?”

You hate feeling caged in and right now, despite the fact that only Alexander stands in this room, you feel eyes from all over. And maybe that’s just you being paranoid, maybe you’re just making it all up in your head, but you hate every bit of it. 

Every bit of this.

“I gave you my answer, take it with a grain of salt. Do not pretend to be on my side.” And with that, you turn your back to him and walk off without another word.

Alexander doesn’t chase after you but you feel his eyes.

It’s ironic the way you’re supposed to be the one trying to gain his favor and yet this happens; you pushing him away and putting up your walls. And Asher makes sure to remind you of that.

“Isn’t the whole point of you being here to gain his favor?”

He stops you in the middle of the hall when you’re heading back to the guest room.

“Why?” He asks, genuinely curious, maybe even with a bit of genuine concern in that tone.

“Maybe I’m tired,” you say in a quiet voice.

“Of?”

“Of trying to be likable.”

He hums, considering the answer with his arms crossed over his chest and leaning against the wall. “And that young bodyguard of yours,” he brings up Yeonjun, “he may be a kid but don’t you think he deserves punishment for failing you?”

“No.” You reply easily and Asher raises a brow.

“You won’t punish him?”

“I don’t blame him.”

He watches you as if you were a strange being, like you weren’t making sense, though there’s a bit of unease that marks his features, some sort of disturbance that troubles his thoughts and you realize that you’ve said too much so you start walking again.

“My people aren’t allowed to act unless I tell them to.”

But Asher doesn’t want to leave it with just that. “You wanted my uncle to hurt you?”

“Nobody wants to get hurt willingly, Asher.”

“Then what is it?”

You’re talking too much.

“It is none of your concern, that’s what it is.” With that, you pick up your steps and walk into the room before he can push you any further.

Jungkook is in there when you walk in, and although being left in a room with just him should trigger some sort of response, surprisingly you don’t tremble that easily and perhaps that’s due to the fact that somehow, in some way, your body just knows that Jungkook doesn’t pose any threat to you. Perhaps because somehow, in some way, you’ve learned to put some trust in him in just the slightest way through the times he’s spent acting as your guard.

It’s been a little over a month.

Mingyu came here prior to your meeting with Alexander and surprisingly you didn’t need him as much as you thought you did. You think that’s because Yeonjun managed to calm you down well, despite his perpetual fear in the beginning. He picked himself up in time, after all, and was there for you by mirroring what Mingyu would have done.

Maybe in some ways, your right hand man has trained all the Reapers in how to respond to you when he isn’t around.

He took Yeonjun away for something, though right now you aren’t too concerned about it.

“..Kook.”

You feel tired, you feel drained, and that’s why you’ve managed to only call Jungkook by a shortened name.

He’s responsive at the first call, despite how quiet your voice is, and when he sees that you’ve given him permission to come in close contact with you, he doesn’t hesitate to walk over to you.

“Do you need something?”

It’s odd the way you feel some sort of relief he’s as responsive as he used to be all those years ago. Maybe because a part of Jungkook will always remain the way that he always was, maybe that’s why you’ve learned to associate him with a figure that you can put a bit of trust in.

“When are they coming?”

“They?” He tilts his head and when you reach a hand out towards him, he takes it in order to help you because you feel your legs are weak in the knees.

“Namjoon. Them.” He takes you to the bed so that you can lie down.

“In a month or so,” he replies. “You said as much time as you need to gain Alexander’s favor but the latest would be in a month.”

You’re already winning so what’s the point in waiting? 

It’s been a month, over a month.

You just want to go home already.

“Can you call him?”

Jungkook looks for his phone. “What for?”

“Tell him to come earlier,” you say, body turned over towards him, cheek against the pillow, eyes drowsy. “In a week. I don’t…Karl has…I want him dead.”

For a second his thumb hovers over his phone to look back over at you and there he finds, the little girl he’s seen holding her walls up so high not even a plane can cross over, beginning to crumble in just the slightest way.

You look exhausted.

The makeup does not hide the bags under your eyes, it doesn’t hide the exhaustion, how drained you are over all of this. And maybe a part of that is due to your insisting to stay awake when you needed sleep but a big part of it is the mission itself.

Every mission is a little different from the other, but Jungkook has come to know that every one of them involves someone who has sucked all that sweet girl energy out of you. They’ve all done you wrong and it can’t be easy. It can’t be easy having to face all of them one by one, trying to deal with it all, trying to rid of them, and ultimately as a result, hurting yourself in the process.

“Kook?” Your eyes went closed for a second but upon his silence, you open them up again in order to look up at him, and due to your exhaustion, he finds the pretty girl he once loved all those years ago with the smallest voice as if calling out for him in a sense of help.

“I-I’ll call.” He’s flustered, slightly, but hits the call button with his thumb and walks towards the bathroom. “Stay awake, alright? I won’t be away for too long.”

He closes the door behind him to start looking around for something just as Namjoon picks up on the other end.

“Jungkook?”

“Y/N wanted me to tell you to come earlier.”

“Earlier?” It’s surprising on his end because just the night before, you told him to stick to the original plan. “Did something happen?” Of course something must’ve happened for you to change your mind so quickly.

In some ways you’re just as stubborn as he is, so he knows you aren’t someone who will change your mind that easily.

“This afternoon, uh…” Jungkook hesitates, not sure if it’s okay to relay him the news but something tells him you probably expect Jungkook to not stay silent about it to the boys. They share everything with each other after all, and if you really cared, you wouldn’t have let him anywhere near you after what happened. “Karl, you know, after touching her when she felt uncomfortable?” He did mention the incident a few weeks ago to Namjoon already. “Well, Y/N took up his invitation to tea in order to catch up and stuff and I assume she pissed him off.”

Somehow, Namjoon expected that. After all, you hinted at doing something reckless during your call with him. 

“I’m not sure what happened exactly because I wasn’t there but Karl hit her.”

