scientia potentia est

*First date*

Atsushi: the aquarium

Akutagawa: would that be fun? Jinko, I was thinking of something more.... refined

Atsushi: I am not going to a boring ass play

Akutagawa: it's not boring, Dazai-san said it's remarkable

Atsushi: you trust Dazai-san on this? He is definitely lying

Akutagawa: aquarium is a bit....vanilla

Atsushi: we get to see fishes! And penguins! AND seals!

Akutagawa: are you a little kid?

Atsushi: fine, then let's not go at all

Akutagawa: Don't pull that one on me...

Atsushi: if we go to the aquarium in the afternoon, I'll go to the play at night

Akutagawa: really?

Atsushi: yeah, but...the play has to be a comedy

Akutagawa: tch

Atsushi: I know you like tragic romances and all but if you want us to not become a tragic romance, we will see a comedy

Akutagawa: let me pick then, a comedy, should I ask Dazai-san?

Atsushi: stop asking him for advice, nothing comic in that man's life!

*at the aquarium*

Akutagawa: the fishes are.... really cute

Atsushi: aren't they! I knew you'll like it *holds his arm*

Akutagawa: so cute....*stares at Atsushi*

Atsushi: I told you it will be fun!

Akutagawa: what do you want to eat?

Atsushi:....sushi

Akutagawa: after being at the aquarium?

Atsushi: I told you, I love fishes

Akutagawa: you really are a tiger huh, hunting your prey after calling it cute

Atsushi: that makes you the prey

*Confession, The Scarf pt-3*

Atsushi: Should I ask sensei to change my seat? How will I ever face him after yesterday

Junichiro: Atsushi, if you don't like him, just reject him

Atsushi: WHEN DID I SAY---AHHH

*Akutagawa comes into the class, with his headphones on*

Atsushi: oh he's here, he's gonna ask me--

Akutagawa: Tanizaki-san, we need to work on what to do for school festival for our class

Junichiro: s-sure, let's have a class meeting Tommorow

Akutagawa: noted *continued reading a book*

Atsushi: why is he not looking at me?

Junichiro: you ran on him yesterday, of course it's awkward

Atsushi, pouting: so he's just gonna ignore me? Fine! Do that

*During class*

Atsushi: man, I forgot my eraser again--

Akutagawa: *puts his eraser on Atsushi's desk*

Atsushi: hey, thanks

Akutagawa: hm.

*lunch*

Junichiro: Akutagawa-san, should we go outside to have lunch?

Atsushi: I brought my special rice balls

Akutagawa: you two eat, I am meeting with Chuuya-senpai *leaves*

Atsushi: I HATE HIM, WHY IS HE IGNORING ME????

Junichiro: did...you not want him to ignore you? You didn't want to face him again

Atsushi: ...

Atsushi: yeah, right? Good riddance

*after school*

*Akutagawa finds Atsushi sitting on the steps to terrace*

Atsushi: where are you going?

Akutagawa: had to put the extra boxes in the storage room

Atsushi: hm....are you ignoring me?

Akutagawa: no

Atsushi: you are

Akutagawa: didn't you want that?

Atsushi: what?

Akutagawa: after you ran yesterday without hearing my confession, I thought I would burden you by being clingy. It's clear you don't like me

Atsushi: *tearing up* when...when did you become such a good person?

Akutagawa: after meeting someone good

Atsushi: AHHHHH, I CAN'T KEEP IT IN ANYMORE. I LIKE YOU OKAY? I HATE THESE FEELINGS BUT I LIKE YOU.

Akutagawa:

Atsushi: SAY SOMETHING

Akutagawa: Jinko, should we date?

Atsushi: that's the BEST you could come up with? At least say "your eyes are like a million shining stars" or something

Akutagawa: that makes no sense. But you do have beautiful eyes

Atsushi: s-should we go somewhere now?

Akutagawa: how forward!

