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@wandonthewing
Just gotta find my tag again

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Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.
My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang
Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.
My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang
Me: ksst!
My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!
Me: ok
My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang
John Mulaney Wins Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special for John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous at Radio City
Their love suddenly makes so much sense
The government’s flagship COVID-19 benefit will do nothing for many Canadians who need help now.
More details have emerged about the Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) announced last week by the federal government, and it has become clear that many Canadians who need support will not be included in the flagship income support program.
The Benefit was touted last week as a direct benefit of $2,000 per month to help all those who had lost their income due to the COVID-19 crisis, a substantial improvement on the two separate benefits the government had initially announced. Unfortunately, the text of the legislation confirms that many Canadians who need relief will not benefit from the program.
These exclusions stem from the CERB’s eligibility criteria which extends support only to those who meet each of the following requirements:
Had a total income of at least $5,000 in 2019 or the 12-month period preceding their application date; Stop working for 14 consecutive days within the four-week period for which they apply for the CERB (it appears that applications must be renewed every four weeks) for reasons related to COVID-19; Do not receive any income whatsoever during those 14 days; and, Did not stop working voluntarily.
These criteria have a number of problematic implications.
Freelance or self-employed workers whose income has been dramatically reduced, but not wiped out altogether, will not qualify for the CERB. For example, a freelancer writer who normally earns $3,000 per month but is now earning only $300 per month would be excluded by requirement #3 above.
Similarly, “gig economy” workers may also be excluded from support altogether. Rideshare drivers, food delivery couriers and other gig workers may see their earnings drastically reduced but not eliminated. In this case, they would also be excluded by the third requirement.
If these workers chose to stop working, they could be excluded by requirement four. It’s possible they could reasonably claim to have stopped working for health and safety reasons related to COVID-19, but this has not been made clear.
Students and recent graduates will be excluded from the CERB, unless they earned $5,000 in employment income in the past 12 months. Many of them will have not reached that earnings threshold. More than 543,000 people graduated from post-secondary institutions in 2017 (the most recent year for which I could find Statistics Canada data). A new cohort of post-secondary students is scheduled to graduate this spring. Those entering the job market for the first time are now likely out of luck. Not only will they be unable to access income support due to the first requirement, they are also likely going to be shut out of work for at least the next few months as businesses freeze hiring. There is no justification for excluding these people, who are often in an extremely precarious position in normal circumstances, from financial relief right now.
Continue Reading.
Tagging: @politicsofcanada @abpolitics
FUCKING THANK YOU
i am so tired of well-meaning people telling me i can get CERB. like, yes i lost my income due to the pandemic, but it was because i stopped working “voluntarily” to avoid killing my roommate. people at high risk for covid19 complications and people in their households who work in essential services are expected to just keep going to work until we get sick, and then we fucking qualify. my roommate is chronically ill, and my job forced me to come into contact with hundreds of people over the course of a week, so it’s way too much of a risk to her for me to keep working as a foodora biker. but because i theoretically could still be working, the canadian government sees no reason to give me financial support.
likewise, i have a friend with asthma who’s a cashier at reno depot. her only options are to keep working or stop getting paid; if she stops working before she’s already fucking caught covid19, it’s considered “voluntary”
it’s absolute bullshit
Yeah same, my roommate and I both have asthma. He works at retail and can’t afford to quit so we’re fuck on that front. AND I’m a student that only works in the summer and won’t be able to now. I made less than $5000 in the last year and I quit my last job so like I can’t get help on multiple fronts. I’m so frustrated with how the government has been handling everything so far. I don’t think I’ve written so many letters to government in such a short time in my life. On top of not helping students, disabled people, and a plethora of others there doing an oil and gas bailout jfojdnfkdoelkdkdlwksnxld
I had to quit my last job a little over a month ago because I couldn’t afford to continue living in the city where I worked so I moved back home. I’ve applied for EI and other jobs since then to get income but so far I haven’t heard anything back. (It really didn’t help that one of my jobs in the last year was really late in getting me the documents I needed to even complete the EI application so it was only sent off recently.)
