Just another person on the internet. Goes by the alias 'Werewolf', but you can
call me 'Werewolf'.
Posts shared here are from my actual blog, found at: https://talkingtoavoidcalledtheinternet.wordpress.com/
He/Him. CisHet Aromantic & Greysexual man from the UK.
Otherwise, key points about me:
I live in the UK
๐ I'm a Blogger (see website above)
๐ฅ I'm a Martial Artist (Jujutsu)
๐ I'm learning Japanese
๐ I'm a Trekkie / Whovian
๐ณ๏ธโ๐ I'm a CisHet, Aromantic, White man. (He /Him.)
As the title implies, this post is a follow up to a previous post of mine titled "Am I Asexual?"
I'm not going to lie, this post was hard to write. What I thought was going to be a quick follow up based on a reply and a couple things I forgot to add to the original post, spiraled into a couple months of self doubt and the essay you're about to see.
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My initial prompt to write this post was when rumours first emerged claiming that the promised Christmas 2026 episode of 'Doctor Who' may get pushed back to a later date, with the role of 'The Doctor' also being seen as "poisoned." A rumour that has since been proven true.
Regardless of the drama behind the scenes, over the last few years of 'Doctor Who' there have been several big lore revelations that haven't been fully explained, and now we have a mystery as to who 'The Doctor' even is right now. Some ideas have been brewing in the back of my head; personal headcanons as to how these things might be one day connected.
So why don't I, a random internet citizen with precisely zero experience in writing for TV, much less for an internationally watched flagship TV show with 6 decades of lore, have a go?!
Let me explain this right off the bat. I was writing my '3 Years On' post, marking the 3 years since I first learned of Aromantism. Part of that post was a reflection on being greysexual and how it, in a roundabout way, affirmed my aromanticism.
The thing is, that section of the post started to spiral. I was reflecting more and more on my greysexuality that it started to take over, and I thought that wasn't right for a post about being aromantic.
This has been (and technically still is) a long time coming. I haven't had a holiday for over 12 years now. I've had a couple of one-day breaks over the years but they have come with exceptions of a sort?
After many years of saving and procrastinating, I have finally booked myself a holiday!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I have no other motivation for sharing this other than I remembered it happening to me, and because of the power of the internet, I get to share it with you!
A couple months ago in the June FOTM post, I wrote about giving up on the idea of going to the gym in the morning before work. I was waking up early in the morning; 5:30am, but not capitalising on that time. I'd stay in bed till 7:30am.
Well it didn't sit right with me that I had given up on something without actually trying it out. Now why it took me so long to actually sit down and ask myself "what is stopping me", well that's just laziness. I could have solved this problem months ago and didn't.
"Age appropriate sex education" doesn't mean "we'll start talking about it when you're a teen."
Children who are taught proper anatomy of their sex organs are more likely to report being sexually assaulted.
Using anatomical terminology helps people who are being sexually assaulted or abused explain what is happening to them, especially younger kids. Not everyone will know what euphemism your family uses to refer to genitals. If you teach your young daughter to call her vulva her "cookie" and she tells her teacher that a member of her family "touches her cookie", it muddies the waters immensely. Give children the tools to advocate for themselves and speak up when they are being abused.
Children go through puberty as young as nine. The more they know about their bodies, how they work, and what to expect, the less adults we will have who don't know what is normal for them.
Proper sexual education and access to safe sex practices is proven to reduce teenage pregnancy.
Sex education isn't just about how babies are made. Sex education is about anatomy and puberty and what is normal for your body. It's about what is healthy and what is not. It's about understanding if your body is functioning normally or if you need to see a doctor. Educating children on this will literally only help them.
Don't be a fucking prude, your child's health and safety could be at risk ๐
I want to add to this one, talking about the example used of a girl calling her vulva her "cookie". Because unfortunately, that comes from a real case.
The girl is rightly anonymous, but her case has become the 'Resusci Anne' of the safeguarding world, where one girls unfortunately story can hopefully go on to save others.