Atsushi: I didn't mean THAT. I call the shots in this relationship okay?

Akutagawa: yes, sir.

Atsushi: right now I want a huge strawberry sundae! And then we'll get takoyaki...

*Reaction, The Scarf pt-2 *

*Lucy working at the cafe*

Lucy: you're late for the shift, Atsushi. You owe me a bubble tea.

Atsushi *drags Lucy into the supply room*

Lucy: you look red, did you run over in the snow? Are you sick?

Atsushi: Akutagawa is going to kill me.

Lucy: that doesn't sound new

Atsushi: no, no, he's after me.

Lucy: when is he not?

Atsushi: something really crazy happened to me

Lucy: Atsushi, that doesn't narrow down your shenanigans

Atsushi: he...he gave me his stupid scarf, we were walking under his dumb umbrella and then he told me he wants to confess to me!!!

Lucy: *interested in gossip* oh really? I told you! I told you there is a reason he comes here everyday for hours!

Atsushi: he must be planning to kill me, why else would he do this then?

Lucy: how did you respond, did you reject him?

Atsushi: respond?

Lucy: did he ask you out or was it an open confession?

Atsushi:....

Lucy: you didn't hear him did you?

Atsushi: after he said "wanna hear my confession", I RAN.

Lucy: you didn't even hear the actual fucking confession

Atsushi: getting a confession from someone like Akutagawa is like a death threat!

Lucy: it doesn't matter what he feels like....do you like him?

Atsushi: NO.

Lucy: tch

Atsushi: A....little..

Lucy: next time hear him out, and then tell me EVERYTHING

Atsushi: I am not seeing him again

Lucy: you are in the same class, you are deskmates, and you are in the same book club

Atsushi: FUCKKKKK

*meanwhile*

*Scarf*

Atsushi: I didn't know it would be this cold!

Junichiro: I told you, wearing short sleeves won't do now

Atsushi: I'll wash my old jacket, I can't buy a new shirt this month

Junichiro: you can borrow mine

Atsushi: no, no, I'll be fine

*Dazai rushing into the juniors classroom*

Dazai: Atsushi-kun, it's going to snow today! Kunikida-kun told me so

Atsushi: it would be even colder?

Dazai: they say, if you confess to someone after the first snow, your love becomes enternal

Junichiro: you believe in that, senpai?

Dazai: of course not, I confessed to Chuuya in middle school after snow, guess where we are

Junichiro: you confessed, really?

Dazai: yeah, I told him I like how cute and short he is, he reminds me of a chihuahua, and then he punched me.

Junichiro: hey, atleast you got a reaction

Atsushi:....does it work? Confession?

Dazai, sitting on the desk: why, Atsushi-kun, you want to confess to me?

Atsushi: ew, no.

Dazai, clutching his chest: you are breaking my heart

*Atsushi standing at the gate, warming his hands*

Atsushi: Naomi dragged Junichiro again, I don't have an umbrella....it's so c-cold

Akutagawa, holding an umbrella: you are so dense you know, your stupidity amuses me

Atsushi: WHAT ARE YOU DOIN HERE? GO AWAY

Akutagawa: Were-tiger, take my umbrella, you look like a wet kitten

Atsushi: no thank you

*Akutagawa, puts his scarf around Atsushi's neck*

Atsushi, flustered: W-What are you doing? Really? Have you lost it?

Akutagawa: it matches your ugly face

Atsushi: oh really? Last time I checked, you're no Mr. Handsome

*they are walking together under the umbrella*

Akutagawa: so....do you believe in it? The confession after snow?

Atsushi: you heard Dazai-san? He was probably joking

Akutagawa: wanna try?

Atsushi: try what?

Fukuzawa: yes I am aware of that

Mori: Dazai-kun and Chuuya always had an interesting relationship too

Fukuzawa: hmm

Mori: Yosano-kun and Koyo-kun hang out sometimes too

Fukuzawa: I didn't know that

Mori: your own son has something going on with that ex guild member, Poe.

