What is the worst thing you think John Winchester ever did to his sons? Canonly speaking.
Woo boy. Buckle up, kids.
Off the top of my head, whatever it was that John did to put this look on Deanâs face.
But if you want to talk canon specifics, letâs take a spin through my fuck john winchester tag.Â
Okay, John was a child abuser. He was legally a child abuser for leaving his children alone the way the he did, when Dean was only 9 if not younger. He left his children alone in hotel rooms to fend for themselves for days at a time, sometimes without enough money for food.  This is child abuse. You cannot leave a 9 year old in charge of a 5 year old and expect him to take care of the boy like he was an adult.  Putting this kind of responsibility on a child is going to incur lifelong psychological damage.
I personally believe that John was physically abusive, especially to Dean, but I canât prove that canonically beyond Sam calling John a mean drunk and the fact that violence is completely normalized between the brothers. Â John was patently verbally and emotionally abusive to both Sam and Dean and Iâm not even going to go find gifs of that because itâs in literally all their interactions. Â Strong, brave Dean becomes passive and terrified in his fatherâs presence, and sweet, loving Sam becomes seething and full of rage.
Bottom line, the worst thing John ever did was putting the responsibility for Sam on Deanâs shoulders when he was too young to even take care of himself.  This is neglect, this is abuse, this is shirking all of his own duty to his children and then laying blame on Dean when he cannot live up to impossible standards.  But letâs go through some specifics.
How about when Dean was 16 and he lost their food money gambling (probably trying to get more food money), and so he ended up stealing peanut butter and bread - to survive and feed his little brother - and he got arrested?
Can we just talk about how the only real chance at happiness and a normal life that Dean actually got was at a home for juvenile delinquents? I mean can we just talk about how fucked up that is?
How about what John was out doing while he was leaving the boys alone in motel rooms?
How about when Dean was dying and John literally wouldnât pick up the phone much less show up?
Or the other time Dean was dying and he didnât care?
I could also throw in the fact that one of the biggest demons in hell actually made a better father than John.
This is all absolutely canon, indisputable. But what I find incredibly revealing is the episode Itâs a Terrible Life. Â Here, Dean was raised by Bobby and Ellen, with Jo for a sister. Â Dean Smith is basically a photo negative of Dean Winchester.
He eats salads, he does the Master Cleanse, he has an espresso machine, he drives a fucking Prius.  Heâs a business man with fashionable clothes and an upscale apartment.  I mean, can you say metrosexual?
This Dean doesnât overcompensate, heâs not macho or butch, heâs not one step away from alcoholism, heâs not a broke high school dropout.  He went to Stanford, and considering that Bobby and Ellen probably would not have had the money for that, we can hypothesize that he got in on scholarship.  He doesnât drive his dadâs old car because itâs not the only home and security heâs known since he was four.  He also doesnât appear to be a âladies manâ, as we never actually see him talking to a woman.  The only person he seems to be flirting with appears to be his assistant, whom he talks to about Project Runway.
This Dean could easily be openly bisexual, because he grew up in a loving and safe family. Â This Dean embraced his education as well as his love of fashion, this Dean is successful and stylish. Â We donât know whatâs going on in his personal life or if heâs happy, but he is plainly a normal, functional, stable human being. Â This is who Dean would be if John wasnât his father.
This is who Dean would be if John wasnât his father. This is who Dean could have been if John had not turned him into Samâs parent while depriving Dean of a parent himself, dragging him from place to place, isolating him, while turning him into a child soldier and a tool to further his quest for vengeance - and using him as an emotional if not physical punching bag.
He didnât âtry his bestâ.  Trying his best would be not chasing down the demon, would be giving his sons a home and a childhood.  Would have been at fucking least putting them in foster care instead of dragging them across the country with him.  He didnât love them.  What he did is not love, it just fucking isnât.  Whatever âloveâ he had, it was twisted and selfish and damaging.  John did not love his sons, not the way I define love.
I literally, honestly donât care that John traded his life for Deanâs in the end.  I mean, to say âtoo little too lateâ is a vivid understatement.  I donât care what he said, I seriously, seriously donât care what he said in that hospital scene.  Iâve never been physically abused, but my father did fuck up my head and my life pretty well, and he says all kinds of nice things trying to get me back on his side, and I donât care about any of it.  All the âIâm proud of youâs in the world canât change what youâve done.  And really all John did then was heap more responsibility and guilt on Deanâs shoulders.
So basically -Â everything. Â Everything John did to his sons was the worst.
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