cupcake eater

I get it, Crowley ultimately deciding to sacrifice his happiness for humanity, proving once more the central debate of good vs evil the show has presented is nuanced and complicated, is “impactful” and “good television” or whatever, but that little freak waited millennia for that nerd and that’s the ending we get?

So, Shane is walking around Sochi, midst crisis and intense internalized homophobia and he thinks “hey maybe God will fix me”. Only, he is in Russia, he doesn’t have his phone and also it’s 2014 and he doesn’t really know the difference between Canadian Christians and Russian Orthodox Christians.

He sees a white church with some icons, thinks “good enough” and goes in fully expecting to do confession and maybe get absolution for the massive amount of guilty he carries, hoping and praying someone in there speaks English.

And then first thing the priest says when he walks in is “you are Shane Hollander!” Because, surprise surprise, Father Ilya speaks English and loves hockey and “hockey is important for Russia and you are important for hockey so everyone one here knows who you are Shane Hollander”.

And what are the odds right? Shane goes in expecting anonymity and faith and he finds a hockey fan and a menace.

Still, they talk and Shane finally gets the courage to ask Father Ilya to take his confession and “are you Russian orthodox, Shane Hollander? No? Then I cannot give sacrament, but I can listen.”

All Shane cares is if that’s still confidential, and Ilya promises it is, but offers to get him in touch with the priest at the only Catholic Church in Sochi, but Shane panics and refuses.

Shane finally tells him all of it and it feels like exhaling for the first time in years and Ilya tells him god made him exactly the way he was supposed to be, but to be careful while in Russia. “Don’t go around telling strangers that, Shane Hollander, even if they are priests. Especially if they are priests.”

And Shane is freaking out that he will be outed and Ilya reassures him that he won’t tell anyone and then, to assure mutual destruction says “it would be hypocritical yes? We have same secret”.

Because when Ilya was 15, his father caught him with Sasha and it was either religious path or who knows what really??

He chose religious path because his mother was devout when she was alive and he choose celibacy over having to marry a random woman chosen by his father or the church.

Do we think the marriage is going well or do we think he’s wearing that thang as to not bring more attention and gossip to himself with, say, a separation? A divorce? Scandalous.

I can only dream Frank and Mel shacking up and going to renaissance fairs together on the weekend.

Now, dealing with addiction is hard, getting away with something for so long and then getting caught is hard, taking accountability is hard, but Frank was never going to stop on his own. He was going to run his whole life to the ground and he was going to lose everything eventually. And part of recovery, rehab and the process is to recognize that.

When Santos arrives, he is in the thick of it and he is losing it, even if he doesn’t realize it at the time. Aside from that, he is the golden kid, right? He can do no harm. He is arrogant and used to going unquestioned. Then comes this newbie and she challenges him, she pushes and she sees him. All those dark parts he is trying to hide. How dare she?

So, he lashes out and he goes on the defensive. He’s angry, scared, arrogant and, at times, misogynistic. Everything is falling out of his control. But here’s the thing, even though he feels like he is loosing everything, I like to think he realized during the time away, he was definitely going to lose everything eventually anyway.

Not now though. Now, he has a chance. And, despite the mixed feelings he may still harbor against her, it’s all thanks to Santos.

How do you reconcile that the person who caused the last months of your life to be hell with the person that provided you with a second chance?

That’s why I think he has not tried to make amends with her yet, despite having done so with some people already and despite being very open about his journey.

And Santos, well. I don’t know. I do think she feels a little bad. Maybe a little guilty. But certainly not regretful. And she shouldn’t. Frank could’ve killed someone, he could’ve hurt someone and he was nothing but an ass to her. She doesn’t want more drama with him. She doesn’t know what his vibe is yet, so she’s staying clear.