Fukuzawa: do you have a job?

Mori: you know what that means?

Fukuzawa: everyone in the agency is fruity?

Mori: NO, YES THAT TOO BUT SOMETHING ELSE! A PATTERN!

Fukuzawa: what are you getting at?

Mori: it seems like your agency is really interested in the villains

Fukuzawa: well, I can't stop them from falling in love

Mori:....right, so we should too

Fukuzawa: do what?

Mori: we should get together too, clearly it's destiny. Maybe get married, the agency and mafia will become one big family!

Fukuzawa: *sprays water on Mori's face*

*Ice-cream*

Yosano: thanks everyone who helped me clean the medical room. As a thank you gift, Nurse Hana gave me money to treat you!

Ranpo: YEAH! LETS GET SOMETHING SWEET

Yosano: you didn't even help!

Ranpo: I showed up AND instructed you!

Kunikida: are you a politician? Just showing up and doing nothing

Ranpo: this is MY dad's school, of course I show up

Kunikida: you take the kids Yosano, I have to attend a student council meeting

****

Chuuya: I want chocolate and almonds

Dazai: I have a nut allergy, Chuuya, how mean of you!

Chuuya: I am the one eating it! How will you get allergy?

Dazai: well when we kiss our saliva--

Chuuya: --then I am definitely eating the nut one

Yosano: Green apple looks good

Ranpo: none of it is sweet enough, let me have more than one!!!

Junichiro: I will take whatever you all don't like, I don't mind

Yosano: what about you two?

Atsushi: the pink one...it's cute

Yosano: it is cute, here, take it

Akutagawa: I'll take that one

Yosano: bluberry isn't that good of a flavour--

****

Ranpo: this is heavenly...four flavours at ounce

Junichiro: don't get brainfreeze, Ranpo-senpai

Yosano: kids, eat quickly and stop fighting

Dazai: we are not fighting! Chuuya is trying to kill me by kissing me

Chuuya: you gave me the hint about the nut allergy

Junichiro: where are those two? My classmates?

****

Dazai, whispering: did you see Atsushi's lips when he got home

Junichiro: yeah

Dazai: so, like, those two were making out right?

Ranpo: obviously. Red and blue, made it purple

Yosano: ....did Akutagawa choose blueberry on purpose?

Dazai: oh lord, that's so....wow, making it clear who he belongs to

Dazai: Oh, yeah I read it. It's a great mafia boss x y/n fic. Why did you use Akutagawa as a character though?

Atsushi: Dazai-san, that was my diary

Therapist: so, let's start with your new conflict. What was it?

Akutagawa: Jinko refused to let me follow him to work

Atsushi: it's creepy as fuck! Stop being such a dog!

Akutagawa: Jinko, I am called "the mafia's mad dog"

Atsushi: can you tell him he's being a creep?

Therapist: Akutagawa-san, you are crossing boundaries

Akutagawa: what boundaries?

Therapist: all relationships have boundaries you can't cross, Atsushi-san doesn't want you to follow him, you shouldn't regardless of---

Akutagawa:---I don't want to lose him again

Atsushi: what?

Akutagawa: we keep being separated, I am scared you'll disappear again, like when you went to London without telling me

Atsushi: that was because of...wait you are scared?

Akutagawa:

Atsushi: that's it? That's why you follow me?

Akutagawa: Jinko, I don't want to lose another person I care about

Atsushi *very touched*: I-I, you...

Therapist: I feel like I need another session to understand this

Akutagawa: I did put a tracking chip in your wrist while you were sleeping

Dazai, drunk: I am in such a good mood, I don't even want to die!

Chuuya: that's new, how long will it last?

Atsushi, giggling: stwap, Dazai-san!You shouldn't even think about that!

Akutagawa, half carrying him: Jinko, you are so heavy! How much do you eat?

