Burning The End At Both Candles

there are tuesdays happening that have never happened before

I need a polite and effective way to say "hey your heart is truly in the right place and your anger is often righteous but I think sometimes you’re getting recreationally mad about things that are frankly not worth the amount of energy you’re spending on them, and every time you do this you're driving yourself slightly more insane with nothing to show for it," and then I need a way to broadcast that message through a loudspeaker to roughly 30,000 people at once, and THEN I need a time machine to send that message to my past self lol. and maybe a second time machine in case past me tries to be clever and sabotage the version of me who comes through the first time machine

Driving a car is like microdosing zombie apocalypse. Whenever you see something human-shaped walking around, you have to keep an eye on it because sometimes it's a survivor who has made it this far by being sharp enough to anticipate potential risks and know how to stay out of harm's way, and sometimes it's a two-legged walking lump of meat with zero concept of self-preservation.

Why Wayne got socks in the jacuzzi

those are his hooves you bitch

okay. how do I put this. if you approach interactions with strangers as if the vast majority of them are unbearable losers who aren't worth your time, you will find yourself not liking most of the people you meet because you'll be looking for any excuse to write them off as unbearable losers. I know this is hard to hear but sometimes the problem is you.

#how i’m doing is none of my business

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

happy 10 years of spiders georg everyone

“average meme lasts 5 years” factoid actually just statistical error. average meme lasts 30 days or less. Spiders Georg, which started on this day 10 years ago, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Happy 13th anniversary to Spiders Georg!