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it is just endlessly so funny to me that a central issue in the tuna meltdown is that ilya is trying to account for shane's moves in a game of 3d chess and meanwhile shane is just desperately trying to play tic tac toe
ilya is layering his questions in like four layers of misdirect while still trying to get the answers he wants and then shane is just asking "you want me to stay?" "you want to make me food?" "do you have a girlfriend?"
ilya is out here coming up with his riddles three to see if he can cross over the becoming a boyfriend bridge, and he could have ACTUALLY DONE IT if he'd been able to ask "hey, do you want to be exclusive and not just fuck buddies?"
man was out here writing a novel when a one sentence survey question would have actually achieved his goal
PAUSE!! Im rewatching The Motion Picture for the first time in a long time because its Valentine’s Day and its the most romantic (on par with III) Star Trek movie and…I know in the novelization Spock stops kohlinar bc he hears Kirk reach out to him but I always thought in the movie he was hearing V’ger.
However!! I just noticed that Spock mouths”Jim” as he stops what’s her name from putting the necklace on him. Then she says something like the voice from space is calling to you/your human blood is affected by it…bro you’re telling me they’re not in love??
Sorry I love this movie and I love Star Trek and I love Jim Kirk and I love Spock and I love spirk
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You guys aren’t gonna believe me when I say this but I’m enjoying Starfleet Academy! Loving Holly Hunter and her lack of a hairbrush. All the student leads are fun and a bit cheesy but I like what they’re going for!
matter of fact, i caught you lookin' back by sargeantwoof | explicit | 19k words – Ilya's apartment is under construction. Shane's in town for a game. It'd be a shame if they somehow had the same hotel room.
the heart is hard to translate by catknives | explicit | 20.8k words – in a world where you can understand whatever language(s) your soulmate speaks, it takes Shane and Ilya an embarrassing amount of time to realize they’re soulmates.
hey, love, we'll get away with it by buckleyspencer | gen | 5.6k words – 5 times Shane and Ilya broke the rules they had set in place to get away with it + 1 time they realized they had nothing to get away from.
careful fear and dead devotion by CorvidCordelia | explicit | 44k words – Shane and Ilya are cast in a production of Ember & Ice and eventually they fuck about it.
fresh from the fight by flairlies | mature | 23.5k words – The Voyageur is strong, fast, handsome, and just about everything the city of Ottawa could ever want in a superhero. Shane Hollander is very good at staying under the radar as a local crime reporter. Ilya Rozanov is just trying to take down his family's corrupt business from the inside. He didn't really intend to become a vigilante and he definitely didn't mean to develop a crush on the city's #1 super-boy. Or on the journalist helping him take his father down.
It's Been A Long Time Coming by leiascully | explicit | 20k words – Ilya and Shane are so excited to have made the playoffs in Shane's first season with the Centaurs until they remember: no sex during the playoffs.
rose garden filled with thorns by galactictsukki | explicit | 14.6k words – famous Shane meets non-famous Ilya on a cursed flight from Ottawa to Boston and kind of (totally) falls in love with him at first sight (and first chirp)
My Hopes Are Prone to Elevate by shanehollandertwentyfour | explicit | 106k words – what if Ilya and Shane had been drafted to the same team? Inspired by every rookie bestie dynamic duo in the NHL that made you think, "what if they kissed???"
Absolutely Not by broccolicheddarchicken | explicit | 23.7k words – Over the course of the first half of his fifth season on the Centaurs, Shane considers retirement, homophobia, his public life, family, and his legacy. He also gets a tooth knocked out, visits the beach, and is repeatedly pissed off by how hot his husband is.
Here it is, the promised HR fanfiction rec list! As it often happens with my rec lists, it might grow later ;)
all the things he did by HR (blankjournals)
Summary:
4 times Shane was strict with Ilya and the 1 time he wasn't ft Ilya having an emotional crisis over it.
and i spit out the seeds by linearity
Summary:
A video of Shane sucking Ilya’s dick is leaked. Over the next twenty-four hours, Ilya goes on an odyssey.
at the lonely end of the rink, you and me by vahosi
Summary:
The first time Ilya coughed up a flower, he was kneeling over a toilet in the penthouse of the Fontainebleau Las Vegas, for entirely the wrong fucking reason to be kneeling over a toilet in Vegas.
There was no point in trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. He wasn’t an idiot. Hadn’t he seen his own mother waste away, coughing up clumps of clean white chamomile stained shocking scarlet? Hadn’t he known, on some level, that he was fated to follow in her footsteps one day, to throw his entire heart and soul into loving a person who would never — could never — love him back?
No, Ilya knew what this was. He also knew he’d never set foot on the ice again if anyone found out.
