sin~

NSFW HEADCANONS.

🫧 KENPACHI ZARAKI : “You’re still breathing? Good. Round four.”

1. What Type of Lover is He?

Unhinged. Dangerous. But utterly obsessed with you.

The man fights with love the same way he fights in battle—with full force and no mercy.

You moan once and he’s like “...Say that again. No, louder.”

> “I like the way you scream. Let’s hear it again, yeah?”

2. Is He Dominant?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA—YES.

Kenpachi isn’t just dominant—he’s primal, feral, and hungry.

Will toss you like a ragdoll but kiss you like he’s never gonna see you again

He’s gruff, loud, and growls in your ear

Doesn’t ask. He takes—unless you say no. Then he pulls back and says, “Next time, then.”

> “You asked for this, babe. Don’t cry now.”

3. Favorite Positions

From behind, standing up – grabs your waist, leans into your neck, breath hot, thrusts brutal

Pinned under him – wrists trapped in one hand, the other gripping your thigh

Chair sex – you're straddling him and he's biting your collarbone

“Fuck the wall” position – literally. He breaks it.

4. Kinks and Turn-Ons

Blood kink (minor) – seeing a little cut on you? Kisses it, then bites near it just for fun

Pain/pleasure mix – scratches, biting, marks. He lives for the aftermath

Hair pulling – yours or his, he doesn’t care

Praise kink, but his way – “That’s it, my filthy lil thing. Takin’ it so good.”

5. Aftercare

He acts like he doesn’t care, but you wake up in his haori, tucked under his arm, fed, watered, and safe.

Gently checks your bruises, whispers, “You good?” and if you nod—he smirks like a smug lion.

🫧 MAYURI KUROTSUCHI : “Your body is mine to study, dissect, and adore.”

1. What Type of Lover is He?

Unsettlingly calculated.

Everything is a delicious experiment—how much you can take, how far you’ll bend, how loud you’ll scream.

He’s poetic in a twisted way. Will recite your anatomy like love poetry while stroking your thigh.

But don’t be fooled—his obsession is terrifyingly real. He loves you. Deeply. He just shows it through science and sex.

> “Your heart rate spiked when I whispered in your ear. How delightful.”

2. Is He Dominant?

Yes. Clinical, intense, manipulative, but eerily tender.

Commands you like a subject, but touches you like a man starving for affection

Always wants control, but lets you believe you have some (you don’t)

His favorite phrase: “Be still. Let me enjoy this.”

3. Favorite Positions

Experimental table sex – you’re laid out, arms stretched, body open, and he’s examining every inch before wrecking you.

Face to face missionary – nose brushing yours, hands around your throat, soft groans as he records every reaction

Over the lab desk – the petri dish shakes off the table. He doesn’t care.

4. Kinks and Turn-Ons

Orgasm control – he edges you scientifically, notes your limits, then shatters them

Pet names like “my specimen” or “lovely subject”

Invention kink – literally made a toy that vibrates to your heartbeat

Marking and staining – will leave evidence of his lipstick, ink, or poison on your body like art

> “This is the only experiment I refuse to end.”

5. Aftercare

Wipes you down like a sacred relic

Applies custom balm to your skin, muttering about “preservation of the finest specimen.”

NSFW AKITARU OBI (FIRE FORCE) x READER HEADCANONS

You play with fire, sweetheart—you get Obi.

1. What Type of Lover is He?

Gentle giant with calloused hands and the softest heart.

The kind of man who lifts you up like nothing, but carries your emotions like glass.

Daddy in the streets. Gentle daddy in the sheets. But can flip that switch if you're into it.

Gives you the “I love you” forehead kiss after rearranging your guts.

> “You sure you can handle me, baby? ‘Cause once I start, I’m not stoppin’."

2. Is He Dominant?

Hell yes. But the quiet, composed kind.

He won’t say “I own you”—he’ll show it with his body, his strength, and how he holds you down without even flinching.

“Hands on the wall. Don’t move.”

“You wanna act bratty? Let’s see how long you last begging my name.”

He doesn't need ropes. He is the rope. His grip alone is a punishment and a reward.

3. Favorite Positions

Firefighters don’t play fair. And Obi is flexible, strong, and low-key filthy.

Missionary with power – He leans into you, holds your wrists, thrusts deep with intent

Bent over the counter in his gym – The sweat. The tension. His dirty talk while you shake.

Lifting position – Yes. He picks you up. Mid-air. Thrusting. Growling. Praising.

Lap riding while he’s in uniform – Cap. On. Shirt open. You’re bouncing. He’s dying.

> “Keep going, sweetheart. Let ‘em hear you scream my name through the station walls.”

4. Kinks and Turn-Ons

Uniform kink – wears the suspenders for you.

Size kink – loves how small you are beneath him, inside his grip, around his—

Praise & control – “You’re doing so good for me, baby. That’s it.”

Workout sex – gym, training room, locker room... he’s hot, sweaty, primal

Possessiveness – no one gets to touch his baby. Not even look.

> “You belong right here—under me, moanin’ like that.”

5. Aftercare God

Wipes you down with a warm towel like it’s routine.

Cradles you in his arms like you’re the most precious thing he’s ever held (because you are).

Kisses your forehead, murmurs, “You okay? Did I go too rough?” even if he was tender the whole time.

GRRR HISS HISSSSSSSSSSSS IMMA BREAK THE GINTAMA ALGORITHM OF TUMBLR BY WRITING MY UNDERATED BBG GRRR HISSS HISSSSSS

KONDO ISAO NSFW HEADCANONS

“Not just a gorilla—your gorilla.”

1. What type of lover is he?

Kondo is the golden retriever with gorilla strength, worships-you-from-head-to-toe type.

He’s loud, devoted, chaotic—but when he loves? He LOVES. He’d fight a tank in nothing but a towel if it so much as looked at you funny.

The type to bring you flowers that he picked himself, even if they’re weeds.

He’s a simp, but once you're his? He becomes this protective, primal, dominant wall of muscle and soft moans.

Constant physical affection. His hand’s always on your waist, thigh, or tangled in your hair. He just needs to touch you.

“Don’t go falling for anyone else, alright? I’d have to take 'em out. With love. And also violence.”

