wont feel anything but safe as hell

The Animals - House of the Rising Sun (1964)

Silver Jews - New Orleans (1994)

vancouver goldeneyes (ducks are very whimsical, they can stay)

seattle seagulls (credit goes to @easyaro)

boston puffins

montreal motmots

ottawa loons

toronto toucans

new york bee-eaters

minnesota woodpeckers

san jose flamingoes

las vegas lories

detroit tinamous

hamilton hornbills

honorable mentions (maybe future teams?):

pheasants

grouse

chickadees

quails

somehow both very little and a lot of thought went into this. In terms of associating teams with birds i mostly went by sound and vibe, but to be fair i know almost nothing about the birds i picked or the team locations, i am but a bored european

The Ruffed Grouse is the state bird of PA, so I’d reserve that for a Philly expansion. Philly already has several bird teams. Give the women a fluffy bird mascot to hang out with Gritty. Grouses make a distinct drumming sound, and frequently when I think of Philadelphia I think of the PME Drumline and Philly Elmo.

While this is less whimsical, I like the alliteration of Pittsburgh Peregrines, my go-to suggestion for a Pgh expansion team name. They’re the fastest animals on earth, which is perfect for the fastest sport on ice. There is also a nesting pair of peregrine falcons, Carla and Ecco, on the Cathedral of Learning on the campus of the University of Pittsburgh.

short form writers look at people writing 100k+ fics as though this is some sort of talent given as part of a fae bargain, that the commitment required shows some sort of ungodly mental fortitude.