“What?” There’s some shuffling on the other end. “What do you mean hit her?”

“Not just once. She has bruises as a result.”

“Bruises?”

“I should get back to her, she might fall asleep but I’ll catch up with you later.” He doesn’t wait for Namjoon’s reply before cutting the call off and returning to your side out of worry that leaving you alone for too long won’t be good, and the fact that you might have actually fallen asleep on him.

Surprisingly you’re still awake, though your eyes are as droopy as they were when he left you.

“Can you turn over on your back?” Is the first thing he asks of you and you obey, turning over. The bed dips a little when he takes a seat beside you and that’s when you feel he begins to take your lashes off.

“You know there’s a lot of processes that go into taking off makeup, right?” You tell him when he takes the other one off.

“I know, bub, I’ve done it before.”

Right.

He’s helped you before.

“So just stay still, yeah? You don’t have to do anything.”

You listen to the lure of his voice, as soft as the way he used to speak to you all those years ago, and let your eyes close as he begins to swipe the makeup wipe over your face. It’s gentle the way he does it, almost as gentle as Dasom, and although he’s a little clumsy and isn’t as fast as she is, he does his best during it all.

When the makeup wipe is done, you feel your hair pushed back and a band coming over to keep it out of the way, then some sort of cloth on your chest and tied behind your neck.

Warm water walks over your face. Bits of it, not too much, not too little, so that you don’t get too wet anywhere else, and then the feel of soapy foam begins to rub in circles all over your face. The massage feels nice and you almost feel your consciousness slipping away but you keep awake to the touch of Jungkook’s hands.

About a minute later, he soaks a washcloth into water and starts to wipe the cleanser off you so that you don’t have to sit up and wash it off with water yourself.

It takes a moment but eventually, he gets it done, and then you feel a wet cotton pad swipe over next.

Something about all of this, the steps he memorized either for you from the past or the fact that he now does it himself regularly, feels rather domestic and just…soft.

And in your sleepy and tired state, you feel anything but uncomfortable, lured in with the feeling of basking on top of clouds with your head bathing under the warm sun with light little pitter patters of rain sprinkling over you.

You don’t know why you enjoy this so much despite how different it feels from when Dasom does it for you, but knowing that your trust is beginning to leak outside of Reapers somehow brings a sort of comfort you never thought you’d feel.

It’s a little frightening because trusting is always scary, especially for people that had once broken it, but for some reason, it just…feels right.

Somehow.

And maybe that’s because you know they were never at fault in the first place, that they were just forced into making an unwanted decision. 

Jung Hoseok would probably be in the same position as they were were he to realize the truth all those years ago. If he hadn’t gotten hurt on that mission. If he hadn’t been forced to lay on the infirmary bed in order to recover. If he hadn’t stood away from the six of them.

Even still, as you’ve said it plenty of times before, just because someone doesn’t mean them doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt.

In the safe space that they provided you, you were kicked out of your own comfort and forced to return to the hell you thought you had escaped.

“Why do you not cry?” His voice keeps you awake and when you look up at him through your lashes, eyes feeling quite dreary and heavy, he finds himself pausing in his ministrations as he stares down at you who’s looking up directly at him.

“Why do you ask that?” You return a question, voice just as soft.

Jungkook’s eyes trail down your face. “Karl…he…” he didn’t see what happened but the aftermath of it is right before his eyes. “And Leehyun and…..” He presses his lips together. “You have..so much to cry for.”

“...Do I now?”

“Is there nothing left?” He asks, a hand brushing back small strands of hair that tries to block your eyes.

You don’t nod because you’re too tired to move so you nod through a blink. “It’s all dried up.”

From the water that he used to clean your face, a drop falls from your lash and trails down your cheek, mirroring what a teardrop looks like, and then you say, “But…if I knew how to cry……do you think you deserve to see them?”

He doesn’t reply but you have your answer.

He doesn’t feel worthy.

This Jungkook and the Jungkook you once knew long ago are the same in the way they always feel unworthy of something. No matter how many times you can assure him, he will always think there is something he can do better, that he is undeserving, that he can never be enough.

But unlike idiots who simply say “I don’t deserve you” and go about their days after breaking your heart, Jungkook says it and steps up to do what he can to try and prove to himself that he can be someone deserving.

He always did all that he could and when there came a point when he looked as if he could finally come to terms with being at peace with his love for you, it was ripped away from him all too soon and now he’s back to square one, trying to prove himself.

Even if it isn’t in the form of love.

Jungkook will always care.

But even still,

“I still hate you.”

It comes out soft, it comes out quiet, and a little timid and a little brave, but you hadn’t meant for it to come out.

If you were wide awake, if you weren’t in such a vulnerable state, you would have never spoken those words to him. But because your consciousness is on the verge of slipping away, you speak them out loud for him to hear.

“I know.” And he replies in the same voice, the same softness, quiet, and timid, and brave.

He doesn’t leave your side even after those exchanges uttered unto each other and you fall asleep next to his presence, next to his comfort, next to his warmth.

.

.

.

Jungkook wasn’t there when Taehyung said he witnessed you sleepwalking but he said that it wasn’t the sort of sleepwalking you’d see in a normal person. He said you looked like a ghost more than anything, and that at times, you’d just stand still in the middle of the room and not move an inch.

No, not a ghost. A corpse.

And now here he is, after endless refusal to sleep and finally allowing your eyes to stay closed, he witnesses what Taehyung had meant.

A corpse standing still in the middle of the room, blanket over her shoulders, eyes staring up at the dim sky outside the window, blank and without any hint of life in them.

He watches you from a distance, a furrow in his brows, with his tongue bitten back and his fists clenched by his side.

Subtle anger lies in his heart, brewing, not at you but towards the world that has made you into the sort of person you are today. Or maybe it had always been this way, maybe you had always been hurting and he just never noticed, maybe it was always like this all along and maybe, perhaps, they made it worse when they left you all alone to fend for your own self.

