go forth and make mischief

I can't believe he's dead. It feels like just yesterday Lindsay Graham and I were just young boys playing down by the creek. "CT buddy, one day I'm gonna start a war with Iran" he would tell me, "and then by god I'm gonna immediately lose and die." Well look where we are now old friend. Look where we are now.

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

menin vessaan ja kuulin kun yläkerran naapuri kusi pönttöön samaan aikaan kun mä #yhteisöllisyys

At Costco there were two butch ladies in their 60’s arguing about which couch to get and one of them said a certain option wouldn’t fit through the doorway at which point they BOTH immediately whipped out tape measures. Glorious.

i'm here to tell you that you never. never never never never never. make something plural with an apostrophe