Blindly, he reached for the toilet paper, wiped his mouth, and then flushed the whole thing. Petals, too. He didn’t want to know what kind they were. Pizdets. It should’ve been a fucking maple leaf.
❁ ❆ ❁ ❆ ❁
the Hanahaki AU, in which Ilya loves Shane Hollander’s stupid face so much it makes him sick (literally)
NEW can't rush the dawn before it is time by Wretchedheart
Summary:
It was supposed to be a joke, okay? It was supposed to be funny, and they were all supposed to get a laugh out of it. Despite all of his protests, Hayden had thought he could get Shane to see the humor in it once he gave in. Except the longer Shane decidedly didn’t find it funny, the less entertaining it became for Hayden as well.
Hayden hadn’t ever actually done a deep-dive into the whole Hollanov internet obsession. He wasn’t prepared to have the cornerstone of his worldview be destroyed by a youtube compilation video.
--
The Montreal team watch a Hollanov compilation on youtube, for fun, and realize some things.
Concussion Protocol by cjr2
Summary:
Instead of Shane, it is Ilya who suffers a concussion during the Boston-Montreal game in April 2017. Dazed and agitated, Ilya briefly starts speaking and responding only in Russian and the medics can’t calm him down. Luckily, Shane started studying Russian after Ilya spoke to him in Russian on the phone from Moscow. For no particular reason. Certainly not because he’s fallen in love with Ilya Rozanov.
In Montreal with lingering concussion symptoms, Ilya is advised not to fly home for a few days, and the hospital won’t release him without assurances that he has someone to stay with him until his symptoms improve. Luckily, Shane conveniently has a condo in Montreal no one knows about and a few days before he has to travel again.
But Ilya’s symptoms don’t resolve after a few days. Which is okay; Shane can handle it. He can take care of Ilya, study Russian, lead his team into the playoffs, and keep Ilya’s continued presence in Montreal a secret. He can do everything, no problem. He is Shane Hollander after all.
or
A whump fanfiction that is secretly a fix-it.
NEW Detained by FestiveFerret
Summary:
"Did you see what happened to Rozanov after the game?"
Shane's head snapped up and he lost his rhythm on the rowing machine. He slowed to a stop so he wouldn't hit himself in the face. One of the weight benches exploding wouldn't be enough to pull his attention away from his teammates' conversation.
"No, what happened?"
"Dude got fucking arrested."
NEW everything that kills me (makes me feel alive) by asocialconstruct
Summary:
The photo is blurry, timestamped 2:17 AM, but there's no mistaking Ilya Rozanov walking into Shane Hollander's building the night Boston wins in Montreal.
By morning, it's everywhere.
--
For five years, they've been careful. But one fan with a camera phone unravels it all, and suddenly Shane and Ilya have to answer questions about what they are besides rivals. Shane's team wants him to deny everything. Ilya's family demands the same.
Canon divergence where the secret comes out three years early, and Shane and Ilya have to decide if what they have is real under intense media pressure. Set right before the tuna melt game would have happened.
from the cold by stammiviktor
Summary:
It’s winter in Ottawa and Ilya has hunkered down in his big, empty mansion to weather a nasty flu. Then his phone buzzes.
— Guardian™ Security Alert: Movement detected at front door
— (1) Missed Call: Yuna Hollander
Or: The Hollanders have a new son to take care of. Ilya has no idea what’s going on.
Gold Rush by joannabobanna
Summary:
It’s usually on nights like tonight, when sleep evades him, that the worry starts to creep in.
Because what about a year from now when the Centaurs have just barely eked through another season with the barest handful of wins and the Voyageurs have won themselves yet another cup? Or in three years from now, when Shane is closer to his forties than his twenties, and he realizes that his entire list of carefree, youthful romps with his preferred gender is made up of one nervous fumble with Mexico top and Hollywood blowjob guy each and then all the years with Ilya?
And somehow, somewhere between the inky darkness of Ilya’s sleepless night and the bright, early morning trip back home to Ottawa, Ilya resolves to propose...an arrangement.
Because what did it matter if Shane had meaningless sex with other men as long Ilya held his heart, right? And if it preserved Shane’s happiness in the long term…if it kept the already delicate Jenga tower of factors that dictated their relationship from finally toppling over…then it was the obvious choice.
Right?
Or the one where Ilya proposes opening up their relationship: a deep dive on that one scene in chapter twenty-one of the The Long Game.
NEW Ilya Rozanov vs. Canadian Vocabulary by Honeybees_n_flowers
Summary:
“You named your coin after the stupid wolf bird?”
“I didn't. The country did, I guess. I don't know, I never really thought about it.” He paused for a second, then smirked. “A two dollar coin is called a toonie.”
Or: Four times Ilya Rozanov thought a Canadian word was stupid, and one time he was on Canada's side.
