Wake Me Up

I have been at hundreds of deathbeds and I have never once expected anyone to mourn their abuser. There may be rage, or relief, or a long exhale. But there is zero obligated sorrow for someone who embodied tyranny and suffocation over a family for years, for a lifetime. You’re not obligated to grieve an abuser, an oppressor, a monster. We can grieve they were a person and a bearer of life. We can grieve what they might have been and what they have taken. And that’s about all I can say on that.

i Hate that whenever i express frustration or pain or hopelessness about being an autistic adult attempting to live independently without most of the supports and accommodations i realistically need to function well and be happy in my life, people will tell me im just down on myself or im just having a hard time right now but when i calm down i wont feel so bad. i am overwhelmed and barely scraping by every day of my life. just because i do not say to you every day “i am overwhelmed and don’t know how much longer i can try to keep this up” doesnt mean i dont feel it every day. it means im trying not to dwell on the fact that my situation *is* basically hopeless. it means im trying to enjoy the parts of my life i can. it means im not going to be a drain on the people around me and damage my relationships by complaining constantly. i’m not catastrophizing because i’m upset—i’m upset enough to vocalize the feeling of impending doom that is always roiling inside me

all my love to other autistic people who just know jack shit. the ones who have no "infodump" locked and loaded, nothing they can rattle off the top of their head. the ones who have a specific interest in certain things but still not knowing a lot about it. autistic people who will never be able to memorise fun facts about something no matter how fundamental it is to them as a subject. the point of autistic interests are not being a secret expert on random shit, you just like it a real big amount