2. Is he dominant in bed?

Absolutely. Animalistic. Desperate. Loving.

He’s the type to pin you against the wall and say “I warned you about teasing me.”

But he’s also the type to cry softly when you kiss his forehead afterward.

Can be rough and vocal (growling, panting, low groans), but checks on you constantly. Praise + filthy talk combo.

“You feel so good—fuck—you always take me so well. That pretty body was made for me, huh?”

3. Favorite Positions

Gorilla Daddy has stamina and strength. Prepare for the ride of your life.

Prone bone – he loves laying flat on top of you, whispering how warm and tight you are

Against the wall – man's lifting you like a feather, slamming you while holding your legs open

Lotus position – face-to-face, bodies tangled, his arms wrapped around you tight while he whispers "mine" over and over

Cowgirl – he adores watching you ride him, hands gripping your thighs like a starving man

4. Kinks and Turn-Ons

Breeding kink – doesn’t matter if you’re not trying for babies, he’ll still say “Gonna fill you up, sweetheart. Gonna make you mine, inside and out.”

Praise kink (giving AND receiving) – tell him “good boy” once and he might black out

Possessiveness – if someone flirts with you, he gets growly and clingy later in bed

Thigh worship – loves your thighs, buries his face in them, bites softly when desperate

Body worship – especially after battles. “Let me remind you how beautiful you are…”

5. Aftercare Emperor

He’s clingy post-sex. Holds you like you might vanish, kisses your shoulder, mumbles “You okay, baby?” with that raspy voice.

He brings you water, wipes you clean with his uniform like an idiot (“Sorry! I panicked!”), and holds you until you fall asleep on his chest.

The next morning? Breakfast in bed. In an apron. Hair messy. Shirtless.

“I made you pancakes! Don’t look at me like that—I CAN cook! Kinda!”

6. The things he would say

“Come here. Sit on my lap. I don’t care who’s watching.”

“I’ve waited so long to touch you like this.”

“You’re mine, and I don’t share. Not even a little.”

Please tell me I'm the first ever to write THIS.

HASEGAWA SPICY NSFW HEADCANONS

“From MADAO to DADDY-O.”

1. What type of lover is he?

Hasegawa is the “repressed, emotionally constipated but dangerously good in bed” type.

He’s quiet, doesn’t brag, doesn’t flirt... until the lights go out.

He’s the type to accidentally moan your name in his sleep after just one kiss.

He doesn’t think he deserves love, which makes your affection hit ten times harder. He’s a “treat me like trash” but secretly craves being held type of man.

Once he falls, it’s deep. He won’t sleep around or play games—he treats you like you’re the last bit of light in his miserable life.

“You… really wanna be with me? A has-been? You’re insane, you know that? ...But I’d burn the world if it meant keeping you.”

2. Is he dominant in bed?

YES.

Lowkey soft dom, gruff voice, sleepy eyes, panting through his teeth, forehead pressed against yours kind of dominant.

He has a protective, territorial instinct he doesn't even know he has until he sees someone flirt with you.

He’s rough when he's desperate—like after a long day of feeling like a failure. That’s when he grips tighter, breathes harder, and says “Just let me have this. Let me have you.”

Loves holding your jaw, whispering dirty things against your ear while you tremble in his lap.

“Say my name. I need to hear you say it—like you mean it.”

3. Favorite Positions

Brace yourself, bestie. He’s got that "silent freak" energy.

Lazy missionary when he wants to be intimate and feel every inch of you

From behind while gripping your hips and muttering "You're too good for me" in a raspy voice

Reverse cowgirl while he smokes, all casual like "Don’t stop. You're in charge now, princess."

Wall sex when he’s desperate. Grabbing your thighs, pinning you with his full body weight, groaning into your neck.

4. Kinks and Turn-Ons

Praise kink (he melts when you call him “good boy,” even if he growls about it after)

Desperation – he likes when he’s so needy he almost begs (“Fuck—I need you. Now.”)

Hair-pulling & glasses-on sex (you are pulling his hair while he’s still wearing his foggy glasses?? Chef’s kiss.)

Power shift kink – he gets flustered when you take control ("Don’t give me that look, sweetheart. You’re gonna kill me.")

5. Aftercare King

You thought he’d smoke and ignore you? Nah.

Once the tension’s gone, he’s the clingiest, softest man alive.

Wraps you in his coat, strokes your hair, and mumbles,

“Don’t leave. I know I ain’t much... but I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

6. The things he would say

“You could do better—but you chose me. That’s what makes me lose control.”

“Get on my lap. I’ve had a long day and need to feel something real.”

“You taste like trouble. No wonder I’m addicted.”

“On your knees. Or do you want me to beg?”

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

Dear Hasegawa's fans *hold you by your shoulders like that one old seasoned sensei*

We may be limited in numbers, but we exist. *Shed a tear dramatically*

"Let's play pocky!"

Hijikata, Kondo, Gintoki, Sakamoto and Hasegawa our beloved MADAO X reader

1. HIJIKATA : The type to say “This is stupid.." but scoot closer.

Hijikata stared at the Pocky like it had personally insulted him.

“What the hell is this supposed to prove?”

“You scared, vice-commander?” you teased, wiggling the chocolate-covered stick between your fingers. “You afraid of losing to a girl in a dumb little game?”

His eye twitched.

“I’m not afraid of anything,” he muttered before grabbing the other end of the Pocky with his teeth, sharp and fast. You almost flinched at how intense he was about something so harmless.

You sat down across from him, knees bumping slightly under the kotatsu. Everyone else was watching, but Hijikata didn’t care. He was already leaning in, eyes narrowed, chewing bit by bit with deadly precision.

You leaned in too, and suddenly—whoa. He was really close. Too close.

His cologne, faint and woodsy, wrapped around you. Okay damn why does he look so handsome?

Your nose brushed his.

“...Toshiro,” you whispered, lips just an inch away.

His eyes darted to yours. He hesitated.

Crunch.

He bit the Pocky clean off, leaving you blinking in confusion.

“That’s how you win.” He said, acting smug.

Wait what, the first one to bite the pocky is the actual loser so why does he say that—

He stood up coolly, though the redness flooding his ears betrayed him. “Not like I wanted to kiss you anyway.”