Feeding you to the wolves.

He’s angry not just at the world but at himself and Jungkook knows that if the truth were to ever leave your lips about what actually happened to you, about all the things that you’ve gone through, he knows that this hatred he feels right now is only but a small fraction waiting to build up before it all breaks into the tiniest little pieces.

Shattering in the way he had broken you.

Shattered.

The world can only do so much but he encouraged it by standing by, by letting it all fall down onto you, by letting himself be convinced that you’d be fine, that everything would be alright.

But nothing turned out alright.

In the days and months and years that followed your absence, they returned to how things were, returned to loving one another, accepting one another, forgiving one another. But in those days and months and years, he can only imagine what sort of events you had to face.

While they had each other, while they always had each other to lean on, did you have anyone by your side?

The Reapers may be one thing, supporting you and giving you their utmost loyalty, but did they ever hold power over the things that happened to you in the way Namjoon could have handled it? In the way he would have handled it?

“Y/N?” You don’t answer him when he calls out to you but he expected that so he walks on over to where you’re standing.

You’re as still as ever, and he approaches with a careful, watchful gaze, hesitant when he reaches a finger over to you. 

A small touch to the blanket, just over your shoulder, and when you don’t freak out or move away from him, he puts two fingers. 

Then another.

Then another.

And when you don’t react to his hand, he proceeds to place a hand on your head and press it towards his chest.

You don’t resist.

“Come on, let’s head back to bed, yeah?” And understanding that you’re okay with him even in this lifeless state of yours, because he knows your body is capable of telling the people you trust and don’t trust apart, he puts his other hand under your knees and picks you up to carry you over back to the bed.

You comply well with him despite your unresponsive self, and when he tucks you back in with the blanket pulled over your chest, he looks back to see your eyes staring straight toward him. Empty yet lonely.

Vacant.

Not at him but through him, and his heart aches a little at the sight.

“You’re alright now,” Jungkook whispers. “You’re alright.”

If Hoseok had been here, would he have been able to do a better job looking after you?

—

You take a deep breath as you approach his private office, bracing yourself for whatever the hell reason it was today he demanded you come to see him. All week there was a new reason, a new mundane task, more workload, more grumpy attitude from the CEO as he stared daggers into you like he was reverting back to who he was when he met you, when he didn’t trust you. But you could see through it, to an extent, the panther was punishing you and you were letting him . 

You exhale, it sounds almost like a sigh before you knock on the door, a gruff voice replying.

“Depyunim, you asked for me?” You greet him politely when you open the door.

“Take a seat,” he responds without looking up from the paperwork in front of him.

You hesitate, this was how it always started, you sitting there in silence fidgeting for however long he decided before he actually addresses you again. Only today the workload was catching up with you, you couldn’t afford to waste your time with his antics. 

Your reluctance to follow instruction makes him look up at you, not a single emotion on his face, his eyes almost black, void of the man you once knew. 

“Is there a problem Miss L/n?”

Ah. That was the other thing he started doing, he didn’t call you kitten anymore. It shouldn’t still cut you like this, and honestly you thought you had gotten used to it after a whole week, but every time it knocked the wind out of you like a punch to the gut. You were too terrified to call him by his name or question him over it, something told you his bite would be worse than his bark. Even now, where you would normally challenge his behaviour, you couldn’t muster the courage to. 

You shake your head, taking your seat like you had the previous days before. He returns to his paperwork without a word. The atmosphere between you was unbearable, every time you sat in this chair you wanted to bawl your eyes out, and every day you forced yourself to hold the tears back. 

“Depyunim…” you couldn’t take it anymore, you watch the pen in Yoongi’s hand pause at the sound of your voice. “I don’t want to rush you, but I have to get the Enhyphen contracts done by 4.”

You tried to say it calmly, softly, politely, but the stone in your throat made it difficult to speak. You fiddle with your fingers in your lap, bracing yourself nervously. He exhales loudly out of his nose, as if you were testing his patience, resuming his writing without a verbal response. 

In all honesty, you were misreading his behaviour. Yoongi was angry at himself. What was he trying to do? Push you away? Keep you close? Make you waste an entire day with him, so you’d be forced to stay late to catch up and then you wouldn’t go to see that human he could smell on you? What exactly was he trying to achieve? He was just so angry all the time since that day. That stench that didn’t belong on you was frying his brain cells, making him act like a possessive panther, enraging him even when he couldn’t smell it. He was desperately trying to keep you as close to him as possible whenever he could, keeping you in his office, his personal den, away from the thing that was taking you from him. 

He hears you sniff, it's small but audible, it stuns him frozen, scared that tears would follow, that he was the one to cause them. As hurt as he was, as miserable, the last thing he wanted to do was make you cry. The grip on his pen tightens. He owes you an explanation for his behaviour, his abuse of his power, he knows it, but how does he start? 

“Did I do something?” Your small voice makes him finally look up at you, almost snapping his neck in the process of how quick his attention turned. 

His hard expression melts into one of shock, jaw dropping an inch as he takes in the way you’re trying to smile despite the sadness coming off of you in waves. 

“No.” Is it a lie? It sounded firm, something that left no room for questions, but he can’t convince himself that it was true. 

In your mind you’ve already come to conclusions about the change in atmosphere, observing their attitude towards you and knowing it coincided with Eric coming into your life. You’re not stupid, you know they saw you as a packmate, so a new foreign scent was going to drive them over the edge. You just thought it would have settled by now, that they would’ve gotten used to it. 

But how could you act hurt when you were the one to instigate the change, to pull away for your own peace of mind. You put up walls and boundaries, knowing what the consequences would be. You couldn’t complain now, even if your whole body ached with missing them, despite working with them almost every day. Distance didn’t have to be physical, you could prove that. 

