Little Panda

This is going to be a really long post but for the first time here is my how and my why I lost weight.

We had a family reunion back the summer of 2009 and I saw a picture of myself from the event. I cried when I saw it for the first time. I felt like a whale and I hated the way I looked. I was 20 going on 21 and was 240 something pounds. On the outside I looked happy and I was. I had a an amazing boyfriend and wonderful family. But I wasn’t happy with myself, the way I looked, and my habits, they were anything but great.

I went to my gynecologist appointment in September that same year and the doctor asked me if I would be interested in being put on adipex. It’s a magical little weight loss pill that works. Really works. I loved it but it made me feel awful. I had the worst headaches, stomach aches, and I would clench my fists and jaw in my sleep so bad that I was leaving nail marks on the palms of my hands. I lost about 40 pounds without exercising or changing any of my eating habits. You’re only allowed to be on this pill for six months at a time. In a matter of three months I gained all of my weight back and was back to square one.

I went back and fourth on this pill so many times, between 2009 and 2015, I lost count. Probably 3-5 times. Same thing happened. Same symptoms, same weight gain. The last few times I added the gym in. I went regularly but was too intimidated to do anything but the treadmill for a year. It was just a slow walking pace. So I only lost probably 10 pounds in a year.

Finally in 2016, I was 237 pounds I think, I got a gym membership for Christmas from my mom. Her and I signed up to do group training with a personal trainer at the gym once a week and would go on our own two or three days that we weren’t training. I think I lost close to 20 pounds over the course of six months and gained a TON of muscle. I was starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, I was happier with the way I felt and how I looked. I liked the person I was becoming. So by August of 2016 I was down to 211 pounds. I got busy with life and had what felt like 700 weddings to be in or go to that year. I neglected the gym, I would only go on trainer days, and kept the healthy eating habits I managed to keep my weight mostly consistent until the holidays. I gained about 10 pounds. So now I’m at 221 pounds going into the new year.

In January of 2017 I started an at home workout routine and changed my eating habits again. In a month I got down to 217 pounds. I think I got burned out and stopped going to the gym. I was still careful about what I ate but it didn’t change much because by April I was up again to 227 pounds.

In June of 2017 I tried on a few of my old dresses to wear to my niece’s dance recital and just cried. I mean I straight up bawled my eyes out. On that day I decided that I was worth the change. I gave up dairy and alcohol. I was working out 5-6 times a week and by August I was down 20 pounds weighing in at 207 and maintained that until October. I started eating dairy and drinking again. I got busy with more weddings and would eat what was convenient not what was healthy. In November we moved and we were busy packing and unpacking and painting and rearranging and I stopped going to the gym again and stopped eating healthy again. I gained it all back and I was back to square one. Again.

You know yourself best. You know what works for you and what doesn’t.

Remember that you’re never alone with this. A lot of us here are going through something similar, although our stories are quite different. We are here and we will support you as best we can. You know I’m always here if you need me for literally anything.

My room: *stays messy*

My depression: *is worse*

Me: