i think i found my new favorite artist on twitter
(source)
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@wayward-runaway
i think i found my new favorite artist on twitter
(source)

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Pedestrian traffic lights
Ooooh, we have a bunch of really fancy pedestrian traffic lights in Germany! I need to share:
Starting off with the difference between formerly Eastern German traffic lights (upper images) and formerly Western German traffic lights (lower images):
The city of Erfurt had some additions, like an umbrella or a heart:
Same sex love in Marburg (upper image) and Frankfurt (lower image):
Traffic light lady in Bremen:
Karl Marx light in Trier:
Face of Friedrich Engels in Wuppertal:
Elvis in Friedberg (Hessen):
A sparrow (for the Golden Sparrow film awards) in Gera:
Winemaker in Bad Dürkenheim:
MainzelmƤnnchen (mascot of the public broadcasting service ZDF) in Mainz:
Otto Waalkes (German Comedian) in Emden:
Town musicians of Bremen in Bremen:
A miner in Pirmasens, Rheinland-Pfalz:
Bishop in Fulda:
Source: Saarbrücker Zeitung
Enjoy!
And we call these "AmpelmƤnnchen" ("traffic lights little man").
omg that's amazing! I wanna visit Germany just to take pictures of all the cute traffic lights.
So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.
But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.
What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.
oh!
insane headline to pair with the actual photo of the beastie itself
this is just a gormless little creature. what are we doing here.

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one of my favorite this american life segments of late is about the people who played orchestra pit for phantom of the opera on broadway and how, like, a sizeable majority of them had literally been playing the show since it opened in 1988 (on broadway. I know it opened in 86 on the west end, you random pedants, but I am specifically talking about broadway musicians) because their contracts stipulated that they'd have jobs throughout the show's entire run... but nobody anticipated that phantom would become the longest-running broadway show of all time.
and none of these people wanted to walk away from a guaranteed job, so very few of them ever quit. they just kept doing the same show eight nights a week... for twenty or thirty years... and by the time it finally closed last year most of these musicians (who had been working together for DECADES) hated each other and really really fucking loathed phantom. I can't stop thinking about it. it's indescribably hellish to imagine but also the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.
can you imagine.
[ID: excerpt from an article reading: One of my favorite stories, which should drive anyone who has every played in a band crazy-- thereās this bassoon player who has sat next to the same clarinet player since 1988. Sheās convinced he plays half a note4 flat on every note heās every played. He denies this. /]
Here's the link to the full transcript. An absolute goldmine. The section on Phantom of the Opera starts in Act 2.
so make it
Cunt
I feel like this is something @theshitpostcalligrapher would write.
no no this one is a @carpe-aurore, I do chunkier scripts and she does a copperplate that would slay this
literally this:
people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert
One of the guys I worked with told us a story about how, when they were doing archaeology surveys in the woods they ran into a bigfoot hunter. Bigfoot guy asked if they had seen signs of bigfoot, and he was like "Sorry, nothing like that. We're archaeologists, so we're looking for human stuff." and the bigfoot guy was like "Oh! I saw some Native American cairns on my way out here. I can give you a general location." and when he was like "Yeah dude, that'd be sick. We're actually looking to document those." the bigfoot guy was like "Yeah, they looked pretty cool. I didn't touch them though, because Native Americans built them, not bigfoot."