“Okay,” you accept it, plastering on a patient content smile on your face that didn’t feel right. Yoongi doesn’t like it, he knows it’s fake, but he turns back to his paperwork like a coward, unable to confront you or let you go. 

—

“What’s this?” Namjoon’s eyes are aflame as he shows you the email on his laptop, his eyes unbreaking from staring down your small figure in front of his desk. 

“I-it’s a request for a job reference,” you state the obvious, trying not to tremble in front of his heated glare. 

“I can see that babygirl,” he sounds almost condescending, the fire in his chest unable to remain contained in front of you. “Is there a problem here working in this company?”

You gulp a little, shaking your head since you couldn’t trust your voice to stay steady. 

“Then why would you even think about applying elsewhere?” He almost growls, almost. 

He sucks in his cheeks, trying to calm himself down, knowing what a hypocrite he was being. He told the others to keep their distance, to stop with this mating nonsense especially since you were obviously interested in someone else. All those times he told the others to respect your choices, and here he was eating his own words. Employees come and go, it’s a given in any business, but you, over his dead body was he ready or willing to let you leave. He didn’t even consider it an option. 

“What is it, Y/n?” he pushes, “Is it the pay? The workload? What would make you decide to leave when all you have to do to fix anything is speak to me.”

He was seething, but his anger wasn’t directed at you, it was the fear he was hiding in the flames speaking for him. 

“I was just exploring my options,” you can’t meet his eyes when you say it, your focus aimed at the edge of his desk. You knew logically you didn’t have to answer a thing, didn’t have to justify your actions, but you felt compelled to. This wasn’t just your boss, this was the man you had been in love with for years. You respected him far too much.

“Anything any company can offer you I can match or double,” he still sounds so angry, but he can’t help it. “You want a pay rise? Done. Promotion? Whatever position babygirl, it’s yours. Anything you want.” Just don’t leave. 

The corner of your lip rises an inch, a humourless sad smile on your face as you hold back a scoff. Your eyes start to water, you don’t want to say a word. He couldn’t give you what you wanted, you wanted him, you wanted the others, and if he ever knew he would throw you out of the company himself. You were doing him a favour by removing yourself, but you couldn’t tell him, because regardless of what you thought were noble actions, you knew you wouldn’t be able to take the look of hate or disgust in his eyes if it was directed at you. 

“You’re the biggest asset this company has ever had,” he explains, needing to cover his outburst before you read between the lines. It wasn’t a lie, but it sure wasn’t the reason why he was so desperate for you to stay. “I’m not letting you go without putting up a fight.” 

You wanted him to stop. It wasn’t fair how he made your heart sway and burn when he didn’t feel the same way. You hear him sigh, collecting his words, the hesitation makes you finally glance at him.

“Does this have anything to do with why you were crying last week?” He asks cautiously, his gaze inspecting your every reaction and movement.

“No,” you lie, “I told you, I was just overwhelmed with the workload.”

You sounded so flat, it made him ache. He fights the instinct to wrap you in his arms, smothering the voice in his head that was telling him something was wrong with his mate, reminding that incessant voice that you chose someone else. It was happening more and more frequently recently, he was arguing with himself all the time. The same conversation with himself repeating everyday whenever he saw you.

She chose someone else, he says to himself firmly, shutting down any chance of a counter argument. He doesn’t notice the grip on his pen is deadly until it cracks under the pressure, ink spilling all over his hands. 

“Joonie!” Maybe it was instinct that tore away all the boundaries you were building, but you race to his hand in worry as if he had injured himself. He felt the tug in his chest again the second you said his name, finding himself gazing at you softly. There’s a frown forming as you take his hand, looking it over in case he cut himself. He doesn’t pull away, even though he knows he should. You had him wrapped around your little finger, and although he didn’t mind, it was starting to hurt. 

“Are you okay?” You ask him, glancing up at his face to ensure he wasn’t in pain before returning to inspect his soiled hands. 

He knew he was pretending nothing had changed since you started dating, but his whole world turned upside down and he had to grit his teeth through it. He had to lead the others by example, but doing what was right rather than what he wanted was getting harder each time he saw you. Each time he could smell that disgusting odour on you it flared his jealousy, it had only been a week, how often were you seeing this boy in a week that his scent was always on you? 

“I don’t think you’re bleeding,” you mumble, more to yourself than to him, that frown of concern still cemented on your face as if you refused to trust the evidence he was unscathed. 

He hates it when you pull away, your own hand stained with ink from holding his. You glance down at them, lips turning up an inch as if you found it humorous for reasons unknown to him. You were laughing at yourself, all that progress you thought you were making away from them was bullshit, the state of your hands were proof enough of that. 

“I think I need to go wash my hands,” you chuckle, moving away from him. 

He fights back the instinct to grab your hand in a desperate attempt of keeping you with him, words lodged in his throat. He controls himself as you walk out of the office, feeling like a hopeless puppy rather than a wolf. 

—

“Did you hear, Y/n got herself a boyfriend!”

“No way, for sure thought she was courting the CEOs.”

“She obviously tried and failed.”

Jin sighs, closing his eyes trying to contain the disappointment he felt in his employees as they gossiped about you, not realising he was within earshot. He tries not to listen, tries not to focus on the details of your new relationship, but gossip spreads like wildfire in the company, the details getting warped as they were whispered. 

He scoffs. What did they know? They were all wrong about your affection for them, it was the other way round, they were courting you. It was plain and obvious for anyone to see but in the eyes of your jealous and spiteful colleagues, you were the instigator. Perhaps it was a blessing you unknowingly rejected them, he hated to think of what rumours would try to taint you if they were successful. He says it to himself so convincingly he can almost pretend it doesn’t taste bitter. Why was everyone so blind? Why were you so clueless? Why was everything so complicated?

He sighs to himself as he makes his way to the meeting room, half an hour early. Some habits die hard, some don’t die at all. Just as he expected you were already there setting up, he would’ve smiled if it wasn’t for the smell that hits him, the reminder. He could pretend nothing was changing, but the truth was hard to deny. 