The problem here is that I’m young and relatively healthy so I should be able to get work. But with a lot of jobs shutting down due to the pandemic and the backlog on EI stuff, I don’t think I’m looking at an income any time soon. Adding to that, a little while ago I started coughing - I don’t have a fever or shortness of breath or anything else, just a cough. Not sure if it’s more than a stress cough, a cold, or just my chronic cough coming back to bit me in the ass but that it just adds to my worry about not getting a job since I doubt anyone will want to hire someone with a cough, even if it is literally just a cough. (Which, for all I know, it is since I can’t really get tested where I live especially since it is only the one symptom. But I doubt a lot of people are willing to take the chance.)
Disabled people such as myself do not qualify for CERB.
1) My primary income comes from my disability cheque from the provincial government, but since disability is so painfully low, I am forced to work to pay my bills.
2) The work I have done to supplement my bills 1) Ended due to covid and 2) does not come out to $5,000 anyway
3) The BC provincial government’s law claw back ANY federal aid dollar-for-dollar if you receive assistance. I previously lost almost $2,000 worth of federal EI because I had to stop working due to injury. The provincial government forced me to take out federal EI because it threatened to take away my disability benefits, and then took EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR the feds gave me out of my provincial cheque so that I had nothing. Instead of having support during a time when i could not get out of bed, I couldn’t pay my bills. the BC disability system is atrocious and now we don’t even qualify for federal help.
Blathers is asleep, post bad dinosaurs

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Oh my god, I've just seen this story on instagram about this guy that filled his bathtub with waterbead...except he didn't think about how he was going to empty it.
So he unplugged the bathtub which was apparently the worst idea he could possibly have because this happened
So he panicked and started asking people on the internet what he should do. Which was also a bad idea.
First suggestion: flush the toilet
This caused a smelly overflow that flooded the whole bathroom.
Second suggestion: vaccum the beads
His vaccum caught fire.
At this point it had actually spread to the neighborhood and people came to ask question but he denied knowing anything about it. He then discovered that it's invaded the whole sewer system.
And yet, he continued to take suggestion from the internet.
Third suggestion: put salt in
It actually worked. Well, until.
Poop apprently started flooding his house.
And then the streets.
It all happened yesterday so we're still waiting on an update on the situation but I hadn't laugh like this in a while.
You should go and watch the whole story (it's in 4 parts)
It's in french, but you get it even if you don't speak it and his screams of panic are hilarious
Word of warning: don't fill your bathtub with waterbeads. Just don't.
Update on the situation. The waterbeads have totally blocked the sewer system. He received a letter from town hall telling people to report nuisances to the cops that are searching for the culprit.
He's in so much trouble that I'm starting to feel guilty for finding this funny...but still kinda laughing about it.
Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*
My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.
The spiritual successor to Miette
Might I also add
May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit
Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children
BLACK JEWS (…nuff said.)
Cat wall.
Why did he do that?
Because Obama created the pandemic response team. Anything obama started, he destroys.
He’s also cut the budget for the CDC every damn year for the past 3 years
Do not let this be forgot that he not only fired the pandemic team in 2018, but he also most recently refused WHO's COVID-19 testing for Americans in fear that too many positive testing would diminish his chances at a reelection. (X)(X)
impeachments are nice and all, but isn't it time for...
Like to charge, reblog to cast

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GUYS READ ALL OF THIS PLEASE PLEASE PL--
GUYS HERE'S THE THREAD I FORGOT TO LINK
So in Minnesota there’s this cultural taboo about taking the last piece. If there’s a group and everyone orders pizza, typically one slice will not be eaten. At the office if someone brings donuts, the last donut will be left alone. Possibly cut in half. Then that half cut in half, but always leaving at least a little on the plate. The reason is it’s considered impolite because someone else might want it. To take the last piece is a desperate thing to do. There’s even an expression: “I wasn’t raised by wolves.” Anyway, here’s the best local facebook post going around right now.