You grinned. “You so wanted to.”

“Shut up.”

2. KONDO: “A dream come true!!”

“EH?! You want to play Pocky with me?! A real-life woman?!” Kondo sparkled. Like, actually sparkled. “Am I dead? Did I finally die and go to sexy heaven?”

You laughed. “Calm down, Kondo-san. It’s just a snack game.”

“JUST A SNACK GAME?! THIS IS A SACRED RITE OF ROMANCE!”

He dropped to his knees and clutched his chest dramatically. “I-I’ll give it my all!”

You giggled as you held out the Pocky stick. He took the other end with his mouth, shaking with nervous energy.

“Okay,” you said sweetly, leaning in a bit. “Let’s begin.”

He inched closer, heart pounding like a taiko drum. He couldn’t believe it. A girl—no, you, the crush of his life—was voluntarily getting this close to him without running away or calling the police(HE IS THE POLICE).

Your eyes locked, lips just inches apart.

Then he made a weird squeaky sound and panicked—

The Pocky snapped between his teeth.

“NOOOOOOOO!” he wailed, falling backward in melodramatic despair. “WHY DID I PANIC?! I RUINED THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME!!”

You laughed so hard you nearly fell over.

“Don’t worry,” you said, wiping your tears. “We can always try again.”

Kondo gasped.

“...You’re going to make me cry for real.”

3. GINTOKI: “I’m not losing to you, sugarpuff.”

Gintoki plopped down across from you, sighing loudly.

“Man, this is so lame. What are we, middle schoolers?”

Still, he plucked the Pocky from your fingers and held it between his lips with lazy grace.

You smirked. “Scared I’ll win?”

He leaned forward, chocolate end in his mouth. “Pfft. Like hell. I’m the Pocky King, baby.”

Your noses nearly touched. You could feel his breath, see the spark of mischief in his eyes. You both inched in, biting, closer… closer…

He suddenly jerked forward—clearly about to cheat and lunge to win—

But you had the same idea.

Except your timing was slightly faster.

SMOOCH.

Your lips crashed into his just as he moved, and for a split second, time froze. The Pocky dropped to the floor. His eyes widened, mouth still against yours.

You pulled back with a grin. “So..."

He blinked, processing. Then leaned back, hand dramatically on his chest. “Well, damn. Wasn’t ready for the boss fight version of the Pocky Game.”

You giggled. “Should’ve known I play to win, even if it's meant to kiss you”

4. SAKAMOTO: “Pfft—AHHAHAH—Wait you’re serious?!”

“Waaaahahahaaa!! You wanna play that game with me?!”

Sakamoto was already giggling, his laugh bouncing around the room like a hyper child on soda.

“I figured you’d be fun,” you said, holding the Pocky up. “Wanna try?”

“Try?! Babe, I’m gonna LAUGH the whole way through!”

And he did.

Even as he bit the Pocky stick and leaned in, his laughter made it impossible to get close. You were barely a few centimeters in and he’d already snorted chocolate up his nose.

“Stooop—your face—it’s too serious!! AHAHA—”

You narrowed your eyes. He was a lost cause. His whole body was shaking from his dumb contagious giggles.

So you leaned forward, grabbed the collar of his shirt—

And kissed him.

Right there. Lips to lips. No more game. Just lips.

Sakamoto froze.

“...Mmph?”

You pulled back, smirking. “Now are you done giggling?”

His entire face went red.

“Y-You cheated!! I didn’t get to prepare my lips!!”

“I didn't bite the pocky so I didn't cheat!" You argued back playfully as you enjoyed the sight of his blushing face.

“…Can we play again? I’ll be serious this time! I swear!!”

5. HASEGAWA: "I'm too old for this"

“Play the Pocky Game with me.”

“…Are you serious?”

Hasegawa blinked at you, cigarette dangling loosely from his lips, slightly singed scarf falling off one shoulder. You knelt beside his cardboard home with a snack box and a determined sparkle in your eye.

“Come onnn,” you whined. “You never do anything fun. All you do is smoke and mope. Live a little, Madao!”

He sighed, rubbing his temples. “I’m a grown-ass man living in a box. This isn’t even the bottom of the barrel—it’s under it.”

You waved the Pocky stick in front of his face. “And yet you still got time to be sexy.”

He choked.

“W-What?! Who said I was sexy?! Don’t spread dangerous rumors like that!”

You smiled and sat cross-legged in front of him. “C’mon, just one round. If I win, you owe me a kiss. If you win… I’ll bring you canned coffee for a week.”

“…Tch. I hate how tempting that sounds.”

He took the other end of the Pocky slowly, eyes narrowing. “Fine. Let’s do this before I regain my dignity.”

Bit by bit, you inched forward, the tension rising despite the silliness of it all. His stubble brushed your skin. His lips were so close you could feel the warmth. His breath hitched.

And then—

Crunch.

He bit the Pocky before your lips could meet.

You pouted. “Aw, Madao! You chickened out!”

But he wasn’t looking smug.

In fact… his ears were red..

“…I-I didn’t chicken out,” he muttered, voice lower than usual. “I just… didn’t want you to regret kissing a washed-up loser.”

Your heart melted.

So you leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss anyway—right on the lips.

“I don’t regret it.”

Hasegawa blinked, stunned into silence.

Then he whispered, “Marry me.”

"....what"

"Uh nothing!!"

"I was gonna say ye—"

The Great Sugar Rebellion. 🍬🍫❌🚫

___

Sylus had made a grave mistake. A mistake so cruel, so unforgivable, that Luke, Kieran, and even Mephisto the crow saw no other choice but to take extreme measures.

He had banned them from eating too much sugar.

The betrayal stung deep. The twins had stared at Sylus in horror when he confiscated their chocolate bars, his cold, merciless voice ringing in their ears. “You’ve had enough for today.”

Enough? *Enough?*

Mephisto, perching dramatically on the back of a chair, had let out an offended caw, wings flaring in outrage. Even he, a majestic bird of darkness, would not stand for such injustice.

So they did the only logical thing.

They ran away.

