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Thanks to everyone who took my survey! I needed at least 400 respondents, and I'm now at 427. :) <3

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If you are curious, 51% of respondents are right-handed and start brushing on the left side of their mouth. If you would like to take the survey, please click here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YMJW8D5
Please take a short survey on whether you brush your teeth starting on same side as your dominant hand. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YMJW8D5
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Celebrate the facts. Happy Black History Month!Ā
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Hillary 2016
WOMEN HAVE SEEN THIS COMING FOR YEARS
BOBBY NEWPORT HAS NEVER HAD A REAL JOB IN HIS LIFE
This post made me supper happy so I needed to share. I really need all of these sweaters.
Iāve been thinking a lot about the meeting between Trump and Obama at the White House, and hereās the thing.
Obama used to be a law professor. This is key.
Law school is so, so different from college.Ā
In college, everyone expects there to be aĀ āsyllabus day,ā kind of a grace period where they can show up and get the lay of the land, figure out the bare minimum that they can get away with, the TA gives everyone their office hours, thereās an introductory lecture, and everybody leaves a few minutes early to go take a nap or something. You do the bullshit assignments, you say something in class now and then to get your participation check mark, and figure out how badly you can do on the final and still pass.Ā
But see, in law school, all the methodologies youāve spent the last 17 years operating under go out the window. Day one of law school is you being thrown into the deep end of the poolāyouāve had a homework assignment for two weeks now, and itās to read the first 200 pages of your casebook. And now itās you and the teacher (who is usually as smug as Alex Trebek) gauging and assessing what you managed to absorb while you skimmed through all those pages of reading so you could hurry up and get to the other 150 pages of reading for your next period class, in front of 50 people who are all smarter than you. And if you fuck up, or you didnāt do the reading, you are at the mercies of not just the professor, but the silent satisfied judgment of your peers.Ā
Law school is hard, and it willĀ makeĀ you feel stupid and tongue-tied and like you donāt know anything and canāt form an argumentābecause you donāt, and you canāt. Everybody there has had a 4.0 since birth. Everybody there was the smartest kid in their class, and youāre all rabidly competing for a sliver of a chance at something down the road. Itās petty, and savage, fiercely entrenched in a culture of formalities and ceremony, and exactly like Washington DC.Ā
Yesterday when I was driving home, the NPR reporter talking about the Oval Office meeting mentioned that Trump had thought it was going to be aĀ āgetting to know youā type meeting, but that he was surprised when Obama stretched their talk out to 90 minutes before sending him along to the Capitol building where he met with congressional leaders for moreĀ lengthy meetings and stuff he didnāt want to do.
And he hasnāt even gotten to the actual job yet.Ā
So think about that as we go into this.Ā
Trump walked into the Oval Office like a two-pump-chump freshman thinking it was syllabus day, and what he got was the first day of law school, and he hadnāt done the reading like everyone else had, and Professor Obama decided to put him in the hot seat.Ā
This was Obamaās chance for the most perfect revenge that would never be picked up on as revenge at all. He was gracious, politeāeverything he needed to be for a peaceful transition and a good review from the press. And that would continue when the doors were closed, because thatās the key. Not a Come to Jesus meeting, oh no. If Obama were smartāand he is veryĀ smartāhe would have treated Trump like an equal, and brought the discussion to a level that assumes far more of Trump than anyone has so far. Assumes that heās an adult whoās been paying attention. Statistics, esoteric minutiae about the executive branch procedure, economic growth numbers, labor figures, domestic policies, countries Trump has never even heard of, shit that would never in a million years have been in Trumpās campaign soundbites or digestible summaries.Ā
No way to escape. No aides to remember any of it for him. Just the two of them.Ā
Because thatās what would strike a precise chill into Trump. The thundering realization that heās woefullyĀ unprepared for the hard, boring, thankless reality of this, and Obamaās version of a smooth transition wonāt and shouldnāt include remedial civics.Ā
Thatās what I saw when they shook hands and Trump stared at the floor instead of looking back into Obamaās face. Heās just figured out how little he knows about any of this.Ā
And that should give you a small glow of satisfaction, because after those meetings, Trump definitely has the 1L Terror Shits. In January, the night sweats and insomnia will show up, but for these first few weeksānothing but diarrhea and self-doubt. Ā
PROBLEM: -THE TRUMP TEAM NEEDS TO FILL 3,000 VACANCIES IN THE NEXT TWO MONTHS.
WHOA, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?? -they assumed the white house staff would be sticking around, because they never watched āthe west wingā and also because they are GRADE A FUCKSTICKS WITH THE INTELLIGENCE OF DEAD PRAWNS, and thus not only do they not have policy papers written, they are also lacking an actual body of qualified staffers ready to slot into white house and related positions -they have bupkis, frankly -whole lotta nothing
SOLUTION: -THEY HAVE PLACED AN OPEN CALL FOR STAFF APPLICATIONS ON THEIR WEBSITE
THATāS NOT⦠VERY WEIRD, RIGHT? PEOPLE APPLIED TO WORK FOR OBAMA ONLINE -yeah, and the website looked like this -trumpās call for applications is a trainwreck. i assume it was written by one of trumpās three adult goblins. look at this paragraph:
āYou will be asked fill out a Personal Data Statement if you are considered for a specific position. You will be asked about possible conflicts of interest⦠organization[s] which you belong or once belonged; speeches you may have given⦠legal, administrative and regulatory proceedings to which you may have been a party; in short, anything that might embarrass the President or you if he should choose you for a position in his administrationā¦ā¦ If Senate confirmation is required for the position you are nominated for, the Senate committee that reviews those nominations may ask you to provide additional information.āĀ
WAITā¦. WHAT?? -just a little casual there, guys, huh? likeā¦. the whole thing makes it sound like they donāt have a vetting team ready to go. it makes it feel like thereās no solid recruitment team or strategy in place and⦠-oh my God, wait a second -doesnāt that sound kind of like theyāre asking people to vet themselves? -maybe because they are so WOEFULLY, CATASTROPHICALLY SHORT-HANDED?????? -pun intended
WHAT DOES ALL THIS MEAN, ORANGE?? -well, iām glad you asked, it could mean a lot of things -firstly: i wouldnāt trust these sloppy motherfuckers to staff a lemonade stand -secondly: like, YOU could go WORK FOR TRUMP, probably. they are mass-hiring, like a new dennyās franchise. like eight new dennyās franchises clustered around a single interstate exit, shivering in terror. is your head firmly affixed to your body? are you carbon-based?? they badly need people with those qualifications -thirdly: it may also, eventually, mean that the trump white house is going to produce an unheard-of metric fuckton of personnel scandals in its first year, since thereās no voluntary, self-reporting āare you a serial murdererā box to tick -also, do they not understand that people are going to apply just to fuck with them??? and waste their time??? -i donāt recommend it, honestly. i personally will not be submitting any private information to the trump team even as an obstructionist joke, because they are terrifying anti-semitic racist garbage-fucking hate trolls. i wouldnāt voluntarily give them the address of a shoe store. but if you choose to step up and play the game, have fun and be yourselves*
*technically you can be anyone you want, they DONāT APPEAR TO HAVE A VETTING TEAM YET
THEREāS NO USER LOGIN AND YOU CAN APPLY TO BE IN THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE
iāve seen applications/screenings for minimum wage jobs that were 200% more intense than this