Atsushi: you are the one who eats nothin' twink

Chuuya: oh lord, did he just say---

Dazai, eyes shining: Ah, Atsushi-kun is such a cutie...so cute. Cute CUTE. C.U.T.E.

Akutagawa, embarassed: who taught you that word!

Atsushi: Yosano-san of course!

Chuuya: do you even know what it means?

Atsushi, ignoring him: I love eating rice balls, rice cakes, rice pudding, rice porridge---

Dazai: *holds Atsushi's face* UGH WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO CUTTTEEE

Chuuya: I think something bad is going to happen, when this bastard acts like this (knows from experience)

Dazai: I AM GOING TO DIE, ATSUSHI-KUN IS SO CUTTTEEE

*Dazai kisses Atsushi*

Akutagawa: 🫪🫪🫪😨😨😨

Chuuya: he's going to die with my hands tonight

Atsushi: okay, that sucked

Dazai: how can you say that to me! I will cry!!!

*morning*

Atsushi: *opens the door sleepily*

Dazai-san, what the fuck are you doing?

Dazai, on his knees: I am begging for forgiveness for what I did yesterday, I mean Chuuya did beat my ass last night, but still, I should say sorry

Atsushi: I don't even remember what happened. Ryuunosoke looked like he ate bad fish

Dazai: tell him to not kill me okay?

Atsushi, rubbing his eyes: whatever, just go, I forgive you!

Dazai: (don't say cute, don't say he's cute, he's like a kitten) thanks, Atsushi- kun, you're a champ!

*Akutagawa making breakfast*

Atsushi: are you really not gonna tell me what happened?

Akutagawa: nothing happened, Jinko

Atsushi: why do you look so murderous then

Akutagawa: it's my personality

Atsushi: why did you make all these different rice dishes

Akutagawa: you should fatten up even more

Akutagawa, in his mind: it's okay, he doesn't remember. I can't go against Dazai-san. He did it cuz he was drunk. I am not murderous, I am just a little disturbed. Yeah that's right. It's all fine. It's fine. Fucking peachy keen.

Atsushi: I thought I told you, I wanted to do legal adoption!

Akutagawa: this place is legal....now

Atsushi: why does it look so dreary

Akutagawa: this is where Port Mafia recruits candidates, didn't you want to help children who have it bad?

Atsushi, apologetic:...oh, I didn't mean to--

Akutagawa: it's being run by someone you know, he's new I heard

Sigma: hello---ahh, it's...you two? I know you!

Atsushi: Sigma-san!

Akutagawa: your name is silly

Sigma: you want to adopt someone? Boy, girl, or...

Atsushi: boy--

Akutagawa: --girl

*make eye contact*

Atsushi: wouldn't it be easier to raise a boy? We might not be good with a girl...

Akutagawa: and why is that? Girls are easier and cute--ahem, I mean, it's less work, boys are unpredictable

Sigma: we have twins joining us recently, faternal twins...

*later*

Atsushi: can we afford to raise two eight year olds?

Akutagawa: I was a mafiaso, Were-tiger, money isn't a problem

Atsushi: how about you stop calling me Were-tiger ounce the kids join us?

Akutagawa: should I call you Darling then?

*Secret Birthday*

Dazai: yo, Atsushi-kun Tommorow is your birthday isn't it?

Atsushi: I don't really know my real birthday...

Dazai: well, I have decided the day we met is your new official birthday!

Atsushi: that's kinda--

Chuuya: --self centred

Dazai: let's have a party Tommorow okay, it's on me

Chuuya: you have no money, bastard

Dazai: I found this hefty wallet laying around

Chuuya: THAT'S MINE! YOU STOLE IT AGAIN?!!!

*next day*

Atsushi: there's something under my desk....

Junichiro: maybe it's a present?

Atsushi: did Dazai-san tell everyone about my fake birthday?

Junichiro: well what is it?

*opens the box*

Atsushi: it's...new converse

Junichiro: that's expensive! Dazai-san can't afford that, maybe it's that other guy, the red head shortie?