To your house. 💀

You had just settled down with a book when your door burst open, nearly flying off its hinges. Before you could process what was happening, Luke and Kieran had thrown themselves onto your couch, dramatically sprawled out like two tragic heroes. Mephisto, meanwhile, gracefully landed on your shoulder, letting out a low, mournful caw as if the weight of the world rested on his tiny feathered soul.

You blinked. “Uh. Are you guys okay?”

“Sylus…” Luke wheezed.

“…has forsaken us,” Kieran finished, throwing an arm over his face.

Mephisto solemnly nibbled on your ear, adding to the dramatics.

You frowned. “What did he do?”

“He took our chocolate,” Luke whispered, voice filled with betrayal.

Kieran clutched his chest. “Said we couldn’t have too much sugar.”

You stared at them. “Oh.”

Mephisto cawed once more, clearly expecting you to share in their devastation.

You…tried to be sympathetic. You really did. But the sight of them looking like they had just survived a war over candy was too much.

“So let me get this straight,” you said. “You guys ran all the way here… because Sylus won’t let you binge-eat sugar?”

“YES.”

“Absolutely.”

Mephisto fluffed up, glaring at an invisible Sylus in the distance.

“…You guys are so dramatic.”

Before they could argue, another knock came at the door—this time, polite.

You sighed. “That’s him, isn’t it?”

The twins let out exaggerated gasps, clutching each other. Mephisto’s beady eyes locked onto the door as if Sylus himself was a harbinger of doom.

“YOU CAN’T MAKE US GO BACK!” Kieran cried.

Luke grabbed your hand. “YOU WON’T BETRAY US, RIGHT? WE’RE SAFE HERE.”

“I—what???”

The door opened, revealing none other than Sylus. He stood there with his usual deadpan expression, arms crossed, looking every bit the disappointed parent.

“…You ran away over candy?” he asked flatly.

The twins didn’t answer.

Mephisto let out the weakest, most *pathetic* caw you had ever heard, flopping against your head like he had just *perished* from heartbreak.

Sylus pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Come on,” he sighed. “Time to go home.”

“No,” Kieran said.

“Never,” Luke added.

Mephisto made a defiant *honk* noise that wasn’t even a proper caw.

Sylus stared at them. Then, his lips curled ever so slightly into a smirk.

“Alright,” he said casually. “Then I guess I’ll just have to leave without you guys. And without your bestie.”

“…Huh?” You blinked in confusion.

Sylus tilted his head. “Well.... If they came back, you’d have a sleepover at our place.”

You whipped your head toward the twins. “Excuse me???”

Luke and Kieran sat up SO FAST, their betrayal immediately forgotten.

“WE GET A SLEEPOVER?”

Sylus nodded. “If you come back now, and this bestie of yours will join us too”

You stared at them. You have GOT to be kidding me.

The twins turned to each other. Then to Mephisto, who gave them a slow, wise blink, as if saying "It is time, brothers".

Without hesitation, they *IMMEDIATELY* ran to Sylus, completely abandoning their rebellion.

“LET’S GO HOME.”

“YEAH, SLEEPOVER NIGHT!”

Mephisto flapped after them, no doubt already scheming which shiny objects to steal from your pockets later.

You just stood there, dumbfounded.

“…Did I just get sold out for a sleepover?”

Sylus just smirked, reaching out to grab your wrist. “Let’s go. You belong to us now.”

“…Wow.”

Operation: Chaos Cats (And One Accidental Dog)

___

Sylus always bragged that he never got sick. His immune system? Flawless. His body? Unstoppable. No fever, no flu, no weakness—he was basically an immortal being, according to himself.

Yet, today?

Sylus was a miserable, blanket-buried mess, groaning in bed like a defeated warrior. His hair was a disaster, his voice was hoarse, and he refused to move. "I'm fine," he croaked, voice barely above a whisper.

"You're dying," you deadpanned.

Luke, Kieran, and Mephisto (the smartest, most mischievous crow) stood beside you, all exchanging knowing looks. This was not acceptable.

"Sickness causes sadness… and cats cure sadness," Kieran muttered.

Luke nodded sagely. "We need to get him cats. Many cats."

And so, the mission began.

---

You, Luke, and Kieran scoured the area for stray kittens, moving with the speed and precision of highly trained operatives. Mephisto soared above like a stealth drone, scanning the area.

Suddenly, he let out a sharp *caw*—*TARGET LOCKED*.

A tiny, fluffy kitten was hiding under a parked car. The three of you rushed forward, but the kitten was fast. It zigzagged like it had been training for this moment its whole life.

"Mephisto, aerial support!" you called.

The crow dove low, wings spread wide, causing the kitten to dart in the opposite direction—right into Kieran’s arms.

"Gotcha!" Kieran grinned, holding the tiny furball up like a trophy.

This pattern repeated several times. Mephisto would scout from above, you’d corner the kittens, and Luke or Kieran would snatch them before they could escape.

At some point, you also accidentally… got a puppy.

"Wait, where did this dog come from?" Luke asked, cradling a happy, wriggly pup.

"I panicked and grabbed him," Kieran admitted.

"Well, he's ours now." You shrugged.

---

Once the kittens (and one surprise puppy) were groomed, checked by the vet, and deemed healthy little agents of chaos, it was time for The Grand Reveal.

Sylus, still wrapped in his blanket cocoon, barely acknowledged your presence as you carried in a giant box.

"We brought you medicine," Luke said solemnly.

"I don’t need—"

You dumped the entire box of fluffy creatures onto Sylus.

*Cue instant mayhem.*

Kittens crawled all over him, purring and kneading at his blanket. One sat proudly on his head. The puppy happily licked his cheek.

Sylus was stunned. Silent.

"…What the hell."

"They're your cure," you said proudly.

Kieran sat on the edge of the bed. "You’re welcome."

Meanwhile, Mephisto perched on the headboard, overseeing his work like a proud mastermind.

Sylus groaned but didn’t push the animals away. If anything… he melted. His fever-flushed face softened, and despite his grumbling, he let the kittens cuddle up to him.

Mission success.

Mephisto’s Runway Show (feat. Sylus the Secret Fangirl 💀)

___

The sound of tiny claws tapping on the table echoed through the room.

Mephisto stood proudly in the middle, wearing a custom-tailored, hand-sewn, absolutely FABULOUS tiny bird dress.