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I'm watching clone wars right now and
THE ALL 20 OR SOMETHING CLONES SITTING THERE ON THEIR FUCKASS OFFICE CHAIRS I CAN'T
The Republic really sent those guys to die almost every episode but drew the line at standing at the debrief it's so funny
im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams
Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement
Every once in a while, I wish the friendship meter from the Sims was real so that way when people tell me "I used Chat-GPT" they can visually see just how much respect I just lost for them in that moment.
One time an acquaintance told me she entered Snape's star chart into chatgpt and I could physically feel that meter dropping three separate times over the course of her sentence
2/5/2018
What? Who wouldnāt want to be around a bird who put all their stat points into Has No Chill and Has Yes Volume? Thatās clearly the best possible combination of traits in a neighbour! :)
The chickens care about Things I Can Eat and Things That Can Eat Me; the ducks add Things I Can Have Sex With to that list. Anything you donāt feed on, flee from, or fornicate with might as well not exist to them; they stop paying attention the instant they figure out none of the categories apply. They like humans, but itās mostly because we give them hard boiled egg sometimes.
Itās not that the peacocks are smarter, but for some reason they care about things that donāt matter. Things they know donāt matter. If youāre out in the pasture and you move a shovel, the peacocks will notice and will come by and look at it in its new place. Iām pretty sure they know they canāt eat a shovel, they just want to know whatās up with it. Itās hilarious and endearing. Theyāll put their heads right up next to it and inspect it like theyāre looking for shovel contraband, then without moving their feet, theyāll snake their necks around to the back and inspect that side too.
All the things that are irrelevant backdrops to the ducks and chickens must be carefully inspected if youāre a peacock: fallen leaves, a pinecone someone kicked accidentally, boots if the shoelaces are tied differently than earlier, flowers that opened since yesterday, cats sleeping in the sun, hoofprints in muddy ground, tools, tree shadows on the walls of the chicken house, spiderwebs, lily pads, salamanders.They look at the tiny splashy waterfalls in the creek from all angles. Iām reasonably sure Iāve seen them stare at the moon.
I donāt know why theyāre like that. However, since I also care about many nonsense things that donāt matter at all to my life, their eccentricity speaks to me. Iām quite fond of the Extra Fancy Weird Bird Squad.
I want to add that they yell at many irrelevant things. Unfamiliar sounds, loud sounds, movement, when they are possessed by the demons of yelling for no reason. If you yell at them, they yell back. Yelling is often accompanied by booty shaking by the boys. In any case itās a whole hearted yell, one they throw their heads back and use all their lungs for. I envy that ability. Someone should be allowed to get away with yelling like that, just screaming into the void for no reason.
Iāve seen mine watch planes in the sky and chatter so that everyone else looks up at the sky to find it. If you look up and replicate the chatter noise, they will look up too. If you look at something for long, they will come look at it as well. If you tap at something the way they do when pecking at something to eat, they will come over to judge if it is edible, but unlike chickens who will mostly try anything or just walk away without comment, peafowl will either try it or shake their heads ānoā at it. If one of them shakes their head no, the others will not try it either and will often start shaking their heads ānoā too. It can be their favorite treat but it doesnāt matter. One of them judged it inedible. If looking at something isnāt enough, they will tap it with their beak or pick it up and clack it in their beak a few times before dropping it to look at it some more.
They have a particular noise which means danger. Itās easy to replicate and causes them to fluff their necks and begin looking at everything even more. It makes them honk when they canāt find anything wrong. Sometimes one of them will make it on accident, or because they had a bad dream or because they thought they saw something but it was actually nothing and they all become inconsolable for ten minutes until nothing continues to happen.
They play. Iāve seen the chickens take interest in an item or do pleasurable things like take a dust bath or eat treats from a puzzle treat ball, or swing on swings when they jump up to find out what this thing is, but peacocks play. Give them a soft cat toy they canāt swallow and they will play with it. They will grab it up and shake it and toss it and chase after it. They will play with a laser pointer. They will chase a string or a strip of fabric. They incite play with each other the way dogs do, by crouching low and flipping their wings out in an invitation to chase them. When you do, they bounce away from you in silly hop-jumps and then turn around because now itās your turn. If you run, they will scamper after you. It is even more delightful to watch them do this with one another as they perform acrobatics I cannot possibly replicate without the use of wings. They will play follow the leader around objects.
They have discussions. This may seem like Anthropomorphising them, but they will talk to each other through a fence that separates them, sometimes for hours. The girls try to decide who is boss by grouping up and chattering about it for a while first. Sometimes thatās all it takes. The good boys submit to the girls in a bowing display. They come over and put the tip of their beak to the dirt and fluff the back of their neck just behind the head. The girl will sometimes follow suit, making soft noises. Sometimes she will groom the back of his neck instead. Sometimes he is ignored or gets a sharp peck for his intrusion. If birds, peafowl or otherwise, are arguing, often the peafowl will place themselves in the middle to stop it. Particularly if the peahens are arguing, peacocks will slowly walk into the middle with their heads down to prevent a fight.
They know each other and actually care if someone is missing from the flock. The saddest thing I have ever witnessed was the year I lost a boy to extreme cold when he fell asleep away from the heat. I removed his body before the others could see, thinking it would save them from hurt. Instead they spent days calling for him to come home. I have lost two flock birds since then and both times I left the bodies in the pen for a day. Both times the flock gathered around them. Both times they mourned, sitting by the body or attempting to get them to respond. But both times, after I took them away, there was no calling.
They are thinking about things all the time. They seek revenge. They will get sneaky about it. They walk up to things sideways if they intend to sneak attack. I watched one sidle up to a sleeping cat and when I told her not to touch the cat (a command or at least tone of voice she knew) she looked back at me and considered her options. She would get in trouble if she touched the cat. She looked back at the cat, because it was sleeping and comfortable and thatās not allowed. Then she looked dead at me in challenge once more, and started slamming her beak next to the cat, which woke the cat and made her vacate the space. The peahen then looked back at me like you canāt yell at me because I didnāt touch her. That same girl hated my dad and would come up on him sideways to try to attack him before he saw her. I had a boy that my mother tossed a crinkled piece of paper at and it startled him, but he thought the dog threw it, so he chased her instead.
They are afraid of the dark. Every single one of them. They will not go into a dark room. We put nightlights in their coops because they are big babies and thatās the only way they will go inside to roost where itās actually safe. If it goes out they will start yelling until you wake up and fix it.
Peafowl are amazing and very weird creatures that I, for one, am very grateful to have in my life.

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I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group Iām in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that thereās vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and Iām not vegan but Iām proud that I can provide this service
š¾š¾š¾
Harvesting my wheat
Hehehehehe
Can I fucking help you?
my senior english teacher told me that any scene with a woman in a cornfield in every piece of literature ever is about her journey to womanhood/pleasuring herself in the field and i just.... believed her
What
What