Hi! I believe in Christ because of the person I am today. I went from a hateful, argumentative, angry person who couldnāt go a day without fighting to now being a person who is (relatively) level-headed and avoids conflict, instead choosing conversation and understanding. I went from really hating who I was, how I looked, and what people thought of me to finally being able to love myself in a genuine way, not concerned about my body or what other people saw. I was mean, empty, and hopeless. I had no real friends, my family avoided spending time with me, and I hated being alone. And I had no idea that I was doing anything wrong. I was mean to others, but was convinced they were just being dramatic and Iām really the victim here. I hated myself because I refused to see value, but I blamed it on other people for not complimenting me enough. I was lonely, but I accused other people for abandoning me instead of owning that maybe I was just a miserable person to be around. I was awful, but thought I was awesome. Iām not that person anymore, at all. And thereās no way I did that on my own. Itās an actual miracle, Iām not even joking.
When I considered taking God seriously (having been raised in a pretty flawed Christian household), I was only doing it because I thought maybe I could at least get my bases covered and I wouldnāt go to Hell if I asked for forgiveness. But the more time went on, I met certain people, I had certain experiences, and for length sake, I wonāt go into all of those (though if you do want to know, you can always message me), all of those things brought out the better parts of me. But it also made my worst parts very apparent. I was forced to take a good look at myself and I saw how ugly my soul was. I saw the anger and resentment, the mean words and the harmful attitude. I saw all the sins that I tried to sweep under the rug and blame on other people. And I felt a huge tug in my heart and soul that Iām more than that. Iām more than a hopeless, miserable bully, but I canāt become better if I never address these problems. I found my solutions through the Bible, through conversations with people in my church, through lots of prayer and self-evaluating. It was a really painful process, having to take responsibility for who I was.
With every ugly trait I had, God has replaced it with His holiness. My anger is turning into patience. My hate is turning into love. My harsh bluntness is turning into gentleness, etc. Iām not done growing, these traits arenāt fully replaced, but I am already unrecognizable from who I was just a few years ago. And none of this was my own doing. It requires a lot of work on my part, but I never would have chosen this for myself. I never would have decided to face who I was, I would be still blaming everyone else for everything if it were up to me. I know this because whenever I start to lack in reading my Bible and learning about God, or when I go a long time without praying, my mean side comes out and I start falling back. Not that Iām losing progress, but Iām fighting a battle between myself and who God intended me to be. Itās when I stay close to God, hear His word and His voice that Iām genuinely loving like Iām meant to be.Ā
This change in me isnāt something that just happened. It canāt be explained by justĀ āmaturingā orĀ āself-careā. I feel the difference in my soul. I remember very clearly the heaviness and aching that I used to carry with me. But I only remember it as a memory, because itās not there anymore. There are burdens we all have to carry of course, but my soul doesnāt feel those burdens deeply because God is carrying them with me. I donāt have to go through anything alone, even if Iām by myself physically, I can feel God within me, taking care of the situations ahead. I donāt know my future, but Iām not afraid of it, because whatever I do, wherever I go, whoever I become, as long as Iām with Christ and Christ is with me, all that I do will be for the benefit of Godās kingdom and for others. I donāt have to be afraid, I donāt have to be lonely, I donāt have to be dissatisfied or empty. I can choose Christ in all of those emotions and nothing in this world fills those holes like God does. Other things may feel like it works well, but it never lasts. God fills the holes, and also the holes I didnāt know I had. He knows what I need better than I do and He proves this to me over and over again, itās almost funny how many times He needs to be likeĀ ānope, nope, nope,ā and practically grab me by my head and turn me around. Iām kind of an idiot when it comes to taking care of myself. I gravitate towards whatās shiny and entertaining and fun at the surface. I need God to take my hand and guide me to whatās actually good for me. And He delivers. Every. Single. Time. Thatās why I believe in God, thatās why I love Him and devoted my life to Him. Iām not me without Him.Ā
stormborns
baratheonpilled
titsay