“Need any help, beautiful girl?” he says, his sudden presence making you jump out of your skin. He grins at that at least.

“I’m almost done,” you laugh lightly, hand on your heart as it raced, refusing to calm down even when you knew there was no threat. You don’t know why but you were becoming increasingly nervous around Jin, a paranoid part of you thought he could see right through what you were doing, and you were afraid he would call you out. 

He hums in acknowledgement, approaching you slowly, his eyes boring into you as if you would disappear from sight if he so much as blinked. 

“You’re early,” you comment, trying to focus on anything other than his stare. 

“I wanted to spend time with my beautiful girl,” he confesses against his better judgement. He didn’t want things to change, so what if you were dating a moron, you were still his mate. 

Your pulse was beating faster the closer he got. Jin refused to let you pull away, it was why you thought he knew what you were doing. He didn’t let anything change. Boundaries? Fine, he’d respect them, but you trying to create a distance from him? It would kill him. 

“I-I, umm…” You can’t find an excuse to leave the room, and when he stands in front of you only inches away you lose your train of thought all together. His eyes implore down to your own, the softest smile admiring you without attempting to hide it at all.

“Hmmm?” he hums again, asking you to go on with a slight smirk, reading the effect he had on you, proof that you liked him too. 

You’re sure you look like a fish out of water to the amused bear in front of you playing with his food. 

“What’s wrong honey?”

You gulp, his eyes turning dangerous and knowing underneath the light expression he held. Maybe you liked that new term of endearment a little too much, Jin swore he could hear your heartbeat flatline for a second. He takes a step closer, basking in the warmth radiating from your heated form, just more evidence, more reassurance that he hadn’t gotten it wrong. You loved them too, the only issue was Namjoon’s inability to see it, and whatever the hell you were doing with that boy he could smell on you. 

The urge to get rid of it with his own scent was driving him up the wall. It would be so easy, but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Crossing boundaries was how you all got into the predicament, he wasn’t about to make it worse. 

Your mouth opens and closes, repeatedly without words like the proverbial fish. Didn’t you ask the maknaes what hybrid you would be? Well you know the answer now. 

“Are you ill honey?” He presses the back of his hand to your forehead. He can’t help it, just something small, something that can be brushed off as concern. “You’re burning up.”

By the look on his face you can tell he knows exactly why that is. The smirk is gone, his face unusually serious with a challenge in his eyes to prove him wrong. 

“I-I’m fine,” you don’t sound it when you push his hand away from your face, but you force yourself to brush it off. “Honestly Jin, I’m fine.”

Before he can investigate any further, you turn away from him, feeling his stare on your back as you finish setting up for the meeting. It doesn’t go unnoticed by him that you repeat certain things, or take your time, obviously trying to avoid any more interactions with him. He laughs to himself in pity, maybe he did get it all wrong. 

—

It's silent in their office, it has been all week. No one seemed to muster the energy to talk, not even the maknaes now they were back. Namjoon half expected them to whine or complain openly about the situation, but they were too deflated to speak. A burning guilt seared right down his centre, realising his punishment was part of the reason they wouldn’t be open about their feelings, he was their alpha and he lost their trust. But they couldn’t see he was just trying to protect everyone, that was his burden. 

Hoseok walked in, doom and gloom written all over his face, a visible sigh through his lips, his eyes concentrated on the ground as he walked. A part of him wanted to hide in Yoongi’s office, not really wanting to be alone but not wanting company either, but he couldn't impose and the panther had been a bit volatile recently. He can’t remember the last time Yoongi willingly came into the main office since his argument with Namjoon. The two were avoiding each other thinking that was the best way to avoid conflict, in reality it was just making things ten times worse.

“I think I’m going to transfer to another floor,” he says nonchalantly as he stands at his desk, the others gawping at his words. 

“Hyung,” Jimin sounds equal parts outraged and upset. “You can’t.”

“Floor seven needs better management,” he says, not meeting anyone’s eyes. 

“And the real reason Hyung?” Taehyung scoffs.

He doesn’t answer for a moment, wanting to keep it repressed inside, but this was his pack, his family, they knew him better than anyone else. 

“I can’t take the smell,” he confesses quietly. “Everytime I look at her all I can see is someone else's hands on her, I-”

He cuts himself off, taking a breath. His emotions were spilling, overwhelmingly so inside of his chest, the only way out was through his mouth as words, but he locks it shut. 

“We won’t let a girl come between us or the company,” Namjoon states after minutes of silence, his voice quiet but firm. “We’ve worked together since the start, we’ve had problems before and we’ve gotten through them every time, this is no different.”

It was like he was brushing the situation off, that’s what made them stare at the leader of their pack aghast. A girl? A problem? Did he seriously just say that?

“But she’s not just a girl Namjoon,” Hoseok sounds so heartbroken that he even implied it, not holding back his words even though he knew it wasn’t a subject to approach the lead CEO with. “She’s our mate.”

Namjoon sighs, ready to have the conversation again for the hundredth time but Hobi doesn’t let him.

“You can deny it to yourself and the rest of us,” he says. “That doesn’t make it any less true.”

He doesn’t want to hear the lectures today, doesn’t want to sit through another spiel about how it would never work, so he left the office before the wolf could start. It was just his bad luck that he ran into you as he walked out, your form colliding into his chest. 

“Woah-” It’s instinct the way his arms wrap around you to hold you steady, and he blames instinct as to why he's so reluctant to let you leave. Your palms are on his chest, burning through the fabric of his shirt, finally giving him some of the warmth he had been craving for a while. 

“Sorry,” you say sheepishly, pulling away, but he doesn’t release you. You look up at him in confusion. “Are you okay?”

No, I'm not okay sunshine. He’s missed you, the confession almost leaves his lips. But instead he smiles through the gut wrenching pain of letting you go, carrying on as if nothing had happened. 