Who made it?

You, of course.

“Ohhh, look at you! You’re so cute!!!” You cooed, showering Mephisto with praises and sunflower seeds as reward.

The tiny crow spread his wings like he was a model on the runway. He KNEW he looked good.

Meanwhile…

Sylus stood in the corner.

Silent.

Still.

…Vibrating.

His hands twitched over his phone.

…Should he take a picture?

…No.

That would be—

**CLICK.**

**CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.**

He didn’t even hesitate.

Sylus was already snapping photos like a crazed paparazzi.

You looked up, eyes wide. "Sylus…are you—”

**CLICK.**

“Sylus—”

**CLICK CLICK CLICK.**

Luke and Kieran stared.

Mephisto tilted his head.

Sylus was deep in it now.

“Hold on,” he muttered, zooming in. “I need a better angle.”

HE. WAS. SERIOUS. ABOUT THIS.

This man—this calm, rational, leader of Onychinus—

Had just taken over 100 pictures of a tiny bird wearing a dress. 🐦‍⬛👗

“…Well,” Luke finally said. “At least we know he’s one of us now.”

Kieran nodded solemnly. “Truly, a Mischievous Crow at heart.”

Sylus froze mid-picture.

“…I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The Mischievous Crows' Trial (Sylus vs. Chaos Incarnate 💀)

Sylus stood with his arms crossed, staring down at the three biggest menaces in Linkon City.

- Luke and Kieran? Guilty.

- Mephisto? Especially guilty.

“You three,” Sylus sighed, rubbing his temple. “How many times have I told you? Stop sneaking out with your 'bestie' without telling me. Do you realize how dangerous that is?”

Luke and Kieran tried to keep a straight face. Mephisto just tilted his tiny crow head, looking absolutely unbothered.

Sylus narrowed his eyes. “Do you have any idea what could’ve happened?”

“…We had fun?” Kieran muttered.

Luke elbowed him, but it was too late. Sylus' glare intensified.

Then.

Salvation arrived.

You.

"ME TO THE RESCUEEEE!"

You dramatically burst into the room and immediately scooped up Mephisto in your hands, cradling him like he was the most precious baby bird to ever exist.

“Oh, my poor baby! Is Sylus being mean to you?”

Sylus twitched.

Mephisto smirked.

Sylus swore he saw it.

**THE LITTLE MENACE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING.**

Kieran and Luke covered their mouths to stifle their giggles.

You turned to Sylus, eyes full of conviction. “Sylus, I promise you, they’re under great care with me! I take full responsibility!"

Luke: *giggles harder.*

Kieran: *wheezing.*

Mephisto: *suspiciously smug for a crow.* 🐦‍⬛

Sylus' eye twitched. He feels like a dad being scolded by a mother for lecturing their children about "don't move the flashlight while he's repairing a car".

“…Under great care?” he repeated, looking at the three of them.

They looked anything but responsible.

Luke had dirt on his shirt.

Kieran had a half-eaten lollipop in his pocket.

Mephisto was preening his wings like he just won a war.

“Uh-huh.” Sylus pinched the bridge of his nose.

“…Fine.”

The Mischievous Crows erupted into tiny victorious celebrations because they knew they won and Sylus won't be mad at them for following you around(although they will 'try' to not cause trouble too much in the future)

But Sylus saw it.

The way they all looked at you. The way they trusted you so much.

And, deep down…

He was actually glad.

Glad that you were the one leading this chaotic trio.

Even if they gave him constant headaches.

Sylus sighed and walked off, muttering, “I swear, I’m getting gray hairs because of you all…”

Luke: Wait your hair is already whi— MPFHM!!

Kieran: *Covered Luke's mouth and was like 'shut up or he'll change his mind' *

Mephisto? Absolutely unbothered.

You? Proudly carrying Mephisto like a prized trophy.

The Chaos Gremlins' Sleepover (Sylus' Worst Nightmare 🥺💀)

It started with pure, unfiltered chaos.

You, Luke, Kieran, and Mephisto had spent hours running around Linkon City, eating every sugar-loaded snack you could find. You were hyped, unstoppable, a force of nature.

- Luke had dared you to race him down the streets.

- Kieran had somehow convinced an old lady to give him an extra bag of candy.

- Mephisto had stolen a shiny coin and refused to let it go.

Life was good.

But then.

The crash hit.

—

THE AFTERMATH: FOUR GREMLINS DOWN

Now, the four of you were sprawled out on the living room floor, completely drained.

Sugar crash levels: catastrophic ⚠️.

You lay on your back, arms outstretched. “I can’t move.”

Kieran, face-down on the carpet: “I think I saw my soul leaving my body.”

Luke, curled up like a shrimp: “This is it. This is how we die.”

Mephisto, perched on your stomach: Caw. (*Translation: I regret nothing.*)

—

ENTER SYLUS (THE PARENT OF THE GROUP 💀)

Sylus walked in, immediately pausing at the sight before him.

His living room. Destroyed.

The coffee table? Covered in snack wrappers.

The couch? Pushed aside for "maximum floor comfort."

And then.

Four gremlins, sprawled out like crime scene victims.

Sylus sighed deeply, rubbing his temple.

“This is the last time I let you four go out unsupervised.”

No response. Just groans of exhaustion.

Sylus kneeled beside Kieran first, effortlessly picking him up and carrying him to his room.

Then Luke. A little heavier. But manageable.

Then you. With Mephisto now securely perched on your chest.

You weakly clung to his shirt. “Nooo... I wanna sleep here...”

“Your bed is more comfortable,” Sylus said calmly.

“Nooo… here is nice…”

Kieran and Luke, now awake from their semi-conscious state, mumbled their protests too.

“Sleepover…” Kieran whined.

“Right here… on the floor…” Luke muttered.

Sylus looked at all of you. Stubborn. Exhausted. Barely functioning. Cute.

Then he sighed again.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED (SLEEPOVER SUCCESS 💀)

A few minutes later, Sylus had gathered pillows, blankets, and anything soft enough to make a proper sleepover nest.

Mephisto nestled on a pillow next to you, wings tucked in.

Luke was already snoring. Kieran was half-asleep, mumbling nonsense.

And you?

