watch your step

god that whole thing was genuinely so funny and im SO disappointed they never went further than that open-ended scene. teen!dad jason and babian wayne is SUCH a god tier duo. even funnier was i’m fairly sure talia was still right fucking behind him when he was going on about that. like. can you fucking imagine.

talia straight hands jason her newborn son and is like ‘this is bruce’s son, damian. i think you should raise him.’ and jason takes this baby, looks at him for a beat, and then just loudly proclaims ‘DAMIAN? I THINK YOU AND I ARE GOING TO ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MURDER YOUR PARENTS.’

and talia’s just. a few steps away from him. face flat. just ‘genuinely what is your problem.’ like he’d had the kid three seconds.

she probably wanted damian back like. immediately. fully regretted it the second jason got that weird sinister grin but every time she tried to take the baby back he tightened his hold and turned around and wouldn’t let her grab him.

honestly that’s probably the funniest way we could get dad!jason to babian. he just refuses to put him down. can we just have zombified-post-lazarus jason not quite all-there in the head yet locking eyes with infant damian like a dog that gets attached to a big stick it finds in a forest.

zombie-jason follows talia around for two weeks while she holds damian just. staring at him. as if damian is his autistic hyperfixation or something. and talia gets so sick of it that eventually she’s just like ‘ok keeping the baby safe is not worth this hassle’ and lets jason hold him for a while.

he stops following talia around but she literally never gets damian back and thats it, she just doesn’t have a son anymore. she has to speak to ra’s later that month and it’s like

“daughter, how is my prized heir?”

“i lost him, you don’t have one anymore.”

“.what”

“i let jason hold him while i chopped an onion and now he wont put him down.”

“…and you can’t just take-“

“he bit me.”

“…”

“damian is no longer your heir.”

“i don’t have an heir?”

“you don’t have an heir.”

“…”

“…”

“Unraveling the Linothorax Mystery, or how Linen Armor Came to Dominate our Lives.”

While all of this mayhem (both scientifically controlled and free-form) convinced us that our linothorax was ancient-battlefield-ready, we still felt compelled to try a real-life scenario, so Scott donned the armor and Greg shot him. And while we had confidence in our armor, our relief was still considerable when the arrowhead stuck and lodged in the armor’s outer layers, a safe distance away from flesh.

Damian will die on the hill that Jason Peter Todd is his son, and he takes no arguments on the matter.

listen i just really like those AU's where Jason is practically comatose/zombie-like when he first comes out of the pit, especially when Talia then assigns him as Damian’s protector because the only muscle-memory instinct Jason keeps is 'protect those smaller than him', because i really like the dynamic of Damian then having to be the one that takes up the mantle of helping Jason with everything he doesn't remember how to do.

Damian spends all day every day with Jason at his side. he washes Jason, dresses him, teaches him how to walk and move again, to speak and communicate, write and draw; and because Jason is Damian's bodyguard, he follows Damian around like a lost puppy. to Jason he's just slowly coming back to himself as a person while doing his job by protecting this kid--but Talia never told Damian that Jason was his protector, she just told Damian to keep Jason alive. And so everything Jason does, in Damian's mind (especially with the added context of Damian teaching him how to be alive again) is the actions of a vulnerable being looking to their guardian out of comfort. and of course, nobody else would fit the bill of guardian but Damian, the person who is practically raising Jason from re-birth.

Jason follows Damian around the compound because he knows he needs to protect Damian--Damian sees this as Jason wandering around after the only person he feels safe with, the person who looks after him, his guardian.

Jason watches over Damian while he trains with his tutors--Damian knows it must be scary for a child to be left alone in a place such as the compound; it's only natural for Jason to prefer watching his father train than be alone.

Jason takes care of Damian, ensuring he eats and sleeps--well Damian raised Jason by doing those same things, it's only natural that his child pick up on the only love language he is exposed to, trying to turn it onto his parent.

it goes on and on and on; everything Jason does with the mindset of looking after his new baby brother, Damian takes as a son showing appreciation for his father. it takes like. a solid six months for Jason to be self aware enough to clock that Damian is literally calling him 'son' and 'my child' and by then it's too late. Damian absolutely will not let it go.

i imagine it's one of those things where like, Jason tried to argue it at first but Damian was really insistent, and eventually Jason gave up because it was like 'what the hell, it's not like the kid has much that sparks joy in his life anyway, might as well give him this' and starts ignoring it, letting it happen. and then after a while he realises how much it seems to agitate Talia and Ra's and the whole thing becomes kinda funny so he starts calling Damian 'dad' and 'old man' and this delights Damian which encourages him even further and the whole thing just kinda ends up being one of those jokes that you go along with for so long that it's not even that funny anymore and you just do it out of instinct.

like--to be clear Jason is still the mental guardian figure out of the two of them, and he takes care of Damian. it's just that Damian's in complete denial about this and instead chooses to believe it's the other way around, which Jason lets him believe because it's kinda funny to watch peoples reaction to it. like at dinner, when one of the servants will bring out some kind of dessert and Jason will just turn to Damian and go 'can i have dessert now?' and Damian will look at his plate and say 'finish your potatoes' and Jason will sigh before listening. to Damian this is normal, and he does this because of course Jason would look to him for permission, that's his child; meanwhile Jason is watching Talia stare at them both across the table like she's about to call a fucking exorcist and internally he is just Busting The Fuck Up just waiting for the moment Damian decides it's his bedtime.

i also just wanna point out how funny this would be in Gotham, when Bruce takes in his biological son who for some reason seems to HATE him but refuses to say why and after a couple months of Damian treating him like dirt to the point where even Tim and Dick are confused he finally gets Damian to tell him what the fuck he did and Damian is just like 'you are the reason my son is in such mental pain.' and Bruce is just like.

what.

"did mother not tell you you are a grandfather?"

"w- NO??? YOU'RE ELEVEN WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE A FATHER- ARE YOU OK?"

"of course. i consented to being my child's father from the beginning."

"ELEVEN YEAR OLDS AREN'T ALLOWED TO CONSENT TO THAT."

and Bruce is. having a fucking panic attack about the whole thing until eventually they run into Red Hood on patrol and Damian straight-faced tells him that this 200+ lbs clearly adult man is the grandson in question and he just fucking. mentally checks out for about 20 minutes.

for the record Jason has never been so excited in his life. he fully intends on coming around the manor in-mask twice a week from now on just so he can call Bruce 'grandfather' and Dick 'uncle' while they stare at him like he's the fucking predator from Predator.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Batfamily Members & Jason Todd, Batfamily Members & Roy Harper Characters: Jason Todd, Roy Harper, Tim Drake (DCU), Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Koriand'r (DCU) Additional Tags: Jason Todd-centric, Jason Todd and Damian Wayne Meet in the League of Assassins, but its just mentioned in passing, Protective Damian Wayne, Of Jason, A lot - Freeform, Jason Todd is a Batfamily Member, Jason Todd is a Menace, Roy Harper is Arsenal, Roy Harper is a Little Shit, Roy Harper Loves Jason Todd, Minor Roy Harper/Jason Todd, i say minor because the relationship isn’t necessarily real, its a marriage of convenience and boredom mostly, it just kinda spiralled, Protective Dick Grayson, Implied/Referenced Sex, but none actually on screen just. implied and joked about, Minor Roy Harper/Koriand'r/Jason Todd, in the past, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, nothing is ever taken seriously, like usual for me Summary:

“We’ve literally never hid it?!” Jason had tried to argue at one point, pacing back and forth in front of the batcomputer while Roy spun around in lazy circles on the wheelie chair and Damian sat cross-legged on top of the desk, eyeing him with distaste. Tim scoffed from his place leaning on one of the platform railings and Jason whirled to continue to deny him. “But we haven’t! I mean- fuck’s sake, he calls me sweetheart like, ninety percent of the time! We flirt constantly, he always cuddles into me when we sit next to each other, and every time Roy has to crash at the manor we share rooms! How do you not pick up that that isn’t a joke?!“ 

"THATS WHAT YOU TWO ARE LIKE ANYWAY,” Tim yelled back at him, fed up. 

~

Drunk, thinking it was funny and (mostly) wanting to piss Dick off, Jason and Roy end up in a wedding chapel in Vegas. The problem starts when they get so drunk that they forget to follow through with the rest of their ‘pissing Dick off’ grand scheme and a year later they finally realise that… they forgot to tell anyone they got married.

it’s been 9 years since i wrote this. i was experiencing 24/7 anxiety so badly that i needed serious medication. these days in the back of my car is an “emergency party box.” when people admit they no longer really celebrate their birthday; i tell them to put the sash on and queue up kesha, we’re going bowling or something. these days i can’t spin around without finding something i am enamored with. these days i list 3 things i’m grateful for before i fall asleep. you’re probably one of them, just by virtue of you existing.

at the time i wrote this, i was suffering through a severe panic attack literally every night. i tortured my brother with constant 2 AM calls just to hear someone else breathing, because i couldn’t be alone in the silence.

i rarely wish i was still 23 even though ironically i had more hope back then. what i can tell you is this: i love the same way, but bigger now. i’ve worn the velvet cape to several business meetings. i spent thursday in a crop top without caring what my stomach looked like.

i told her i like her; i often dress as a witch. i still got glass in my foot this morning. i’ve kissed maybe a thousand people since then and met a million more than that; passing like the shadow of a hammerhead in trains and planes and buses.

i saw you, beloved, there, maybe, on platform in south station. you didn’t speak, but you said: i struggle to give the nothing meaning. the nothing fills up everything. it is just loud and yellowed panicked silence. i can’t stop shaking.

on the roof, birds curl together against the chilled spring wind. the sky outside of the craft store was an iridescent pink. the nothing already had meaning; you are giving it meaning by witnessing.

can someone explain what he's talking about i got distracted by his giant jiggling honkers badonkers

bring it on!

#spike after learning Oz plays guitar: why İsn't he in the band? #buffy: he's already in his own band. which is actually a real band unlike our fake band that you keep forgetting is just a cover story #spike: we're never going to make it in the music industry if you don't stop calling our band fake

Spike (with reluctant but knowledgeable backup from Giles) finally convinces her that "Slayer" risks bringing copyright lawyers down upon their heads, a fate worse than vampires