—

Twice in one day? What had you done to deserve it? You march over to Yoongi’s office this time, the pile of work starting to stack itself into the leaning tower of pisa on your desk. You don’t even knock, opening the door to greet the panther. 

“Depyunim you calle-”

“You need to rewrite this,” he cuts you off without looking at you, holding the files you dropped off earlier before they slammed on his desk. 

“What’s wrong with it?” you challenge quietly, knowing that you checked it over ten times before giving it to him. 

“You need to change the font,” he states matter of factly. What the- was he kidding?

“This again?” you groan, rolling your eyes in without thinking, patience wearing thin. “There’s nothing wrong with the font!”

Yoongi stands up so quickly his chair almost falls back, he strides over to you, eyes pinning you down where you stood just outside his office. The doorway between you shouldn’t symbolise so much, but when he looks down at you with an anger simmering in his eyes, you can’t ignore that it does. 

“I’m a CEO of this company,” his voice is quiet, dangerously so. “If I tell you that it needs changing, there shouldn’t be any questions about it kitten.”

The pet name slips before he can stop it, but he can see your eyes soften at the term despite the way you were trying to challenge him. Your hands ball into fists by your side, trying to stop the ache that came with hearing him call you that again. Trying to pretend you didn’t miss the sound with your whole being. 

“I’m not changing the font Min Yoongi,” you keep your voice and gaze steady, ready to win this battle between you both. 

He almost smirks, it was instinct when his kitten got out her claws, he couldn’t help it. 

“I’m telling you to.”

“Fine, if you’re going to be stubborn about it let’s take it to Namjoon and he can tell us if you’re being unreasonable or not,” you argue back not realising that was the wrong button to press, but how were you to know of the ruins of their relationship. 

“This isn’t Namjoon’s project,” he can hear the growl in his words, taking a heavy step towards you. 

The way his eyes turned black in a second made a shiver go down your spine, goosebumps jumping out of your skin, warning you that you pushed the panther too far. The next step he takes has you gulp, survival instinct taking over as you take a step back, keeping the distance between you the same, moving into the corridor. 

“It's mine,” he looks so disgusted at you, hate pouring out in his words and his glare, aimed far away from you but unfortunately you were on the receiving end. Kim Namjoon was not a name to be uttered in his presence. “So if I tell you, to change the font Miss L/n, you change it.”

His words are final, you can see it. It doesn’t falter, his stare so intense you have trouble finding your own words. 

“Okay,” you give in, ready to drop the subject and run away from his demeanour, but he wasn’t having it. 

“How dare you try to question my rank in this deal Y/n,” the way he says your first name makes you realise it's not just anger there, you hurt him. “But I guess you don’t respect me a much as you respect him.”

He scoffs, shaking his head as he walks back into his office, slamming the door behind him, leaving you alone on the other side. You hadn’t realised you were holding your breath until your lungs filled with air again shakily. No, you were not going to leave it like this. 

For the second time that day you don’t knock, walking in to find his back to you as he stood in the middle of the office, Shoulders rising and falling with each angry breath he took. You close the door behind you, staring at him until he turns around. 

“Get out of my office,” he’s not joking, the tone of voice he was using with you, you had never heard aimed at you before. You force your bottom lip to not quiver.

“I’m sorry,” you say, trying to keep your voice steady. He lets out a breath of laughter, humorlessly, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation. 

“Fine. Now leave.”

In his current state, the stink on you was only fuelling the fire. It filled his office, his safe space and he wanted it out even if it meant kicking you out. 

“Yoongi,” he curses the way you look up at him with watering eyes. “Why are you so mad at me?”

“That smell is off putting,” it’s spit out before he can reign it in. Part of you expected that to be the answer but you still look surprised.

“But this is irrational…” you shake your head, you want to create boundaries not be exiled. “I know Eric isn’t part of your pack but neither are most of the people you work with every day and you’ve never behaved like this before. Not with me.”

His jaw clenches at the name, the way you said it sounded too familiar for a guy you only met a week ago. Humans were more like animals than they thought, if you met your mate time was irrelevant, he really thought that was you for them, he didn’t want to believe anything else. 

“I can’t stand their stench either kitten,” he bites back, sounding spiteful, tail flickering behind him dangerously. “Why do you think I have a private office that no one’s allowed into?”

You reel back, hating the way he was speaking to you. You both bickered and argued all the time, but this felt different, this felt real. 

“And right now, you’re filling it with that disgusting smell,” you could almost see smoke coming out of his head, like a volcano about to erupt. “So please, Y/n, leave.”

You stare at him silently for a second, unable to hide the hurt on your face anymore. He doesn’t budge, he can’t, and you can see it your efforts to get through to him would be fruitless. When you close the door behind you, walking out without another word, he can feel the guilt drop like a pill inside of him, regretting letting his jealousy speak for him.

—

You can hear the tap running in the kitchen when you walk into your apartment after work. Sighing with emotional exhaustion as you take off your shoes, you really wanted to be alone.

“Hey!” His voice shouldn’t aggravate you, but it pulls at a chord. “How was work?”

You try to smile, but it feels awful. 

“Busy as always,” you don’t elaborate, and Eric is smart enough to know not to push. 

“Well I made you one last dinner… without burning the kitchen down this time,” he chuckles sheepishly. 

“You really didn’t have to,” you didn’t have the stomach for food today. 

“I just wanted to thank you Y/n,” he says sincerely. “For letting me stay with you this week, I honestly can’t thank you enough.”

If you told any of your friends you let the guy that took you on one date stay with you when he accidentally burned down his apartment, you’re pretty sure they’d kill you before giving you the lecture of ‘you don’t know him’, ‘he could be a serial killer’. But you knew Eric through a mutual friend, and if they vouched for him, you’d believe it. Plus you couldn’t lie that his presence was useful in your badly executed plan of getting over your bosses or at least not letting them find out you were in love with them. 

“Sure you’re not going to let me take you out on another date to make up for it?” he tries cheekily, reminding you of his presence when you space out thinking about them. 

“I thought dinner was your way of making up for it,” you say with a look on your face that roughly translated to, nice try.

“No, that's my way of saying thank you,” he chuckles but again doesn’t push it.

As much as you wanted to be distracted from your current dilemma, you wouldn’t use anyone that way. It wasn’t fair, you were hung up on them, and you didn’t believe that stupid saying of getting under someone else. Honestly, you didn’t know what you were doing, you wanted something impossible. Did you honestly believe that a little distance was going to erase the past few years of getting to know them, of falling in love with them? How did you think you could have it both ways? Love them from afar, but still keep them close. You really were a mess. 

—

His scent was stronger on you this morning. It was all they could think about through the meeting all seven of them had to attend, but they didn’t know that was because you hugged Eric goodbye this morning when he finally left with his stuff. More from the relief of getting your space back than anything else. The time-old saying was wrong, what they didn’t know would definitely kill them. 

Did he spend the night? Was that why the once lingering smell on you was now punching them in the face with its pungence? Jin glances briefly at the way Yoongi was tapping his pen irritatedly on the surface of the desk. Hobi looking distraught beside him, blinking back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

The maknaes were fairing no better. Jimin's stare was as cold as ice, threatening to freeze anyone cold that dared to approach him… perhaps it was quite fitting for an arctic fox. Jin could hear the way Jungkook’s leg was restless under the desk, the strength of the smell too much for the bunny as his face contorted into pain. And Taehyung… well the tiger looked at you with such an intensity, the oldest CEO didn’t know how you were ignoring it, surely you felt the burn of his gaze.

Jin wondered how Namjoon was leading the meeting with such faux ease. If Jin didn’t know him any better, he would have believed it, but he noticed the subtle clench of his jaw, the way he couldn’t help glancing at you at any given moment, the heartbreak and questions in his gaze every time it fell on you. 

“We’ve only just managed to reach our target for this year’s quarterly,” Namjoon states, trying not to wince at the way the smell was giving him a headache. “I want project leaders to reassess their team's work for any pitfalls or areas for improvement.” 

You frown in concern when he pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes with his fingers, closing them in pain before resuming the meeting. You want to question it, stay late when he finishes his speech, thanking everyone for their hard work and letting your colleagues leave the room. You want to stay, you want to check he's okay, but you remind yourself of what you’re trying to achieve and force yourself out without looking back at any of them. That didn’t mean you didn’t feel each of their stares as you left. 

—

You can see Jungkook and Jimin wandering around the office floor, trying to look busy, striking up conversations with almost every employee, asking them mundane questions about different projects, all while sneaking not so subtle glances your way. You’d laugh under any other circumstance. You hadn’t said a word to them since that night, and now because of the lack of communication the atmosphere festered into something awkward. Each party was afraid to approach the other, you were scared to talk to them, they had a way of bringing down your defences, and you knew it would take them seconds to break down the wall of boundaries you were building. 

The pair notice you ignoring their presence, making their way through the sea of employees, inching closer and closer to you as naturally as they can fake. 

“Hyung I don’t think this is going to work,” Jungkook mutters under his breath for only the arctic fox to hear.

“Why won’t it work?” Jimin challenges in a hushed breath. “We’re the CEO’s of the company checking on our employees, Angel is also an employee, this is the perfect way to start a conversation again.”

“But hyung-”

“I miss her,” Jimin looks earnestly at the bunny, his heart in his eyes for him to see. “I can’t take this anymore.”

Jungkook bites his lips nervously as Jimin talks to Seulgi, the next desk they would approach would be yours. You seemed engrossed in your work but he kept his eye on you, scared you would figure out what they were doing and run away before they had the chance to talk to you. 

You, however, were so wrapped up in your own thoughts you didn’t question their motives. That is until they make their way to your desk.

“Angel,” Jimin greets you as if nothing happened. 

Your eyes widen as you stare at him in shock, realising this was their plan the whole time. 

“Jimin,” you breathe back, and he has to stop himself pouncing on you. Fuck, he missed you? Why was that word not enough to explain the pain of being away from you for so long?

“Hi Noona,” Jungkook saves his hyung by sacrificing himself, the older CEO malfunctioning after hearing his name. “W-we w-wanted to see how everyone was doing.”

He chews at his lips, cursing himself for stuttering, but thankfully Jimin finds his tongue.

“The hyungs sent us,” he lies hastily, “to check on everyone, I mean…”

You just nod in reply, feeling a little on the spot with both their gazes burning into you like you would fade from sight. You kind of wish you could fade from sight.

“How are you?” Jimin asks softly, the words sounding light but holding more weight than anyone would ever know. 

“I-I’m okay,” you smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes. “Just falling behind.”

Your hands grip onto the arm rests of your chair, as if you were physically trying to hold yourself back from leaping into their arms. You missed them, you missed them so much you didn’t care about that stupid night and the stupid boundaries. You just wanted to go back to normal, but you couldn’t, you had feeling for them, it was wrong. 

“Anything we can help with?” Jungkook asks, hoping you’d let them. All he wanted to do was bury his nose in your hair, after scenting you so hard that you only smelled of him and the pack. His fingers fidget, entangling around each other, can’t he at least touch your hair? Or your cheek, or something. 

“I kind of need to not be distracted,” you say sheepishly, wincing at your own harsh words though you tried to say them as politely as you could. Both boys balk at the suggestion before Jimin composes himself.

“Understood.” His features turn to stone as he drags the bunny away, leaving you to your work. Your heart breaks more and more with each step they take, knowing you can’t take it back. You hurt them. 

—

You thought their office was empty, it's why you didn’t knock. Knowing their schedules, knowing they were all at different meetings, you didn’t think twice to enter with the files you had to drop off, coming to an abrupt halt when you’re met with his red rimmed eyes. You both stare at each other, your face one of complete shock, while his was evident of his tears. 