You peeked up at Sylus. “You’re the best…”

Sylus rolled his eyes but pulled the blanket over you before quietly sitting in a chair nearby, book in hand.

“Sleep.”

You grinned sleepily.

Sylus would never admit it, but watching you all peacefully fall asleep made the chaos worth it.

(…Mostly. 💀💀💀)

—

Sylus vs. The Chaos Gremlins (A Battle He Can’t Win 💀)

Sylus just wanted a peaceful afternoon. Just one.

He was sitting in the lounge, a thick book in hand, trying to enjoy some quiet reading time with a cup of tea. It should have been a peaceful day.

But then.

You.

And the twins.

And Mephisto.

You all entered the room like a damn tornado.

—

PHASE 1: DISTRACT SYLUS

You plopped yourself right next to Sylus. Too close. Dangerously close.

“Whatcha reading?” you asked, peeking over his shoulder.

“A book,” Sylus said flatly, turning a page and ignoring you.

Kieran flopped onto the couch on Sylus’s other side, resting his head on Sylus’s shoulder like a damn cat.

“Is it about murder?” Kieran asked.

Luke sat on the floor, resting his chin on Sylus’s knee. “Or is it about love? Maybe about a brooding, mysterious man who just needs someone to annoy him until he softens up?”

Sylus slowly **turned a page with the patience of a saint.**

Mephisto **landed on his book cutely....** But more like a little demon in disguise...

"Caw"

**Mephisto had entered the battle.**

—

PHASE 2: INCREASE ANNOYANCE LEVELS

When Sylus refused to react, you, Luke, and Kieran upped your game.

- Kieran *started poking Sylus’s cheek.*

- Luke *kept dramatically sighing every five seconds.*

- You *leaned your head on Sylus’s arm, humming annoyingly.*

Mephisto?

Mephisto *grabbed the edge of Sylus’s book in his beak and tried to steal it.*

Sylus: "...Give that back."

Mephisto: Caw. (Translation: No. Fight me. 🐦‍⬛ 👊🏻 💥)

—

PHASE 3: MISSION SUCCESS (VICTORY CAKE)

Finally, Sylus snapped the book shut.

You all froze.

For a moment, silence.

Then.

Sylus stood up and walked toward the kitchen.

Kieran: “Uh… did we just win?”

Luke: “Did we break him?”

You: “Should we run?”

Before anyone could react, Sylus came back… carrying a tray of cake slices.

He shoved a forkful of cake into your mouth.

Then Kieran’s.

Then Luke’s.

Then he put a tiny plate with cake inside Mephisto’s cage.

Sylus: "Eat. Shut up."

And then, he sat back down and reopened his book.

You, Luke, Kieran, and Mephisto sat in silence, munching on cake.

Victory never tasted so sweet.

The Great Linkon City Heist (ft. Sylus’s Poor Wallet 💳💥)

---

It all started with a simple idea— a harmless little shopping trip in Linkon City. You, Luke, Kieran, and certain adorable feathered menace Mephisto just wanted a nice day out. But of course, things never go as planned when chaos incarnates are involved.

—

It was a beautiful day in Linkon City. The sun was shining, the birds were singing—well, one bird was aggressively cawing into a stranger’s coffee cup (Mephisto, you absolute menace).

You, Luke, and Kieran had somehow acquired Sylus’s black card. No one knew how. No one asked. It was just in your hands, and it was burning a hole in your pocket.

“We should be responsible,” you said.

Kieran snorted. “No.”

Luke grinned. “Absolutely not.”

Mephisto cawed in agreement.

So off you all went—hitting every expensive café, bakery, and ice cream shop you could find. Macarons? Ordered. Limited edition chocolates? Bought. Bubble tea? One in every flavor. Basically you guys are probably a group of walking diabetes atp 💀.

Luke casually ordered the most expensive parfait on the menu. Kieran was drinking coffee like it was water. You were double fisting bubble teas.

Life was perfect. Until.

A random guy decided to be stupid™ and flirt with you.

“Hey, sweetheart,” the man purred, sliding into your personal space.

You barely got to react before—

**BAM.**

Kieran’s fist met the guy’s jaw like a wrecking ball.

Luke, mid-bite of his parfait, kicked the dude in the shin.

Mephisto, the chaotic sidekick, flew straight at the guy’s face, pecking him aggressively.

“RUN,” you yelled, realizing you had just committed an actual crime.

And so, you ran.

—

Fast-forward 20 minutes later.

You, Luke, and Kieran were IN JAIL.

Mephisto was in a tiny bird cage, screaming bloody murder.

Kieran: “This is unfair. We were just defending our friend.”

Luke: “Yeah, besides, Sylus is totally gonna bail us out.”

You: “Right…?”

Silence.

And then.

The sound of slow, deliberate footsteps.

You turned, and there he was.

Sylus.

Standing outside the cell. Arms crossed. Looking like he aged 10 years just from knowing you all existed.

A long, heavy sigh left his lips.

Sylus: “Do I even want to know?”

Kieran: “Probably not.”

Luke: “Absolutely not.”

You: “Mephisto started it.”

Mephisto: *Caws innocently.*

Sylus pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering something about “never letting you people touch my card again.” But he still bailed you out.

Because at the end of the day… you were his problem.

The Chaos Care Unit (AKA: You Shouldn’t Have Told Them You Were Sick 💀)

~Sylus, Kieran, Luke and Mephisto take care of you while you're sick.~

I love imagining wholesome scenarios about them tho

---

You were dying.

Okay, not literally.

But it sure felt like it.

Wrapped in a mountain of blankets, you groaned weakly. Your body ached, your head throbbed, and worst of all— You made the grave mistake of telling the Mischievous Crows you were sick.

And now?

All hell had broken loose.

---

Luke and Kieran:

The twins REFUSED to shut up.

"Did you know that bees can recognize human faces?”

“Bro, that’s NOTHING. Did you know there’s a jellyfish that’s literally IMMORTAL???”

“Ohhh, speaking of immortals—DO YOU KNOW DEEZ NUTS?”

You blinked at them. Slowly. Your head hurt even worse. “Guys…” you croaked. “Please. I love you, but shut up.”

Luke patted your head. “It’s okay, bestie. You don’t have to say it. We know our memes are healing you.”