In short, the girl told one of her teachers that her "uncle touched my cookie", to which the teacher dismissed the story as nothing to be concerned about, because they assumed the girl was talking about an actual cookie.
The girl tried again some time later reporting that her uncle "licked my cookie" and how she felt scared around him. Again, the teacher dismissed her story because she thought the girl was making a big deal out of nothing.
It wasn't until the girls mother made an off hand comment about her "coochie" (a slang term for a vulva), that anyone began to put the pieces together. I hope you have worked out the real issue and story here; it seems the girls mother taught her daughter that her genitals were called her "coochie", but as a lot of young children do the girl didn't pronounce it right or misheard it, so called it her "cookie" instead. The mother saw no issue with that because she would know what her daughter was really refering to.
The girl's teachers, did not.
And so, this girl ended up being sexually abused by her uncle, which is bad enough in it's own right, but because the girl wasn't taught the right words two things then happened:
The girl was abused for longer, and severity of the abuse increased over time.
The girl learned that if she was in danger, were she to tell her teachers about her situation she would be ignored.
Just focus on that for a moment. You're a young girl and someone who is supposed to be taking care of you starts harming you, and when you look for help from another adult who is supposed to taking care of you, they think you are making it up.
Would you think it's worth talking to adults after that?
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dreaming of a world in which people know about aromanticism. And by "know" I don't mean "having a vague idea of it's existence", I mean know. I mean a world where an in depth article discussing people's choice to stay single will include an aromantic perspective. I mean a world where people have an understanding of why love, as an emotion, is detached from morality. A world where people will ask you "what kind of relationships do you want in your life?" instead of asking "do you have a boyfriend?". I dream of a world where aromantic people can exist without the constant underlying expectation of being dehumanized, erased and belittled by an unexpected, unassuming comment. I try to create a microcosm of this world around me. I hope it will be easier one day.
Ever have an interaction that quietly left you reeling?
This past weekend was my Grandma's birthday. Her first birthday since being admitted into a care home.
The family made plans to celebrate it at my aunt's house. Nothing elaborate, just a small gathering but all were welcome to come. My parents would collect Grandma from the care home and take her back afterwards.
Just over a year ago, I wrote about how I was thinking of creating a Minecraft 'Forever' world.
Well, on 20th June 2025 after creating several potential forever worlds, I finally found one I liked and suited my goals. My Forever world was born. This post is going to be me showing off the progress of the first year.
I can't lie. This is a side thought that keeps resurfacing in my head that I need to write down. I don't know if it will make sense, but it feels like it does to me, at least when I think about it in the confines of my own mind.
I think it's one possible way to explain Aromanticism to a non-Aromantic person. And it borrows an idea from Atheism. That idea is that all theistic people are atheistic as well, just that atheists apply to one more deity than everyone else.
There are many thousands of gods and/or deities recorded over human history, but obviously there isn't anybody who believes in all of them at the same time. We recognise that they exist in the sense of them being an idea people had, but only the god (or gods) we believe in are the real one deal.
For example, a Christian man can recognise that people in Japan believe in the existence of Ame-no-Minakanushi, but that same Christian man would not share the belief that Ame-no-Minakanushi is real. Our Christian only believes in the Abrahamic god of the bible.
10,000 known gods, but only his is the real one.
You can apply this example to any religion. Members of that religion will recognise their own God(s) as the only real one(s), but can at least recognise that other people believe in other gods.
Atheists take this one step further. Instead of believing in 1 in 10,000, they believe in 0 in 10,000.
So how does this relate to being Aromantic?
This is where I think the use of this analogy comes in. We want non-aromantic people to understand the aromantic worldview. So I am going to write this as if talking to someone in a romantic relationship.
For Alloromantic people, there is (usually) only one person whom they do love romantically. They can recognise that other people are lovely and loveable, but they personally don't love them romantically. Their partner is their 1 in 10,000.
