B)

scientists are experimenting on cross-breeding a crab and a cheetah; things could go sideways real fast

Don't worry I'm a doctor. (Listens to your head with my stethoscope) .....fuuuuck..... no hope, no hope.

you can tell a lot by a womans hands, for instance, she has hooves? horse. 

platonically shooting my friendshot hoping I don't get acquaintance-zoned

guy next to me on the tube platform just said to his friend “i have THREE interesting stories to tell you, each one escalates, let’s move down the platform because some of these should NOT be shared in front of people” and my nosy ass was genuinely milliseconds from asking to be included in this conversation

unfortunately I am not attractive enough to identify as a hot mess but I am definitely a room temperature inconvenience

berries go bad so fast because they are born evil unfortunately

first rule of storing tupperware is have fun and be yourself. second suggestion is slam the cabinet door quickly and don’t worry ‘bout it.

Okay good news so it turns out the pure of heart actually can pour grease down the sink

you ever drop the ramen in the water and think about how much it would suck to be on it like a little raft. just making conversation

i will replace chatgpt

whatever 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

I did my PhD in a fish lab, and one time I was emailing a fish company, and the guy emailed me back with the signature “Best fishes,” followed by these guys