You wanted to scream.

---

Mephisto:

The tiny crow was in full PANIC mode.

Everything he could carry? Dumped on your bed.

A sock? Here.

A button? Have it.

A random ID card? You didn’t know whose it was, but it was yours now.

At some point, he shoved a bottle cap onto your chest like it was the greatest treasure of all time.

“…Thanks, buddy,” you whispered.

Mephisto hopped onto your pillow, looking proud.

"Caw!"

---

Sylus:

The man.

The myth.

The Google Search Warrior.

You squinted at him from your blanket cocoon.

He was furiously typing on his phone.

What was he—

Your blood went cold when you caught a glimpse of the screen:

**“How to take care of a girl on her period.”**

You choked on air.

"S-Sylus—”

*Another tab opened.*

**“Can you die from period cramps????”**

“SYLUS—”

*Another tab.*

**“Top 10 foods to heal a woman (EXTREMELY FAST RESULTS)”**

*LUKE. KIERAN. AND MEPHISTO IMMEDIATELY CROWDED HIM.*

“OH, THIS IS GOOD INFO.”

“WAIT, LET’S ORDER ALL OF THEM.”

“BOSS, ORDER TEN OF EVERYTHING.”

Sylus nodded gravely.

“Understood.”

You stared in horror as Sylus's phone buzzed with multiple food delivery notifications.

"Birthday"

Warning: Smut: Bad words ofc~

Minors do not interact lahhh ⚠️

One more day and it'll be that one time of the year for captain Kurotsuchi. Celebrating birthday is just silly things to do for him, it's just another day closer to death; oh well not that Soul Reaper will die anyway unless they were killed or suffering from illness, I mean just look at the head captain!

Unlike other captains who always got birthday gifts from their squad members, he prefer a birthday wishes..or just nothing. He just not a fan of this birthday stuff, knowing that he got no presents anyway. Well sometimes Akon and Nemu gave him something and he's grateful for it even though he looks like not. And in rare occasions, he will bought an expensive gift for Nemu from the world of living since they share the same birthday.

Your eyes still fixated on the computer and noticed that captain Kurotsuchi was staring at you from Akon's desk. You smile at him which cause the captain's face turn red in embarrassment.

The captain maybe sometimes have a little bit problem with his attitude, but you respect him.

After so many years of working together with him, you feels like you need to show your beloved captain a little bit of appreciation. It is a good idea, isn't?

~

Today is the day. As always, Mayuri locked himself inside his lab experimenting something or just walk around checking everyone's work and collected data. Nothing, just nothing as he expected. No sign of surprise party or cake or maybe a decorations.. well not that he care anyway.

Mayuri stretch his arm up as he let out soft sigh. Been sitting on his chair for many hours has been killing his back.. Now that it's already night maybe it's a good idea if he back to his own captain quarters earlier than usual as a treat for himself since today is his birthday...

Looking at the time; still left 2 hours before midnight.

"Captain Kurotsuchi, we need you to go to the main room now, it is urgent!" one of his researcher's voice calling for him being heard from outside his lab. "What is it oh my God you guys such an useless idiot can't even settle things without me." Mayuri groaned. He left the lab and rush to the main room, following one of the Squad 12's member from behind as he complain about everything and saying how tired he is.

The main room was dark which made him confused. If it was about the light bulb problem then why they should call for him in to the first place.

"Why is the room dar—"

"Happy birthday captain!" The dark room now suddenly turned bright which cause Mayuri's eyes blinking multiple time painfully and everyone sing happily for him as he stepped into SRDI's main room. Nemu standing in front of Mayuri with cake in her hands, holding it as she brought it closer to his face. "Blow, Mayuri sama, happy birthday to us" she said to him. Mayuri said nothing and blowing out the candles which had everyone cheers for him as Akon pop the confetti.

"Well..well.. what an unexpected event isn't?" He said with his creepy usual smile plastered on his face. Now that was really unexpected, only if he checked the CCTV he installed around the building this morning then he know what's everyone up to...

"This is our way to thanked you for your hard work, captain Kurotsuchi" Akon said before he give a slice of cake to Mayuri. "Hmmph.. at least there's some people who are smart enough to show me some appreciation" Mayuri scoffed and smiled at everyone in the room.

The Squad 12 members were relieved because the eccentric captain enjoy his birthday party... Imagine if he doesn't like it and end up killing everyone in the room.

"Captain, you should relax and enjoy yourself because we will handle everything for you started tomorrow for a week" one of the member said and push you to him. "It was all Y/n's idea after all and we agreed with her"

You nearly chocked on your own drink because as you remember, everyone also agreed that no one tell the captain about this is all your plan. "Y/n?" Mayuri grinned and slightly tilted his head to the left, his eyes looking at you up and down as he getting closer to you. "I.. I mean yea captain, you work so hard for soul society, clearly you deserve some appreciation!" And it's true, since you're also admired your dear captain Kurotsuchi.

Hearing your response, Mayuri chuckled and was very interested in what you're thinking about him. Usually he won't let anyone do anything like this but since it such a rare thing so he just go with the flow. Everyone still enjoying themselves, talking to each others, eat the birthday cake, drinking and more... For once, Squad 12 looks lively tonight because of you.

You...

Standing beside Mayuri, you lean on and put your head on his shoulder, feeling your captain's warmth as you hugging his left arm.

Mayuri raised his brows in surprised but didn't stop you. Everyone was busy talking to each other as you two left the SRD and heading to his Captain Quarters quietly without anyone noticing.

~

"What can I do for you tonight, captain?" You ask him as he remove his captain haori and all the clothes on his body, revealing his naked painted body for you. You blushed at the sight of the naked man in front of you, especially when the man is your own captain. Well not fully naked since Mayuri wear towel around his waist but still... Mayuri sat on the edge of his bed, saying nothing as he brought his left hand to his shoulder and you immediately understood what he meant by that. You climbed onto the bed and knelt behind him. Hands slowly kneading his tense shoulder which cause him to let a low moan.

He lean his head on your chest as your fingers now pressing his scalp. Mayuri couldn't help but nestled on your soft chest and brought his hand to squeeze your breast.