Atsushi: there's a note too...."Wear some good shoes, stop looking so ugly"

Junichiro: that... doesn't sound...nice

Atsushi: who can this be?

*later*

Gin: did he like the shoes?

Akutagawa: w-what do you mean?

Gin: I know you gave him those shoes. I went there with you to buy them, you're not wearing them so...

Akutagawa: STOP BEING DELUSIONAL, GIN.

Interviewer (I), Atsushi (Sus), Akutagawa (Aku).

I: Let's start with an easy question, when did you start dating?

Sus: since January 16---

Aku: ---we are not dating

Sus: *aside* wdym? Are you kidding right now?

Aku: I thought we got married, isn't that how confessions work?

I: so your relationship is complicated

I: what attracted you to eachother?

Sus: his eyes

I: how cute

Sus: they look like a void, I was wondering if I could see them shine

I: omg

Aku *embarrassed*: I am not attracted to him

I: excuse me?

Aku: I didn't want to kiss him ever, I just wanted to follow him all the time

Sus: *aside* we talked about this? Stop sounding weird!

Aku: fine, his legs are great

I: what a loving couple

I: if you get mad at eachother, how do you apologise?

Sus: I don't apologise

Aku: me neither

I: then?

Sus: we eventually get tired of being mad and accept mutual understanding

Aku: I am still in the right though

Sus: wHaTeVeR

Aku: you want a fight?

Sus: honey, I like you when your mouth is shut

I: do you believe in eternal love or soulmates?

Sus: yes. I do believe you are connected to a person for life

Aku: are you insinuating he is my soulmate? *disgusted*

Sus: *laughs* wow, guess who's sleeping on the couch tonight

I: what is cute about the other person?

Sus: his sister is cute

Aku: *scoffs* so is yours

I: you seriously don't find anything cute about eachother?

Sus:

Aku: he has a cute smile...I guess

I: Atsushi?

Sus: I find it cute when he is obedient

I: *what the fuck* o-oh

I: anything that annoys you about eachother?

Sus: he never sleeps. Literally sleeps with his eyes open. It's scary

Aku: at least I don't snore and drool like you

Sus: I DO NOT

Aku: I must know since I am never asleep yeah?

Sus: he showers with his clothes on

Aku: and he crawls on all fours first thing in the morning

I: (am I interrupting something?) alright, alright last question

I: would you choose to be together in the next life?

Sus: no

Aku: hell no

I: that---

Sus: you wouldn't want me in your NEXT LIFE?

Aku: you gave the same answer don't get pissed off

Sus: HA. Fine then. I'll find you in your next life and marry you again out of spite

Aku: same here! I am sure you'll be even more pathetic in the next confession

Yosano: I am bored

Ranpo: okay let's play "dating or homies?"

Yosano: sounds gay, I am in.

************************************

Ranpo: Kunikida and Dazai

Yosano: one sided pining

Ranpo: fucking

Yosano: Ranpo and Poe

Ranpo: engaged

Yosano: married

Ranpo: Akutagawa and Atsushi

Yosano: dating? Married? Idk

Ranpo: whatevership

Yosano: Chuuya and Dazai

Ranpo: ex's

Yosano: situationship

Ranpo: Atsushi and Junichiro

Yosano: homies

Ranpo: homies

Yosano: rat-man and clown

Ranpo: fucking

Yosano: one-sided fucking

Ranpo: Higuchi and Gin

Yosano: dating?

Ranpo: homies to lovers

Yosano: me and Koyou

Ranpo: long distance

Yosano: long distance

Ranpo: Steinbeck and Lovecraft

Yosano: freaks

Ranpo: freaks

Yosano: Fukuzawa-san and Mori (ew)

Ranpo: ex-bfs

Yosano: they give divorced vibes

Ranpo: dad has a lot of ex lovers

Yosano: why does he though?