I saw this and thought to myself, thats so strange because thats a thing here in sweden as well, how two different places so far apart can have the same taboo.. and then I remembered something from history class
Humans are wild, huh?
tom nook on loans
licherally nobody is doing it like him
if i may:
Hey buddy, pal, friend, chum, compadre,
THERE IS NO REASON FANTASY RACES SHOULD BE WHITE
This post has gotten a lot of both positive and negative attention and I just thought you should know that white elves no longer exist in any setting I’m running. Die mad about it.
hot take but there’s no reason anyone has to look like they’re from europe in a made up world where europe doesn’t exist
!!!!!

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An anguished question from a Trump supporter: ‘Why do liberals think Trump supporters are stupid?’
Peni Delina Bedard · August 31, 2019 · The serious answer: Here’s what we really think about Trump supporters - the rich, the poor, the malignant and the innocently well-meaning, the ones who think and the ones who don’t… That when you saw a man who had owned a fraudulent University, intent on scamming poor people, you thought “Fine.” That when you saw a man who had made it his business practice to stiff his creditors, you said, “Okay.” That when you heard him proudly brag about his own history of sexual abuse, you said, “No problem.” That when he made up stories about seeing Muslim-Americans in the thousands cheering the destruction of the World Trade Center, you said, “Not an issue.” That when you saw him brag that he could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and you wouldn’t care, you chirped, “He sure knows me.” That when you heard him illustrate his own character by telling that cute story about the elderly guest bleeding on the floor at his country club, the story about how he turned his back and how it was all an imposition on him, you said, “That’s cool!” That when you saw him mock the disabled, you thought it was the funniest thing you ever saw. That when you heard him brag that he doesn’t read books, you said, “Well, who has time?” That when the Central Park Five were compensated as innocent men convicted of a crime they didn’t commit, and he angrily said that they should still be in prison, you said, “That makes sense.” That when you heard him tell his supporters to beat up protesters and that he would hire attorneys, you thought, “Yes!” That when you heard him tell one rally to confiscate a man’s coat before throwing him out into the freezing cold, you said, “What a great guy!” That you have watched the parade of neo-Nazis and white supremacists with whom he curries favor, while refusing to condemn outright Nazis, and you have said, “Thumbs up!” That you hear him unable to talk to foreign dignitaries without insulting their countries and demanding that they praise his electoral win, you said, “That’s the way I want my President to be.” That you have watched him remove expertise from all layers of government in favor of people who make money off of eliminating protections in the industries they’re supposed to be regulating and you have said, “What a genius!” That you have heard him continue to profit from his businesses, in part by leveraging his position as President, to the point of overcharging the Secret Service for space in the properties he owns, and you have said, “That’s smart!” That you have heard him say that it was difficult to help Puerto Rico because it was in the middle of water and you have said, “That makes sense.” That you have seen him start fights with every country from Canada to New Zealand while praising Russia and quote, “falling in love” with the dictator of North Korea, and you have said, “That’s statesmanship!” That Trump separated children from their families and put them in cages, managed to lose track of 1500 kids, has opened a tent city incarceration camp in the desert in Texas - he explains that they’re just “animals” - and you say, “Well, OK then.” That you have witnessed all the thousand and one other manifestations of corruption and low moral character and outright animalistic rudeness and contempt for you, the working American voter, and you still show up grinning and wearing your MAGA hats and threatening to beat up anybody who says otherwise. What you don’t get, Trump supporters in 2019, is that succumbing to frustration and thinking of you as stupid may be wrong and unhelpful, but it’s also…hear me…charitable. Because if you’re NOT stupid, we must turn to other explanations, and most of them are less flattering.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I’m sure I reblogged this before, but it’s well worth reblogging again.
I know they’re not all stupid.
Some of them are just mean, spiteful. Xenophobic.
my sister.
Would do anything for me.
And anyone in the family.
But outside that bubble? The white, but not family people?
Fuck them.
They made their choices.
Outside that bubble? The non-white, non-family? Double fuck them.
I got mine. I’ll do what I can to keep it.
Even if that means death, pain and suffering to anyone outside the bubble.
She terrifies me, because she seems such a reasonable person, as long as you don’t talk about…well, most things.
How many other people are like that? Not stupid, but short-sited in their centricity.
Big thanks to the reader who sent me this joke! Couldn’t have done it without you :)
THIS WAS KRIS 😂😂😂😂