NEW loving this body by beetlesandstars, kryptonian
Summary:
Ilya picks up on the third ring, breathing heavily into the phone. Shane hears a door slam shut through the device. “Do not yell at me.”
Shane stares at the half-empty bottle of vodka on the coffee table. “You suck.”
“I suck? I scored hat-trick! In your stupid body! I have not eaten in six hours, Hollander. I have not pissed. I have not laid down. I want to go home.”
“Rozanov–”
“Your mother has called twenty times. Your manager has called thirty times. Your father text me picture of crossword puzzle and ask for help. Clue is about American President from the 1980s. I cannot help!”
OR: the hollanov bodyswap fic.
NEW the lucky one by beetlesandstars
Summary:
Tomorrow, he'll call Shane and apologise. He'll fix what he broke. He doesn't want Shane to be angry at him anymore.
He doesn’t remember swerving to avoid a merging truck.
He also doesn’t remember hitting the tree.
Or: Ilya gets into a car accident. Shane is there to pick up the pieces.
Our Captain, Their Problem by Bruja_oscura
Summary:
Ilya Rozanov has a "tiny car accident" (his words). Shane Hollander has a full-scale, system-shutdown panic attack about it. Meanwhile, a horrified Hayden is praying for someone to throw him in a lake and tell him that this is all just a big joke, or maybe for a meteor strike; he is really not picky. J.J., on the other hand, is trying to bleach the image of his sweet captain making out with Ilya fucking Rozanov from his brain.
It's a very normal day for the Montreal Canadiens.
please leave a message by Ravenesta
Summary:
Sarah
Does anyone have the number for Shane's girl from Boston? I feel bad that they've been seeing each other for this long and we've never added her here.
Jackie
Oh good point! Let me ask Hayden.
Jackie has added Lily to the conversation
Lily
what
what is this
Or: Ilya Rozanov is, apparently, one of the girls.
Shane Hollander's Reddit History by leaveittome
Summary:
r/Bottoms
First Time Bottoming…
Shane_Hollander24: 7 years ago
shaneswood: 2 days ago
ur telling me shane hollander has been on reddit this whole time talking about bottoming and we only JUST found out?
something you can fix by some1_around
Summary:
Maybe if the video ended there, Shane thought, it would be okay. Okayish. Still incriminating. Still a fucking disaster. Still embarrassing, to have his breakup with this beautiful actress filmed and disseminated on Reddit of all fucking places, but not a nail in his coffin, burying him alive. But the video didn’t end there.
“Can I ask if you’ve ever been with another guy?” she had to ask.
And he, tears visible in his eyes, had to nod.
Just once. Just a single nod.
Why did he have to nod?
“Have you ever told anyone that before?” He shook his head. “Was it different? With a guy?”
“Of course.”
Of course.
“Was it better?”
“Yes.”
+++
Shane’s conversation with Rose is secretly recorded. Months later, after the All-Star game and Ilya’s confession in Russian, the video gets leaked online. Shane is outed to the world while Ilya is in Russia, and must now finish the 2016-2017 season with the entire world in on his secret.
Strip It Down by inexplicablymine
Summary:
Ilya can’t believe his eyes. There is a huge twenty-foot-tall photo of his— of Shane Hollander in a pair of Calvin Klein briefs giving the camera his “come fuck me” look.
Or, Shane does a Calvin Klein campaign, Ilya has feelings about it.
NEW Well, That Happened by Franks22
Summary:
“Jesus Christ.” Shane says with feeling.
“Mm, Jesus Christ.” Ilya Rozanov’s voice pipes up behind him.
“Oh god.” Shane says with feeling.
“Yes. Oh god.” Ilya Rozanov’s voice pipes up from behind him.
“Oh shit. Holy fucking shit.” Shane says, swaying a little where he stands. “Am I dying?”
“Pretty sure is panic attack. Place head between knees.”
It was placing his head between knees that got them into this predicament in the first place.
Or
How far can Shane spiral after accidentally bonding with his hockey rival?
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the more i watch star trek tos, the more it becomes abundantly clear that the reason why modern trek doesnt get kirk at all is because they dont utilise mccoy nearly as much anymore
in modern trek, they always present the idea of logic vs emotion, with spock being logic and kirk being emotion, but thats not how tos has it. in tos, the logic vs emption debate is spock vs mccoy. kirk is supposed to be the mediator between the two, sometimes siding with one side over the other, sometimes finding a middle ground between the two. thats why hes the captain, hes able to see all angles and pick the best course
when you make kirk the emotional one, it completely breaks the format, because 9 time out of 10, it means kirk has to be correct. theres no more balance
mccoy is just as important to tos as spock is, and while i do understand why spock is as popular as he is, without mccoy, the show doesnt work. you need them both. kirk spock and mccoy are the three leads of the show, and removing one requires you to change the others, which is whats happened to kirk
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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