"Captain.." you reacted to his touch and he likes it. "Did you know, orgasm help our body to relax? I've never try that so let's count this as an experiment" A huge grin appeared on Mayuri's face after saying that to you. He moved from your chest and push you to the bed. Mayuri now straddling you as he remove all your clothes from covering your body..as fast as he could. "Captain.. oh my God what if—"

"What if what? You want this too right, woman?" He snarled and roughly kiss your lips just to shut you up. You done a good job by turning him on with your touch when you guys still at the SRD, now you shall face the consequences of it. "The way you close to me earlier.. the way you just follow me here.. it's like you want to give me your virginity as my birthday gift" he whispered to your ear and lick your cheeks slowly. You shivers to the sudden touch, still not responding and look away shyly. Mayuri pressed his erection against your inner thigh, he slowly move his hips and forcing you to look at him by gripping your chin.

Seeing you blushing in embarrassment driving him crazy. Now that he remove himself from you and sit on the edge of his bed again, he gave you such a horny look he could and pointed at his erect dick with his finger. "Do something about this" he said and winked at you.

You get up slowly and get between his knees, looking at his terrifying huge dick standing proudly in front of you. You gulp as you trails your index finger on the tip of his dick. "Just suck it already idiot" Mayuri says impatiently and with his right hand gripping your jaw, forcing your mouth open and push your head down to his dick. His dick now shoved inside your mouth which cause you to gag.

"glpp...cap... mmmffhh" your throat now literally completely being fuck by him. "Please me." He command. You swirl your tongue around his tip, bobbing your head slowly as you swallow his salty pre cum. "Slrpp.....slurrpp...." You continue to suck him at face pace, both hands caressing his inner thighs which causing him to whimpered. "Fuck..ahhh good... "

You stop and pull your mouth from his dick, now focusing to suck on his balls. "Good girl.." Mayuri patted your head.

You flick your tongue faster than before, dragging it up and down on his dick until you could feel his dick twitching...

Slrrt..

Mayuri came, his thick white semen now covered your face and little bit inside your mouth. "Ah...hah.....haaaah..." He panted heavily as his body relaxed from the climax he just had.

You stand up and push him down to the bed. You hungrily kiss him with your mouth still had his semen on, letting him have a taste of himself. Your fingers now slowly trailing his gorgeous bare chest. Mayuri hurriedly change the position by pushing you down to the bed so that he's the one on top. Your hands being pressed above your head, stopping you from moving around. "I hope you enjoy your birthday gift" you said and looked away, again, you were embarrassed by whatever happening right now. Mayuri laughed and get in between your thighs, spreading your legs as he rubs his still hard dick on your slick cunt.

Feeling that you're getting wetter, he then thrust his dick inside your pussy as hard he can with no warning.

"haah...haaa...ahhh!!...." You screamed and wrapped your arm around his neck, pulling his head closer to yours. You could feel his hot breathe hitting your skin. Mayuri buried his dick deep inside your pussy with that one deep thrust and yet he still didn't move. Seeing you moaning in pain mix with pleasure is such a turn on.

You looked at him and wrapped your legs around his waist as an attempt to make him moving.

"You want it so bad huh? You want my dick this bad huh??" He proudly said and slapped your face which cause you to whimpered before he begin to fuck your tighten pussy.

"Captain..captain...aaah Mayuri~!" You screamed again. Mayuri's thrust getting faster and harder, ravishing your tight cunt like a beast he is. Both of his hands pressing your knees to you shoulder; well to be specifically now both of you in mating press position.

The blue haired scientist sure enjoying himself. Feeling his dick being wrapped by your slick cunt is just heavenly. For a moment, he feels like he was in heaven, as if all of his problems, failed experiment and all his burden gone.

The only thing that being heard inside the room now is moaning and wet sounds that both of you made.

"Getting comfortable...ah...i see.. hmm?" He chuckled and spit on your mouth before smashing his lips to yours. The kiss is hot mess, his warm saliva mixed with his own semen sticking everywhere on your face. "You know it is...hmmm.. a blessing to serve for...me ahhhh.... oh my..mhmmm"

The sounds that he made echoing inside his captain bedroom plus with the clapping sounds of the skin contact between you two.

"Whore. You. Are. My. Whore" he said with a slow but hard thrust with each words. "Call for my name, wake the whole Soul Society, let them know who are you belong to"

"I...am yours, Capt.. ah.. tain... Mayuri!!" You screamed as you feels like you're going to explode. Mayuri increase his speed once more and...

splrrt....

He came a lot that his own cum that spurted inside your pussy is heard.

"Ha......ah....ah......" Mayuri panted heavily.

"Captain..haah..... are you ok?" You ask worriedly as Mayuri's body completely fall on top of yours, both hands released your knees and as he brought them to your side. Mayuri didn't move, for he doesn't want his precious cum to spill from your pussy.

Now that you came back to your sense, you realize his face paint now turn into greyish because of the hot make out session with you earlier. Some of his own saliva and semen seems like sticking on his face especially on his mouth area. Well talking about face, yours also have some of his face paint sticking on.

Mayuri's body completely relaxed, he's too lazy to move that you have to push him softly so that he's laying by your side. Too tired to resist so he let you to do so. Mayuri feel at ease since he just released all of his stress and frustrated with..

With his whore, his personal whore..

You get up and you could feel that your legs are shaking. Mayuri's cum dripping out from your pussy and sticking on your inner thighs.

You looked over your shoulder, looking at Mayuri who still laying on his bed. You smiled softly at him.

"I'll help you wash those paint on your body, captain. A massage sounds good too after such an intense activity "

You says as you heading to the bathroom to prepare the bathtub for him.

Well for the next round..

~

~

Me destroying my phone after writing whatever this is right at 02:35 am:

I'm sorry if sooooo many English errors here omg. Like I have no confident to publish this one and yet still post it aaaghhhhh. If there's any major error/just something wrong with whatever I wrote there then I'll edit it again when I am human being again 💯💯💯 and I have so many things in my draft here, but decided to publish this one hmmmmmmmm

Y'all know that one Snickers commercial where they said "You're Not You When You're Hungry"

Yeah they should make that commercial but "Not you when you're sleepy" version because I haven't sleep for two days 💀

Anyway to anyone that read this, love y'all

<3