im extremely grateful a business i built w my hands outside of my college education pays my bills. AND i refuse to get into a soul sucking grind of making tons of money and feeling 0 joy and ease in my life.

the bishop of my church pulled me aside months ago and told me a lot of things my soul said yes to. one being: youre getting back to who you used to be, when you were tight w God.

i used to roll over in bed and whisper something and it would happen that day. i used to envision my life for 90 days and by day 100 was living that vision. yes, this is who im returning to!

and every day: that young womans room was clean, she had a simple plan for the day that aligned w her 10 year plan, she spent little to no time online consuming media, she wrote, she connected w others, she researched, she executed, she posted bc she was always clean put together and had a solid schedule, her mornings moved slow - she said her affirmations, looked over the prophesies in her life and meditated. she always had time to read her bible and plug in w her church community on sunday, tuesday or wednesday. the lower she felt the more she saturated herself in the word. she didnt smoke. she didnt drink. she didnt scroll at night she had a customized slideshow vision board she lost her consciousness in and fell asleep to. she dreamed before she dreamt. working out was fun and daily. she danced daily. she had time for art daily. she ate regularly.

and somehow, w no job and no car, things always worked for her. she was on time. she found/made the money.

im 9 months sober from alcohol and 22 days sober from weed and tobacco.

today, that looked like even though i knew i would be overlooked during a professional event, out-dressing everyone, looking more polished, more athletic, more put together and not needing a drain on my energy or attention while others jumped at the chance to overwork.

i was more on time, i was less stressed, and i embedded pockets of peace and things to still look forward to for myself.

you have to *make* neglect your ally.

you have to look at the opportunities everyone else is leaving behind by leaving you (and all you represent) behind. and capitalize on it quietly.

on some kanye "everything im not made me everything i am" type stuff.

take every pocket of anything you can and when it comes to those who neglected you (even if they're unconscious of it) put you first. a lot of times you should *only* give yourself the most forethought and preperation.

bc why would you expect someone to receieve more from you when youve been given less? 🤔 even if you can give more - it wont be sustainable if no ones filling your cup. and if youre going to keep shining so bright (so much so that others have to put you away) you deserve that.

"thank you for friends that emotionally de-escalate conflicts as a first reaction" really cleaned out the girls that like to tussle.

i made my affirmations an audio track in 2024 and im still eating the fruit of the things i affirmed.

becoming can be messy, but im so relieved that the friends i have now are only friends who elevate themselves and me in virtue, close friendship, and joy.

ive never vocalized a standard for my friendships. i just distanced myself from people who couldn't keep up. it feels good to say it out loud.

such a freeing feeling talking to my husband about everything im worried about.

we're literally completely opposite personalities on the myers briggs - im an infj he's an estp. every personality test we take we end up being opposites, even the little no-name ones from marriage counseling.

at first, that used to make me think he wouldn't understand where im coming from (and sometimes it doesn't). but the silver lining for sure is that he always see's new and different ways of get to where im going.

while still maintaining space for me to place all the systems that work. and just giving me options to replace what doesn't.

he started cancelling optional things for me, made us a simple evening routine we look forward to and brought me my vitamins and water.

i had no idea you could twist lobe piercings but you cant twist tragi or conch ones.

i have 36 mins to get dressed for my pre-school class at church

ive decided im going to style my hair w some mousse, dress comfortably, and scramble myself some eggs. bc i deserve to have a good morning.

one of my biggest pet peeves is he doesnt start getting dressed or ready for the day until i do. lets see how far into my morning routine i get before he starts getting dressed.