i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

guy who plays albums on mute, it was never really about sound for him as much as feeling a sense of progression through a series of named durations

"what if someone regrets transitioning" if you are 18 or over in free country usa you can walk into any tattoo parlor and ask for a tattoo that will be on your body forever and ever and ever and they will give it to you with the understanding that if you dont like the result or you regret it later that's your fucking problem and not theirs

a girl without a penis is like a top hat without brass cogs and goggles that can't be stretched over the brim to cover ones eyes -THE STEAMPUNK CHASER

my 37 year old vampire girlfriend keeps telling me i simply don't understand the woes of immortality as if I didn't also own a VHS player or visit a blockbuster a few times as a kid

she keeps staring off into the distance saying those shit like "those as youthful as you know not what horrors lie in your past" even though we both know damn well she's talking about the 2008 financial crash

Instead of crass and discriminatory "jokes", I prefer to get my chuckles from wholesome humor, such as: "my god, the scrimbly blumbo!" Hahahaha! Really, there's no need for slurs and put-downs when comedy like "skcrunklo bonglo bingo" is available! I am racist as fuck though,

gave a time-traveled chalcolithic guy access to a computer and he immediately booted up photoshop and started adding more arrows to a picture of Ötzi and laughing

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

i shouldnt be allowed to text girls i am crushing on i start saying shit like "yes maam" and saluting