For us Aromantic people though, it's 0 in 10,000. How an Alloromanic person feels about the other 9,999 people is the same for Aromantic people. We just apply it to one more person.
Alloromantic people can understand what it feels like to be Aromantic, if they focus on how they feel about the other 9,999.
Now right away this analogy falls apart when you consider single people. In this tortured analogy, are they like christians looking for god?
No, I think the idea of Amatonormativity steps in here. In this increasingly messy analogy, Amatonormativity is the social expectation to find that 1 in 10,000.
And that's about as far as the thought goes. I kind of expected I'd have more to say here, but I don't.
I suppose this can also apply to Asexual people too but as I am not Asexual I didn't want to make such a declarative statement for them when I am not one of them.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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This is another one of those thoughts that's been rattling around my head for a while, and which I need to write down to make it make sense.
For the record I've only been thinking about this in terms of aromanticism, but I think it can also equally apply to asexuality. With that in mind I am going to stick with just aromanticism for the sake of this post, but feel free to substitute in asexuality if you want.
Let's suppose everything in our lives gives us a quantifiable happiness score. More mundane and everyday things give a smaller scores, and bigger more impactful things have bigger scores.
These numbers are totally arbitrary and just used to make a point, but for example:
Did you eat breakfast today? +5
Did you get enough sleep? +5
Do you have pets? +30
Do you have your own car? +30
Do you have trusted friends? +30
Do you have a roof over your head? +50
Do you have a loving partner? +50
Do you have children? +50
Total = 250
All these things add up, big or small. We all have different scores, and how much happiness those things gives you might vary from day-to-day. You might own a car but it's a rusty piece of shit, so only +20. Then you buy a new one; +40! But after a while the novelty of a new car wears off and it stops being 'new', but you still have a car; +30.
The point being, that consciously or unconsciously, we all keep a running total of our own happiness score. So when you put yourself in someone else's shoes, you add up all the things they have to work out their happiness score, and compare it to your own.
When alloromantic people think about aromantic people they will invariably put themselves in our shoes and come to the conclusion that either we are less happy, or they would be less happy; they can't understand how we can be just as happy as they are.
Let's take the list from earlier and look at it again, this time from the perspective of an allo comparing themselves to an non partnering aro:
Did you eat breakfast today? +5
Did you get enough sleep? +5
Do you have pets? +30
Do you have your own car? +30
Do you have trusted friends? +30
Do you have a roof over your head? +50
Do you have a loving partner?
Do you have children?
Total = 150
Oh no! Only a score of 150 compared to my 250! You must be so depressed!
But the thing alloromantics don't understand is we aros seem to have a hidden multiplier stat. This is where the 'math' comes in! You only get +30 points from having trusted friends, but I get a 2.5x multiplier!
Did you eat breakfast today? +5
Did you get enough sleep? +5
Do you have pets? +30 x1.2 (36)
Do you have your own car? +30
Do you have trusted friends? +30 x2.5 (75)
Do you have a roof over your head? +50 x2.5 (125)
Do you have a loving partner?
Do you have children?
Total = 276
Realistically we only get that multiplier on select things, or that multiplier will vary depend on what it is. Me being aro isn't going to make my breakfast any better!
This is how I rationalise this - Do you know how much I value having my own home when I am the only one paying for it? A lot more than you do when you have a partner to help you. Do you know how much we value our friends when we know one day they will lose interest in us to be with their spouse? They (in theory) now have a guaranteed friend for life, but abandon us.
Does this analogy overly simplify what is the human experience down to bare mathematics? Yes of course. It's not practical in our everyday lives because we don't have visible stats. We aren't players in an RPG and no one is an N.P.C. in someone else's life.
At the very least, I think it could help alloromantics understand that we aren't unhappy in our lives, or that if we are, it's for more nuanced reasons.
Talking to a Void called "The Internet" @werewolfuk - Tumblr Blog | Tumlook