It's the sob that wrecks through his whole body that has you spring into action, flinging the files onto whoevers desk you didn't care, as you almost ran over to him, engulfing him in your arms nearly knocking you both over. If anything he cries harder, tail wrapping around your waist too as he holds onto you like a lifeline. You squeeze him hard, his head burying itself into your neck, trying to find the scent of you that wasn’t tainted with that awful stench. 

You don’t smell like you. You don’t smell like them. He won’t pretend it's pure instinct as he rubs his head against you, sniffling as he moves your head under his chin, rubbing his scent glands on you roughly. It’s all over you, that fucking smell was everywhere. 

“Tae,” you call his name airily, his ministrations already having an effect on you, but you had been so starved of him for so long. 

He doesn’t respond, taking your arm in his hand, pressing it against his cheek, hiding his eyes from you when he decides it isn’t enough. You feel yourself stop breathing when he uses his lips instead, soft delicate kisses on the length of your arm, making his way slowly to your neck. You’re frozen, not wanting him to stop for a second, your skin searing at every touch he gives. 

That is until you try to make sense of his behaviour. He was a hybrid, who saw you as part of his pack, and you denied them your presence for over a week. This was just his instincts on overdrive and you had to get yourself together before he went too far and regretted it. Or before you misread the signals and got your heart broken again. 

“Tae, stop,” it sounds feeble even to your own ears, but you grab his wrists and push him back. His eyes meet yours, no tears left but his pupils are fully blown like he was on catnip. 

“No,” his voice is hoarse but stubborn. “I don’t want to.”

It takes all your strength to hold him back when he tries to lean into you again, his heart aching at the way you're keeping him away when he so desperately needs you. 

“Please,” he begs, whimpering, feeling like if you denied him it would crush him beyond repair. “Please flower.”

You breathe out slowly, long and calm, trying to keep yourself together, to not give in. It wasn’t fair, every brick you painstakingly spent building against them came down like a house of cards. Tears prickle the corner of your own eyes. This wasn’t fair. 

He manages to rest his head on your shoulder, his nose sniffing against your neck. It’s still there, muted but he could still smell it. You hear the low hum of a growl in his throat.

“Taehyung, talk to me,” you say gently, needing him to verbalise his actions so you didn’t misread them. 

“You’re not supposed to smell like him!” he cries, closing his eyes in pain. “You’re supposed to smell like us, you’re mine.”

Your heart leaps before it falls. 

“Tae,” your bottom lip trembles, doesn’t he realise how cruel this was. “You can’t say shit like that.”

He hears you sniff, moving away enough to see the look of sadness on your face. But he doesn’t understand why it’s there. Did you really not feel the same way? No, that wasn’t it, the way you looked up at him, begging him to stop but they were soft on him, so loving. 

“Why?” he dares to ask, it comes out a whisper, his heart pounding as he inspects you. You close your eyes, wanting to laugh at how pathetic you are. It causes tears to fall out of the corner of your eyes. You let go of his wrists to wipe them away, ready to answer him, ready to confess and leave him forever to save yourself from more pain. 

A creak startles you both, the door opening to reveal the others making their way back from their respective meetings, all of them staring at the scene, completely taken back. 

“Baby girl?” Namjoon is the first to step towards you both, his eyes flickering between you both. The concern on his face turns to one of anger, aimed at the tiger but you had already decided it was towards you. 

You can’t deal with this. Turning away you try to make your leave, only to be held back, Taheyung grabbing your hand in his and making you face him. 

“Why?’ he repeats, more adamantly. He needed to know, because whether he was right or wrong would change everything. 

“Taehyung,” Namjoon growls warningly. His eyes fixed on your hands together. 

“This is between me and flower,” he glares at his hyung, the threat in his eyes clear for the wolf not to get involved. He turns back to you, the others watching intently. “Why?”

You feel defeat ripple through your chest, your face scrunching as you sniff back the sob working its way out. 

“Because my stupid human brain is going to misunderstand,” you voice is heavy with tears, a few slipping out against your wishes. “Your actions mean something different for humans than they do for hybrids.”

He almost scoffs, this was what you always did. They were so obvious with their affection and love and you rationalised it wrong every time.

“What does it mean for humans, flower?” he almost sounds like he’s mocking you, a new stern and unforgiving look on his face as he moves closer to you. 

“Taehyung stop,” you beg, not wanting to go through with this, to feel embarrassed about your feelings when he figured it out. “Please.”

“Taehyung maybe we shou-”

The glare he sends Hoseok’s way has the lion biting his tongue. They were all panicked, what if the tiger’s actions cost you them forever?

“What do kisses mean for humans?” he asks again, louder, more demanding, not letting the subject drop. “Or better yet… What do you think they mean for hybrids?”

“You kissed her?” Both of you ignore Namjoon’s outburst, Taehyung not caring if he misunderstood. 

The corners of your lips pull down so far, your eyes welling ready for overspill as you implore him silently to let you go. Why was he being so cruel? You had never known him to be like this before, what did he want from you? You breathe shakily, feeling lost until it hits you, he’s figured it out. He knows. 

Your worst fears come to surface and you pray it wasn’t true, that he wasn’t about to out your feelings to the others. He watches you struggle for words, deciding to take pity on you.

“Because last time I checked,” he breathes, his heart pounding in his chest hard as he takes a leap of faith. “They mean the same thing for us as they mean for you.”

It takes you a second, he can see the crease between your brows before your whole face goes slack with disbelief. He can see the puzzle pieces finally fit into place through your eyes, unable to help himself, smiling when he can feel your pulse match his. 

He takes another step closer, the distance between you only a hair width. Final drops of tears fall out of your eyes as he watches your pupils dilate when he leans in. You don’t pull away when his lips press against yours, you pull him closer.

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