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THESE PUT TEARS IN MY EYES
this is perfect
Bad News, Everyone!
For those who have been thirsty for the worst advice, the Bad Advisor has wonderful, terrible news: Bad Advice will now appear every Tuesday at The Establishment. Read the first installment of brand-new bad advice here, now!
The Bad Advisor will continue to post Good Advice Interludes here on theĀ ātumz, and sheāll link yāall every week to the new column in case you forget. (Donāt forget!)
Watch: āHamiltonā star Leslie Odom Jr. breaks down the truth about diversity on Broadway

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Thick hair gothic
The pillow is wet when you wake up. Your hair is still drying. Itās always drying. You washed it 3 days ago and need to wash it again soon. Itās still drying.
All the hair balls in your room seemed to have moved into one corner on their own. You donāt know where theyāve come from or how they keep growing. They feed on each other. Soon itāll be too big for you to escape.
You comb your fingers through your hair only to pull out a clump of hair. You do it again and another clump comes with it. You do this several times with the same result, but the number of hairs on your head is both constant and infinite.Ā
āAt least Iāll be warm in the winter.ā You reassure yourself as the sun beats down on your head. Your scalp is melting off, every journey outside is a mistake. The winter will never come.
Dear White People is becoming a series on Netflix
Justin Simienās critically acclaimed indie sociopolitical dramedy Dear White People is being adapted into a 10-episode Netflix series. Simien is working with the streaming service for the TV adaptation and will be a writer for all 10 episodes, as well as the director for the pilot. When weāll get to see it.
OH SHIT!!!