Me: *tries to go to bed earlier than usual*
Me: ...
Me: *stays up later than usual*
almost home

JVL
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Kiana Khansmith
trying on a metaphor

pixel skylines
Mike Driver
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me


izzy's playlists!
occasionally subtle

â
YOU ARE THE REASON

çĽćĽ / Permanent Vacation
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Sade Olutola
Stranger Things
Peter Solarz
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@wakingdeadheartalive
Me: *tries to go to bed earlier than usual*
Me: ...
Me: *stays up later than usual*

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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âSometimes love has to be outraged, because it wonât sit down and take anymore of this. Sometimes love has to get up and fight.â
â J.S. Park (via jspark3000)
I have been at hundreds of deathbeds and I have never once expected anyone to mourn their abuser. There may be rage, or relief, or a long exhale. But there is zero obligated sorrow for someone who embodied tyranny and suffocation over a family for years, for a lifetime. Youâre not obligated to grieve an abuser, an oppressor, a monster. We can grieve they were a person and a bearer of life. We can grieve what they might have been and what they have taken. And thatâs about all I can say on that.
i Hate that whenever i express frustration or pain or hopelessness about being an autistic adult attempting to live independently without most of the supports and accommodations i realistically need to function well and be happy in my life, people will tell me im just down on myself or im just having a hard time right now but when i calm down i wont feel so bad. i am overwhelmed and barely scraping by every day of my life. just because i do not say to you every day âi am overwhelmed and donât know how much longer i can try to keep this upâ doesnt mean i dont feel it every day. it means im trying not to dwell on the fact that my situation *is* basically hopeless. it means im trying to enjoy the parts of my life i can. it means im not going to be a drain on the people around me and damage my relationships by complaining constantly. iâm not catastrophizing because iâm upsetâiâm upset enough to vocalize the feeling of impending doom that is always roiling inside me
Hopping back on here because this is the void into which I scream my deepest, darkest thoughts where hopefully no one in my real life will ever read them. Iâm finally (finally!) late-diagnosed with Autism at 31 yrs old. Yay me. But really, yay me! Because now I have undeniable proof that Iâm not broken and my brain is just fundamentally different than everyone else and wow it just explains everything in my life up until now in stark, glaring relief. Iâm happysadmadrelievedterrifiedlost and finally feeling âseenâ for the first time maybeâŚever. Life is weird.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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âFor what will it profit a man
if he gains the whole world,
and loses his own soul?â
â Mark 8:36
This can be taken as a warning,
but I also take it to mean
that your soul
every human soul
is worth a whole world.
Donât throw people under profit
for by doing so you also
throw away yourself.
all my love to other autistic people who just know jack shit. the ones who have no "infodump" locked and loaded, nothing they can rattle off the top of their head. the ones who have a specific interest in certain things but still not knowing a lot about it. autistic people who will never be able to memorise fun facts about something no matter how fundamental it is to them as a subject. the point of autistic interests are not being a secret expert on random shit, you just like it a real big amount
It's my 12 year anniversary on Tumblr đĽł
Whatâs the worst that could happenâif I accepted this body, this skin, as it isâwhat would happen? Would I finally learn to love my own reflection?
Whatâs the worst that could happenâif I start to practice radical self-compassion? Would I put aside my judgments and grow more compassionate with others in turn?
Whatâs the worst that could happenâif I paused first, reacted later? Would I âloseâ the argument but gain the love Iâm truly after?
What would happen if I let the âworstâ happen?
And what if my âbestâ option becomes my prisonâmy safest choice my shacklesâand the âworst case scenarioâ is actually my freedom?

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It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Sometimes you donât realize how much you still feel for a person until theyâre gone. We were not close for many, many years, but my uncle passed way too soon and my heart is breaking much more than I realized it would. We had a very odd relationship but it was always loving, even in the distant years, there were always âI love youâs and âI miss youâs. Fondness never suffered, even though we barely spoke anymore. Now, we will never speak again and Iâm wishing I heard his voice just one last time, had one more crushing hug, one more loud sloppy kiss on my head, and an annoying jab in my ribs, just because he liked to pick on meâas good uncles do. So many memories, not all happy or good, but plenty of moments Iâll keep close forever. I hope you found peace at last, you troubled, creative, enigmatic soul. đ I love you.
me for 16 years before i found out i was autistic:
Back on Tumblr bc maybe this is the app where I can openly explore all the possibilities of âwhatâs really causing my mental illness and chronic fatigue?â without all the toxic or unnecessary advice/suggestions/tips that have not helped me for literally MY ENTIRE LIFE. I grew up homeopathic, connected to nature, without a lot of devices or excess television, learning at my own pace, daily practicing spiritual methods of journaling, prayer, worship, mindfulness, etc., and these issues or quirks or whatever you want to name them, have never âresolvedâ.
Recently I was hit with the very alarming thought that I kind of wished I was sick. I immediately felt guilt and a sense of shame for even THINKING such a thing, but then I realized the real root behind it was not an actual desire to be unwellâI hate being sick, like most normal humansâbut rather, a need and desire for REST that I sadly only feel âworthyâ of when my body is physically ill. Emotionally, mentally, and even physically Iâm spent; unfortunately, taking space for myself to recover without having a physical manifestation of symptoms (fever, chills, cough, stomachache, headache, etc.) leaves me with imposter syndromeâfeeling like Iâm faking it or that Iâm weak. So, I ALMOST wish I was sick because people seem to be willing to support you only then, or to give you a pass on telling them ânoâ.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr đĽł