L'appel du vide

Why are you such a tease

It's your fault i want you so bad

You like it like this dont you

Such a bunt for this rock

Show me that cute face

Let me lick all that up

Sweet, sweet, fears

Keep moaning. I like hearing you cry

Keep yelling. Let everyone hear you

How much you love this

You're hurting ME with all this fighting

Quit fighting it you sweet peach

You know you like this, take it

Take it, take it, take it all in

See how much you can fit?

All that in those sweet, sweet legs

Why are you trembling?

Stop whimpering, ill help you up.

Get it in there, quit lying peach

This ain't the first and last time

You are mine tonight and forever

Don't you forget it. No you won't

Don't ever forget about this lick

You. Won't. Forget. This. Lick.

Come back here. Im not done witchu.

Come here and stay down on it

Right fine there. Stay right there.

Stay the fun where you are

Keep taking it like a big girl

With this fat ace you keep bouncing

Peaches ill cream you up

Cream you up and lick it all in

Stay the fun down and stay there

Keep having fun right there you peach

Having so much fanning fun right?

Fun times bro, you like this dont cha

Don't let go of his hand, dont you dare bite

I'll snap that heck in half. Find peaches

Like you in a beach somewhere

Open your fine mouth. Open it fine wide

Peaches you are a damn fine slant

Look at you all squeezy and squishy

Smack smack smack Ha ha Ha

Take IT there. Get up and sit there

Push it in like a good little peach you are

Remember this if you're still here tomorrow. Hey hey wake up you hunt

Bite your tongue and I'll snap that twig

You like this. No you looove it

You love it dont you? You just loove it

Cant get enough. Keep screening his name

Shhh shhh shhh shh no one can hear you

Love it. The silence, and your panting

Are you done? Havent you come so many many times cant say i made you do that. You did that all by yourself

I jist happened to be here. Spectating on this sweaty peach pear of a hutt on you

You know you wanted it. You love this dont you. You absolutely love this thick ruck sac come on have at it.

Love it you peach. Mmm snack snack

Keep that sass up if you know whats good for you. Keep your fine sass on the floor. Stay there or I'll end this right now.

How mjch fun is that? Your sass is getting thicker. Come here bunt open the fun wide

Come over here. Dont fight me, it jist gets more fun this time around

Smile, you are so beautiful with all this on your pretty pretty face.

You're mine you fine peach. Come on me

Come or else i will show this hand in

Again. You want that? I don't care

You're mine tonight. You're mine you hun

Sweet girl you are. Smelling like mangoes and my bunt

Dont you dare pass out. You wanna see this. Do you see this?

Im. Not. Done. With. You!

This is mine. Mine now. You. Are. Mine.

Don't you dare come without me saying

Understand? Under stand? Yes. Say yes.

Nod and hum keep humming on his duck

Keep humming. He's almost there.

Ha ha. You peach. Never should have said no to me. No one says no to me and regrets it later. Do you regret it? Say yes. Yes! I regret it, your duck is the best

Biggest you're ever going to heckin have

Stick that in your brain. You are mine at this moment. Now. Forever. Mine.

Fun! come here and give me that bass

Come and get you some of this

Stay like that and start licking

That gaping wound. Keep it there

All that is beneath you.

The subtle divides, rolling meadows,

Tree lines speckled all 'round.

No such need to announce thy worries,

Happiness benefits everyone.

Come absorb the game in the old

Fashioned bored game.

Once I've roames the lands

But I've always been dark, you see.

I'm a shade dweller.

Tis where I was conceived.

Tis were I was grown.

That is all I've ever known.

Find the light they say.

Understand that the light burns those of us dwellers in shade.

They won't care if we burn

So long as we do what they know

to be true.

They'll deem you a failure

if you don't thrive in the light.

Add something if you'd like.

Words echoing from the past

Anchoring the reality of me

At those points in life.

Shameless. Wreck. Unable.

Precious age of eleventy.

Add something if you'd like

There is no validity to youth.

Critical words that burrowed

Ate their way at the threshold.

Far away, it mattered not

Flawfull, scarred, scared, broke

Eager to please anyone, anyone.

Covered in anger, thrown on dust

Each morning a deeper thrust.

Add something if you'd like Forewords unread

skipped through

How far along are you?

Have you explored enough?

Do you know too much?

What is too little to a bunch

Of neglected, forgotten angels.

Rolled on decomposing dearth.

For gone the sadness written as serious.

Complaints as ungratefulness.

Poor mentally? Wallets always empty

Add something if you'd like

Walk home for the next few nights.

How far have you been up and over

Holding a chalice of jade and disillusion?

Held down on the throat

Wait for that seering feels to cover.

Rest on itchy pilled blankets

Stitches laying unravelled.

Come come to the upper level.

Above the noise of disorientation

Who shares this space above the surface mess

Add something if you'd like.

Kindle the kindness of freedoms

Repressed in the deepest recesses

My you've grown

Bundles of hurdles,

Leaps and bounds,

Doubled in strength

Eyes brighter in seeing

The world sings, weeps,

Collectively dancing together.

The surface of safety

There are no troubles beyond these walls

Just grow, grow, keep on going

Flip over, sit up, sit tight, keep the light

Aglow in those fresh pictures

I need to go away

Set the strains straight

Been hurting a lot

And anger pools seepin' out.

All it is is just sadness

Festers into loneliness.

Thesee walls have kept me safe,

But the sane keeps fading

Fear of the false awakening.

Screaming in my dreams.

Half awake desperation

For something other and more.

Dailies mundane melting

Melding into a shapeless void.

Here's all that negates

The good and happy.

Happy is not for the lonely

Lonesome in that fractured

Headspace belonging to the past.

For sakes she is not you anymore.

She was and that is that.

The new will fade away

Carry only that which nourishes.

Let the aches fade

Let the monsters die in the pit

Let your self sleep

In the unconscious hours

We won't weep

Head is heavy yes that neck

of yours is next

Pucker up and be the best.

There is no escape from

The zest of resentment

Thick layers of post its

Heavy breathing in the constance

Of friction affliction

Swaths of metallic licks

Those things you can't forgive

They stay and hit with

Inconsistent, be more

Than just another eighty

Percent where's the twenty.

This sludge is between just

The horse and a monkey.

Go forth and forth and far

No wishing to go any where

Those wishes are not for

Those who have none accounts.

It's not your world

The girls will inherit this

Non monetary beginnings

Of endless whats and whens

For them is an enigma of gloom.

The mushroom grandmothers

And the spores thay sprung forth.

You'd perfectly throw that identity away since the slices

And the sewn skins

From which they have been born.

The numbness and the calmness of the deep ended waters

The stubborness that seem to forget about her sometimes.

Shut those eyes and inappropriate thoughts being slung around like giant violet balls of incapacity.

Filled to the brim of privileged absurdity. Edge of poverty,

Cabinets full for mouths.

Hearts feel empty still

Many mouths who scream for

Dude,

I've been having flashbacks of those days around the hospital halls. The nicest south-african nurses who had the coolest hairdos. Guys with issues lined the halls, nurses pity the sadness in our youths. We spoke to each other, unfiltered words laced with Ativan. Patients held for the oddities that we were. I could never have spoken to anyone otherwise. That's what happens when you let others see the cracks, they tap tap and then the cracks completely break. I envied your eyes, your hair, and the mellowness of your shell. In the days when all i could do is wish to not be me. So far off, the greedy mermaid trying to help a broken winged beast fly away from the crashing waves of the sea. You were never there completely, yet i still wished to be part of that realm. All that i held onto were the dark bits that made up my burdens. Angry at the failed attempts at my life that landed me in those monitored walls. All we keep asking is how long we were meant to stay, trying not to touch each other's raw chords. The other side of the fence of sanity. All that pain we tried desperately to have others not see, seeping out slowly by the day. Waiting for doctors to come talk to us, asking when can we go home. The odd relations from the closest age groups, it was all too surreal. It somehow felt okay, we were all on medications, no hiding that fact. Voluntarily taking anti-anxiety pills just so i didn't just succumb to balling myself up under the bed, no one wants to be dragged into the quiet room and be sedated. In that place, the solitude under sedatives and restrains... are a far cry from tv portrayals of what a ward is like. Freedom meant something very different once you leave that place. It takes pieces off you, like an episode of hell raiser, daily doses of insane, but you are supposed to be one of them. meds, meals, nightmares, repeat. Questioning my sanity in the daily. Four years and it is a futile attempt to try and "be the same" ... there is no same, there is just damaged psyches floating in our own realities. Kids who don't want to be here, peeps that tried to get away, running away from the lives we never chose and have no control over. So we smile, and say how we feel so much better. Maybe if we say it enough times, it'll actually be true. I'll be fine, This is fine, what hurts is the imaginary pains of what brought us here. Circumstances and wrong decisions. Tonight it brought me to this head space, wondering if you're okay. Hopefully alive and somehow in a safe place. Dude, thanks for helping me keep it together in there, just by being there too.

the first time was you... i've always wished it was you then again its just a game of use and be used me wanting that attention and the feeling of being wanted back cause i don’t want me i never wanted me so if i feel wanted by you somehow it makes me feel better its bittersweet i know i hate it so much coz this is the most selfish that i can manage if not to take this life then that would be the ultimate show of selfishness not taking others in consideration. i like fooling around in this lies i leave  no need for words, but actions instead

i am petrified of the things i am truly capable of

for the evil and darkness within wants to crawl out and play wreck and reek havoc dismantle, maime, and destroy

all that is good, all that is beautiful

make it into bare nothingness choke to blurr out the reality

those tears means nothing but a faint trace of pain tear that flesh apart

and mangle about that being

hurt this creature more make her writhe in pain make her beg for mercy make her do aweful things

break her in properly break her more than how she was

for all the pain harbored can never be properly let go instead of pushing forward

this luggage keeps you grounded is the anchor that will drown and sink you to the bottom of that sea you call the past